Love is simple, but it's sometimes seen as or made complex

[PoetPhilosopher]

Love is simple.

That's what I believe, even though there are many forms of love that make things look complex. There is romantic love, platonic love, familial love, self-love, and more.

But sometimes, I feel that people overcomplicate love. They set unrealistic expectations, they play games, they doubt themselves and others, they fear rejection or commitment, and they lose sight of whatever might matter. They forget that love can be simple.

Love is a feeling, a connection, and/or a bond. It's not something that can easily be measured or quantified. It's not something that should be forced or manipulated. It's not something that can necessarily be defined easily by rules or labels.

Love is simple, but it's also powerful. It can inspire us, motivate us, heal and transform people, etc. It can make us do things we never thought possible. It can make us feel things we never thought we could feel.

And maybe, the initiation of love is based on instinct (and thus simple in that way too). Maybe we are wired to seek love, to give love, and to receive love. Maybe we are drawn to certain people because of some primal attraction, some innate compatibility, some mysterious chemistry. Maybe we don't need to overthink it or overanalyze it. Maybe we just need to follow our hearts and trust our guts. But that requires vulnerability. And vulnerability requires emotional strength and emotional endurance.

Love in its purest form is simple. And that's one of the things that makes it so beautiful.

So, as I told @dybmh , love can be simple, but not easy.

The idea that love is complex often comes with adding baggage to it.

However, as was suggested to me, there is some necessity to control it in some situations.

This may involve tempering it with rationality, etc.

I agree, though, after more reflection - that love can also be potent. It can be a firework.

 

[Stevicus]

Love is simple.

That's what I believe, even though there are many forms of love that make things look complex. There is romantic love, platonic love, familial love, self-love, and more.

View attachment 81641

But sometimes, I feel that people overcomplicate love. They set unrealistic expectations, they play games, they doubt themselves and others, they fear rejection or commitment, and they lose sight of whatever might matter. They forget that love can be simple.

Love is a feeling, a connection, and/or a bond. It's not something that can easily be measured or quantified. It's not something that should be forced or manipulated. It's not something that can necessarily be defined easily by rules or labels.

Love is simple, but it's also powerful. It can inspire us, motivate us, heal and transform people, etc. It can make us do things we never thought possible. It can make us feel things we never thought we could feel.

And maybe, the initiation of love is based on instinct (and thus simple in that way too). Maybe we are wired to seek love, to give love, and to receive love. Maybe we are drawn to certain people because of some primal attraction, some innate compatibility, some mysterious chemistry. Maybe we don't need to overthink it or overanalyze it. Maybe we just need to follow our hearts and trust our guts. But that requires vulnerability. And vulnerability requires emotional strength and emotional endurance.

Love in its purest form is simple. And that's one of the things that makes it so beautiful.

So, as I told @dybmh , love can be simple, but not easy.

The idea that love is complex often comes with adding baggage to it.

However, as was suggested to me, there is some necessity to control it in some situations.

This may involve tempering it with rationality, etc.

I agree, though, after more reflection - that love can also be a firework.

Interesting. I was wondering where love of one's car or a love of coffee might fit on that chart.

I've observed that love can be volatile sometimes. It's changeable. Sometimes it can become jealousy or even hatred. Sometimes love makes people do strange things.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

I've observed that love can be volatile sometimes. It's changeable. Sometimes it can become jealousy or even hatred. Sometimes love makes people do strange things.

I think part of the problem is that a lot of people don't believe in demonstrating love in its purest form. This can result in it getting mixed with hatred, fear, etc.

 

[dybmh]

Love in its purest form is simple. Love is a feeling, a connection, and/or a bond.

I read all that you wrote. I define it a little differently, but that doesn't matter. It's basically the same thing. The connection, in my view is complicated. For example, as I mentioned in the other thread, unrequited love makes the connection complicated. But even for people who love each other, the connection between them is going to be complex.

Or maybe there's a more simple way to describe it rather than a feeling, a connection and/or a bond?

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Or maybe there's a more simple way to describe it rather than a feeling, a connection and/or a bond?

Maybe with the term: "Emotional attachment"

 

[dybmh]

Maybe with the term: "Emotional attachment"

When the attachment is simple, what separates it (love) from infatuation?

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

When the attachment is simple, what separates it (love) from infatuation?

Good question.

I'd need some more time to think about that.

 

[anna.]

When the attachment is simple, what separates it (love) from infatuation?

Time?

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

When the attachment is simple, what separates it (love) from infatuation?

Okay, I'm ready to give my answer:

Love is based on reality, while infatuation is at least partially based on fantasy.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Okay, I'm ready to give my answer:

Love is based on reality, while infatuation is at least partially based on fantasy.

An example of infatuation being based on fantasy is the infatuation with celebrities.

 

[JustGeorge]

Okay, I'm ready to give my answer:

Love is based on reality, while infatuation is at least partially based on fantasy.

Is it, though?

Its not uncommon for a person to say "I thought I knew [fill in name]!"

