There was 5 years I was non-Muslim. Although I called myself Deist, I still believed in energy and that kind of stuff. A magical world let's say.
One thing I noticed is what I was really happy with the energy when I was more of Left handed path in terms of what I believed of morality and God.
It was kind of love for all and overwhelming pardon.
Looking back now, I feel like I was intoxicated similarly to how Abraham was when he began to argue for Lot's people. He was so into love and compassion and beauty of God he didn't realize that he was going into extreme.
I had a pardon and forgiveness for all mentality even for Sadam Hussain and Hitler.
I also realize now, that, I'm severely empathetic when coming to Islam, that I can't get myself to be happy. Not only is Ahlulbayt (a) suffering, but the realization of their suffering is because humans suffer.
It's not just physical sufferings although this is a huge thing, but spiritual sufferings of humanity, that hurts me. While when I was more left handed, I saw that everything was meant to be and is the way it is because it's the way things are meant to be. So I was more at peace with the world.
However, a big trigger to coming back to Islam was when my uncle was tortured. It made me think of theodicy a lot. I became atheist for 10 days eventually after countless tries to solve the issue of evil with my more Deistic view, but then, after came back to Deism, and shortly after to Islam. It had to do with that I found existentialism impossible to be reasonable yet no meaning was the default state. I didn't believe you can just assign meaning but recognize it was necessary, yet without God there was no meaning. I decided to believe in value and God but also took on Islamic theodicy with the fallen world and effort of God to guide humans to justice.
However, this viewpoint that the world is in a state of ignorance, rebellion, and corruption, it weighs on you.
For this reason I believe LP brings more happiness to the individual in this world. While the sorrow increases the more spiritual you become in a fallen world perspective of Abrahamic faiths and where you fear regarding others and their fate in the next world.
One thing I noticed is what I was really happy with the energy when I was more of Left handed path in terms of what I believed of morality and God.
It was kind of love for all and overwhelming pardon.
Looking back now, I feel like I was intoxicated similarly to how Abraham was when he began to argue for Lot's people. He was so into love and compassion and beauty of God he didn't realize that he was going into extreme.
I had a pardon and forgiveness for all mentality even for Sadam Hussain and Hitler.
I also realize now, that, I'm severely empathetic when coming to Islam, that I can't get myself to be happy. Not only is Ahlulbayt (a) suffering, but the realization of their suffering is because humans suffer.
It's not just physical sufferings although this is a huge thing, but spiritual sufferings of humanity, that hurts me. While when I was more left handed, I saw that everything was meant to be and is the way it is because it's the way things are meant to be. So I was more at peace with the world.
However, a big trigger to coming back to Islam was when my uncle was tortured. It made me think of theodicy a lot. I became atheist for 10 days eventually after countless tries to solve the issue of evil with my more Deistic view, but then, after came back to Deism, and shortly after to Islam. It had to do with that I found existentialism impossible to be reasonable yet no meaning was the default state. I didn't believe you can just assign meaning but recognize it was necessary, yet without God there was no meaning. I decided to believe in value and God but also took on Islamic theodicy with the fallen world and effort of God to guide humans to justice.
However, this viewpoint that the world is in a state of ignorance, rebellion, and corruption, it weighs on you.
For this reason I believe LP brings more happiness to the individual in this world. While the sorrow increases the more spiritual you become in a fallen world perspective of Abrahamic faiths and where you fear regarding others and their fate in the next world.
