Throwing out The "Happy" Mask

[NIX]

Do you think most people wear a happy mask to conceal what's missing in their life,
even from their own self?

Do you think people (on the whole) literally create their own happiness(es)?
Or do some people just "get lucky" in life's happy "ideal" game of chance?

Is there a difference between creating true happiness, and false happiness?

Can happiness truly be created at all?
Or is it more a simple state of being thing?.....
that has little to do with "what you (actually) make" of your life situations.

Is happiness concrete? What you make (of) it? or is it all illusory?

Many people cover up their unhappiness, yet deep down they are still unhappy.
They say they are full, they are happy, they play the part daily,
and cling to an image of themself that is nothing more than an image.

Certainly one cannot transform what one will not even admit.
But once you can allow yourself to feel what's missing in you/your life,
and face that honestly, even to the point of embracing the pain of it.......
what then?

How does one effectively... How do YOU effectively... transform your saddnesses,
your disapointments, your hurts, your emptiness, loneliness, your lack of self worth...
so that they TRULY are no longer the painful things they were?

When you can't easily change your situation, how do you go about changing yourself, your thinking,
in order to give yourself a newly realized version/vision of your reality.

Masks are a dime a dozen. True transformation is an art form.

How can we help one another to "throw out our happy masks"?
What can we do to make it easier for one another?

I tend to believe that happiness has mostly to do with "what we (actually) make" of our life situations.
How we review, rework, and begin changing them... in thought, word, symbolism, and action.
It can be such a difficult process though. It helps so very much when those around us love and accept us for who we are.
Even, and especially when we are down. It's so affirming to know that the people around you WANT you to be the REAL you.
Not some perfect image of some perfect happy thing. (or some prescribed mold an-"other" wants you to fit/fill/con-form to.)


But then again, my most transcendently happy times have had me lifted far higher than ANY of my circumstances,
to the point that my circumstances had absolutely no bearing on the peace and happiness within me.

That would be life lived "in the zone". If that's what it's really all about, how does one find/re-find the all transcendent "happiness zone"?

Thank you for sharing from your own personal experience and insight,

*Nixxie*

 

[whereismynotecard]

That's a lot of questions... But here is what I think about being happy:

I could be sad for a lot of reasons, and I could be angry for a lot of reasons, but if I just don't let myself, and make myself laugh instead, I will feel better... And it is not even all fake, because after I've been laughing for long enough, am I even angry or sad anymore?? Not really, because I feel so silly for having laughed out loud without cause.

 

[NIX]

That's a lot of questions... But here is what I think about being happy:

I could be sad for a lot of reasons, and I could be angry for a lot of reasons, but if I just don't let myself, and make myself laugh instead, I will feel better... And it is not even all fake, because after I've been laughing for long enough, am I even angry or sad anymore?? Not really, because I feel so silly for having laughed out loud without cause.

That was a beautiful and true answer. Thank you. :rainbow1:

Laughter IS so important! And Fun! When it's real, it transforms.

 

[whereismynotecard]

That was a beautiful and true answer. Thank you. :rainbow1:

Laughter IS so important! And Fun! When it's real, it transforms.

That's the way I roll.

 

[ChristineES]

I don't like to subject people with my sadness (if I am sad) if they have nothing to do with it, so I act happy around them.


No one is happy all the time, we all have sadness. No one is sad all the time either.
People have a lot of mixed emotions!
One last note- We don't have to feel happy all the time to be generally a happy person. It's what you do with it.
(depression is different than sadness, it is a physical illness as well as a mental one)

 

[NIX]

I don't like to subject people with my sadness (if I am sad) if they have nothing to do with it, so I act happy around them.


No one is happy all the time, we all have sadness. No one is sad all the time either.
People have a lot of mixed emotions!
One last note- We don't have to feel happy all the time to be generally a happy person. It's what you do with it.
(depression is different than sadness, it is a physical illness as well as a mental one)

Hello Christine, thank you for your response.

While I certainly agree with you that it's not a good idea to go around "crying" on everyone's shoulder all the time, do you think it's possible that we all do each other a disservice by acting happy around others, when we are not? When difficulties have me down, there is some comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one around in less than happy circumstances. Also, I LOVE hearing and seeing how others around me (have) overcome their saddness, their disapointments, and their circumstances.

While it is true that we are a mix of emotions, I think it is also true that sometimes we each/all go through seasons of extra-ordinary trial. Some of these trials are known to those around us due to their very nature, but other times they are more hideable. And while a person may not suffer from any "clinical" depression, the weight of the burdens in their life just becomes more than they can handle alone. If they do not reach out for help, or even admit their difficulties to others, it can become the weight of death for them. As well, when everyone around them is always wearing their own happy / perfect life mask, it can make them feel all the more inferior, and disinclined to ask for help.

I'm not saying we should all go around "whining" about every little thing, but why pretend we are happy when we're not? Why do we always say "fine" or "good" when someone asks how we are? Why can't we say "pretty crappy", "life's very difficult for me right now"..."How are things going for you"... without going into all the details.

I guess what I'm talking about is the importance of being REAL with one another over the importance of appearing "happy". It might just make everyone a little bit happier in the end.

*Nixxie*

 

[Hope]

While I certainly agree with you that it's not a good idea to go around "crying" on everyone's shoulder all the time, do you think it's possible that we all do each other a disservice by acting happy around others, when we are not? When difficulties have me down, there is some comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one around in less than happy circumstances. Also, I LOVE hearing and seeing how others around me (have) overcome their saddness, their disapointments, and their circumstances.

While it is true that we are a mix of emotions, I think it is also true that sometimes we each/all go through seasons of extra-ordinary trial. Some of these trials are known to those around us due to their very nature, but other times they are more hideable. And while a person may not suffer from any "clinical" depression, the weight of the burdens in their life just becomes more than they can handle alone. If they do not reach out for help, or even admit their difficulties to others, it can become the weight of death for them. As well, when everyone around them is always wearing their own happy / perfect life mask, it can make them feel all the more inferior, and disinclined to ask for help.

I'm not saying we should all go around "whining" about every little thing, but why pretend we are happy when we're not? Why do we always say "fine" or "good" when someone asks how we are? Why can't we say "pretty crappy", "life's very difficult for me right now"..."How are things going for you"... without going into all the details.

I guess what I'm talking about is the importance of being REAL with one another over the importance of appearing "happy". It might just make everyone a little bit happier in the end.

*Nixxie*

I agree. I absolutely can't stand people being fake. And yet, most people I know are fake to some degree. Heck, I often find myself falling into the very trap I hate---of being fake---merely because I don't feel safe being open and vulnerable with most people.

It's a shame we all "hide" from each other so much, and put on "masks" so much. It does us more harm than good.

There is a quote by an author, Frederick Buechner, that I love, and that sums up so well this whole "mask" business:

"...the world sets in to making us what the world would like us to be, and because we have to survive after all, we try to make ourselves into something that we hope the world will like better than it apparently did the selves we originally were. That is the story of all our lives, needless to say, and in the process of living out that story, the original, shimmering self gets buried so deep that most of us hardly end up living out of it at all. Instead, we live out all the other selves which we are constantly putting on and taking off like coats and hats against the world's weather."