Revelation or Psychosis?

[Unshackled]

I actually don't like posting this, since It may influence how people here see me going forward, but I'm not that active anyway so I guess it's okay.

Late afternoon yesterday, I had an episode. I am currently in a state where I alternate between belief in God and denial of his existence until I have proof. Yesterday I leaned more toward belief, and I was praying earnestly, begging that if God exists, if he could just talk to me directly without human interference. I spent a few minutes doing that, and afterward wanted to play some video games since it was still early, but something changed.

I suddenly felt uneasy, and I could not sit down to play. I paced around and became overwhelmed with emotion and an intense desire to sleep. It was about 6pm and way too early. It's hard to explain, but my perception of the world seemed to close in around me, closer and closer until it felt like I could only perceive as far as my bedroom walls, like the world outside ceased to exist. I still felt bothered and confused and compelled to sleep. So I lay down on my bed, and the world closed in more to an area of about arms reach. I proceeded to go into a kind of waking dream, where my eyes were open but I was in a dream, and for about two hours I was overwhelmed by emotion and twisting thoughts. I did not feel in control, but like an observer or passenger.

My thoughts were of the resurrection of Christ, and I could not steer my mind in another direction. My thoughts became visual images of Christ, his face blurred since I don't know what he looks like, but I somehow knew it was him. My thoughts became his words, and he spoke to me with authority. He told me about the resurrection and for once things made so much sense. He explained it in a way I had never thought about or heard about before. It was like a fever dream. I became very emotional and started to cry. The feeling lifted and I quickly wrote down what he said.

I snapped back to...let's say reality, and my mind was clear. I just stood up and went to my pc and played a game like nothing happened. My mind wondered what the hell was going on but I pretended nothing happened and just focused on the game, I guess I was, and am afraid of what this means.

Am I becoming schizophrenic?
Is God talking to me?
Should I see a priest or a psychologist?

 

[JustGeorge]

I actually don't like posting this, since It may influence how people here see me going forward, but I'm not that active anyway so I guess it's okay.

Late afternoon yesterday, I had an episode. I am currently in a state where I alternate between belief in God and denial of his existence until I have proof. Yesterday I leaned more toward belief, and I was praying earnestly, begging that if God exists, if he could just talk to me directly without human interference. I spent a few minutes doing that, and afterward wanted to play some video games since it was still early, but something changed.

I suddenly felt uneasy, and I could not sit down to play. I paced around and became overwhelmed with emotion and an intense desire to sleep. It was about 6pm and way too early. It's hard to explain, but my perception of the world seemed to close in around me, closer and closer until it felt like I could only perceive as far as my bedroom walls, like the world outside ceased to exist. I still felt bothered and confused and compelled to sleep. So I lay down on my bed, and the world closed in more to an area of about arms reach. I proceeded to go into a kind of waking dream, where my eyes were open but I was in a dream, and for about two hours I was overwhelmed by emotion and twisting thoughts. I did not feel in control, but like an observer or passenger.

My thoughts were of the resurrection of Christ, and I could not steer my mind in another direction. My thoughts became visual images of Christ, his face blurred since I don't know what he looks like, but I somehow knew it was him. My thoughts became his words, and he spoke to me with authority. He told me about the resurrection and for once things made so much sense. He explained it in a way I had never thought about or heard about before. It was like a fever dream. I became very emotional and started to cry. The feeling lifted and I quickly wrote down what he said.

I snapped back to...let's say reality, and my mind was clear. I just stood up and went to my pc and played a game like nothing happened. My mind wondered what the hell was going on but I pretended nothing happened and just focused on the game, I guess I was, and am afraid of what this means.

Am I becoming schizophrenic?
Is God talking to me?
Should I see a priest or a psychologist?

I don't know you, and am not going to make any guesses on your mental health, or what steps you should take next.

I am, curious to hear what you think of your experience. You asked for communication with the divine, and you got... something.

What do you think?

 

[PureX]

Am I becoming schizophrenic?
Is God talking to me?
Should I see a priest or a psychologist?

I think you should relax.

You are not alone in this sort of experience. Many others have experienced similar things; although the specifics will be unique to them. I have as well. And I am not schizophrenic or anything even remotely associated with a mental disorder.

