Shy Girls

[NewEnglandGirl]

One thing I have noticed is that people tend to make assumptions based on what they initially see. And even though I am very quiet and introverted in person unless extremely comfortable in my surroundings, I do not always recognize the same traits in others (which always makes me feel badly). People who are shy or introverted can be seen by others as standoffish or snobby, or as just disinterested. These "labels" have been leveled at me, and I have caught myself thinking them of others as well.

Sometimes, with extroverted people, I feel myself pulled to them. But there can be times I find myself wondering just what they are trying to hide with all that show of personality.... And that all may be more about what is in my head than what is in theirs. But I have learned over time and through personal experience that the extroverted people who have no trouble making friends may not value those they have made as deeply as those who struggle to make friendships.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

One thing I have noticed is that people tend to make assumptions based on what they initially see. And even though I am very quiet and introverted in person unless extremely comfortable in my surroundings, I do not always recognize the same traits in others (which always makes me feel badly). People who are shy or introverted can be seen by others as standoffish or snobby, or as just disinterested. These "labels" have been leveled at me, and I have caught myself thinking them of others as well.

Sometimes, with extroverted people, I feel myself pulled to them. But there can be times I find myself wondering just what they are trying to hide with all that show of personality.... And that all may be more about what is in my head than what is in theirs. But I have learned over time and through personal experience that the extroverted people who have no trouble making friends may not value those they have made as deeply as those who struggle to make friendships.

I value all my friendships, deeply.

 

[NewEnglandGirl]

I value all my friendships, deeply.

After I submitted that post, I thought... Oh goodness, I hope Heather does not think I am insinuating anything about her, because I am absolutely not. But that was why I chose the word "may" over the word "do". I have personally had extroverted friends who valued me, and extroverted friends who saw me sort of as one more hanger-on, regardless of my feelings for them.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

After I submitted that post, I thought... Oh goodness, I hope Heather does not think I am insinuating anything about her, because I am absolutely not. But that was why I chose the word "may" over the word "do". I have personally had extroverted friends who valued me, and extroverted friends who saw me sort of as one more hanger-on, regardless of my feelings for them.

That's OK. I might be viewed the same way.

Here's how I handle things - and I was inspired by a wise old friend here at the forums - I have come to the conclusion that no matter how much I love my friends, they really do come and go. We all have our lives, and feelings change, but my time with all of them and my memory of all of them never lose their value. I am thankful for the many friends I have made and have seen disappear in my life. I find myself not clinging to any of them, but simply enjoying them while they're present.

So, I learned that I don't miss any of them if we part ways for a short time or for a long time. I think the idea that I don't care about them or value our friendship that it's based on how often I call or email or hit them up on Facebook.....I understand that. But everyone has their own life to live in the end, and I do too. I remember friends I had back in grade school where we swore we'd be best friends forever and ever. Those friends I haven't seen in 25 years. But I still value them and still enjoy their memories.

I didn't take offense at what you said, NEG. It's all right. But I did think that it's pertinent for an outgoing woman like me to explain her point of view on friendships. Sometimes it seems I slip in and out of people's lives without so much a second thought. So, I get where you're coming from.

 

[NewEnglandGirl]

Thank you for clarifying, and for your understanding.

Perhaps it is a personal flaw in myself, or perhaps because for me it is actual "work".... but when I put the effort into building a "real" friendship, I hope to keep the person in my life for a very long time. There are many acquaintances who come and go over the years, both in real life and on the 'net, and that is not what I meant at all. For such a person to slip in and out of my life is no hardship, of course... But I recently lost a friend of four years over a disagreement that could have been talked out, had she chosen to, so I am more sensitive than usual about the subject.

I do envy people for whom it is easier, this friend-making thing. But I have come to accept who and how I am.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Thank you for clarifying, and for your understanding.

Perhaps it is a personal flaw in myself, or perhaps because for me it is actual "work".... but when I put the effort into building a "real" friendship, I hope to keep the person in my life for a very long time. There are many acquaintances who come and go over the years, both in real life and on the 'net, and that is not what I meant at all. For such a person to slip in and out of my life is no hardship, of course... But I recently lost a friend of four years over a disagreement that could have been talked out, had she chosen to, so I am more sensitive than usual about the subject.

