How Does RF Handle Shame?

[MatthewA]

Hello Men and Women of Religious Forums.

How do you deal with or handle shame?

Now shame is something that has come across and happened to everyone us in life, it would seem.

Are there any helpful advice, or insights of when it comes to dealing with shame, what you have learned in life that has helped in overcoming shame ~ and where ever it comes from.

Here is the definition of Shame ~ According to Websters New World Dictionary - 1984 cc.

Shame n. (Greek - scham)​

1. a painful feeling of having lost the respect of others because of improper behavior, incompetence, etc. of oneself or another

2. a tendency to have feelings of this kind, or a capacity for such feeling

3. dishonor or disgrace [to bring shame to one's family]

4. a person or thing that brings shame, dishonor, or disgrace

5. something regrettable, unfortunate, or outrageous [it's a shame he wasn't told]

``` Shamed ~ Shaming
​

1. to cause to feel shame; make ashamed

2. to dishonor or disgrace

3. to drive, force, or impel by a sense of shame SYN. - DISGRACE --for shame!

~ For shame -
​

1. to cause to feel shame

2. to do much better than, suprass, outdo - shame on shame should be felt by; this is shameful of
​

Depends if I've done something objectively shameful. If I have, I try to put it right, which can mean admitting my fault , to myself and others, and if necessary taking corrective action. Dishonesty can be a cause of shame in my experience, so the antidote is simple; I try to be more honest.

In general though, shame is not a helpful emotion. Humility, on the other hand, definitely is. Shame is a function of pride, and pride helps no one; humility is a function of a healthy and right sized ego, and is worth cultivating.

We should never be ashamed of who and what we are, nor of our thoughts, feelings or impulses, all of which are things we do not choose. Low self esteem can be overcome with self love, which includes self forgiveness when we do behave badly, or when we let ourselves or others down.

Being able to laugh at oneself is important too. We are ridiculous creatures in many ways, often guilty of taking ourselves far too seriously.

Definition for Pride:

Websters New World Dictionary 1984 cc

Pride

1. a) High opinion of oneself; exaggerated self-esteem; conceit

b) haughty behavior resulting from this; arrogance

2. proper respect for oneself; sense of one's own dignity or worth; self-respect

3. delight or satisfaction in one's person own or anothers achievements, in associations etc.

4. a person or thing in which a persons pride is taken

5. the best of a class, group, society, etc : pick; flower

6. the best part or time; prime; flowering

7. mettle (in a horse)

8. A) a group or family (of lions) -b) [colloq.] - any impressive group or cluster

9. [Archaic] a) a magnificence; splendor b) ornament

10. [OBS] sexual desire -

SYN - Pride - Conceit, vanity, vainglory, self-esteem, - ANT. humility

 

[The Hammer]

Hello Men and Women of Religious Forums.

How do you deal with or handle shame?

Now shame is something that has come across and happened to everyone us in life, it would seem.

Are there any helpful advice, or insights of when it comes to dealing with shame, what you have learned in life that has helped in overcoming shame ~ and where ever it comes from.

Here is the definition of Shame ~ According to Websters New World Dictionary - 1984 cc.

Shame n. (Greek - scham)​

1. a painful feeling of having lost the respect o others because of improper behavior, incompetence, etc. of oneself or another

2. a tendency to have feelings of this kind, or a capacity for such feeling

3. dishonor or disgrace [to bring shame to one's family]

4. a person or thing that brings shame, dishonor, or disgrace

5. something regrettable, unfortunate, or outrageous [it's a shame he wasn't told]

``` Shamed ~ Shaming
​

1. to cause to feel shame; make ashamed

2. to dishonor or disgrace

3. to drive, force, or impel by a sense of shame SYN. - DISGRACE --for shame!

~ For shame -
​

1. to cause to feel shame

2. to do much better than, suprass, outdo - shame on shame should be felt by; this is shameful of​

Shame is just fear.

The Fear of Ostracization. Of not being seen as part of some group.

Fear is overcome through Hope.

 

[Spirit of Light]

Hello Men and Women of Religious Forums.

How do you deal with or handle shame?

Now shame is something that has come across and happened to everyone us in life, it would seem.

Are there any helpful advice, or insights of when it comes to dealing with shame, what you have learned in life that has helped in overcoming shame ~ and where ever it comes from.

Here is the definition of Shame ~ According to Websters New World Dictionary - 1984 cc.