I understand and approve of the way you responded to the incident. I think it's a mistake to try and "figure it out". Or to label it and put it in a conceptual box so you can pretend you 'own it'. I think the best thing to do is just let it be. Let it 'ruminate' in your mind however it wants. Don't try to label it or figure it out. Let it remain inexplicable.

As to your relationship with "God", I would suggest much the same response. Stop trying to figure it out and label it "real" or "not real" so you can lock it there in a box and pretend you've got it figured out. That's just not how the God thing works for people with curious and questioning minds, like you. So I say let God be God, whatever that is, and whatever that means. "Inexplicable" can be a good thing. A gift, even.

So I thank you for sharing that moment with us. Your "inexplicable" moment met my "inexplicable" moment, for a moment, in my mind. And it was wondrous.

 

[Unshackled]

I don't know you, and am not going to make any guesses on your mental health, or what steps you should take next.

I am, curious to hear what you think of your experience. You asked for communication with the divine, and you got... something.

What do you think?

I wish it was divine with all my heart, that's why I cried during the episode. I need a God. Maybe it's my personality or childhood conditioning, I'm not sure. My heart feels it was an answer.

But reason, logic and an aversion to religious lies borne from ambiguity and leaps of faith have spoiled these kind of things for me forever it seems. The most reasonable explanation is that it is just psychological, an episode brought on by mental exhaustion; no need to jump to supernatural explanations. Somehow my subconscious is desperate for a return to faith, or something.

I wonder how much or what measure of things like this will be able to return my faith.

I'm so broken. I wish I could still blindly believe, or deal with the cold truth of reality, but somehow I'm stuck in between. I can't accept faith due to the uncertainty, but I can't accept reality with its hopelessness and meaninglessness in a post religion frame of mind. I'm perpetually on a knife's edge of cognitive dissonance.

Even if the clouds part and God speaks from heaven, I could just attribute it to a mental health issue.

If I seek proof, and God functions outside reality, how wil I ever hear him?

I'm so tired. Not being able to choose is eating me up. I thought it would be fine, but it's not.

 

[Unshackled]

I think you should relax.

You are not alone in this sort of experience. Many others have experienced similar things; although the specifics will be unique to them. I have as well. And I am not schizophrenic or anything even remotely associated with a mental disorder.

I understand and approve of the way you responded to the incident. I think it's a mistake to try and "figure it out". Or to label it and put it in a conceptual box so you can pretend you 'own it'. I think the best thing to do is just let it be. Let it 'ruminate' in your mind however it wants. Don't try to label it or figure it out. Let it remain inexplicable.

As to your relationship with "God", I would suggest much the same response. Stop trying to figure it out and label it "real" or "not real" so you can lock it there in a box and pretend you've got it figured out. That's just not how the God thing works for people with curious and questioning minds, like you. So I say let God be God, whatever that is, and whatever that means. "Inexplicable" can be a good thing. A gift, even.

So I thank you for sharing that moment with us. Your "inexplicable" moment met my "inexplicable" moment, for a moment, in my mind. And it was wondrous.

Thanks for the advice, it's much appreciated.

 

[PureX]

I'm so tired. Not being able to choose is eating me up. I thought it would be fine, but it's not.

Stop trying to choose. "Belief/unbelief" was the battle that broke you. So let it go. Surrender. Try faith (not belief) instead. Surrender to the unknowable, the inexplicable, and accept the amazing possibilities that could lay within.

 

[JustGeorge]

I wish it was divine with all my heart, that's why I cried during the episode. I need a God. Maybe it's my personality or childhood conditioning, I'm not sure. My heart feels it was an answer.

But reason, logic and an aversion to religious lies borne from ambiguity and leaps of faith have spoiled these kind of things for me forever it seems. The most reasonable explanation is that it is just psychological, an episode brought on by mental exhaustion; no need to jump to supernatural explanations. Somehow my subconscious is desperate for a return to faith, or something.

What's a religious lie? Why isn't religion compatible with logic and reason?

At some point, in my opinion, it doesn't seem reasonable or logical to fight against mystical experiences. But, of course, you will find others who strongly disagree with me on this point.