I do envy people for whom it is easier, this friend-making thing. But I have come to accept who and how I am.

Don't worry. My husband is one of the most introverted people I know. And I think he's the sexiest man alive.

I feel for people that I meet year after year that expect more than what I can give. I go from show to show, have 6 weeks of very intimate friendships with people from the cast and crew, and then we say goodbye. I've been able to keep in general contact with them through Facebook, but I know that every show there are one or two people that I "click" with, and that we become very very close in a short amount of time. The entire production becomes like one big dysfunctional family, it seems. LOL

And then there are people who come to see my shows, who meet with me afterward, and hope that I remember them. Cripes I meet so many people in any given time, I have a tendency to forget what impact they had on me or what impact they said I had on them. At one point, I even had an informal fan club which amounted to about a dozen or so gay men who would come to all my performances. They talked about me as if we all know each other intimately. They knew my kids names, details about my husband, and even my hobbies/likes/dislikes and choice of style. I can say without a doubt that I only remember vaguely a couple of them.

That fan club didn't last long. LOL

I have lost count of how many people email me or drop me a friend invite on FB, and I'll ask them, "I'm sorry, my memory is terrible. How do I know you?" And they'll say, "Heather! We worked together on such-and-such show and we used to hang out at Steak n' Shake after rehearsals! How could you forget?!?" Ugh. I'd feel mortified sometimes because of what seemed to be insulting to them.

But the minute I remember them, then the appreciation comes back. I just wish sometimes they wouldn't take my lack of memory so personally. The nature of my business is like that (actually, next to some of my colleagues, I know far far less people than they do).

Anyway, that's my long-winded story. I'm an extrovert, and proud of it. I'm also married to a shy man, and love him and wouldn't change a thing about him.

People is people.

 

[Satans_Serrated_Edge]

Are most guys put off or less attracted to shy and quiet girls? Are there guys who prefer the quiet ones? Do energetic women seem younger and thus more attractive?

Depends on the guy. Different strokes for different folks. Somewhere out there, someone is masturbating to something that would make you vomit.

 

[NewEnglandGirl]

I think in your situation, being extroverted and being able to click with so many people most likely protects and aids both your career and your mental health! I had no idea, truly. For those who expect you to remember them out of small multitudes I say, they are needy, deluded with self worth, or I don't know what. But in your situation, the people who surround you change so very rapidly that you have to make short term friendships.

For most careers, or even for stay home moms, the people around you do not change much. You add people as you can, you lose some from time to time, but overall, there is not much fluctuation. This can lead to very close, decades-long relationships along the lines of sibling-ship, even when the person may be a competitor in business, or the parent of kids on the opposing soft-ball team, or whatever. But now, I am rambling, as I am prone....

The more I learn about your hubby, the more perfect he seems for you. You are both blessed to have found and treasured each other.

 

[DallasApple]

Don't worry. My husband is one of the most introverted people I know. And I think he's the sexiest man alive.

I feel for people that I meet year after year that expect more than what I can give. I go from show to show, have 6 weeks of very intimate friendships with people from the cast and crew, and then we say goodbye. I've been able to keep in general contact with them through Facebook, but I know that every show there are one or two people that I "click" with, and that we become very very close in a short amount of time. The entire production becomes like one big dysfunctional family, it seems. LOL

And then there are people who come to see my shows, who meet with me afterward, and hope that I remember them. Cripes I meet so many people in any given time, I have a tendency to forget what impact they had on me or what impact they said I had on them. At one point, I even had an informal fan club which amounted to about a dozen or so gay men who would come to all my performances. They talked about me as if we all know each other intimately. They knew my kids names, details about my husband, and even my hobbies/likes/dislikes and choice of style. I can say without a doubt that I only remember vaguely a couple of them.

