How to handle hate?

[etana4310]

As I am taking baby steps on my road to eventual conversion if that is at all possible, I have not let many people know as this is my business. Only a good friend who lives in Israel, one of my close Catholic friends (she was surpringly charitable) and of course my husband.

Well, today I received my first "hate" mail from a Catholic "friend" of 10 years. My husband and daughter are traveling to DC and on my FB I posted a Jewish travel prayer for them. This "friend" who doesn't know I am searching Judaism and hoping to one day convert, wrote an obscenity (!) under the prayer. When I confronted her - she said, "you need to come to your senses or you will lose your soul and drag your family to hell with you."

I just sat with my jaw on the ground and my heart racing.

I'm not looking for sympathy - I suppose there will be many tests along this long journey and this is but one of many. I mentioned on another thread that I would lose many friends - I was indeed correct. This is just a drop in the bucket. When word gets out - if word gets out - they will leave so fast it will make your head spin.

How does one handle such hate? Ignore it? Confront it? What do I say when yet another Catholic friend sends me a private email saying, "We're all praying for you and whatever crisis you are going through right now."

 

[Tarheeler]

Unfortunately, I think that most people who convert to a new religion, regardless of what it is, has to eventually face something like this. I've found that, at least in my life, many Christians see converting to anything that doesn't rely on Jesus as the vehicle to God as both abandonment of faith and the eternal damnation of the soul.

I can't really tell you how to handle it; for me, it depends on the relationship I have with that particular person. I don't have very many strong bonds with people outside of my immediate family, and I simply remove narrow-minded people from my life. For those I am close to, I distsance myself from them and hope that they will one day pull their head out of their ***.

But I do understand that that isn't a solution for most people.

 

[etana4310]

and I simply remove narrow-minded people from my life

I, also, do the same. I foresee my 'friends' list on FB reduced drastically.

 

[Dena]

If you do not have to deal with her, then don't. I haven't had to deal with this issue. Yes, people think I'm going to hell but they keep it to themselves. I would advise you cut out those that don't have to be in your life. As for those who do, wait and see. You don't know yet how they are going to react.

 

[Dena]

As for the email about your crisis, that isn't hate. They are concerned for you and I can understand why they would have concern. It may be very annoying and extremely uncomfortable but they are probably doing it because they care. You'll have to find a way to nicely let them know you appreciate their concern but this is the road you are taking. Have you received emails of this sort?

Did you go to shul this weekend?

 

[Zardoz]

... This "friend" who doesn't know I am searching Judaism and hoping to one day convert, wrote an obscenity (!) under the prayer. When I confronted her - she said, "you need to come to your senses or you will lose your soul and drag your family to hell with you."...

An obscenity. After a prayer that calls on G-d's name. You will see that haters gonna hate. It's their problem, not yours.

What do I say when yet another Catholic friend sends me a private email saying, "We're all praying for you and whatever crisis you are going through right now."

You thank them for their prayers and concern, but say that you must follow the path that G-d leads you on.

 

[etana4310]

As for the email about your crisis, that isn't hate. They are concerned for you and I can understand why they would have concern. It may be very annoying and extremely uncomfortable but they are probably doing it because they care. You'll have to find a way to nicely let them know you appreciate their concern but this is the road you are taking. Have you received emails of this sort?

Did you go to shul this weekend?

I already lost three since last night. I know they are concerned, but hate is quite different than concern. I won't even go into detail. I am trying to keep my peace about me. :sad:

I did go to Shul this past weekend, but it was a snow storm here and only four of us showed up so the Rabbi didn't have it, but I did get to meet him and we have an appointment set for this week to talk and he invited me to take the Intro to Judaism class as well as the Torah Study.

 

[Tarheeler]

As for the email about your crisis, that isn't hate. They are concerned for you and I can understand why they would have concern. It may be very annoying and extremely uncomfortable but they are probably doing it because they care. You'll have to find a way to nicely let them know you appreciate their concern but this is the road you are taking. Have you received emails of this sort?

Yeah, I get this a lot. My response is usually something like: We have different beliefs, but I understand and appreciate your concern for me.