I wonder how much or what measure of things like this will be able to return my faith.

Maybe you can't return to your faith as it was. But faith/religion/spirituality grows and changes; it shouldn't stagnate. Things that stagnate die.

I'm so broken. I wish I could still blindly believe, or deal with the cold truth of reality, but somehow I'm stuck in between. I can't accept faith due to the uncertainty, but I can't accept reality with its hopelessness and meaninglessness in a post religion frame of mind. I'm perpetually on a knife's edge of cognitive dissonance.

Who says reality is cold? Why one extreme or the other?

I read once that it wouldn't matter to most Hindus if Rama was proven to have not existed. The lessons the Ramayana put forth are still every bit as valid.

I'm going to assume that you come from a Christian background based on what you've said here(correct me if I'm wrong). But if the Bible isn't literal, does that mean it is without value? Are there not mystic lessons in it? Many have found hints at the working of the universe through its stories without believing it all happened word for word.

Might it be time, rather than to reject God, try to understand what God could be?

Even if the clouds part and God speaks from heaven, I could just attribute it to a mental health issue.

It might be worth examining why you're more comfortable assuming a mental health issue rather than a mystical event.

If I seek proof, and God functions outside reality, how wil I ever hear him?

Take your fingers out of your ears.

I'm so tired. Not being able to choose is eating me up. I thought it would be fine, but it's not.

Why choose? @PureX 's last response says it well.

 

[Unshackled]

I think growing up in a cult really messed up my thinking patterns, hence the black and white, truth and lie views, and my perspective that reality is cold.

There was one way that was truth, and everything else was false and evil. The cult said: Do x and you have hope and safety.

The cult said 'the world is meaningless'. Their favorite scripture was:

15Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. 17And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.

So I've grown up feeling that way, but after discovering the lies I abandoned all religion in search of certainty, but now that 'world' is all I have.

 

[JustGeorge]

I think growing up in a cult really messed up my thinking patterns, hence the black and white, truth and lie views, and my perspective that reality is cold.

There was one way that was truth, and everything else was false and evil. The cult said: Do x and you have hope and safety.

Cults can do really nasty things to a person... I'm sorry you had that experience. I can see why you're struggling.

The cult said 'the world is meaningless'. Their favorite scripture was:

What's your favorite scripture?

15Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. 17And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.

So I've grown up feeling that way, but after discovering the lies I abandoned all religion in search of certainty, but now that 'world' is all I have.

Let this be a journey, then. You don't have to 'arrive' at what you believe now. Or tomorrow. Or next week. Or ever. Its okay to be unsure.

Play hide and seek with God. God as you are able to know him/her/it. What might God be? What isn't God?

Because you come from a background that was so restrictive, it might be worth peeking at religious texts from around the world, and see what other cultures and other peoples have experienced. Read Biblical commentary from mystics. (Maybe some of our Christians here can recommend some things? @Rival ? ) Don't pressure yourself to 'know'. Just be.

 

[Nakosis]

I actually don't like posting this, since It may influence how people here see me going forward, but I'm not that active anyway so I guess it's okay.

Late afternoon yesterday, I had an episode. I am currently in a state where I alternate between belief in God and denial of his existence until I have proof. Yesterday I leaned more toward belief, and I was praying earnestly, begging that if God exists, if he could just talk to me directly without human interference. I spent a few minutes doing that, and afterward wanted to play some video games since it was still early, but something changed.

I suddenly felt uneasy, and I could not sit down to play. I paced around and became overwhelmed with emotion and an intense desire to sleep. It was about 6pm and way too early. It's hard to explain, but my perception of the world seemed to close in around me, closer and closer until it felt like I could only perceive as far as my bedroom walls, like the world outside ceased to exist. I still felt bothered and confused and compelled to sleep. So I lay down on my bed, and the world closed in more to an area of about arms reach. I proceeded to go into a kind of waking dream, where my eyes were open but I was in a dream, and for about two hours I was overwhelmed by emotion and twisting thoughts. I did not feel in control, but like an observer or passenger.

