Manners

[Lightkeeper]

Are we teaching our children manners anymore? I see younger people calling older people by their first names. I have given gifts for which I have never received a thankyou note. Some kids interupt adults. Are manners going by the wayside and do you think they are important.

 

[Ceridwen018]

I think manners are important, and I want to someday teach my kids the same ones I've been taught. My mom makes my write thank you notes, and I'd never think of calling her by her first name, except in jest.

 

[standing_on_one_foot]

Hmm...you know, I recall seeing this complaint in the Odyssey somewhere...I think manners have been going to the wayside since they've been invented Not all kids are like this, I don't think, it's just the ones who are tend to stick in your memory. Or maybe manners really are going to the wayside, who knows? In adults too, come to think of it.

 

[standing_on_one_foot]

"and not once did her sense of tact desert her;
she behaved as you'd never hope to find
in one so young, not in a random meeting--
time and again the youngsters prove so flighty."
-Odysseus

Heh, found the quote...anyway, yeah, I'd say manners are important. They make getting along with other people easier to do, and the deity of your choice knows that can be hard enough as it is...And then manners when interacting with people on the computer are definitely ignored, no question there (except on here, of course ).

 

[Fluffy]

The thing is... if manners are totally ingrained into somebody then they lose all their meaning. Saying thank you or sorry becomes a habit rather than an expression of feeling.

Manners are very important because they lower friction between people on a day to day basis. However, to me they feel so hollow and unfeeling. Besides, when manners start to become expected, the action which should provoke them starts to lose meaning as well. Am I really just buying this gift so that I can be thanked? If not then why should it matter to me whether I am thanked or not.

Perhaps there is a level to which a relationship can get at which manners are no longer necessary since any action in that relationship is then heart felt. Between strangers and near strangers manners are important since neither person can be expected to accept the others customs straight away.

Like many things, manners have, in my opinion, been taken to a ludicrous level of importance and need to be emphasised less. Better to encourage the good will between people, then manners will come naturally rather than having to be artificially enforced all the time.

 

[Suzy]

Hello Lightkeeper.

I think that good manners are important. Everyone is so different though in what they believe to be important where manners are concerned.

For example.---- My sister in law would always tell her children off if they put their elbows on the table at dinner. But she would think nothing of her children walking in to there grandmothers kitchen,opening the cupboard and helping themselves to the biscuits with out even asking if it was ok to do so. Now I couldn't care less if my kids had let an elbow rest on the table(as long as they were not lying all over it)but I would have been very upset if they helped themselves to other peoples stuff without asking.

What I have also noticed as well,is that very often you will see a young person open a door for an elderly person,but I have actuely seen elderly people just let a door swing into the face of whoever is behind them.I must admit,that sort of thing realy winds me up

Sue

 

[Fluffy]

I agree with Suzy, manners should apply to everyone not just the few! For example Lightkeeper, I have no problem with a younger person calling an adult by their second name as long as this is reciprocated. The same goes for one interupting the other.

 

[cardero]

Lightkeeper writes: Are manners going by the wayside and do you think they are important.

I think it is important to express them if that is the kind of person you are but I do not think you should expect them from other people in return. The most important thing is that you are polite and considerate, not the showy or phoney display but from the heart.

 

[huajiro]

I have noticed that same thing. I see many kids oblivious to other people. They seem to think that they are the only ones on the planet.

I am very strict with my son. Many people would think that I am being selfish, and that I am making him behave to make life easier on me. I am only thinking of him. I don't want him to suffer, and I feel that these kids that have no manners suffer in the long run.

 

[Lightkeeper]

I have noticed that same thing. I see many kids oblivious to other people. They seem to think that they are the only ones on the planet.

I am very strict with my son. Many people would think that I am being selfish, and that I am making him behave to make life easier on me. I am only thinking of him. I don't want him to suffer, and I feel that these kids that have no manners suffer in the long run.

I always thought it was important to raise a child that other people liked and I think good manners is part of that scenario. I agree with you.

 

[fromthe heart]

I don't see anything wrong with kids calling someone by their first name if that's how this peerson wants to be addressed...I however taught my kids that saying Ms. or Mr. before the first name in these cases is more appropriate. It shows a respect for elders. I think manners says a lot about people. Most that use good manners are more likely to use them not out of just habit but respect...and there is nothing wrong with it being a habit...it's a good habit compared to seeing some small children using a certian finger behind someones back. As for thank you cards...I don't see where thank yous in this manner has anything to do with manners. If you give a gift is it your intent to be praised for doing it? or do you give a gift from the wanting to give that person something to brighten up their face in joy? I pick the latter. I don't wnat someone to lavish over me for doing something I wanted to do in the first place. Now on the other hand should I request something of someone say to take out the garbage for me I will immediately say thank you. I also don't necessairly expect someone to say your welcome to me in return although that would show respect in any case.


