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Lost memories from childhood coming back.

Discussion in 'Journals' started by Conscious thoughts, Apr 8, 2021 at 1:56 AM.

  1. Conscious thoughts

    Conscious thoughts Veteran Member

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    Over the last year i have noticed that a lot of my memories from my childhood is coming back :) This is memories i on purpose "locked" from my memory when i was younger, due to many years of being bullied, having parents that was sick a lot of my younger teenager years until young adulthood. And having a brother that was dominating me always.

    The problem i did have (solved now) is that in the prosess of blocking off the negativity, it happend that i blocked out a lot of the good that happend in life too.
    But since both my parents now has passed away and i made the choice back in 2017 to leave my brother and refuse him to find me. (he have been diagnosed as a psychopath), i have been able to be more and more in tune with whom i truly am. And yes some of this prosess have been visible here in RF with my transision within my personal beliefs. (i have been maybe to open from time to time)
    My past can also explain why i have sometimes answered with anger in discussion in RF too. not that it is an excuse for words i may have said in anger.

    But when i now look at pictures from my childhood, the picture is not just a picture, i do now remember the situation outside of the photo. I stating to remember places i been and whom i was there with at the time.
    The drawback is that i remember also those horrible situations fromm the bullying at school, I used to remember the very first day at school when i was 7 years old, then the next thing i used to remember was year 6 or 7 in school. but now i have memories from the other years too, and what i did in those years :)

    I think i mentions before that i have fully forgiven everyone of the guys who bullied me, so even the memories that now shows up in my mind from time to time is hurtful to "watch" i know deep within my heart that i forgave those actions years ago. And I have met some of the guy later on, not that i have any of them as my friends, but if one day i meet them, i would be happy to have a coffee with them.

    Why do this memories only become open to me now? I believe this is due to that i now live alone, and have a lot of time to think and ponder about my life. and that i am not scared of it anymore.
    I do not say my life is perfect (i do not think it ever will be) But i have at least peace within me now.

    The best medicine i found was to take one day at the time :)
     
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  2. Isolde Schulz

    Isolde Schulz Member

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    They may only surface now as part of the emergence of repressed memories. But it's a good sign because there was a trigger toward something better. Nature often happens that way despite the contradictory signs.
     
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  3. rocala

    rocala Active Member

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    Families, they really get inside your head @Conscious thoughts, don't they? I was lucky, my grandparents took me in as a baby and gave me a firm base with lots of love. Only yesterday, a rare chat with my sisters, but I heard issues there. I am in my mid-sixties now, yet I struggle at times to make sense of what this little boy experienced.
     
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  4. Conscious thoughts

    Conscious thoughts Veteran Member

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    I would say i really loved my parents :) unfortunatly they become ill with cancer way to early in life. But even i have forgiven my own brother for past issues, i have desided that it is best to stay away. The strange thing is that I live less than 20 miles away from him. And still not seen him once since 2017. But it is better this way :)
     
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  5. Unveiled Artist

    Unveiled Artist My baby niece

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    I wonder if part of how you view your spiritual journey also includes making reconciliation and acts of forgiveness (whether to the other party and/or of yourself) of past events and sorrowful memories that may block your progress?

    In my opinion, maybe there are things in your memory that "may" be addressed if they, without you knowing it, are blocking or slowing your spiritual growth and relationship with god. I'd say probably only if there are experience(s) that you haven't reconciled and that's probably why they are popping up. Others that you rarely think of, may not need to be dig up only because the body doesn't know the difference in time so if you experienced something traumatic in the past and you dig it up, your body would experience it the same as if it were when it happened.

    But in general, and on a lighter note, maybe that's something to look into?

    I ask because I'm in the process of that myself, and wondering if that may help.
     
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  6. Conscious thoughts

    Conscious thoughts Veteran Member

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    Thank you for asking @Unveiled Artist

    I think that what still lay hidden within those parts that is still locked for me (from the past) is the answers to my spiritual path for sure :) And what i did "wrong" in the past when i wanted to look in to my forgotten past memories was that i pushed my self to hard, and it only created a bigger stronger block :)

    Since i moved in to a new home in November 2020 i have experienced to become a lot more aware of my good sides and also of my less good sides. I am more confident in my self, and do not back off as easy as before.
    But if i get offended or hurt i do forgive others very easy, not so much of forgiving my self yet :)

    The hidden/forgotten memories may also popp up more easy now when i am alone, since i have more time to reflex on it when it happens. From i was 15 years old (1992) until last year i was always taking care of people around me, and less of me as a person.

    So to have time to one self to reflect on life does open some doors if one dare to let it happen :)
     
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