That fan club didn't last long. LOL

I have lost count of how many people email me or drop me a friend invite on FB, and I'll ask them, "I'm sorry, my memory is terrible. How do I know you?" And they'll say, "Heather! We worked together on such-and-such show and we used to hang out at Steak n' Shake after rehearsals! How could you forget?!?" Ugh. I'd feel mortified sometimes because of what seemed to be insulting to them.

But the minute I remember them, then the appreciation comes back. I just wish sometimes they wouldn't take my lack of memory so personally. The nature of my business is like that (actually, next to some of my colleagues, I know far far less people than they do).

Anyway, that's my long-winded story. I'm an extrovert, and proud of it. I'm also married to a shy man, and love him and wouldn't change a thing about him.

People is people.

This CRACKS ME UP!!!

Im not "famous" like you with any fan club..(except for forums LOL)...

But I have met people IRL and talked to them for 4 or 5 hours that are dating my sister for example and ...a month later I see them again I say "you look familiar"..who are you???And they look utterly crushed!

One guy told me Lana??? I can NOT believe you dont remember me?Im DAVE! remember?

Maybe we have tooo many things going in our brains?

Love

Dallas

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

I remember when I was very young .. Like 17 to 20 I would make a beeline for the quiet girls, most boys would aim tor the prettiest and most extrovert ones.... I always seemed to have some one to walk home, while they were still fighting for the right.

The quiet one always had more intelligent conversation when they got going. They were more interesting and knowledgeable in every way, when they got going.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

I think in your situation, being extroverted and being able to click with so many people most likely protects and aids both your career and your mental health! I had no idea, truly. For those who expect you to remember them out of small multitudes I say, they are needy, deluded with self worth, or I don't know what. But in your situation, the people who surround you change so very rapidly that you have to make short term friendships.

For most careers, or even for stay home moms, the people around you do not change much. You add people as you can, you lose some from time to time, but overall, there is not much fluctuation. This can lead to very close, decades-long relationships along the lines of sibling-ship, even when the person may be a competitor in business, or the parent of kids on the opposing soft-ball team, or whatever. But now, I am rambling, as I am prone....

The more I learn about your hubby, the more perfect he seems for you. You are both blessed to have found and treasured each other.

I knew I would like you. :hug:

For years, I was a stay-at-home mom. Only one car between us, hardly any friends where we lived. Let me say that I understand completely.

This CRACKS ME UP!!!

Im not "famous" like you with any fan club..(except for forums LOL)...

But I have met people IRL and talked to them for 4 or 5 hours that are dating my sister for example and ...a month later I see them again I say "you look familiar"..who are you???And they look utterly crushed!

One guy told me Lana??? I can NOT believe you dont remember me?Im DAVE! remember?

Maybe we have tooo many things going in our brains?

Love

Dallas

Probably. I'm so in the moment. LOL

I remember when I was very young .. Like 17 to 20 I would make a beeline for the quiet girls, most boys would aim tor the prettiest and most extrovert ones.... I always seemed to have some one to walk home, while they were still fighting for the right.

The quiet one always had more intelligent conversation when they got going. They were more interesting and knowledgeable in every way, when they got going.

Honestly, Terry, I don't get the comparison of values. Quiet girls are more intelligent? Outgoing girls are more friendly? That just goes over my head. I've never been told that I wasn't that intelligent or couldn't carry a conversation as well as a quiet woman, and I would argue against someone who said that because I was outgoing meant that I was more friendly than my husband.

I mean really. What gives? Is it just personal taste? That's my best guess.

 

[NewEnglandGirl]

I knew I would like you. :hug:

For years, I was a stay-at-home mom. Only one car between us, hardly any friends where we lived. Let me say that I understand completely.

Ditto! And yes, you do understand.

Honestly, Terry, I don't get the comparison of values. Quiet girls are more intelligent? Outgoing girls are more friendly? That just goes over my head. I've never been told that I wasn't that intelligent or couldn't carry a conversation as well as a quiet woman, and I would argue against someone who said that because I was outgoing meant that I was more friendly than my husband.

I mean really. What gives? Is it just personal taste? That's my best guess.

I think Terry was referring specifically to the 17-20 age range, if I may be so bold to put words in his mouth. That is such a tricky age range... Egos are so fragile, and young adults are so driven both by outward appearance and by hormones.