Shame n. (Greek - scham)​

1. a painful feeling of having lost the respect o others because of improper behavior, incompetence, etc. of oneself or another

2. a tendency to have feelings of this kind, or a capacity for such feeling

3. dishonor or disgrace [to bring shame to one's family]

4. a person or thing that brings shame, dishonor, or disgrace

5. something regrettable, unfortunate, or outrageous [it's a shame he wasn't told]

``` Shamed ~ Shaming
​

1. to cause to feel shame; make ashamed

2. to dishonor or disgrace

3. to drive, force, or impel by a sense of shame SYN. - DISGRACE --for shame!

~ For shame -
​

1. to cause to feel shame

2. to do much better than, suprass, outdo - shame on shame should be felt by; this is shameful of​

I believe we can feel less shame or shameful when we realize that we do not need to listen to everything others say about us as a person or what we stand for. When we come independent from feeling we have to say or do what we think will "please" others, the feeling of shame if we make a blooper or do something that turn out to go a bit wrong.
I see life as a good way to actually learn from when we do something wrong, and gain wisdom from what we find to be the step we did wrong, so we do not do it again later.

I believe shame is only felt from within our own being.

 

[VoidCat]

How I deal with it: by finding pride in who I am

 

[MatthewA]

Shame is just fear.

The Fear of Ostracization. Of not being seen as part of some group.

Fear is overcome through Hope.

Hello : The Hammer,

Okay. What do all of those things mean to you?

I believe we can feel less shame or shameful when we realize that we do not need to listen to everything others say about us as a person or what we stand for. When we come independent from feeling we have to say or do what we think will "please" others, the feeling of shame if we make a blooper or do something that turn out to go a bit wrong.
I see life as a good way to actually learn from when we do something wrong, and gain wisdom from what we find to be the step we did wrong, so we do not do it again later.

I believe shame is only felt from within our own being.

Hello : Conscious thoughts,

Thank you for sharing and explaining, more of your view of how to become freer from feeling the ideals of shame.

Thinking about these things.

Shame can happen from any time as a child even into being an adult.

There are so many scenarios.

Here is one for an example ~ being laughed at by surrounding friends and even picked on for not have had sex and being a virgin

Another one would be to try to get someone to do something, and when it happens everyone looks upon that person, and laughs because that person did that (whatever stupid thing that was set up to get that one person who was set up) - All the people looked and pointed and laugh

Another one would be Say you got a raise, but your friend didnt get a raise because of his performance at work and instead of encouraging him, you shame him for make this choice and that choice.​

What other type of scenarios or life experiences have people had in their life that have made them experience shame, and wonder how they overcame those times of shame even though it had to be tough.

 

[MatthewA]

How I deal with it: by finding pride in who I am

Hello RayofLight,

Thank all for your time and comments.

 

[The Hammer]

Hello : The Hammer,

Okay. What do all of those things mean to you

Hi, I thought I was clear. What would you like me to clarify?

 

[VoidCat]

Hello RayofLight,

Thank all for your time and comments.

Then I'll add onto what I was saying as I was debating on whether or not to: My whole life I was made to feel shame. Shame for things I cant help such as being autistic. There were times I was beaten by because of my autism. Even to this day acting like myself scares me sometimes cuz I am afraid of what others would say or that they may attack me. So it's hard to overcome but I try to by trying to find pride rather then guilt. However sometimes I am not successful and fear I may be a burden to others and have a reason to be ashamed because of that.

 

[MatthewA]

Hi, I thought I was clear. What would you like me to clarify?

Hello The Hammer,

very strong name by the way; anyway~

No it is okay, you believe what you would like to believe.

You will quickly discover that most active users of this forum have no shame.

Hmmm, thank you for your comment, labourwave,

Then I'll add onto what I was saying as I was debating on whether or not to: My whole life I was made to feel shame. Shame for things I cant help such as being autistic. There were times I was beaten by because of my autism. Even to this day acting like myself scares me sometimes cuz I am afraid of what others would say or that they may attack me. So it's hard to overcome but I try to by trying to find pride rather then guilt. However sometimes I am not successful and fear I may be a burden to others and have a reason to be ashamed because of that.

That sounds like you have had a tough time dealing with who you are as a human being RayofLight.

My only hope is for you to be able to find peace in this life, while you are still here on this planet.

You take care of yourself and thank you for commenting.

 

[Hermit Philosopher]

How do you deal with or handle shame?

Can there be shame where pride has no value? Is pride worth the value you give it...?

a painful feeling of having lost the respect of others

If you subscribe to above definition of shame, you could begin by asking yourself whether your need for another’s respect is worth the angst it causes you.


Humbly
Hermit

 

[MatthewA]

Can there be shame where pride has no value? Is pride worth the value you give it...?

Hello Hermit;