 

[Vinayaka]

If you're moving on in faith, surely you can move on in 'friends'.

 

[etana4310]

If you're moving on in faith, surely you can move on in 'friends'.

I understand eventually I will have to - but the reality is like wiping my entire social network slate clean and starting over. I suppose a few tried-and-true will stick by me - the ones whose minds aren't completely poisoned. I suppose time will tell. I really wish I knew more Jewish people. I hope getting more involved with things at the Synagogue will help in that department. Maybe this is where G-d wants me right now. Stripped down so that He can work with me to reshape me?

 

[Vinayaka]

I understand eventually I will have to - but the reality is like wiping my entire social network slate clean and starting over. I suppose a few tried-and-true will stick by me - the ones whose minds aren't completely poisoned. I suppose time will tell. I really wish I knew more Jewish people. I hope getting more involved with things at the Synagogue will help in that department. Maybe this is where G-d wants me right now. Stripped down so that He can work with me to reshape me?

I adopted Hinduism. (Adoption is used to indicate it wasn't a conversion in that Hinduism was my first real contact with religion of any kind.) But at the time (35-40 years ago) I knew several people who did convert to Hinduism from Christianity, even Judaism. I think we all faced the same kinds of problems, some far more than others.

The good thing in many cases was that we found new friends. Ones we agreed with on most everything religious. It was a process. Today, 40 years later, I have no friends from high school other than my wife and a couple other 'converts'. My family is split, a couple forever unable to understand why. One thing that was recommended was to have long visits explaining to friends (and former religious leaders) your true reasons for your new beliefs. Kind of like the idea of a 'healthy' divorce, if that makes any sense at all.

But in the end, despite social stuff, if you feel strongly, then its just 'you gotta do what you gotta do'...

 

[etana4310]

One thing that was recommended was to have long visits explaining to friends (and former religious leaders) your true reasons for your new beliefs. Kind of like the idea of a 'healthy' divorce, if that makes any sense at all.

Dealing with these types of Catholics (think Mel Gibson) I would be virtually stoned to death if I even opened my mouth. I went to a church where our priest actually asked a family NOT to attend because he attended another Mass that was "questionable" (a Mass that was not well received by Rome) because it would be scandalous to the rest of the parishoners. Can you imagine? Not ALL of them are filled with hate - but many of them are so boxed into their own world of "no salvation outside of the Catholic church" that they now are so fearful I may get hit by a bus and live in eternal hellfire with ragged clothing and boiling lava. Yes, sarcasm - but this is what I am leaving behind. Thankfully.
Thank you for your insights.
Etana

 

[Dena]

Maybe this is where G-d wants me right now. Stripped down so that He can work with me to reshape me?

I don't know, I don't think in those sort of terms. Are you telling all of these friends that you are losing or is someone else telling them? I thought you were not going to discuss it yet. It is not there place to go about telling other people your business but of course, people talk.

 

[Tarheeler]

I did go to Shul this past weekend, but it was a snow storm here and only four of us showed up so the Rabbi didn't have it, but I did get to meet him and we have an appointment set for this week to talk and he invited me to take the Intro to Judaism class as well as the Torah Study.

I just want to say, etana, that is a pretty big step in itself. It took me a year before I worked up enough nerve to go to a service, let alone look into classes.

As for your concern about missing friends, I know you will always miss the ones you lose. But you will definitely gain more. One of the reasons my rabbi gave for having such a long conversion process is that is gives us time to become members of our communities. So much in Judaism revolves around having a vibrant and active Jewish community: prayers, Torah reading, festivals ...

 

[etana4310]

I don't know, I don't think in those sort of terms. Are you telling all of these friends that you are losing or is someone else telling them? I thought you were not going to discuss it yet. It is not there place to go about telling other people your business but of course, people talk.

I told ONE "trusted" friend of 10 years I was studying Judaism. I asked her to please not say anything as I was on a list of Catholic moms - a list I had been on with the same people for 10 years. Needless to say, she did, indeed tell. Then it snowballed. I suppose it's my fault for not being more prudent and private.

As for your concern about missing friends, I know you will always miss the ones you lose. But you will definitely gain more

I am glad.

