Hurting so bad

[crossfire]

My condolences.

 

[Hold]

The Blessed Lord said:

“Those who are wise lament neither for the living nor for the dead. Never was there a time when I did not exist, nor you, nor in the future shall any of us cease to be. That which pervades the entire body, know it to be indestructible. No one is able to destroy that imperishable soul. For the soul there is neither birth nor death at any time. It has not come into being, does not come into being, and will not come into being. It is unborn, eternal, ever-existing and primeval. It does not die when the body dies. That which dwells in the body can never die. The soul does not feel pain or sorrow; it knows nothing of suffering.” - The Bhagavad Gita

Ziva, June 6, 2009 - September 9, 2022.



"The soul does not feel pain or sorrow; it knows nothing of suffering". No, but we embodied beings do. I am not a wise person, I am weak, I am hurting badly. I know the verses and I recite them repeatedly but I am not wise, I am weak.

The Blessed Lord said:

“Those who are wise lament neither for the living nor for the dead. Never was there a time when I did not exist, nor you, nor in the future shall any of us cease to be. That which pervades the entire body, know it to be indestructible. No one is able to destroy that imperishable soul. For the soul there is neither birth nor death at any time. It has not come into being, does not come into being, and will not come into being. It is unborn, eternal, ever-existing and primeval. It does not die when the body dies. That which dwells in the body can never die. The soul does not feel pain or sorrow; it knows nothing of suffering.” - The Bhagavad Gita

Ziva, June 6, 2009 - September 9, 2022.

"The soul does not feel pain or sorrow; it knows nothing of suffering". No, but we embodied beings do. I am not a wise person, I am weak, I am hurting badly. I know the verses and I recite them repeatedly but I am not wise, I am weak.

She was 13, she had diabetes, was mostly blind. She began losing weight, her eating was becoming inconsistent and picky. Some days she ate like a Marine, other days she ate nothing. But she needed to eat to get her insulin. Some days we gave the insulin anyway at the regular time, sometimes a half dose.

Last week I saw ketones in her urine for the first time in three years. I thought it was a fluke because she was drinking water, peeing, eating some food and getting insulin. That should have eliminated the ketones. She was acting normally, though ... getting around the house, playing with her toys, cuddling with me in the recliner then falling asleep with me with a blanket. She particularly liked cuddling under my beard.

But I was getting increasingly "anxietous" (I made up that word) and getting a bad feeling. I went to work yesterday and was "anxietous" all day, expecting a call from my husband that something was wrong. In the morning I had to coax and plead with her to eat. She did eat some chicken from my fingers. But I was on edge. She always took a nap in the afternoon with my husband. When I came home from work he woke up and I didn't like the way she looked. I didn't see her breathing, I always looked closely at her breathing. He said she had just moved to change sleeping positions. I picked her up and got no response, she was gone. I cuddled her and cried. She was only slightly cool, so I want to think she waited for me so she could leave her body.

We took her to the vet in a blanket for cremation, along with her "quack quack", a little plush squeaky duck that was her current favorite toy. I put it in her arms so she could cuddle it. We'll get her ashes back next week. I feel like I got gut-punched. I knew this day was coming but I didn't expect it to be yesterday. Her brother left us last year, they were together since birth. I'm sure he's been waiting for her and watching over her, he was very protective of her.

oṃ tryámbakaṃ yajāmahe sugandhíṃ puṣṭi-vardhánam
urvārukam íva bandhánān mṛtyor mukṣīya mā 'mṛtā́t
oṁ śāntiḥ śāntiḥ śāntiḥ

A prayer to Lord Shiva to remove our fear of death and grant us mokṣa:

"We sacrifice to Tryambaka [a name of Lord Shiva] the fragrant, increaser of prosperity.
Like a cucumber from its stem, might I be freed from death, not from deathlessness."

She was 13, she had diabetes, was mostly blind. She began losing weight, her eating was becoming inconsistent and picky. Some days she ate like a Marine, other days she ate nothing. But she needed to eat to get her insulin. Some days we gave the insulin anyway at the regular time, sometimes a half dose.