My thoughts were of the resurrection of Christ, and I could not steer my mind in another direction. My thoughts became visual images of Christ, his face blurred since I don't know what he looks like, but I somehow knew it was him. My thoughts became his words, and he spoke to me with authority. He told me about the resurrection and for once things made so much sense. He explained it in a way I had never thought about or heard about before. It was like a fever dream. I became very emotional and started to cry. The feeling lifted and I quickly wrote down what he said.

I snapped back to...let's say reality, and my mind was clear. I just stood up and went to my pc and played a game like nothing happened. My mind wondered what the hell was going on but I pretended nothing happened and just focused on the game, I guess I was, and am afraid of what this means.

Am I becoming schizophrenic?
Is God talking to me?
Should I see a priest or a psychologist?

I have had similar experiences. Your brain can do amazing things. Your brain creates your conscious experience. It can cause you to see things and feel things that are not of you conscious creation. Your brain can create the conscious experience of God.

Not particularly a problem unless it causes you to loose your skepticism about these experiences. If suddenly you believe it's God telling you to go about harming yourself or others it could be a problem.

 

[The Hammer]

I suddenly felt uneasy, and I could not sit down to play. I paced around and became overwhelmed with emotion and an intense desire to sleep. It was about 6pm and way too early. It's hard to explain, but my perception of the world seemed to close in around me, closer and closer until it felt like I could only perceive as far as my bedroom walls, like the world outside ceased to exist. I still felt bothered and confused and compelled to sleep. So I lay down on my bed, and the world closed in more to an area of about arms reach. I proceeded to go into a kind of waking dream, where my eyes were open but I was in a dream, and for about two hours I was overwhelmed by emotion and twisting thoughts. I did not feel in control, but like an observer or passenger.

You're not alone in your experiences. Don't doubt your mental health.

 

[Koldo]

I actually don't like posting this, since It may influence how people here see me going forward, but I'm not that active anyway so I guess it's okay.

Late afternoon yesterday, I had an episode. I am currently in a state where I alternate between belief in God and denial of his existence until I have proof. Yesterday I leaned more toward belief, and I was praying earnestly, begging that if God exists, if he could just talk to me directly without human interference. I spent a few minutes doing that, and afterward wanted to play some video games since it was still early, but something changed.

I suddenly felt uneasy, and I could not sit down to play. I paced around and became overwhelmed with emotion and an intense desire to sleep. It was about 6pm and way too early. It's hard to explain, but my perception of the world seemed to close in around me, closer and closer until it felt like I could only perceive as far as my bedroom walls, like the world outside ceased to exist. I still felt bothered and confused and compelled to sleep. So I lay down on my bed, and the world closed in more to an area of about arms reach. I proceeded to go into a kind of waking dream, where my eyes were open but I was in a dream, and for about two hours I was overwhelmed by emotion and twisting thoughts. I did not feel in control, but like an observer or passenger.

My thoughts were of the resurrection of Christ, and I could not steer my mind in another direction. My thoughts became visual images of Christ, his face blurred since I don't know what he looks like, but I somehow knew it was him. My thoughts became his words, and he spoke to me with authority. He told me about the resurrection and for once things made so much sense. He explained it in a way I had never thought about or heard about before. It was like a fever dream. I became very emotional and started to cry. The feeling lifted and I quickly wrote down what he said.

I snapped back to...let's say reality, and my mind was clear. I just stood up and went to my pc and played a game like nothing happened. My mind wondered what the hell was going on but I pretended nothing happened and just focused on the game, I guess I was, and am afraid of what this means.

Am I becoming schizophrenic?
Is God talking to me?
Should I see a priest or a psychologist?

The hallmark feature of having an actual contact with the supernatural is acquiring knowledge over the material world that you couldn't possibly possess before the experience. Given your description of the event, I take it this didn't happen.

Considering your past, how you were emotionally exhausted, how your thoughts became Jesus's words, and the content of your experience, I would interpret it as not being an actual contact with the supernatural. I also wouldn't count this as becoming schizophrenic.

 

[Valjean]

Ecstatic religious fuges are a well known psychological phenomenon, in all religions. You can probably safely forgo your admission to the mental hospital.

 

[Unshackled]

Cults can do really nasty things to a person... I'm sorry you had that experience. I can see why you're struggling.

