Mental problems and family..

[michel]

For those of you who suffer from mental problems, how are you (and your ilness) perceived by family members ?

Are they supportive ? Do they actually validate the way you feel ?...do you think that they treat you as if there is nothing wrong with you - and then lash out because your reactions, your needs are so 'out of step' with what is expected ?

 

[doppelganger]

There is some mental illness in my family, though I am not, to my knowledge at least, personally afflicated with any illness that substantially effects my life. My older sister is paranoid-schizophrenic but wasn't diagnosed until she was in her thirties. Much of my memories of her are clouded by some incredibly strange and sometimes cruel things she does. I understand how it came about, but it is very difficult not to have those memories from all those years effect the way I interact with her, despite that she can mostly control her illness with medication now.

Mental illness can be so incredibly destructive to relationships. Even aside from the passing along of genetic predispositions, I think the effects of mental illness can echo down through many generations in a family.

 

[jacquie4000]

Mental illness can be so incredibly destructive to relationships. Even aside from the passing along of genetic predispositions, I think the effects of mental illness can echo down through many generations in a family.

I totally agree....On my moms side of the family severe depression and alcholism runs in the family. My mother and both of her sisters were binge alcoholics. My brother is also.

My whole life I wanted to change them, and found myself always defending myself against their antics. But I learned most of the time it was just not worth it. They have to want to get help. But it was not easy to deal with. Growing up my friends would not even pick me up at my house because of the violence that often occured growing up.
I have now come to deal with it much better.

 

[AllMantra]

I have history of severe depression as well as cocaine and opiate addiction. The depression came first, around age 13, and was semi-successfully treated with the well know SSRI Zoloft, though it even eventually needed supplementation with various mood stabilizers and ECT's. The drug abuse began around age 16, and severely complicated the treatments for depression, leading to heightened suicidal desires. I was hospitalized for the depression 5 times at a local mental hospital and went for addiction treatment twice, prior to living at a half way house for 6 months. The addiction is not an issue in my life now, thanks to 12 step programs and my spiritual walk there is a good chance it won't be one again. The depression, however, is a relentless beast that never remains subdued for long periods of time. My mother has been my best human support through my struggles, though there still exists a tremendous amount of misunderstanding, for it seems that the only way to have truly empathetic understanding is through someone who has had, as you said, mental problems. There is nothing I can say in this post right now to offer you much relief, though I feel that you have been hurting, and I can say that I relate. May peace be with you my friend! Please feel free to contact me via e-mail if you would like to talk personally. [email protected] --- By the way, aol really means "addicts on line".

 

[michel]

I totally agree....On my moms side of the family severe depression and alcholism runs in the family. My mother and both of her sisters were binge alcoholics. My brother is also.

My whole life I wanted to change them, and found myself always defending myself against their antics. But I learned most of the time it was just not worth it. They have to want to get help. But it was not easy to deal with. Growing up my friends would not even pick me up at my house because of the violence that often occured growing up.
I have now come to deal with it much better.

I am sorry to hear that...........

As it happens, I am a binge allcohilic.................whenever I manage to get to the stage of being 'in control' (which is virtually only acomplishable by total abtinence), a member of the family gets me to have a drink. They won't learn.

 

[jacquie4000]

As it happens, I am a binge allcohilic.................whenever I manage to get to the stage of being 'in control' (which is virtually only acomplishable by total abtinence), a member of the family gets me to have a drink. They won't learn.

Yes, I do understand I never ever drink with my mother or brother...My mom has gotten much better in recent years, but she is old. My brother has only gotten worse, But the are both extremely violent. I would rather deal with someone happy. They get depressed and drink and take their problems out on others.

Good luck Michel, If you ever want to talk I am here. I am more then willing to listen.
___________________________

 

[Hacker]

Alcoholism runs in the BOTH sides of my family, so as I was growing up, I was observed like a hawk!en:
*as I sit here with a slight headache from drinking the night before...sigh*
I tend to drink during celebrations,(and most of the time I get drunk) I wonder why that is.

 

[dbakerman76]

I suffer from severe depression. My family is understanding most of the time. There are times though where they just expect me to somehow turn it off and act "normal". Thankfully, those days are few and far between.

As for alcoholism, it runs in my family. Both of my parents are alcoholics. My father is recovering and my mom is on the verge of a forced recovery.

I rarely drink because of what I've seen it do to family members.

 

[Booko]

For those of you who suffer from mental problems, how are you (and your ilness) perceived by family members ?

My brother-in-law, who suffers from depression (since he was a late teen at least) has been treated by the family as the "black sheep" and "neer-do-well" for far too long, just because the family dynamic is NOT to talk about things. Only his mother knew his real problem, and the rest were left to assume he was just lazy and irresponsible and a drunkard. Well, gosh, when he was not on the medication he needed, alcohol was a means of self-medication. I feel he has been judged harshly rather than supported, though in the past few years that has (thankfully) changed.

For the past few years, I've suffered bouts of depression for several reasons that have since been fixed. It's not the same as suffering a lifetime with depression, because at least once we figured out what the problem was -- I knew there was an end in sight (and have since reached it...this year!)

It took me somewhere on 2 years to even realize that something was wrong, another year to find someone in the healing profession who could actually do something about it.

I don't think I've been as supported as well as I could have been by my family, but I find it impossible to blame them. If I didn't know what was going on myself, they could hardly be expected to know.

It was as if one year they had a wife and mom who was active and capable, and the next year there was this near-invalid on the sofa most of the week. Even looking back on it, it still seems surreal.

Are they supportive ? Do they actually validate the way you feel ?...do you think that they treat you as if there is nothing wrong with you - and then lash out because your reactions, your needs are so 'out of step' with what is expected ?

I've gotten clearer about what's going on with me and asking for what I need, so they know when I need support, and what form that support needs to take. I find it's absolutely critical to remind myself that my family and friends are not psychic, and I need to give them information about what's up and ask clearly for whatever I need.

There was a period of about a year when my husband needed some convincing that there was actually something wrong with me (the kids required little convincing -- more malleble minds I guess!). In some ways, he hid from the problem by hibernating up in his office. But with help from a mutual friend and our kinesiologist, he managed to come around and understand what was going on, and when he found there was some concrete action to take, he stopped hiding.

He's always been the most supportive when others are sick, which is both a good and bad thing. The good part is obvious. The bad part is, at times the only way I could get his attention is by...being sick. That only encourages me to be sicker, in a way, when sometimes I needed encouragement to get up and move around.

 

[standing_alone]

For those of you who suffer from mental problems, how are you (and your ilness) perceived by family members ?

Depends on the family member and if they even know. So that's three people (besides myself) who even know. My mother perceives me as weak and lazy. My dad doesn't think there's anything much wrong (which there probably really isn't). ...And I don't know how my brother percieves me. Maybe he doesn't even know. *shrugs*

Are they supportive ?

Meh, at times, I suppose.

Do they actually validate the way you feel ?...do you think that they treat you as if there is nothing wrong with you - and then lash out because your reactions, your needs are so 'out of step' with what is expected ?

Yeah, they treat me as if nothing is wrong with me. If I'm irritable about something, I'm just moody (and they go out of their way to ridicule me for that, then, like it's a joke) - regardless if they are doing something (purposely) that I aksed them not to do. Also, if I remove myself from situations that make me down or put me in a bad mood, like going somewhere else by myself instead of sitting around at family (dis)functions with loud, drunk, angry aunts and such, I am seen as "thinking I am above everyone else" or some other crap like that.