The Joys of Scottish

[sun rise]

Obsessives about what the language should be called are invited to go here Languages of Scotland - Wikipedia

But first, page 1 of a book that you will be able to read most of maybe some more than others

 

[Revoltingest]

The worst poem ever by the worst poet (Scotsman, William Topaz McGonagall) ever....

Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay!
Alas! I am very sorry to say
That ninety lives have been taken away
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember’d for a very long time.

’Twas about seven o’clock at night,
And the wind it blew with all its might,
And the rain came pouring down,
And the dark clouds seem’d to frown,
And the Demon of the air seem’d to say-
“I’ll blow down the Bridge of Tay.”

When the train left Edinburgh
The passengers’ hearts were light and felt no sorrow,
But Boreas blew a terrific gale,
Which made their hearts for to quail,
And many of the passengers with fear did say-
“I hope God will send us safe across the Bridge of Tay.”

But when the train came near to Wormit Bay,
Boreas he did loud and angry bray,
And shook the central girders of the Bridge of Tay
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember’d for a very long time.

So the train sped on with all its might,
And Bonnie Dundee soon hove in sight,
And the passengers’ hearts felt light,
Thinking they would enjoy themselves on the New Year,
With their friends at home they lov’d most dear,
And wish them all a happy New Year.

So the train mov’d slowly along the Bridge of Tay,
Until it was about midway,
Then the central girders with a crash gave way,
And down went the train and passengers into the Tay!
The Storm Fiend did loudly bray,
Because ninety lives had been taken away,
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember’d for a very long time.

As soon as the catastrophe came to be known
The alarm from mouth to mouth was blown,
And the cry rang out all o’er the town,
Good Heavens! the Tay Bridge is blown down,
And a passenger train from Edinburgh,
Which fill’d all the peoples hearts with sorrow,
And made them for to turn pale,
Because none of the passengers were sav’d to tell the tale
How the disaster happen’d on the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember’d for a very long time.

It must have been an awful sight,
To witness in the dusky moonlight,
While the Storm Fiend did laugh, and angry did bray,
Along the Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay,
Oh! ill-fated Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay,
I must now conclude my lay
By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,
That your central girders would not have given way,
At least many sensible men do say,
Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,
At least many sensible men confesses,
For the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed.

 

[sun rise]

But the real importance of the language is, of course, how people can insult each other. 11 Untranslatable Words for Happiness From Around the World

• Bawhair: used to determine a very short distance; literally meaning the width of a pubic hair. “That was a bawhair away man!”
• Boak: to throw up, or be very close to it. “Cut that oot you, that’s giein me the boak.”
• Clarty/Clatty: someone of questionable personal hygiene. “He’s a clatty basturt.”
• Dobber: slang for penis, but more commonly used as an insult. “Shut it, ya dobber.”
• Glaikit: someone who is gullible and/or lacks common sense. “She’s alright, but a bit glaikit.”
• Heid-the-baw: an idiot
• Bampot: an unhinged idiot.
• Diddy: a spineless idiot.
• Fandan: a pretentious idiot.
• Radge: a dangerous idiot.
• Walloper: an idiot (again).
• Hackit: haggard, ugly, usually used in reference to a woman. “Don’t listen to that hackit old bint.”
• Jobbie: a turd, and a plague on the existence of anyone named Robbie.
• Sleekit: sneaky, disingenuous. “Aw they politicians ur sleekit basturts hen, if any ae them shook my hand ah’d count ma fingers eftir it.”

 

[sun rise]

Of course there are other words as well but they're no fun:

• Neebs: friend; derived from neebur (derived itself from neighbor). “Aye, nae danger neebs, catch you the morn.”
• Swatch: a brief look. “That’s gallus man, gies a swatch.”
• Yaldi: an expression of pure happiness or joy. “Monday is a holiday? Yaldi!"

 

[Altfish]

Neeps and Tatties - Turnips and potatoes

 

[sun rise]

The worst poem ever by the worst poet (Scotsman, William Topaz McGonagall) ever....

Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay!
Alas! I am very sorry to say
That ninety lives have been taken away
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember’d for a very long time.

’Twas about seven o’clock at night,
And the wind it blew with all its might,
And the rain came pouring down,
And the dark clouds seem’d to frown,
And the Demon of the air seem’d to say-
“I’ll blow down the Bridge of Tay.”

When the train left Edinburgh
The passengers’ hearts were light and felt no sorrow,
But Boreas blew a terrific gale,
Which made their hearts for to quail,
And many of the passengers with fear did say-
“I hope God will send us safe across the Bridge of Tay.”

But when the train came near to Wormit Bay,
Boreas he did loud and angry bray,
And shook the central girders of the Bridge of Tay
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember’d for a very long time.

So the train sped on with all its might,
And Bonnie Dundee soon hove in sight,
And the passengers’ hearts felt light,
Thinking they would enjoy themselves on the New Year,
With their friends at home they lov’d most dear,
And wish them all a happy New Year.

So the train mov’d slowly along the Bridge of Tay,
Until it was about midway,
Then the central girders with a crash gave way,
And down went the train and passengers into the Tay!
The Storm Fiend did loudly bray,
Because ninety lives had been taken away,
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember’d for a very long time.

As soon as the catastrophe came to be known
The alarm from mouth to mouth was blown,
And the cry rang out all o’er the town,
Good Heavens! the Tay Bridge is blown down,
And a passenger train from Edinburgh,
Which fill’d all the peoples hearts with sorrow,
And made them for to turn pale,
Because none of the passengers were sav’d to tell the tale
How the disaster happen’d on the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember’d for a very long time.

