UU joke of the day/week

[lilithu]

A Catholic, a Jew, and a UU were in line to be executed, via the guillotine.

The Catholic went up first and was asked if he had any last words. The Catholic prayed aloud, "Father who art in Heaven, deliver me from evil" and then submitted himself to his fate. But just as the blade was coming down, it stopped 12 inches from his neck. Everyone said it was a miracle, divine intervention, and decided that the Catholic should be pardoned.

The Jew went up next and was asked if he had any last words. The Jew prayed aloud, "Lord, remember your covenant with me and protect me from harm" and submitted himself to his fate. This time as the blade flew down, it stopped only 6 inches from his neck. Everyone said it was a miracle, divine intervention, and decided that the Jew should be pardoned as well.

Lastly, the UU went up on the block and everyone in the room waited with baited breath to see what miracle might happen next. The UU was asked if he had any last words and he said, "I've been watching that contraption and I think that there's a screw loose. I can fix it if you'd like."

 

[robtex]

i could not frubar you at this time but that was funny!!

 

[lilithu]

i could not frubar you at this time but that was funny!!

I'll take a laugh over a frubar anytime.

 

[HelpMe]

i'd be all like...'give me what i've earned father'.

 

[lilithu]

i'd be all like...'give me what i've earned father'.

Are you refering to the frubals or is that what you would say to God right before your execution? If the latter, that's pretty ballsy.

 

[Greyprophet]

For we have earned very little.

Give us liberty or give us death.

God is love.

 

[Green Gaia]

Thanks for this thread lilithu! I've been thinking about starting something like this, so I'm glad you did.

My favorite UU joke is still this one, (I have it on my RF webpage too):

Q: How many UUs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: The Unitarians wish to issue the following statement:
"We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a lightbulb; however, if in your own journey you have found that lightbulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your lightbulb, and present it next month at our annual lightbulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of lightbulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence."

I would add in there that coffee and snacks will be provided after the service.

 

[lilithu]

For we have earned very little.

Give us liberty or give us death.

God is love.

Are these jokes?

 

[lilithu]

Thanks for this thread lilithu! I've been thinking about starting something like this, so I'm glad you did.

My favorite UU joke is still this one, (I have it on my RF webpage too):

Ah, so that's where Deut "shamelessly plagarized" his joke from. I didn't realize that you already had a "UU joke of the week" theme going on your webpage or I would have refrained from this thread.

(I love your webpage btw, and I think that we have a lot in common!)

That joke is by far my favorite lightbulb joke, but there are some other good ones. We're really good at making fun of ourselves.

 

[lilithu]

"Gods Rest Ye, Unitarians" (UU Version)

Gods rest ye, Unitarians, let nothing you dismay;
Remember there's no evidence there was a Christmas Day;
When Christ was born is just not known, no matter what they say,
O, Tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact,
Glad tidings of reason and fact.

Our current Christmas Customs come from Persia and from Greece,
From solstice celebrations of the ancient Middle East.
This whole darn Christmas spiel is just another pagan feast,
O, Tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact,
Glad tidings of reason and fact.

There was no star of Bethlehem, there was no angels' song;
There could not have been wise men for the trip would take too long.
The stories in the Bible are historically wrong,
O, Tidings of reason and fact, reason and fact,
Glad tidings of reason and fact!

 

[huajiro]

i could not frubar you at this time but that was funny!!

I gave some for you

 

[lilithu]

Q: Why did the Unitarian-Universalist cross the road?

A: To support the chicken in its search for its own path.

 

[Green Gaia]

A Christian couple decide one Sunday to visit the Unitarian Universalist church near their home. After the service on the walk home the wife asks "Well Honey, what did you think of the service?" The husband replies. "It was very nice I enjoyed the music and found the sermon quite thought provoking. There was just one problem though." "What is that? Dear." asks the wife. "The only time I heard 'Jesus Christ' was when the janitor fell down the steps."

 

[Green Gaia]

There was a 3-alarm fire on a corner where a synagogue, a Catholic church, & a Unitarian Universalist church stood. The Rabbi ran in & saved the Torah, the Priest ran in & saved the Crucifix, & the UU ran in & saved the coffee pot.

 

[Green Gaia]

What do you get when you cross a Unitarian with a Jehovah's witness?
-Someone who knocks on your door asking what YOU believe in.

 

[lilithu]

What do you get when you cross a Unitarian with a Jehovah's witness?
-Someone who knocks on your door asking what YOU believe in.

What do you get when you cross a Unitarian with a Jehovah's Witness?
Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.

 

[lilithu]

I'm not even sure if I am a UU.

I suppose that removes all doubt.

 

[Green Gaia]

Do you know why there are no Unitarian Universalists in Heaven?

Because they heard there was a choice between going to Heaven or going to a discussion group about the existence of Heaven.

 

[lilithu]

Do you know why there are no Unitarian Universalists in Heaven?

Because they heard there was a choice between going to Heaven or going to a discussion group about the existence of Heaven.

Ugh!! That's so painful because it is so true!

It reminds me of another joke:

A Unitarian Universalist died, and to his surprise discovered that there was indeed an afterlife.

The angel in charge of these things told him, "Because you were an unbeliever and a doubter and a skeptic, you will be sent to Hell for all eternity -- which, in your case, conists of a place where no one will disagree with you ever again!

 

[lilithu]

For NetDoc:

A young woman walks into a fabric store and asks the clerk for 9 yards of filmy material. The clerk says "What are you going to make?" and the UU says "I'm getting married and am making a negligee for myself as a present for my husband." The clerk says "But 9 yards is way too much material for a negligee." The young woman says, "I know, but I'm marrying a Unitarian Universalist and they would rather seek than find."