Kids don't have much respect for their elders anymore and manners go a long way in that. Having manners is a show of respect....it IS lacking in the younger set in this day and age.

 

[Fluffy]

I agree with you fromtheheart, plenty of kids have absolutly no respect for adults. However, a lot of kids, when asked to mind their manners, respond with more rebellion than growing in respect. As a kid I would say that the adults I respect the most are the ones who actually earn it rather than expect me to respect them.

Perhaps it is totally fair to expect respect from those younger than you... I just dont think that acting in this way will gain this respect.

 

[Scuba Pete]

Manners are a reflection of humility.

My daughter has very few "manners". It's not that she wasn't exposed to them or taught them, but she sees no need for them. Her world centers around HER.

My son is incredibly gracious. He uses "sir" and "mamm", "please" and "thank you" all the time. When I asked him about this, he pointed to me and said that's how I act. His has always been the "others centered" life.

The more we center on others and their needs, the more gracious we become.

 

[Bastet]

I don't see anything wrong with kids calling someone by their first name if that's how this peerson wants to be addressed...

I don't have a problem with this either...unless the adult is someone in authority - the kid's teacher or something. I don't think it's appropriate then.

As for thank you cards...I don't see where thank yous in this manner has anything to do with manners. If you give a gift is it your intent to be praised for doing it? or do you give a gift from the wanting to give that person something to brighten up their face in joy? I pick the latter. I don't wnat someone to lavish over me for doing something I wanted to do in the first place.

I agree with these thoughts...I don't write thank you cards for gifts I've received, and I don't consider it a lack of manners on my part. That's not to say that I don't thank the person who gave it to me...I just think it's overkill to then send them a card after the fact, when they already have my thanks in person. Personally, when I give a gift, I do it for the other person, not for me (although I do get a kick out of making someone's day - I love watching people open presents). I just don't expect a thank you card in return. Seems like a waste of good paper to me lol. The only times I have actually gone out of my way to write to someone and thank them for a gift, is when it has been sent to me in the mail from another state or country...and then it's usually within a proper letter or email anyway, not just a card saying "thanks for the gift".

As for manners in general, I don't think it costs anyone anything to say "please" and "thank you"...although it is something that is really lacking in people these days - and not just children. I work in a fast food restaurant, and very rarely do I actually get a "please" or "thank you" when I'm serving someone (child, adult, or elderly). It's "I want" or "give me". I put up with it for the most part, because I have to, but there was one guy I used to work with, who had the manners of a pig. Never said please or thank you, and when he spoke he barked like a dog (actually, he sounded like a cranky Scooby Doo). I was constantly making him use manners before I'd do anything he asked of me. Flat out refused to do anything for him if he didn't. We didn't get along lol. :162:

Lady_lazarus and I talk about our younger brother and sister, and how their manners and respect for other people's stuff is sorely lacking (mum has gone soft in her old age). They are now in their teens, but they've never really had manners. They used to jump all over lady_l's furniture when they were younger, and I babysat them both for a night recently, and my little brother went up to the fruit bowl and helped himself to an apricot without asking me first. Sure, he's my brother, but you don't just go help yourself to someone's food without asking first...to me that's just rude. If I'd said to them "help yourself to whatever", I wouldn't have minded, but he just walked in, went "ooh, apricots!", and took one and had it in his mouth before I could speak. I wouldn't have dared do something like that when I was a kid. I don't know, it may not seem like a big deal to some people, but I think simple manners like that should be drummed into kids when they're little (I know they were with me). Problem is, kids learn from adults, and a lot of adults aren't much better...:tsk:

 

[Simon the Cat]

I agree. My kids have pretty good manners- but boy is it embarrassing to explain the poor manners of adults. As for Net Doc - my daughter is a little harder to wrangle with - more likely to ignore/question authority etc.... but she still has manners because she understands that she doesn't like to be treated in a rude or rough way..... she has also been sent to her room for not saying please or thank you when asking for stuff (and for whining). It took exactly once for her to get that message through her head....

 

[EightyOne]

If you were to toss a coin in order to acheive either heads or tails, the result could theoretically be pre-determined by applying the principles of physics, etc.

Do you know the relationship between the adult and child? I generally like to address older individuals as "mister" or "miss" so-and-so, but I do know people who do not care for these titles and prefer to be called simply by their first name. Personally, I feel the same way in that I wish for people to skip the useless formalities and just say my name.

I have given gifts for which I have never received a thankyou note.

I find thank-you notes to also be a silly formality. Who really thinks they are so important that they need their "thank-you's" to be written out on some over-priced letterhead? Is it not enough to simply hear the words?

Some kids interupt adults.

That's a fair criticism, and the problem is certainly one that should be dealt with. And it is most definitely the fault of the parents for not properly socializing them

 

[Isis-Astoroth]

Sometimes, the lack of manners by some children is not their fault, but rather the fault of their parents. I have seen many parents who just let their children do what they want, regardless of their behaviour.

I would not call a family member, mr/mrs/miss/etc, in fact, with the eldest members of my family, a lot of the time I just avoid saying their name so that I do not offend them in any way.

 

[Zionic86]

TO the very original question. To see the answer you have to know what in fact manners are. Manners are a set of actions/customs set up by HUMANS . So you must also ask were manners ever important? EVER? you cannot make a conclusion . manners made by humans closeley resemble a set of morals originally set by god, which do infact matter .
SO manners are various persons personal preffrences on how to output gods morals with their output. Times change and people change. That voids any possibility of it mattering if manners matter . So the answer to your question is as always right at home with god. What matters isnt the manners, but the morals.

U notice how people in other countries deal with their kids mannerwise. They are much more strict, much more to the point than the timeout and ground you parents in america. Do you think they ever ask if manners are important anymore. no they will just beat the child senseless or something. THey love that kid and theres no blanket of deception hitting them. Whats hitting them is the claw of famine most likely. Since they have no money. But they never ask if manners matter. THey see into things we cant see into. We see into things they cant see into. With our wealth and luxuries we lose some happiness and we lose touch of our morals. With their low budget lives they are still given more happiness and have stronger touch of their morals. Everythings a big circle what goes up comes down and all this is stated in the bible, these concepts are described metephorically and have held true for all of existence so far and yet people are still blind. People here in america particularly . we are blinded with the luxuries. We are blinded with the luxuries. We are blinded with the luxuries. IF you know your blinded by the bright light of your luxuries put on your sun glasses so you know from the shade of your glasses that its just light blinding you. And with your sun glasses blocking the glare you can see the reality around you still, it will be a darkenned reality shaded with question and uncertainty, but with your sunglasses you can manage. Sun glasses come at a price tho. The price being this. Give up the temptation. A price is a take away from what there is. IN your pocket or in your world. Giveup temptation, Dont get lost , dont believe what you see without question from your own mind. This is called thinking for yourself. And now that this nation thinks with MTV and money and cars and ho's ... So many people are running around without sunglasses. This is why the country is as flawed as i say it is. This is the bottom line. If anyone is to say something else is the bottom line it is either going to be god satan or wrong. And if its wrong it will be a bottom line you made and messed up because the sunglasses arent on you. Put them on.

 

[Zionic86]

if your child doesnt show the needed morals and you love him. Love him enough to put aside everything. ANd make sure for yourself he learns what he needs to learn. Dont do what the laws tell you if t he laws wont allow it to be done with their ways. THat would be wrong. Not a sin, but a mistake on your part. And mistakes need to stop. bad ones do. and this one originates from bad, the mistake of not doing the right thing not slapping your child harmlessley with five fingers because you love him and dont want him to be hurt by things that really are painful. He can dispise you now. Let that happen It will only be for a little while untill he would realize how much good you did him and rejoice for the rest of his time that you did it. If you let him not dispize you now he will live the rest of his life dispising you for not slapping him. and that would be bad. IS this not the bottom line? Is not the bottom line the truth? Is not anything but the truth from the evil one. Is that not a quote from jesus? Do you not trust jesus?

 

[Scuba Pete]

Yo doggie,

Jesus I trust, but you give me the willies!

You seem to want to foster a relationship of fear between parent and child. Discipline is essential, but that should never be used as an excuse to berate or humiliate a child. EVER! Perfect love casts out fear. Instead of beating your child into submission, perhaps you should learn to lead them in love as our saviour did? Set the right example and then allow them the freedom to choose right and wrong.

Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. NIV