 

[sunshineydays]

As I am taking baby steps on my road to eventual conversion if that is at all possible, I have not let many people know as this is my business. Only a good friend who lives in Israel, one of my close Catholic friends (she was surpringly charitable) and of course my husband.

Well, today I received my first "hate" mail from a Catholic "friend" of 10 years. My husband and daughter are traveling to DC and on my FB I posted a Jewish travel prayer for them. This "friend" who doesn't know I am searching Judaism and hoping to one day convert, wrote an obscenity (!) under the prayer. When I confronted her - she said, "you need to come to your senses or you will lose your soul and drag your family to hell with you."

I just sat with my jaw on the ground and my heart racing.

I'm not looking for sympathy - I suppose there will be many tests along this long journey and this is but one of many. I mentioned on another thread that I would lose many friends - I was indeed correct. This is just a drop in the bucket. When word gets out - if word gets out - they will leave so fast it will make your head spin.

How does one handle such hate? Ignore it? Confront it? What do I say when yet another Catholic friend sends me a private email saying, "We're all praying for you and whatever crisis you are going through right now."

Hope this helps. I see it this way, if I only love those that love me, or are a part of my group, how would I be differant from anyone else.
The best way to kill hate is love, love inspite of. We are all on a journey who is to say one is right and another is wrong. Go with what your heart says, yell, scream get it out of your system, the anger that is, so you do not get ill over this.
Move on, stay away from railing accusations. If you stay involved, trying to fix this, you migfht get swept up in the storm of defending yourself, and anger and fighting ensues from this. Just let your friend know you love her/him regardless, and you are sorry that they feel this way for them.
sunshineydays
sunshineydays

 

[etana4310]

It just keeps getting worse. The hate mail keeps coming. "They" keep telling me I should feel "sick" that I am imposing my "sin" onto my children. I just got another email that said I need to seek "professional help" that this "friend" has wanted to tell me this for a long time but because we were friends decided not to, but now seeing my "path" I should.

I am a strong person, but I don't feel so strong right now.

 

[Dena]

If it were me I would simply tell them I am sorry they feel that way, I would really like it if the friendship could continue but I understand if that is not possible at this time.

 

[Levite]

It just keeps getting worse. The hate mail keeps coming. "They" keep telling me I should feel "sick" that I am imposing my "sin" onto my children. I just got another email that said I need to seek "professional help" that this "friend" has wanted to tell me this for a long time but because we were friends decided not to, but now seeing my "path" I should.

Wow. That is just stunning. I am sorry to hear that this is happening in your life. I mean, I can understand feeling upset if a friend decides they are converting to another religion, but telling them that they're sick and sinning is just awful!! It's hard for me to imagine that level of hateful intolerance.

Maybe you'll meet some people in the Intro to Judaism class: I have heard several people say they made lasting friendships in such classes....

 

[etana4310]

[FONT="Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]

[FONT="Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"At this point, if you don't believe Jesus is God, you have apostasized. I don't understand, I can't understand why, but you have free will. You are going to lose friends with that choice, this is also a reality. I wish say otherwise."[/FONT]

[FONT="Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][/FONT]​

[FONT="Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]

"You need to come to your senses or you will lose your soul and drag your family to hell with you.”

You are clearly making a choice towards something that is a danger to your eternal soul, and you KNOW that. You WILL pass this sin onto your children without you saying one word to them. This, sickens me. If you want to get "sick" over one word that describes accurately the current state of your soul, from the information you told me previously, instead of being "sick" about where you are leading your soul and your children's souls, I don't know what to say. And to think how everyone has prayed and offered sacrifices for you for years

​

Just some gems from my inbox. I quit reading them.....
The same thing happened about three years ago - one of our friends from the Catholic wives group left her husband and the Traditional Latin Rite one day. Her husband woke up one morning in total shock to see she was gone. He had absolutely NO WARNING whatsoever. The list went CRAZY. I remember like it was yesterday everyone saying they always knew she "needed psychological help." There are days I wonder whether or not this sect of catholicism doesn't fit the defiinition of a cult, but I won't go there now.​

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