Last week I saw ketones in her urine for the first time in three years. I thought it was a fluke because she was drinking water, peeing, eating some food and getting insulin. That should have eliminated the ketones. She was acting normally, though ... getting around the house, playing with her toys, cuddling with me in the recliner then falling asleep with me with a blanket. She particularly liked cuddling under my beard.

But I was getting increasingly "anxietous" (I made up that word) and getting a bad feeling. I went to work yesterday and was "anxietous" all day, expecting a call from my husband that something was wrong. In the morning I had to coax and plead with her to eat. She did eat some chicken from my fingers. But I was on edge. She always took a nap in the afternoon with my husband. When I came home from work he woke up and I didn't like the way she looked. I didn't see her breathing, I always looked closely at her breathing. He said she had just moved to change sleeping positions. I picked her up and got no response, she was gone. I cuddled her and cried. She was only slightly cool, so I want to think she waited for me so she could leave her body.

We took her to the vet in a blanket for cremation, along with her "quack quack", a little plush squeaky duck that was her current favorite toy. I put it in her arms so she could cuddle it. We'll get her ashes back next week. I feel like I got gut-punched. I knew this day was coming but I didn't expect it to be yesterday. Her brother left us last year, they were together since birth. I'm sure he's been waiting for her and watching over her, he was very protective of her.

oṃ tryámbakaṃ yajāmahe sugandhíṃ puṣṭi-vardhánam
urvārukam íva bandhánān mṛtyor mukṣīya mā 'mṛtā́t
oṁ śāntiḥ śāntiḥ śāntiḥ

A prayer to Lord Shiva to remove our fear of death and grant us mokṣa:

"We sacrifice to Tryambaka [a name of Lord Shiva] the fragrant, increaser of prosperity.
Like a cucumber from its stem, might I be freed from death, not from deathlessness."

I know that pain.....I still can choke up 25 yrs. after my first experience of making that decision that had to made...I pray your grief diminishes .....

 

[SomeRandom]

 

[MonkeyFire]

There is an omnipotent force behind the creation and destruction of beings in our world that can’t be created itself, but it can come into our world as one of an infinite amount of selfless human avatars of a god, or an angel. It can come into this world in the flesh, but each avatar can only exist once then it must return to the fire which it came from.

 

[Trailblazer]

The Blessed Lord said:

“Those who are wise lament neither for the living nor for the dead. Never was there a time when I did not exist, nor you, nor in the future shall any of us cease to be. That which pervades the entire body, know it to be indestructible. No one is able to destroy that imperishable soul. For the soul there is neither birth nor death at any time. It has not come into being, does not come into being, and will not come into being. It is unborn, eternal, ever-existing and primeval. It does not die when the body dies. That which dwells in the body can never die. The soul does not feel pain or sorrow; it knows nothing of suffering.” - The Bhagavad Gita

Ziva, June 6, 2009 - September 9, 2022.

"The soul does not feel pain or sorrow; it knows nothing of suffering". No, but we embodied beings do. I am not a wise person, I am weak, I am hurting badly. I know the verses and I recite them repeatedly but I am not wise, I am weak.

She was 13, she had diabetes, was mostly blind. She began losing weight, her eating was becoming inconsistent and picky. Some days she ate like a Marine, other days she ate nothing. But she needed to eat to get her insulin. Some days we gave the insulin anyway at the regular time, sometimes a half dose.

Last week I saw ketones in her urine for the first time in three years. I thought it was a fluke because she was drinking water, peeing, eating some food and getting insulin. That should have eliminated the ketones. She was acting normally, though ... getting around the house, playing with her toys, cuddling with me in the recliner then falling asleep with me with a blanket. She particularly liked cuddling under my beard.

