A
angellous_evangellous
Guest
What?! It would be great if love were defined here. SheeshSunstone said:
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Should we marry for love?
- Thread starter Sunstone
- Start date
Ceridwen018
Well-Known Member
Similar goals would be another one. Marriages, although they may have plenty of love, can be broken up over things such as to have children or not, what religion to raise those children as, to move for a job or not, etc.
Perfect!Ceridwen018 said:
As to the marriage question, I personally couldn't care less. There's one woman (divorced), whom I'd want to be very close to, to share vacations, gardening, life in general with. "Marriage" according to any definition is perfectly uninteresting to me. The thing is that we respect one another, and can discuss most any subject, and we care. (Unfortunately, we have different future goals.) I'm very fond of her son and vice versa, and my former wife, as well as my mother and sisters, really care for her as well.
skills101
Vicar of Christ
In my opinion, love is never enough. Some people may think love consists of everything else, but I strongly disagree with that. That might be the case in a scenario where the partners would speak to each other... maybe once a year, and made eye contact once a month. Love is easily broken, and without something to fall back on, you're an easy victim for divorce.
Some other factors to consider before marriage:
1. Strong communication- The partners need to be able to converse with self-disclosure, be able to listen, and be able to give good feeback, in the majority of situations.
2. Positive conflict resolution- Every marriage experiences arguments, no matter how in love you think you are. Therefore, if you're not able to resolve these conflicts peacefully and completely, then you are bound to keep your own thoughts left on the inside because you "love" the person.
3. Good balance of individual and shared interest- No one, NO ONE, can go into a marriage expecting to be able to change someone to better adapt to him or her. These spouses are often seen as "controlling" and create and easy path to affairs or divorce.
4. Similar and realistic goals- As Ceridwen said, having similar and realistic goals, and following them through, is the key to a happy and successful marriage.
5. As michel said correctly, mutual respect. You have to be able to feel good about the person before you get married to them!
6. Financial success- There are some people who consider this a very shallow way to consider marriage. However, 57% of divorces are said to be caused by financial instability. If you have not gotten to your fullest in the career of your choice, you are doomed to stop at where you are, or even drop in your career. And therefore, many of your arguments turn to money. Not to mention the fact that you're probably gonna want to have kids. Try to support two of em on 10 bucks an hour.
7. Strong relationship prior to marriage- I would suggest five years of a relationship before marriage. That may sound like a long time, but your aim is to be married a lot longer than that. Like any piece of art, a relationship must be able to stand the test of time. And with five years+ and possible cohabitation, that is a good place to start.
8. Maturity- That was why I didn't get married until I was 30, and wouldn't reccomend most to. I would say the majority of people I know who got married before they were 25 found themselves looking around for relationships outside the marriage.
9. And of course, trust.
Some other factors to consider before marriage:
1. Strong communication- The partners need to be able to converse with self-disclosure, be able to listen, and be able to give good feeback, in the majority of situations.
2. Positive conflict resolution- Every marriage experiences arguments, no matter how in love you think you are. Therefore, if you're not able to resolve these conflicts peacefully and completely, then you are bound to keep your own thoughts left on the inside because you "love" the person.
3. Good balance of individual and shared interest- No one, NO ONE, can go into a marriage expecting to be able to change someone to better adapt to him or her. These spouses are often seen as "controlling" and create and easy path to affairs or divorce.
4. Similar and realistic goals- As Ceridwen said, having similar and realistic goals, and following them through, is the key to a happy and successful marriage.
5. As michel said correctly, mutual respect. You have to be able to feel good about the person before you get married to them!
6. Financial success- There are some people who consider this a very shallow way to consider marriage. However, 57% of divorces are said to be caused by financial instability. If you have not gotten to your fullest in the career of your choice, you are doomed to stop at where you are, or even drop in your career. And therefore, many of your arguments turn to money. Not to mention the fact that you're probably gonna want to have kids. Try to support two of em on 10 bucks an hour.
7. Strong relationship prior to marriage- I would suggest five years of a relationship before marriage. That may sound like a long time, but your aim is to be married a lot longer than that. Like any piece of art, a relationship must be able to stand the test of time. And with five years+ and possible cohabitation, that is a good place to start.
8. Maturity- That was why I didn't get married until I was 30, and wouldn't reccomend most to. I would say the majority of people I know who got married before they were 25 found themselves looking around for relationships outside the marriage.
9. And of course, trust.
EnhancedSpirit
High Priestess
The entire reason for most relationships are so that you can work on your spiritual self and your karma! Most relationships on Earth are ego relationships based on old relating patterns, fears and superficial judgments. The ego always creates separation and represents what we are healing here on Earth.
Soul Mates are other souls that have agreed to connect with you on this planet for a purpose. These are family members and friends, as well as others that come and go through your life. In some cases it is to clear up karma, in other cases it is to finish unfinished business, and for some it is to accomplish a particular goal together. These relationships may be a joy to be in or these relationships may be a pain in your life. Either way they are here for a reason.
Why do people fall in love? Why do they fall out of love? What do they want most in marriage? How can a bad marriage become a great marriage?
Inside all of us is a Love Bank with accounts in the names of everyone we know. When these people are associated with our good feelings, "love units" are deposited into their accounts, and when they are associated with our bad feelings, love units are withdrawn. We are emotionally attracted to people with positive balances and repulsed by those with negative balances. This is the way our emotions encourage us to be with people who seem to treat us well, and avoid those who seem to hurt us.
The emotional reactions we have toward people, whether its attraction or repulsion, is not a matter of choice. Love Bank balances cause them. Try "choosing" to be attracted to those you associate with some of your worst experiences -- it's almost impossible. Or try to feel repulsed by those associated with your best feelings. You do not decide whom you will like or dislike -- it's their association with your feelings, whether they have made Love Bank deposits or withdrawals, that determines your emotional reactions to them.
We like those with positive Love Bank balances and dislike those with negative balances. But if an account reaches a certain threshold, a very special emotional reaction is triggered -- romantic love. We no longer simply like the person -- we are in love. It's a feeling of incredible attraction to someone of the opposite sex.
You can read more on my website.
Soul Mates are other souls that have agreed to connect with you on this planet for a purpose. These are family members and friends, as well as others that come and go through your life. In some cases it is to clear up karma, in other cases it is to finish unfinished business, and for some it is to accomplish a particular goal together. These relationships may be a joy to be in or these relationships may be a pain in your life. Either way they are here for a reason.
Why do people fall in love? Why do they fall out of love? What do they want most in marriage? How can a bad marriage become a great marriage?
Inside all of us is a Love Bank with accounts in the names of everyone we know. When these people are associated with our good feelings, "love units" are deposited into their accounts, and when they are associated with our bad feelings, love units are withdrawn. We are emotionally attracted to people with positive balances and repulsed by those with negative balances. This is the way our emotions encourage us to be with people who seem to treat us well, and avoid those who seem to hurt us.
The emotional reactions we have toward people, whether its attraction or repulsion, is not a matter of choice. Love Bank balances cause them. Try "choosing" to be attracted to those you associate with some of your worst experiences -- it's almost impossible. Or try to feel repulsed by those associated with your best feelings. You do not decide whom you will like or dislike -- it's their association with your feelings, whether they have made Love Bank deposits or withdrawals, that determines your emotional reactions to them.
We like those with positive Love Bank balances and dislike those with negative balances. But if an account reaches a certain threshold, a very special emotional reaction is triggered -- romantic love. We no longer simply like the person -- we are in love. It's a feeling of incredible attraction to someone of the opposite sex.
You can read more on my website.