Now and Then...

[blackout]

I couldn't find a personal "journal" section,
so here I am.

Interestingly enough, due to varried circumstances,
yesterday 9/11/11, became a day of unusual personal reflection for me.

From the list of lost items made for the insurance adjuster,
to old entries on a voice dictator I haven't listened to in years,
even in conjunction with the memorial date
and ensuing fall of my own personal (ivory) tower,
I find mySelf
remembering things.
Things I once put away,
in order to move on.

But sometimes it's good to pull old things out.
It can be healing.
They can cast new light
on who you once were,
and who you are now,
and the bridges in between.

So now and then I will remember here,
and revisit the bridges between,
and hopefully catch some new, and magnificent views.

If anyone would like to join me in the attic, or basement of my life,
to go through old things and share new thoughts,
that's fine,
but please remember,
these are the rooms of my life.
Please be a gracious guest.

 

[blackout]

significant personal memory... (originally read/opened to from my mother's bible)

“Your Majesty looked, and there before you stood a large statue—an enormous, dazzling statue, awesome in appearance. 32 The head of the statue was made of pure gold, its chest and arms of silver, its belly and thighs of bronze, 33 its legs of iron, its feet partly of iron and partly of baked clay. 34 While you were watching, a rock was cut out, but not by human hands. It struck the statue on its feet of iron and clay and smashed them. 35 Then the iron, the clay, the bronze, the silver and the gold were all broken to pieces and became like chaff on a threshing floor in the summer. The wind swept them away without leaving a trace. But the rock that struck the statue became a huge mountain and filled the whole earth.

 

[blackout]

Back when I was an out of church christian,
I used to make audios.
Usually 30 min to an hour, once a week,
or once every two weeks.

They were reflections of who I was as a self defined christian,
and of my own personal experience of God,
in the events of my daily life,
as seen in dreams, syncronicities, things I noticed,
the way in which I communicated with god,
and divined god in anything from the bible, to my basement, to my keys.

I had over a hundred audios up at the time I stopped making them.

I listened to three of them last night, as my son needed to use an old digital voice dictator of mine.
(to record a 9/11 interview for school)

They brought back memories,
and highligted certain current lines of thought for me,
but most of all
what I thought was interesting,
is how the essence of me is still so very much the same essence of me,
even though my vocabulary, labels and preferred symbolisms have changed,
and my specific concept/s of god and self have changed,
and my life practices have evolved and expanded,
I am still so much me. :rainbow1:

My tendencies, my essence, my way/s.
The ways in which I experience and connect with (the) life
in and around mySelf.
Though I am so much freer and more personally developed now,
not boxed into a metaphorically literalized "version" of reality as I was before,
I really was very healthy and vital as an out of church christian.
It followed a MAJOR epiphany and paradigm shift
which left me in a heightened state of being,
heightened senses
for months afterwards.
This all took place when I finally and thuroughly
cut my ties with the Roman Catholic church.

Anyway, I'm so glad I made all those audios.
Even though I did eventually leave my christian label behind,
I learned so much, and developed myself so much,
as both a person, and a communicator,
from having made them.
I think I saved most of them from the flooded basement.

ok.

 

[blackout]

I remember when they were pouring the cement('clay') over the iron support rods in my new basement.

That new foundation was poured back when I was pouring a new foundation for mySelf,
both inside, and out. (at the time of my major paradigm shift)
For a few years, I taught music lessons down there, and recorded music,
until combined disfunction and relational stress
forced me upstairs.

The remains of my music studio
became a rec room for the kids and storage.

I had lots of stuff to go through and get rid of,
but Irene ended up making all of my decisions for me,
and everything down there,
including the carpeting
wound up in a dumpster last week.
In an odd way,
it was good.
I need to move on now,
from that house.
Say good-bye to the old.
Clear out and all.
So in an odd way, all the loss, really is my gain.

This weekend I also went hands free.
(after also losing my cheap cell in the basement pool)

I'm now laying a whole new kind of foundation.
It's good.