But I was getting increasingly "anxietous" (I made up that word) and getting a bad feeling. I went to work yesterday and was "anxietous" all day, expecting a call from my husband that something was wrong. In the morning I had to coax and plead with her to eat. She did eat some chicken from my fingers. But I was on edge. She always took a nap in the afternoon with my husband. When I came home from work he woke up and I didn't like the way she looked. I didn't see her breathing, I always looked closely at her breathing. He said she had just moved to change sleeping positions. I picked her up and got no response, she was gone. I cuddled her and cried. She was only slightly cool, so I want to think she waited for me so she could leave her body.

We took her to the vet in a blanket for cremation, along with her "quack quack", a little plush squeaky duck that was her current favorite toy. I put it in her arms so she could cuddle it. We'll get her ashes back next week. I feel like I got gut-punched. I knew this day was coming but I didn't expect it to be yesterday. Her brother left us last year, they were together since birth. I'm sure he's been waiting for her and watching over her, he was very protective of her.

oṃ tryámbakaṃ yajāmahe sugandhíṃ puṣṭi-vardhánam
urvārukam íva bandhánān mṛtyor mukṣīya mā 'mṛtā́t
oṁ śāntiḥ śāntiḥ śāntiḥ

A prayer to Lord Shiva to remove our fear of death and grant us mokṣa:

"We sacrifice to Tryambaka [a name of Lord Shiva] the fragrant, increaser of prosperity.
Like a cucumber from its stem, might I be freed from death, not from deathlessness."

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how it feels to lose a beloved animal as I have lost 30 cats in the last 20 years.
It was never easy since I loved them all.

 

[Aupmanyav]

After his passing away, we have not kept any pet. Parting is painful.

 

[Jainarayan]

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how it feels to lose a beloved animal as I have lost 30 cats in the last 20 years.
It was never easy since I loved them all.

No, it isn’t easy. I had two little rescue ferrets. I was furious with the previous owners who got rid of them because they were old (for ferrets) and dying. The veterinarian told me they see that every day but that the little girls were where they were supposed to be to finish their lives … with me. I had one for 4 months and another for 6 weeks but I cried when they were gone.

 

[Jainarayan]

After his passing away, we have not kept any pet. Parting is painful.

My husband talked about getting another dog if and when Ziva left us. I said absolutely positively unquestionably unequivocally categorically “NO!!!” I love dogs, I can’t express how much I love dogs but I cannot go through it anymore. I know there are animals that need homes but I cannot save the world. I don’t have the $$ resources or mental or physical energy anymore. I’m torn up inside, trying to go back over when I should have noticed her beginning to fail… and why did I hesitate … why didn’t I … should I have ? [insert any past participle].

 

[Jainarayan]

Call this Frank's descent in delusion and madness, or just something sweet when losing a pet. I got a letter from Ziva today telling me everything's ok, and she arrived safely.

Dear Daddies,

It’s me Ziva. I know you’re sad because I left but please don’t be sad. I was happy and loved my home and loved having you for my Daddies, and I know you loved me lots. But my body was getting sick, and it was time for me to go. I know you did everything you could to help me.

It’s really nice here. There’s grass, trees, flowers. Tyson and Christian are here with me. We run and play again like we used to. There’s no sickness, sadness, or pain. We don’t have to take any nasty medicines or worry about getting hurt. There’s lots of new friends, we have toys, we get lots of treats and have fun. Some of us bring toys with us but if anyone didn’t bring toys everyone shares theirs with everyone else. Everyone plays all the time, then we take naps. The sun shines all the time. It’s always warm, sunny, and breezy here, like the day on Earth when Tyson came here.

I met God. Everyone meets him. He’s really nice. He loves us all and takes care of us and makes sure we’re happy. He looks just like everyone pictures him. He tries not to show when he’s sad because someone had a bad life on Earth, but everything is better here. It makes him happy that we’re better. He said that someday we’ll all be together again with our families, and no one will be sad.

It’s time for a nap, so I’m going to go for now.

Love, Ziva.

 

[Trailblazer]

Call this Frank's descent in delusion and madness, or just something sweet when losing a pet. I got a letter from Ziva today telling me everything's ok, and she arrived safely.