What's your favorite scripture?

Let this be a journey, then. You don't have to 'arrive' at what you believe now. Or tomorrow. Or next week. Or ever. Its okay to be unsure.

Play hide and seek with God. God as you are able to know him/her/it. What might God be? What isn't God?

Because you come from a background that was so restrictive, it might be worth peeking at religious texts from around the world, and see what other cultures and other peoples have experienced. Read Biblical commentary from mystics. (Maybe some of our Christians here can recommend some things? @Rival ? ) Don't pressure yourself to 'know'. Just be.

My favorite scripture is where a prophet called Daniel prays, and an angel is sent to answer his prayer:

"Yea, whiles I was speaking in prayer, even the man Gabriel, whom I had seen in the vision at the beginning, being caused to fly swiftly, touched me about the time of the evening oblation. 22And he informed me, and talked with me, and said, O Daniel, I am now come forth to give thee skill and understanding. 23At the beginning of thy supplications the commandment came forth, and I am come to shew thee; for thou art greatly beloved: therefore understand the matter, and consider the vision."

The angel calls him greatly beloved in reaction to his earnest prayer. If I allow myself to have faith, I could see my prayer and episode yesterday as a similar experience, and it would be wonderful.

 

[Koldo]

My favorite scripture is where a prophet called Daniel prays, and an angel is sent to answer his prayer:

"Yea, whiles I was speaking in prayer, even the man Gabriel, whom I had seen in the vision at the beginning, being caused to fly swiftly, touched me about the time of the evening oblation. 22And he informed me, and talked with me, and said, O Daniel, I am now come forth to give thee skill and understanding. 23At the beginning of thy supplications the commandment came forth, and I am come to shew thee; for thou art greatly beloved: therefore understand the matter, and consider the vision."

The angel calls him greatly beloved in reaction to his earnest prayer. If I allow myself to have faith, I could see my prayer and episode yesterday as a similar experience, and it would be wonderful.

Intriguing. Why would it be wonderful?

 

[JustGeorge]

My favorite scripture is where a prophet called Daniel prays, and an angel is sent to answer his prayer:

"Yea, whiles I was speaking in prayer, even the man Gabriel, whom I had seen in the vision at the beginning, being caused to fly swiftly, touched me about the time of the evening oblation. 22And he informed me, and talked with me, and said, O Daniel, I am now come forth to give thee skill and understanding. 23At the beginning of thy supplications the commandment came forth, and I am come to shew thee; for thou art greatly beloved: therefore understand the matter, and consider the vision."

The angel calls him greatly beloved in reaction to his earnest prayer. If I allow myself to have faith, I could see my prayer and episode yesterday as a similar experience, and it would be wonderful.

I think you oughta allow yourself to have faith.

Even if you don't understand the nature of reality at this moment, or the mysteries of God, I don't see any reason to dismiss what I feel is an incredible experience.

 

[Unshackled]

Intriguing. Why would it be wonderful?

I guess I grew up trying to please god, and those thought patterns are ingrained. If my experience yesterday was similar to that of Daniel, God might be saying that I am greatly beloved, and that would mean my existence has meaning.

 

[Koldo]

I guess I grew up trying to please god, and those thought patterns are ingrained. If my experience yesterday was similar to that of Daniel, God might be saying that I am greatly beloved, and that would mean my existence has meaning.

How long has it been ever since you left that cult?

 

[Unshackled]

I think you oughta allow yourself to have faith.

Even if you don't understand the nature of reality at this moment, or the mysteries of God, I don't see any reason to dismiss what I feel is an incredible experience.

I think you are right, and like others say I need to relax a bit. Maybe hope a bit.

 

[Unshackled]

How long has it been ever since you left that cult?

I think its ten to fifteen years, not sure. But some ways of thinking are so ingrained. For example, we used to use a certain name for god, and uncertainty about the name is one of the reasons I started to doubt, but even now if something terrible or frightening happens, I find myself praying in the moment using that name. Its like its not planned, but a neurological thinking pattern and i default to that. And I still feel guilt toward that god and my family even after all these years, well knowing I did the right thing by leaving the lies and abuse.