 

[blackout]

Funny, I just realized, one of the old audios I listened to last night,
was about letting things go.

 

[blackout]

and come to think of it... the basement 'pool'
is kinda like a never ending fountain actually,
at least right now,
high water table, continued rain and all...
I empty it, it 'fills up' again.

 

[blackout]

This card sums up my personal memories/memoriam,
in terms/symbolisms/manifestation of my current paradigm.

The Tower


My own personal paradigm shift
was directly connected with and impacted by 9/11,
in ways only I will ever know and understand.

This card also signifies the sudden change
Hurricane Irene brought my home this week,
the sudden chaos and disruption,
that brought with it explosive transformation.

My one book here says-
XVI The Tower: Unexpected Liberation.
In numerology, 16 is a karmic number, and it indicates a lesson in loss and love that needs to be revisitied.

interesting, and relevant.

to continue...
This is the breakthrough card.
This card is about upheavel and dramatic change.
It can be good or bad. Whatever it is, it will rock your world.
It can change your life, or just your perspective.
And even if it seems bad,
ultimately the change is for the best.
You have a major shift in perception- a miraculous insight.
You come out of it with a new understanding of yourSelf.

A life shift, total change in perspective.

 

[blackout]

These are interesting....
(there are actually interesting and helpful things on wiki.)

Many differing meanings are attributed to the card:

• To some, it symbolizes failure, ruin and catastrophe.
• To others, the Tower represents the paradigms constructed by the ego, the sum total of all schema that the mind constructs to understand the universe. The Tower is struck by lightning when reality does not conform to expectation.
• Epiphanies, transcendental states of consciousness, and Kundalini experiences[5] may result. In the Triple Goddess Tarot, the card is named "Kundalini Rising".
• The Tower further symbolizes that moment in trance in which the mind actually changes the direction of the force of attention from alpha condition (pointed mindward) to theta condition (pointed imaginal stageward). A Theta condition (especially in waking versions of theta states) is that moment when information coming into the ego-mind overwhelms external or sensory stimuli, resulting in what might otherwise be called a "vision" or "hallucination."
• Each card in the Major Arcana is a related to the previous ones. After the self bondage of The Devil, life is self correcting. Either the querents must make changes in their own lives, or the changes will be made for them.
• The querent may be holding on to false ideas or pretenses; a new approach to thinking about the problem is needed. The querent is advised to think outside the box. The querent is warned that truth may not oblige schema. It may be time for the querent to re-examine belief structures, ideologies, and paradigms they hold to. The card may also point toward seeking education or higher knowledge.
• Others believe that the Tower represents dualism, and the smashing of dualism into its component parts, in preparation for renewal that does not come from reified, entrenched concepts. The Ivory Tower as a parallel image comes to mind, with all its good parts and its bad parts.

 

[blackout]

I just realized that we may have lost all of my oldest daughter's baby/childhood pictures
in the huricane. That notion makes me deeply sad.
Especially those studio pictures when she was four.

I hope she took them out to do scrapbooking.
Otherwise they are forever lost, out in the dumpster.

 

[blackout]

I just realized that we may have lost all of my oldest daughter's baby/childhood pictures
in the huricane. That notion makes me deeply sad.
Especially those studio pictures when she was four.

I hope she took them out to do scrapbooking.
Otherwise they are forever lost, out in the dumpster.

Oh I am SOOOOO relieved.
She has them all up in her room!:hearts:

The most precious things
are usually the ones you cannot replace.

 

[Adramelek]

My dear VI, I must tell you as one who has experienced personal Magical Initiation and who has seen the Initiation of others. This Self-introspection you are doing is so vital in personal Xeper, and the way in which you allow Magic to revolve around your life, I can sense within you the potential for the emergence of a great Black Magician/Sorceress. I can say without a doubt that the Eye of Set is upon you. :yes:

Xeper.
/Adramelek\

 

[9Westy9]

I love following other people's way(s) of thinking. So if you don't mind I think I shall follow this with great interest. Westy