Dear Daddies,

It’s me Ziva. I know you’re sad because I left but please don’t be sad. I was happy and loved my home and loved having you for my Daddies, and I know you loved me lots. But my body was getting sick, and it was time for me to go. I know you did everything you could to help me.

It’s really nice here. There’s grass, trees, flowers. Tyson and Christian are here with me. We run and play again like we used to. There’s no sickness, sadness, or pain. We don’t have to take any nasty medicines or worry about getting hurt. There’s lots of new friends, we have toys, we get lots of treats and have fun. Some of us bring toys with us but if anyone didn’t bring toys everyone shares theirs with everyone else. Everyone plays all the time, then we take naps. The sun shines all the time. It’s always warm, sunny, and breezy here, like the day on Earth when Tyson came here.

I met God. Everyone meets him. He’s really nice. He loves us all and takes care of us and makes sure we’re happy. He looks just like everyone pictures him. He tries not to show when he’s sad because someone had a bad life on Earth, but everything is better here. It makes him happy that we’re better. He said that someday we’ll all be together again with our families, and no one will be sad.

It’s time for a nap, so I’m going to go for now.

Love, Ziva.

There is nothing crazy about it. I have been communicating with my cats that have passed on to the spiritual world for over 20 years. I don't know how to communicate myself so I use an animal communicator who facilitates the communication.

I have not communicated with every cat that has passes on, only certain ones, when I felt an urgent need to know something. One of the first cats I communicated to was a Chinchilla Persian named Titu and she was 19 when she passed. Through the communicator Titu told me what had happened to her body, describing the growth of a tumor. I never told the communicator anything so how could she have known? We had thought she died of kidney failure, but it was not only kidney failure, it was also cancer, and this was later confirmed by a necropsy.

Other cats have also described exactly how their bodies failed, what organs were affected and in what order, which was exactly what had happened to them according to the vet. I never told the animal communicator any of this, it just came through when she communicated to the cat.
By the way, all of my cats have said something similar to what Ziva said. It is nice here, don't be sad. They do not want us to be sad because they care about us. They know that are just fine and they want us to know that too.

 

[Trailblazer]

My husband talked about getting another dog if and when Ziva left us. I said absolutely positively unquestionably unequivocally categorically “NO!!!” I love dogs, I can’t express how much I love dogs but I cannot go through it anymore. I know there are animals that need homes but I cannot save the world. I don’t have the $$ resources or mental or physical energy anymore. I’m torn up inside, trying to go back over when I should have noticed her beginning to fail… and why did I hesitate … why didn’t I … should I have ? [insert any past participle].

I know how you feel about not getting another dog, knowing that eventually you will have to go through this again. If I had only one cat I might also feel that way but I have eight cats.

Sometimes people ask me why I don't let all the cats pass away through attrition and then I would not have all the work and the worry and the expense and the heartache when one is sick or worse. But the cats are the only thing I have to live for now since I have lost my husband and everyone in my family and I have no children. All I have left is an older brother who lives in a distant state. I hardly ever talk to him and since he is much older than me he will no doubt pass away before me.

Everyone deals with grief differently, but the only thing that has worked for me is getting another cat when I lose a cat. I had 10 cats for many years but we lost six cats in two years during Covid and since it was very difficult to find Persian cats to adopt of buy during Covid, I was only able to find four cats. They are the loves of my life. They are not very old yet so I am not going to worry about them. I just take one day at a time and cross bridges when I come to them. Fortunately I have ample finances to give all of them the best vet care available.

I have only one of the older cats left from litters we had and raised. Her name is Silky and she was from a litter we had in 2006. All the other cats passed on, many very young, and mostly from kidney and/or heart disease. I had to take Silky to the vet because she was not eating and she had a URI. I knew she had early stage kidney disease from the blood work from last November so she has been getting subdural fluids twice a week. The vet did more blood work today to recheck the kidney values. I will probably know what they are tomorrow if the blood work comes back, or by Monday. Every time the vet does blood work I am on pins and needles worrying, but I know it will be whatever it is and it is not something I can do anything about. The only way to avoid all this worry is not to have any cats, but I cannot live without them, as my life would feel completely empty.