What does this mean? What are the differences between shame, pride, and what is the weight of each value?

 

[Spirit of Light]

Hello : The Hammer,

Okay. What do all of those things mean to you?



Hello : Conscious thoughts,

Thank you for sharing and explaining, more of your view of how to become freer from feeling the ideals of shame.

Thinking about these things.

Shame can happen from any time as a child even into being an adult.

There are so many scenarios.

Here is one for an example ~ being laughed at by surrounding friends and even picked on for not have had sex and being a virgin

Another one would be to try to get someone to do something, and when it happens everyone looks upon that person, and laughs because that person did that (whatever stupid thing that was set up to get that one person who was set up) - All the people looked and pointed and laugh

Another one would be Say you got a raise, but your friend didnt get a raise because of his performance at work and instead of encouraging him, you shame him for make this choice and that choice.​

What other type of scenarios or life experiences have people had in their life that have made them experience shame, and wonder how they overcame those times of shame even though it had to be tough.

I can only speak from my own experience of being bullied 12 years in school every day, and yes it was times i did feel ashamed by it, or ashamed when my parents found out what i was thinking, but hide from them. I was ashamed by not wanting my parents to know what happend to me every day at school.

Later in life i have realized i was to young to understand the cause of the bullying, and i was to afraid to ask for help. ( I have forgiven everyone who ever bullied me in my childehood, and feel no longer ashamed by it)

 

[Shadow Wolf]

With a bell, march, and chants of "shame *bell ding* shame *bell ding* shame."

 

[Shadow Wolf]

How I deal with it: by finding pride in who I am

Great answer!

 

[Spirit of Light]

With a bell, march, and chants of "shame *bell ding* shame *bell ding* shame."

You forgot the dong in the ding dong

 

[MatthewA]

Websters New World Dictionary 1984 cc

Pride

1. a) High opinion of oneself; exaggerated self-esteem; conceit

b) haughty behavior resulting from this; arrogance

2. proper respect for oneself; sense of one's own dignity or worth; self-respect

3. delight or satisfaction in one's person own or anothers achievements, in associations etc.

4. a person or thing in which a persons pride is taken

5. the best of a class, group, society, etc : pick; flower

6. the best part or time; prime; flowering

7. mettle (in a horse)

8. A) a group or family (of lions) -b) [colloq.] - any impressive group or cluster

9. [Archaic] a) a magnificence; splendor b) ornament

10. [OBS] sexual desire -

SYN - Pride - Conceit, vanity, vainglory, self-esteem, - ANT. humility

 

[RestlessSoul]

Depends if I've done something objectively shameful. If I have, I try to put it right, which can mean admitting my fault , to myself and others, and if necessary taking corrective action. Dishonesty can be a cause of shame in my experience, so the antidote is simple; I try to be more honest.

In general though, shame is not a helpful emotion. Humility, on the other hand, definitely is. Shame is a function of pride, and pride helps no one; humility is a function of a healthy and right sized ego, and is worth cultivating.

We should never be ashamed of who and what we are, nor of our thoughts, feelings or impulses, all of which are things we do not choose. Low self esteem can be overcome with self love, which includes self forgiveness when we do behave badly, or when we let ourselves or others down.

Being able to laugh at oneself is important too. We are ridiculous creatures in many ways, often guilty of taking ourselves far too seriously.

 

[Stevicus]

You will quickly discover that most active users of this forum have no shame.

Exactly. I have no shame.

 

[VoidCat]

Websters New World Dictionary 1984 cc

Pride

1. a) High opinion of oneself; exaggerated self-esteem; conceit

b) haughty behavior resulting from this; arrogance

2. proper respect for oneself; sense of one's own dignity or worth; self-respect

3. delight or satisfaction in one's person own or anothers achievements, in associations etc.

4. a person or thing in which a persons pride is taken

5. the best of a class, group, society, etc : pick; flower

6. the best part or time; prime; flowering

7. mettle (in a horse)

8. A) a group or family (of lions) -b) [colloq.] - any impressive group or cluster

9. [Archaic] a) a magnificence; splendor b) ornament

10. [OBS] sexual desire -

SYN - Pride - Conceit, vanity, vainglory, self-esteem, - ANT. humility

Earlier when I used the word pride I meant number 2 and 3

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Websters New World Dictionary 1984 cc

Pride

1. a) High opinion of oneself; exaggerated self-esteem; conceit

b) haughty behavior resulting from this; arrogance

2. proper respect for oneself; sense of one's own dignity or worth; self-respect

3. delight or satisfaction in one's person own or anothers achievements, in associations etc.

4. a person or thing in which a persons pride is taken

5. the best of a class, group, society, etc : pick; flower

6. the best part or time; prime; flowering

7. mettle (in a horse)

8. A) a group or family (of lions) -b) [colloq.] - any impressive group or cluster

9. [Archaic] a) a magnificence; splendor b) ornament

10. [OBS] sexual desire -

SYN - Pride - Conceit, vanity, vainglory, self-esteem, - ANT. humility

I see nothing wrong with those for the most part. Exaggerated self-esteem isn't good, but something is wrong when "proper respect for oneself; sense of one's own dignity or worth" gets lumped when with things believed to be bad.