I also had a lot of depression in my life and still have a predisposition to it. This might sound silly but what I blamed God for was all my beloved cats that died, there were so many. It did not help that my older brother had told me God was punishing me and trying to make me realize the cats were not that important and I needed to be a better Baha'i. Well, needless to say, when I finally decided to turn to God through the Baha'i Faith I got on a Baha'i forum and talked to Baha'is who were aghast at what my brother had told me, saying that was a misinterpretation of the Baha'i Writings. It took a lot of undoing to realize that God was not deliberately punishing me, but rather I had a lot of Persian cats and they had serious genetic problems and when I bred them that was passed down unbeknownst to me.
Now we only have 10 cats and I think all of them who had genetic heart and kidney defects have passed on. But even when I think about it now, I am livid at God for all that suffering I have endured. I cannot seem to help connecting God with the suffering; even now when I lose a cat I rage at God and it takes a while before I am able to recover. But the recovery time is less now, and a part of me knows I am wrong so I do recover, unlike in the past when I was suicidal and ended up in urgent care. No counselors or drugs ever helped me but when I finally broke down and turned to God, things started to improve. I now just accept the fact that cats will get sick and die eventually but I do not have to like it.
Why did God have to create a world that is a storehouse of suffering, unevenly distributed suffering? Well, hopefully I will understand it better after I die and enter the World of Lights.
Well, it is good to meet a Christian who does not buy that Christian doctrine.
I was beginning to feel hopeless, like I would never meet one.
I am sure glad you and God found each other, I am still working on that.