My husband begged me to allow him to get me pregnant even after I told him that we were not stable enough. I have 1 3 year old from a previous relationship he has a 4 year old that I havent even met yet and he hasnt bonded with. I had to leave school to have my first child and now I'm back in school trying to graduate. I meet this man sent by God but he wanted another baby. He even prayed for this child.But I dont want this baby now! I want to finish school.He says he'll be there and he'll make sure I graduate just give him this chance to prove me wrong just let him have this baby . I'am pregnant now but god knows I pray everynight and ask god to have me miscarry. I dont want this child right now! He thinks that because God made him my husband that he has a right to conceive children without my support. What do I do?
-
Welcome to Religious Forums, a friendly forum to discuss all religions in a friendly surrounding.
Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:- Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
- Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
- Access to private conversations with other members.
We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!
My husband manipulated me into getting pregnant.
- Thread starter kitty24
- Start date
Original Freak
I am the ORIGINAL Freak
I don't even know what to say about this...it's so messed up from every angle.
Scorn
Active Member
Kitty,
Oh dear. It sounds difficult. I think you need to find yourself some professional support. See if you can find some family planning support groups in your area. You may find that you're not the only one in this situation and you may learn from the experiences of others.
Oh dear. It sounds difficult. I think you need to find yourself some professional support. See if you can find some family planning support groups in your area. You may find that you're not the only one in this situation and you may learn from the experiences of others.
Hi Kitty, Namaste.kitty24 said:
Welcome to the forum. I am only so very sorry that you ask for advice to what must be an attrocious situation as your first post.
You are the only one who can decide what you do at this juncture, and you must try to come to a descision as soon as possible, for obvious reasons.
It sounds as if your husband deliberately manipulated you into this situation, against your will. Whatever you decide, he will have to abide by your decision; it is your body that he is 'using' to have a child, regardless of the fact that he knows you want to graduate. His attitude would make me think about being with him (If I was female) for much longer - he doesn't seem to care much for what you think. You already have a child (your own), and he has one of his own.
Perhaps it might be good to have a long 'talk' with him, and tell him how you feel he has abused you by deliberately going against your wishes, and maybe suggest to him that you want to terminate this pregnancy in order to be able to graduate, and, as a compromise, you would consider having a child later -That is, of course if you are prepared to consider that. Try to tackle it more from a point of view of "I realize this is very important to you, and while I accept the fact that ypou would like us to have a child, you must know how important it is to me to graduate....." In other words, try to validate his feeling - at least if you do so you will be doing him a favour that he denied you when he went out of his way into tricking you.
The decision, at the end of the day, is yours, and you must do whatever you think is right for you.
I don't envy you the heartache,but it is something that you have to sort out as soon as possible. You might also like to consider that if he rejects any mention of termination, maybe his feelings for you are more manipulative than genuine. Whatever you do, I wish you all the wisdom and insight, and I hope you won't mind if I say a prayer for you, to help you make the decision that is right FOR YOU.
johnnys4life
Pro-life Mommy
What? You don't have anyone to watch your baby while you go to school? Or is there some reason that you can't delay graduating by a few months? Doesn't your college have free daycare? Mine did!kitty24 said:
If you don't want a child, then don't let someone else talk you into getting pregnant. And if you are already pregnant, then that's the deal you've been handed, so make the most of it. If you seriously don't want a child, give them tosomeone like me. I am looking to adopt and trying to get pregnant and I've been having trouble concieving so just be happy for what you got. It's not the end of the world. Just try to be the best mom you can be right now.
P.S. why isn't this guy "bonded" with his other child? That sounds really messed up.
And also, my stepdad tricked my mom into having my little brother but you know what I'm GLAD he did, even if my mom isn't. There are more people than you who are effected by this child, you know.
A
angellous_evangellous
Guest
I concur. However, I would recommend that you seek good counsel. Bad counsel would be someone who tells you to brainlessly follow your husband's will on the outside, and hope for a miscarriage on the inside. I can't see how praying for a miscarriage can be healthy spiritually, emotionally, or pschologically. I suggest that you seek counsel individually first and then marriage counselling with your husband. Since you are in school, the school most likely provides free counseling services of some kind, and they could recommend you to a professional who can help you at no cost.Sunstone said:
A
angellous_evangellous
Guest
He thinks that because God made him my husband that he has a right to conceive children without my support.
Did he actually say this or is it how you feel? For some women, how they feel is equitable to what is said, and you may think that actions speak louder than words, but if you are making such important choices (eg, getting pregnant and praying for a miscarriage) based off of what is felt rather than fact, you are not helping the situation. Granted, since you feel that you were manipulated, you might not have actually discussed the prospect of pregantcy as equals and you have made yourself a victim.
You seriously need a balanced counselor to walk you through this: a counselor who will support you and your husband as equal. Some Christian counselors will continue to victimize you, saying that it is your role to have children against your will. To do so is unethical: your body is being used as a means only, and inhumane because it is against your will.
Did he actually say this or is it how you feel? For some women, how they feel is equitable to what is said, and you may think that actions speak louder than words, but if you are making such important choices (eg, getting pregnant and praying for a miscarriage) based off of what is felt rather than fact, you are not helping the situation. Granted, since you feel that you were manipulated, you might not have actually discussed the prospect of pregantcy as equals and you have made yourself a victim.
You seriously need a balanced counselor to walk you through this: a counselor who will support you and your husband as equal. Some Christian counselors will continue to victimize you, saying that it is your role to have children against your will. To do so is unethical: your body is being used as a means only, and inhumane because it is against your will.
SalemWitchChild
Member
I do not see how this man manipulated you. It takes two to tango honey. If you didn't want a child you should have used a contraceptive. Right now I think you both need counseling or your marriage will never work.
Quoth The Raven
Half Arsed Muse
So what you're saying is that despite your misgivings, despite wanting to graduatebefore you consider having another child, despite the fact that you feel your relationship is unstable, you elected to not use any form of contraception because your husband wants another child and an unwanted pregnancy is the result of it? He may be selfish, but you can't be manipulated any more than you allow yourself to be. There must have been - in your mind - some sort of a payoff, otherwise you would have stuck to your guns.
The fact that you are praying for a miscarriage speaks volumes, and I agree with the people that told you to seek counseling. If you don't want the child this desperately, you need to find some way to resolve the problem or some to terms with it. Realise also that if your husband is this desperate to have the child that having an abortion is likely to spell the end of the marriage.
The fact that you are praying for a miscarriage speaks volumes, and I agree with the people that told you to seek counseling. If you don't want the child this desperately, you need to find some way to resolve the problem or some to terms with it. Realise also that if your husband is this desperate to have the child that having an abortion is likely to spell the end of the marriage.
The Black Whirlwind
Well-Known Member
kitty24 said:
The Black Whirlwind
Well-Known Member
im not trying to turn this into an anti-abortion thread, but come on! The woman is praying for her baby to die. i, as a jedi, revere life, and must try my best to preserve it, and to prevent the death of an innocent child.kreeden said:
KateTacular
Member
I can't believe you'd ever try to justify someone "oopsing" another person into pregnancy. It's a major, life altering thing...NO one else has the right to do that to another. You may be happy, but you're not the mother. Being a sibling is obviously way different than being a mother, you should know this. It's your MOTHER'S BODY and life. No offense, but your opinion really doesn't count if your mom is unhappy. I'm incredibly appalled by your disregard for your mother's wishes. She's not a baby factory.johnnys4life said: