I posted a story right after tumble weed's comic on another thread, here:
http://www.religiousforums.com/park...t=15&sid=c25845e04635a22784b4807c26f05df5
Ok, so here is another random story, a little longer. It's very silly.
Santa, the Aliens, and Me
A funny thing happened to me the other day. On the other hand, it wasnt as funny as it was traumatic and horrific.
The other day, as I was lying in my backyard at three in the morning, I saw strange lights in the sky. Now, perhaps youre wondering, Eric, why were you lying naked in your backyard at three in the morning?. Well well, look who just walked into a trap: I never said I was naked, which means that you must have been
watching me at three in the morning while I was in my backyard. Now whos the weirdo?
And besides, I was
not naked. As far as why I was out there, well, just quit asking me and I promise not to tell anyone youre a stalker. Perhaps you think I just had too much to drink. Youre wrong though, and Ill tell you why: you can never have too much to drink.
Thats right. In fact experts recommend
at least eight full glasses of water
every day. All that water makes you have to go to the bathroom, and when youre out in the backyard its much quicker to just go in the bushes than to run all the way inside. That would explain why I was naked, if I had been. But I wasnt.
At any rate, I saw strange lights in the sky. I was immediately able to identify them as Unidentified Flying Objects. They were bright, white orbs that twinkled in the night sky, and there were millions of them. In addition to these, there was also a spaceship.
This spaceship hovered over me as I stared up at it. It looked like a large trashcan with lights, and it sounded like a diesel engine. Then the craft took off without a trace. After its thick smoke trail cleared away, it returned and abducted me.
On board the craft, the aliens greeted me in their native tongue. At least, thats what they would have done if they had tongues. But they were aliens.
Greetings, one of the aliens said.
Hi, I replied.
We dont normally do this, another alien said.
Do what?
Pick up hitchhikers. After hearing this, I tried to explain to them that I wasnt a hitchhiker, but they got all embarrassed and defensive, and kept bringing up the fact that their civilization is way more advanced than mine, and that they do not have the follies of mankinds nuclear weapons, hunger, and war. I just shrugged and said At least on my planet, we know whos a hitchhiker and whos not.
At that point, we all felt a bump, as if the ship had hit something (Actually the aliens felt it a little before it happened, since their species has evolved precognition. They made sure to point this out to me later--talk about stuck up.). The aliens and I looked out the cockpit viewing port and there, clinging to the glass, I beheld none other than Santa Clause himself.
I helped the aliens haul Santa on board, though there was no sign of his reindeer or his sleigh.
Santa, I had no idea you were black, I said.
Yeah, and why does that matter? he replied, defensively.
Oh, it doesnt matter at all--I mean, I just always sort of pictured you differently, thats all...I didnt realize you might be of a different race, I stammered. Santa smiled.
Were all the same race, my boy--the human race, he said. At this, one of the aliens cleared his throat loudly. Oh...right, Santa said, embarrassed.
After Santa and the aliens exchanged insurance information, they dropped me off in my backyard. The aliens gave me their mind-reading xenon crystal because they said they felt bad about the whole abduction thing. I think they were just trying to show off.
Good did come out of the horrifying experience. I got to meet Santa, plus now I can see inside peoples' minds. Thats right, even yours. Oh, imagining the middle finger...
real mature of you.
THE END