 

[Jainarayan]

By the way, all of my cats have said something similar to what Ziva said. It is nice here, don't be sad. They do not want us to be sad because they care about us. They know that are just fine and they want us to know that too.

Someone at one of the Facebook groups I belong to said the same thing. The sadness is negative energy. Even if one doesn't believe that sort of thing (I do), it affects us by making us hold onto the sad feelings. I read the letter to a coworker, who started getting teary-eyed. She asked where I got it. I said I wrote it .As someone who stutters and fumbles for words I've learned to write, and write better than I speak. Quite honestly, I actually believe what I wrote. I am feeling better. However, Rainbow Bridge is still out of the question. Someone sent it to me years ago when my cat left us. I had never heard of it before and made the grave mistake of opening the email at work. I could not leave my cubicle.

 

[Jainarayan]

I know how you feel about not getting another dog, knowing that eventually you will have to go through this again. If I had only one cat I might also feel that way but I have eight cats.

Sometimes people ask me why I don't let all the cats pass away through attrition and then I would not have all the work and the worry and the expense and the heartache when one is sick or worse. But the cats are the only thing I have to live for now since I have lost my husband and everyone in my family and I have no children. All I have left is an older brother who lives in a distant state. I hardly ever talk to him and since he is much older than me he will no doubt pass away before me.

Everyone deals with grief differently, but the only thing that has worked for me is getting another cat when I lose a cat. I had 10 cats for many years but we lost six cats in two years during Covid and since it was very difficult to find Persian cats to adopt of buy during Covid, I was only able to find four cats. They are the loves of my life. They are not very old yet so I am not going to worry about them. I just take one day at a time and cross bridges when I come to them. Fortunately I have ample finances to give all of them the best vet care available.

I have only one of the older cats left from litters we had and raised. Her name is Silky and she was from a litter we had in 2006. All the other cats passed on, many very young, and mostly from kidney and/or heart disease. I had to take Silky to the vet because she was not eating and she had a URI. I knew she had early stage kidney disease from the blood work from last November so she has been getting subdural fluids twice a week. The vet did more blood work today to recheck the kidney values. I will probably know what they are tomorrow if the blood work comes back, or by Monday. Every time the vet does blood work I am on pins and needles worrying, but I know it will be whatever it is and it is not something I can do anything about. The only way to avoid all this worry is not to have any cats, but I cannot live without them, as my life would feel completely empty.

There's always the possibility that the cats keep coming to you for your mutual benefit. They need a furever home and you have a purpose and a duty ... a mandate, as it were. I hope everything turns out ok. I'm adamant now about no more animals but ".never say never".

 

[Trailblazer]

Someone at one of the Facebook groups I belong to said the same thing. The sadness is negative energy. Even if one doesn't believe that sort of thing (I do), it affects us by making us hold onto the sad feelings. I read the letter to a coworker, who started getting teary-eyed. She asked where I got it. I said I wrote it .As someone who stutters and fumbles for words I've learned to write, and write better than I speak. Quite honestly, I actually believe what I wrote. I am feeling better. However, Rainbow Bridge is still out of the question. Someone sent it to me years ago when my cat left us. I had never heard of it before and made the grave mistake of opening the email at work. I could not leave my cubicle.

I did not know you wrote that. You are a good writer. I am glad you are feeling better.
I don't believe in the Rainbow Bridge either.

 

[Trailblazer]

There's always the possibility that the cats keep coming to you for your mutual benefit. They need a furever home and you have a purpose and a duty ... a mandate, as it were. I hope everything turns out ok. I'm adamant now about no more animals but ".never say never".

I need a purrrr-pose right now and they give me that.
I think we have to take it one day at a time... You will know when the time is right, if it ever is.