Ella S.
*temp banned*
This time last year, I had just recently left homelessness and finished physical therapy, and I was a Neo-Sethian. I joined RF with the hope of having my understanding of Gnosticism examined in the public eye, since there was very little on the subject elsewhere outside of small chat rooms filled with Gnostics who did not take the asceticism or alienation of Gnosticism as seriously as I thought they should be taken.
To me, asceticism and alienation were the core concepts of Gnosticism, although most modern Gnostics I met did not live by them. This was a particularly helpful spirituality to follow while I was homeless, although it was only the most recent one. I had been rapidly switching between different religions and different forms of magic in a desperate search for something that could give me back control over my life, because I felt like I was more or less powerless to change my circumstances through conventional means.
My time here forced me to admit that, from what I could tell, all of these proposed systems of magic and mysticism did virtually nothing. The parts of Gnosticism that helped me were the meditations that allowed me to separate myself from my suffering, and that is what allowed me to begin to find ways out of my situation. Every spell and ritual failed to manifest, every spirit I contacted through divination or ritual trance failed to come through on their promises. I had to figure it out myself.
My current focus this year, and likely next year and the year afterwards, has been to recover from my trauma and find emotional and psychological stability. I started taking from Stoicism early this year and it continues to be transformative to this end. It has become my rock.
Throughout this time, RF has taught me a number of lessons, mostly that the opinions and feelings of others are unreliable means for deriving truth, that I am responsible for my actions but not how others respond to them, and that being good at logic doesn't matter to anyone so, despite trying to make something of myself, I will have to learn to accept that I'll be an outcast for the rest of my life. I'll have to learn to provide for my own emotional and psychosocial needs to gain true independence and free my mind.
In general, this past year has taught me that I can't really rely on anyone, not even God, and I have to do everything myself. Even then, I will fail most of the time, but I have to keep trying and learn from my failures. I have replaced my reliance on magic with a reliance on logic, and it has served me well, carrying me through my recovery and even landing me some cybersecurity contract and temp work. I might be able to achieve my dream of finding a career in ethical hacking some day, perhaps sooner than I thought.
I thank everyone here who has given me frubals and who has replied to my posts for your support and/or the data you have given me to analyze. It has been a productive year.
To me, asceticism and alienation were the core concepts of Gnosticism, although most modern Gnostics I met did not live by them. This was a particularly helpful spirituality to follow while I was homeless, although it was only the most recent one. I had been rapidly switching between different religions and different forms of magic in a desperate search for something that could give me back control over my life, because I felt like I was more or less powerless to change my circumstances through conventional means.
My time here forced me to admit that, from what I could tell, all of these proposed systems of magic and mysticism did virtually nothing. The parts of Gnosticism that helped me were the meditations that allowed me to separate myself from my suffering, and that is what allowed me to begin to find ways out of my situation. Every spell and ritual failed to manifest, every spirit I contacted through divination or ritual trance failed to come through on their promises. I had to figure it out myself.
My current focus this year, and likely next year and the year afterwards, has been to recover from my trauma and find emotional and psychological stability. I started taking from Stoicism early this year and it continues to be transformative to this end. It has become my rock.
Throughout this time, RF has taught me a number of lessons, mostly that the opinions and feelings of others are unreliable means for deriving truth, that I am responsible for my actions but not how others respond to them, and that being good at logic doesn't matter to anyone so, despite trying to make something of myself, I will have to learn to accept that I'll be an outcast for the rest of my life. I'll have to learn to provide for my own emotional and psychosocial needs to gain true independence and free my mind.
In general, this past year has taught me that I can't really rely on anyone, not even God, and I have to do everything myself. Even then, I will fail most of the time, but I have to keep trying and learn from my failures. I have replaced my reliance on magic with a reliance on logic, and it has served me well, carrying me through my recovery and even landing me some cybersecurity contract and temp work. I might be able to achieve my dream of finding a career in ethical hacking some day, perhaps sooner than I thought.
I thank everyone here who has given me frubals and who has replied to my posts for your support and/or the data you have given me to analyze. It has been a productive year.
