Spirit of Light
Be who ever you want
Over the last year i have noticed that a lot of my memories from my childhood is coming back This is memories i on purpose "locked" from my memory when i was younger, due to many years of being bullied, having parents that was sick a lot of my younger teenager years until young adulthood. And having a brother that was dominating me always.
The problem i did have (solved now) is that in the prosess of blocking off the negativity, it happend that i blocked out a lot of the good that happend in life too.
But since both my parents now has passed away and i made the choice back in 2017 to leave my brother and refuse him to find me. (he have been diagnosed as a psychopath), i have been able to be more and more in tune with whom i truly am. And yes some of this prosess have been visible here in RF with my transision within my personal beliefs. (i have been maybe to open from time to time)
My past can also explain why i have sometimes answered with anger in discussion in RF too. not that it is an excuse for words i may have said in anger.
But when i now look at pictures from my childhood, the picture is not just a picture, i do now remember the situation outside of the photo. I stating to remember places i been and whom i was there with at the time.
The drawback is that i remember also those horrible situations fromm the bullying at school, I used to remember the very first day at school when i was 7 years old, then the next thing i used to remember was year 6 or 7 in school. but now i have memories from the other years too, and what i did in those years
I think i mentions before that i have fully forgiven everyone of the guys who bullied me, so even the memories that now shows up in my mind from time to time is hurtful to "watch" i know deep within my heart that i forgave those actions years ago. And I have met some of the guy later on, not that i have any of them as my friends, but if one day i meet them, i would be happy to have a coffee with them.
Why do this memories only become open to me now? I believe this is due to that i now live alone, and have a lot of time to think and ponder about my life. and that i am not scared of it anymore.
I do not say my life is perfect (i do not think it ever will be) But i have at least peace within me now.
The best medicine i found was to take one day at the time
The problem i did have (solved now) is that in the prosess of blocking off the negativity, it happend that i blocked out a lot of the good that happend in life too.
But since both my parents now has passed away and i made the choice back in 2017 to leave my brother and refuse him to find me. (he have been diagnosed as a psychopath), i have been able to be more and more in tune with whom i truly am. And yes some of this prosess have been visible here in RF with my transision within my personal beliefs. (i have been maybe to open from time to time)
My past can also explain why i have sometimes answered with anger in discussion in RF too. not that it is an excuse for words i may have said in anger.
But when i now look at pictures from my childhood, the picture is not just a picture, i do now remember the situation outside of the photo. I stating to remember places i been and whom i was there with at the time.
The drawback is that i remember also those horrible situations fromm the bullying at school, I used to remember the very first day at school when i was 7 years old, then the next thing i used to remember was year 6 or 7 in school. but now i have memories from the other years too, and what i did in those years
I think i mentions before that i have fully forgiven everyone of the guys who bullied me, so even the memories that now shows up in my mind from time to time is hurtful to "watch" i know deep within my heart that i forgave those actions years ago. And I have met some of the guy later on, not that i have any of them as my friends, but if one day i meet them, i would be happy to have a coffee with them.
Why do this memories only become open to me now? I believe this is due to that i now live alone, and have a lot of time to think and ponder about my life. and that i am not scared of it anymore.
I do not say my life is perfect (i do not think it ever will be) But i have at least peace within me now.
The best medicine i found was to take one day at the time