Rules for College Football Fans

[jonny]

This is a must-read for anyone who considers them a fan of college football. After reading through the rules, I've discovered that I need to make a few changes.

Let's face it: Life requires rules. Precepts to live by, laws to abide by, dictums to follow, lest civilization devolve into a Hobbesian state of nature, "Lord of the Flies," with all of us grasping for the conch and no one agreeing if it takes one or both feet inbounds for a sideline catch to count.

College football fandom is no different.

Is it OK to root for two schools? Is it ever OK to root for a rival? As a fan, how many Freedom of Information Act requests can I file before it seems creepy? Such are the questions that try boosters' souls. But fear not: Page 2 is here to help.

After months of careful deliberation and a two-week retreat to the College Football Hall of Fame, Page 2 has compiled a list of 57 rules for college football fandom. Learn them. Love them. But we need 100 rules, so please use the conversation pages to help us fill out the list. We'll add the best of your suggestions to Page 2's official list. Step out of the confusing darkness, and into clarity's* sweet light...

ESPN Page 2 - Page 2: New Rules for College Football Fans to Live By


Here are the rules I've been breaking or broke. I'm adjusting my life in order to come into compliance:

32. Never leave a game early, unless: (a) it's a blowout and there's a great game just starting on TV; (b) it's time to use those digits. This one will be much easier since the Mountain West conference dumped ESPN and we're not playing games at 8:00 on a saturday night in the middle of a snow storm anymore!

34. You must have at least two bobbleheads or stuffed animals on your office desk, or a combination of one bobblehead and one stuffed animal. Gotta go get me this in the morning.

40. You must make at least one road trip while in college without tickets or a hotel room lined up ahead of time. Too late

41. Observe the following statutes of limitations: (a) Bragging about national title: 25 years Phew! I still have a few more years to brag about BYUs!

 

[Shadow Wolf]

40. You must make at least one road trip while in college without tickets or a hotel room lined up ahead of time. Too late

It's never too late to do that. While the "in college" time may be for alot of people, you can still pack up and go.
Me and a couple friends did that last month, and went to Datona. It was actually more fun than can be put in words just being in a big party city with no plans or itinerary. Just look around, see something interesting, go check it out, and repeat. We decided we are going to do the same, only during Spring Break next year. And pack an air mattress or something since we are counting on there not being any open hotel rooms.

I found out, I am not living by most of those rules. But, I just started watching college football last year.

 

[Buttons*]

Arizona lost to BYU! You should be mega happy. I'm convinced that BYU gave Arizona a mercy touchdown. Kind Mormons that they are

 

[jonny]

Arizona lost to BYU! You should be mega happy. I'm convinced that BYU gave Arizona a mercy touchdown. Kind Mormons that they are

I've got a link to the game highlights in my signature.

I'm not sure if that was a mercy touchdown. The head coach is the defensive coordinator and I don't think he's happy when the other team scores at all.

My favorite part of the video is about 3:30 in when the Arizona defender slaps the other defender on the helmet to tell him "good job" while our guy (who wasn't down) runs right past him with the ball.

 

[jonny]

It's never too late to do that. While the "in college" time may be for alot of people, you can still pack up and go.
Me and a couple friends did that last month, and went to Datona. It was actually more fun than can be put in words just being in a big party city with no plans or itinerary. Just look around, see something interesting, go check it out, and repeat. We decided we are going to do the same, only during Spring Break next year. And pack an air mattress or something since we are counting on there not being any open hotel rooms.

I found out, I am not living by most of those rules. But, I just started watching college football last year.

I wish I was at the UCLA game this weekend. I've heard that as many as 20,000 BYU fans will be there this weekend!

 

[jonny]

I'd add another rule to this list - if don't get tears in your eyes when you beat your arch rivals, you're not a real fan.

 

[Smoke]

1a. Under extenuating circumstances, however, you may have up to three Division I-A rooting allegiances, so long as the schools meet the following criteria.

I root for my Appalachian State (family school), South Carolina (my alma mater), and Duke (well, you just have to).

9. You are allowed to root freely against the following schools for no specific reasons: Notre Dame; Notre Dame in their puke-green jerseys; Notre Dame when playing on "Triumph of the Will"-shaming propaganda house organ NBC; USC; any school that plays its fight song approximately 4,387 times per game like USC; Michigan; Miami; Ohio State; any school like Ohio State with a pretentious "the" in front of its name, because otherwise how would we know which Ohio State university they were talking about?; any school coached by Steve Spurrier; any school coached by Nick Saban.

Hey!!

10. Please observe the following age limits on male attire:
• 36-50: Polo shirt

Maybe, if I feel like it.

16a. Southern fans wearing team-colored seersucker suits with matching bow ties drink free for the season.

Seersucker? During football season? What Yankee wrote that?

30. If tailgating at South Carolina and there are more than six people present, one must be wearing a real, stuffed gamecock on his/her head.

Jesus. Never seen that one; I hope he doesn't give people ideas.

34. You must have at least two bobbleheads or stuffed animals on your office desk, or a combination of one bobblehead and one stuffed animal.

What am I, seven?

47. Always assume that your league rivals are cheating.

Well, they usually are.

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The best part of the article is this guy:

Body paint and a watch. What, does he have an appointment later?