But Terry was actually very smart, I think. While the pretty and popular girls have men vying for their attention, the wallflowers are drooping in the corner, so to speak. His odds of companionship automatically went up when he chose a girl who did not have other suitors. So, purely from a mathematical standpoint...

 

[*Anne*]

I am thankful for the many friends I have made and have seen disappear in my life. I find myself not clinging to any of them, but simply enjoying them while they're present.

That's the Buddhist in you. ^

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

Ditto! And yes, you do understand.


I think Terry was referring specifically to the 17-20 age range, if I may be so bold to put words in his mouth. That is such a tricky age range... Egos are so fragile, and young adults are so driven both by outward appearance and by hormones.

But Terry was actually very smart, I think. While the pretty and popular girls have men vying for their attention, the wallflowers are drooping in the corner, so to speak. His odds of companionship automatically went up when he chose a girl who did not have other suitors. So, purely from a mathematical standpoint...

That is true. It seems to be a truism that many English young girls are somewhat shy, and you have to meet them more than half way. once the shy barrier is down they are usually good companions, though many are one at a time sort of friendships, you can't expect the shy girls to be come gregarious.
Perhaps that is where our youth drinking problem comes from, it breaks barriers.

There is no correlation between Shy-outgoing and intelligence, However The shy ones often do far better in class. Perhaps they have less distractions.

I have only known a few American girls, most seem far to pushy for my taste. It is perhaps a cultural thing.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Ditto! And yes, you do understand.


I think Terry was referring specifically to the 17-20 age range, if I may be so bold to put words in his mouth. That is such a tricky age range... Egos are so fragile, and young adults are so driven both by outward appearance and by hormones.

But Terry was actually very smart, I think. While the pretty and popular girls have men vying for their attention, the wallflowers are drooping in the corner, so to speak. His odds of companionship automatically went up when he chose a girl who did not have other suitors. So, purely from a mathematical standpoint...

Aaaah, I see. Very very smart guy. :yes:

That's the Buddhist in you. ^

LOL Thank you :hug: ! I've been called worse.

That is true. It seems to be a truism that many English young girls are somewhat shy, and you have to meet them more than half way. once the shy barrier is down they are usually good companions, though many are one at a time sort of friendships, you can't expect the shy girls to be come gregarious.
Perhaps that is where our youth drinking problem comes from, it breaks barriers.

There is no correlation between Shy-outgoing and intelligence, However The shy ones often do far better in class. Perhaps they have less distractions.

Once upon a time, the only people I wanted to talk to was the teachers. I was terrified of the other kids, and it showed in my style and in my mannerisms. Being short, a tomboy, an Honors student, and a kid who preferred talking to the teachers over other kids - I was an easy target. LOL

I did very well in class, then. Straight A's. I was ranked fourth in mathematics in our state after a math competition. I was still shy.

Then I broke out of my shell and started thinking not so harshly about the other kids, but I was an honors student in high school. In college when I finally went really wild and dated multiple people at a time, I made the Dean's List 3 times.

I mean, don't think I'm trying to prove myself or fishing for compliments or anything (LOL), but perhaps showing by example that shyness isn't always the case.

I have only known a few American girls, most seem far to pushy for my taste. It is perhaps a cultural thing.

Ah, OK. Now that I can understand. I'm very forward and pushy. Not everybody likes that.

 

[*Anne*]

I have only known a few American girls, most seem far to pushy for my taste. It is perhaps a cultural thing.

I've read that the French find American women way too opinionated and forward.

If friendliness can be confused for "forward," then perhaps I'm guilty. Otherwise, I'm not too threatening. What eventually ruins it for me? I have a really loud laugh. And sometimes my sense of humor is a little too wacky for others.

 

[DarkSun]

Depends on the guy. Different strokes for different folks. Somewhere out there, someone is masturbating to something that would make you vomit.

Rules 34 to 36.

 

[Renji]

I prefer quiet, but are "open" girls. "Open" in a sense that they share what they feel, what they hate/love about me and wants to talk about our relationship....