It must have been an awful sight,
To witness in the dusky moonlight,
While the Storm Fiend did laugh, and angry did bray,
Along the Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay,
Oh! ill-fated Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay,
I must now conclude my lay
By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,
That your central girders would not have given way,
At least many sensible men do say,
Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,
At least many sensible men confesses,
For the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed.

It's not quite up to the standard of Vogon poetry, but not bad. Not bad.

 

[Twilight Hue]

The worst poem ever by the worst poet (Scotsman, William Topaz McGonagall) ever....

Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay!
Alas! I am very sorry to say
That ninety lives have been taken away
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember’d for a very long time.

’Twas about seven o’clock at night,
And the wind it blew with all its might,
And the rain came pouring down,
And the dark clouds seem’d to frown,
And the Demon of the air seem’d to say-
“I’ll blow down the Bridge of Tay.”

When the train left Edinburgh
The passengers’ hearts were light and felt no sorrow,
But Boreas blew a terrific gale,
Which made their hearts for to quail,
And many of the passengers with fear did say-
“I hope God will send us safe across the Bridge of Tay.”

But when the train came near to Wormit Bay,
Boreas he did loud and angry bray,
And shook the central girders of the Bridge of Tay
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember’d for a very long time.

So the train sped on with all its might,
And Bonnie Dundee soon hove in sight,
And the passengers’ hearts felt light,
Thinking they would enjoy themselves on the New Year,
With their friends at home they lov’d most dear,
And wish them all a happy New Year.

So the train mov’d slowly along the Bridge of Tay,
Until it was about midway,
Then the central girders with a crash gave way,
And down went the train and passengers into the Tay!
The Storm Fiend did loudly bray,
Because ninety lives had been taken away,
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember’d for a very long time.

As soon as the catastrophe came to be known
The alarm from mouth to mouth was blown,
And the cry rang out all o’er the town,
Good Heavens! the Tay Bridge is blown down,
And a passenger train from Edinburgh,
Which fill’d all the peoples hearts with sorrow,
And made them for to turn pale,
Because none of the passengers were sav’d to tell the tale
How the disaster happen’d on the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember’d for a very long time.

It must have been an awful sight,
To witness in the dusky moonlight,
While the Storm Fiend did laugh, and angry did bray,
Along the Railway Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay,
Oh! ill-fated Bridge of the Silv’ry Tay,
I must now conclude my lay
By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,
That your central girders would not have given way,
At least many sensible men do say,
Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,
At least many sensible men confesses,
For the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed.

What that's not Scottish. Didn't even see anywhere the word , 'sheep'.

 

[beenherebeforeagain]

Wee Freenly Doug
by W D Cocker

Wee freenly doug that rins aroon,

What cantrip's this? Get doon! Get doon!

I'm no yer maister. Hoots! gang hame!

I dinna ken ye, what's yer name?

I like the way ye cock yer lug,

Wee freenly doug.


I've clapped yer heid, noo rin awa',

What's that? Ye want to gie a paw!

Ay, dougs an' men, ma canine brither,

Are kind o' sib to ane anither,

Noo dinna bark, ye'll fricht that speug,

Ye randy doug.


Keep aff ma knees, ye daft wee loon,

Ye'll fyle ma claes! Keep doon! keep doon!

Buscuits? I've nane. I un'erstaun';

Ye only want to lick ma haun.

There, lick awa', I'm no' a fyke,

Wee freenly tyke.


Ye'll wag yer tail aff wi' guid-natur',

Puir thing, ye're no' a bad wee cratur',

Did ye jalouse ma he'rt was wae,

An' did ye mean to mak' me gay?

Ay! glower at me, an' cock yer lug,

Wee freenly doug!

 

[Revoltingest]

It's not quite up to the standard of Vogon poetry, but not bad. Not bad.

Whom do you think is the Vogons' muse?

 

[Revoltingest]

What that's not Scottish. Didn't even see anywhere the word , 'sheep'.

The sheep were all frightened away.

 

[ChristineM]

But the real importance of the language is, of course, how people can insult each other. 11 Untranslatable Words for Happiness From Around the World

• Bawhair: used to determine a very short distance; literally meaning the width of a pubic hair. “That was a bawhair away man!”
• Boak: to throw up, or be very close to it. “Cut that oot you, that’s giein me the boak.”
• Clarty/Clatty: someone of questionable personal hygiene. “He’s a clatty basturt.”
• Dobber: slang for penis, but more commonly used as an insult. “Shut it, ya dobber.”
• Glaikit: someone who is gullible and/or lacks common sense. “She’s alright, but a bit glaikit.”
• Heid-the-baw: an idiot
• Bampot: an unhinged idiot.
• Diddy: a spineless idiot.
• Fandan: a pretentious idiot.
• Radge: a dangerous idiot.
• Walloper: an idiot (again).
• Hackit: haggard, ugly, usually used in reference to a woman. “Don’t listen to that hackit old bint.”
• Jobbie: a turd, and a plague on the existence of anyone named Robbie.
• Sleekit: sneaky, disingenuous. “Aw they politicians ur sleekit basturts hen, if any ae them shook my hand ah’d count ma fingers eftir it.”

A couple of those words /phrases are similar to Lancashire slang with the same meaning.

Heid-the-baw - Head the ball
Bampot - Barn pot