Should I Forgive and Forget?

[mrscardero]

What do you guys think: Should I not hold a grudge and go to their parties? Or should I do what I feel like doing and tell them to take a hike?

What would Yoda do?

 

[kadzbiz]

Y'know, Mister T, you just have to understand that people are just people and sometimes they do stupid things, are forgetful, are unintentionally inconsiderate, etc, etc. The main thing is how you feel about them otherwise. Personally, I would just forgive and forget. If you don't like them anymore because of who they are becoming, then fine, don't mix with them anymore, or only when it suits you, but I you just love these guys, then you'll keep spending time with them without keeping tabs on who owes who in the socializing game. I guess I really have some great friends. Some I don't see for ages and then we'll catch up like we'd seen each other the day before. Sometimes we just get too busy to keep in touch. We all understand our schedules with jobs and families, etc. In the end, any negative feelings that you harbour within yourself only hurt you. Let it go.

 

[DallasApple]

You said in your OP they were "close" friends..If that is the case why cant you just tell them it hurt your feelings that they RSVP with a yes and then no showed?...If they are "only" aquaintences they may have no idea how this made you feel...But whatever you do dont play the "revenge" game..I know its tempting but in the end what you are cirisizing them for is what in fact you turn yourself into but if you ask me even worse..You not going to "show them" is intentional..I doubt those guys were intentionally trying to hurt you all be it they were being rude and thoughtless....Would you if the shoe was on the other foot want them to forgive you??>.Or hold a grudge and try and get you back?That doesnt sound like freindship..It sounds like a cruel game of you hurt me I hurt you back..

If they are close friends then you have to forgive them for your own peace of mind..IMHO..Close friends are like a marriage in a sense..You are either committed or not..For better and for worse..Friends can over a long term hurt each other and have disagreements and let each other down...I speak from some experience because I have made the terribble mistake of lowering myself in my marriage and taking revenge in my own hands against my husband..In a serious manner..Adultery in fact and I was left hating my own guts and it did not aide one bit in helping me forgive him either all I did was hurt him and it brought me shame..I regret not humbling myself and respecing our relationship...The "grudge" was in fact fed by my own thoughts and behaviors..I was tortured..

This is what I caution you against..

Blessings

Dallas