Some characteristic comes out, and they feel they no longer love the person.

And why couldn't a person love a celebrity? Most often, you come across those crushes based on sexual infatuation, but perhaps a person becomes enamored with some other aspect/s of them(their charitability, their humor, their ethics), and develops into an appreciation that turns to love.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Is it, though?

Its not uncommon for a person to say "I thought I knew [fill in name]!"

Some characteristic comes out, and they feel they no longer love the person.

Which actually shows that love is based on reality, IMO.

Remove the reality, and it shakes up love.

And why couldn't a person love a celebrity? Most often, you come across those crushes based on sexual infatuation, but perhaps a person becomes enamored with some other aspect/s of them(their charitability, their humor, their ethics), and develops into an appreciation that turns to love.

It's hard to love a celebrity when you don't really know what they're like in their personal life. They're probably way different than that idea people form of them.

This sometimes plays out when a person meets their favorite celebrity, asks them for an autograph, and are devastated to be turned down.

 

[JustGeorge]

Which actually shows that love is based on reality, IMO.

Remove the reality, and it shakes up love.

Is any love ever based on reality, though? Who really knows anybody? And we change all the time...

It's hard to love a celebrity when you don't really know what they're like in their personal life. They're probably way different than that idea people form of them.

This sometimes plays out when a person meets their favorite celebrity, asks them for an autograph, and are devastated to be turned down.

I agree, its hard, unlikely, and uncommon. I don't think its impossible, though.

And then there's the idea that perhaps a person loves this or that celebrity, but instead of getting 'flamed up'(as is common), they maintain a gentle love from afar, knowing that it'll never be fulfilled.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Is any love ever based on reality, though? Who really knows anybody? And we change all the time...

I'd say a part of pure love is respecting personal autonomy. This is a very hard one. Because it means respecting a person who disconnects from their partner and/or moves on.

And then there's the idea that perhaps a person loves this or that celebrity, but instead of getting 'flamed up'(as is common), they maintain a gentle love from afar, knowing that it'll never be fulfilled

Since I believe that you need a concept of reality for pure love, I'd say it's technically possible to have one for a celebrity, and feel love for them. However, with so much misinformation in the news and regarding celebrities, that's a hard one, too.

But, you may be right. Though there exists a form of infatuation that involves fantasy for celebrities, it may technically be possible for some to take a reality concept, and love a celebrity from afar.

 

[Whateverist]

My favorite quote regarding love comes from Tom Robbins' Still Life with Woodpecker:

“When the mystery of the connection goes, love goes. It’s that simple. This suggests that it isn’t love that is so important to us but the mystery itself. The love connection may be merely a device to put us in contact with the mystery, and we long for love to last so that the ecstacy of being near the mystery will last. It is contrary to the nature of mystery to stand still. Yet it’s always there, somewhere, a world on the other side of the mirror (or the Camel pack), a promise in the next pair of eyes that smile at us. We glimpse it when we stand still.
The romance of new love, the romance of solitude, the romance of objecthood, the romance of ancient pyramids and distant stars are means of making contact with the mystery. When it comes to perpetuating it, however, I got no advice. But I can and will remind you of two of the most important facts I know:

1. Everything is part of it.
2. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Okay, I'm ready to give my answer:

Love is based on reality, while infatuation is at least partially based on fantasy.

I'd like to make this definition tighter, to say:

Love is based on a concept of reality. Infatuation is based mostly on fantasy.

 

[Whateverist]

But sometimes, I feel that people overcomplicate love. They set unrealistic expectations, they play games, they doubt themselves and others, they fear rejection or commitment, and they lose sight of whatever might matter. They forget that love can be simple.

Yes, I agree. Too many times it seems that any possible relationship starts as a set of negotiations regarding what each party will invest and what they expect back. People articulate a detailed (but usually shallow) 'type' they are looking for. Then everyone they only inspect any actual person for signs of fitting or failing to fit that type.

People seem to regard love as a great thing to receive. Oh, if only he/she would fall in love with me. But being the one inspired to love has so much more to be grateful for than the person who receives declarations of love from someone else.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

Yes, I agree. Too many times it seems that any possible relationship starts as a set of negotiations regarding what each party will invest and what they expect back. People articulate a detailed (but usually shallow) 'type' they are looking for. Then everyone they only inspect any actual person for signs of fitting or failing to fit that type.

People seem to regard love as a great thing to receive. Oh, if only he/she would fall in love with me. But being the one inspired to love has so much more to be grateful for than the person who receives declarations of love from someone else.

I agree.

 

[Link]

There are these four components to love:

Valuing
Attachment
Relationship
Emotion

They all morph depending on the object and how those four apply.

 

[dybmh]

I'd like to make this definition tighter, to say:

Love is based on a concept of reality. Infatuation is based mostly on fantasy.

What is happening when infatuation becomes love? I'm thinking the connection becomes more complex, because details that are discovered enhance the connection and reinforce it. The addition of detail, shifting from fantasy to reality, is increasing complexity?