Hello guys. I am a teenager looking for truth. I had considered myself an atheist for about a year and a half. During that time, I felt empty, sad, and angry. Some of this was due to factors that I could not control, but much of the negativity came from within.
Now, my deconversion from a wishy washy Christianity was swift as I simply did not like the Christian teachings. As a result, I still have some of the left overs from a Christian mindset.
Anyway, I felt exceptionally Monday and decided that I was sick of being miserable and wanted to pursue truth. I thought of finding a higher power to trust. The first thought on my mind was the Episcopal religion. My uncle, a very nice man, is an active member in his church and I have fond memories of a science teacher of mine, a friar, wearing his garb to class as he showed us the "Box of Wonders" whose contents could be ours with a good enough test grade.
The Episcopalian faith didn't turn me off like other denominations. It didn't run away from science or bully people different than them, which really turned me on to the religion.
I began to read different websites covering the beliefs of that denomination. I began to feel something come over me. I don't know what it was, but I felt like a void had been filled. My temper subsided, I felt at peace, I felt loved. I hadn't drank the Jesus juice, but I had heard a lot about the Holy Spirit and spent a lot of time lurking on Christian forums, so I may know the origins of this feeling.
My new feeling seemed to pick up random things that other Christians said. I stopped listening to songs that had swearing in them and I began to feel more and more reluctant to well :rainbow1:. Even though there was nothing biblical about it (the Onan story covers disobedience), but I still picked up subconsciously what others had said about it (being an animal, showing God that he meant nothing) and remembered the New Testament teachings about lust.
But the Holy Spirit also had a dark side to it. Religion was the only thing I could really think about, preserving the high. If I tried to get my mind off of it and do something else, I was worried that I was "denying the spirit". I was afraid of disobeying and not knowing the difference between the spirit and conscience.
Today, I began to research the religion without trying to protect my newfound "high". It turns out that what I felt as the Holy Spirit was not what the Holy Spirit's role in the Bible was at all. Although one could equate it to being shown the light, I feel that it is more of a placebo effect than anything else.
I felt like I loved everyone. I had felt this way to some extent before, looking up the UU Church, but since the UU Church had no structured belief set and no truth to believe in, it felt artificial to some extent.
Its like I felt something to be "true" in my heart. Like I had the answers. I was told that I was supposed to feel something. I remembered the people in my life who shared my beliefs, how fun and happy they always seemed, and I adapted. I even understood one of the "church jokes :cover:" my friar science teacher told on his online sermon (something about Joshua having a tough act to follow up after Moses).
Although I'm sure many Christians would object, I believe this Holy Spirit to be more of a placebo effect than anything else. I can't help but fear talking bad about the Holy Spirit for some reason (I wasn't raised in a strict house hold, but Christian roots and recent exposure to the importance of the Holy Spirit might have something to do with it.)
I lost my placebo an hour ago and had a fall. I felt grumpy again, lost. My jovial-fearful nature was replaced with a bitter one.
I don't know how I feel. I want the placebo back because I feel in a way, dead inside without it, but I don't want to deceive myself, in fact, I can't deceive myself, it won't work. I feel like having the placebo to some extent motivates me and makes me a better person.
Although I can not speak from experience, I think that most religions have evolved this sort of placebo. I might try Islam simply to test the results
.
Also, one last note, I do feel initial feelings of guilt and feelings of depression after I :rainbow1: sometimes. And, this may be due to my environment growing up (my dad would get chided for saying "damn" or "hell") , but I remember having a strict aversion to any sort of foul language in my songs or TV until a year ago. Although I'm inclined to believe that this is part of childhood psychology, I also am anxious to rule out the supernatural.
These are my main questions:
1. Has anyone here ever felt this placebo?
2. What are the benefits and take aways from it?
3. Do you believe it to be divine or a composition of natural factors?
4. How can I create a genuine replication of this feeling minus the guilt and fear of anything breaking the "high"?
Now, my deconversion from a wishy washy Christianity was swift as I simply did not like the Christian teachings. As a result, I still have some of the left overs from a Christian mindset.
Anyway, I felt exceptionally Monday and decided that I was sick of being miserable and wanted to pursue truth. I thought of finding a higher power to trust. The first thought on my mind was the Episcopal religion. My uncle, a very nice man, is an active member in his church and I have fond memories of a science teacher of mine, a friar, wearing his garb to class as he showed us the "Box of Wonders" whose contents could be ours with a good enough test grade.
The Episcopalian faith didn't turn me off like other denominations. It didn't run away from science or bully people different than them, which really turned me on to the religion.
I began to read different websites covering the beliefs of that denomination. I began to feel something come over me. I don't know what it was, but I felt like a void had been filled. My temper subsided, I felt at peace, I felt loved. I hadn't drank the Jesus juice, but I had heard a lot about the Holy Spirit and spent a lot of time lurking on Christian forums, so I may know the origins of this feeling.
My new feeling seemed to pick up random things that other Christians said. I stopped listening to songs that had swearing in them and I began to feel more and more reluctant to well :rainbow1:. Even though there was nothing biblical about it (the Onan story covers disobedience), but I still picked up subconsciously what others had said about it (being an animal, showing God that he meant nothing) and remembered the New Testament teachings about lust.
But the Holy Spirit also had a dark side to it. Religion was the only thing I could really think about, preserving the high. If I tried to get my mind off of it and do something else, I was worried that I was "denying the spirit". I was afraid of disobeying and not knowing the difference between the spirit and conscience.
Today, I began to research the religion without trying to protect my newfound "high". It turns out that what I felt as the Holy Spirit was not what the Holy Spirit's role in the Bible was at all. Although one could equate it to being shown the light, I feel that it is more of a placebo effect than anything else.
I felt like I loved everyone. I had felt this way to some extent before, looking up the UU Church, but since the UU Church had no structured belief set and no truth to believe in, it felt artificial to some extent.
Its like I felt something to be "true" in my heart. Like I had the answers. I was told that I was supposed to feel something. I remembered the people in my life who shared my beliefs, how fun and happy they always seemed, and I adapted. I even understood one of the "church jokes :cover:" my friar science teacher told on his online sermon (something about Joshua having a tough act to follow up after Moses).
Although I'm sure many Christians would object, I believe this Holy Spirit to be more of a placebo effect than anything else. I can't help but fear talking bad about the Holy Spirit for some reason (I wasn't raised in a strict house hold, but Christian roots and recent exposure to the importance of the Holy Spirit might have something to do with it.)
I lost my placebo an hour ago and had a fall. I felt grumpy again, lost. My jovial-fearful nature was replaced with a bitter one.
I don't know how I feel. I want the placebo back because I feel in a way, dead inside without it, but I don't want to deceive myself, in fact, I can't deceive myself, it won't work. I feel like having the placebo to some extent motivates me and makes me a better person.
Although I can not speak from experience, I think that most religions have evolved this sort of placebo. I might try Islam simply to test the results
.Also, one last note, I do feel initial feelings of guilt and feelings of depression after I :rainbow1: sometimes. And, this may be due to my environment growing up (my dad would get chided for saying "damn" or "hell") , but I remember having a strict aversion to any sort of foul language in my songs or TV until a year ago. Although I'm inclined to believe that this is part of childhood psychology, I also am anxious to rule out the supernatural.
These are my main questions:
1. Has anyone here ever felt this placebo?
2. What are the benefits and take aways from it?
3. Do you believe it to be divine or a composition of natural factors?
4. How can I create a genuine replication of this feeling minus the guilt and fear of anything breaking the "high"?
