Help with racism

[klubbhead024]

Well, I'm really not proud of this, but more and more I feel myself becomnig somewhat of a racist. I work at a restaurant with mostly black employees, serving mostly black customers. When I first started I thought nothing of the general stereotypes, but these days it seems to me that these stereotypes are mostly true. On a daily basis I hear how proud they are to commit certain crimes and get away with, how happy they are not having an education, spouting off the n word 2-300 times, obsessing over basketball, nonstop smoking of marijuana(not that I'm against it). But it's getting to a point where they way they speak in general gets me very agrivated. I do realize this does not represent the whole black culture, and I am still more then happy to be civil(making chit chat, opening doors, etc), but I can't get rid of this feeling. Anybody got some advice to help me out here?

Also, is feeling like this really a bad thing?

 

[Hacker]

I don't think it's necessarily a "bad thing" to feel that way because of course it's very hard to hide the way you feel.
Just respect them, since you are affliated with them in your workplace. You don't necessarily have to be their best friend.

 

[evearael]

There are terrible people in every ethnic group. The important thing to remind yourself is that the people at your restaurant do NOT represent the population at large. I would find another job if at all possible.

On a daily basis I hear how proud they are to commit certain crimes and get away with, how happy they are not having an education, spouting off the n word 2-300 times, obsessing over basketball, nonstop smoking of marijuana(not that I'm against it).

To add some perspective on this, I've heard nigh identical from a great many people as well... and they were caucasian young adults from middle to upper middle class suburbia. This sort of attitude is independent of race.

 

[Mathematician]

Stereotypes are usually true to a partial extent because they cover a broad range of people. I think dismissing all stereotypes as NOTHING is a big mistake on some people's part. Yes, there are groups of blacks that choose unhealthy lifestyles with the typical gangster mold, but unless every black human was/is that kind of person, there's no feasible reason to judge the race.

Does Bill Cosby follow the stereotype? Jamie Fox? Did Martin Luther King Jr? What about the guy in New York who saved a kid's life in the subway station?

I think you should also go over to a racist forum like Stormfront and look up their views. Look at what racism can make someone think and do.

 

[XAAX]

Stereotypes are usually always true to a partial extent because they cover a broad range of people. I think dismissing them all as NOTHING is a big mistake on some people's mistake. Yes, there are groups of blacks that choose unhealthy lifestyles, but until every last black in the country is like that, there's no feasible reason to judge the race.

To add onto what others have said:

I think you should go over to a racist forum like Stormfront and look up their views. Look at what racism can make someone think and do.

I also must admit that I am a racist…I really hate stupid people…sorry, I just can’t help it..I have heard that admitting the problem is the first step…Now if we can get rid of the morons..:biglaugh:

 

[Mathematician]

I also must admit that I am a racist…I really hate stupid people…sorry, I just can’t help it..I have heard that admitting the problem is the first step…Now if we can get rid of the morons..:biglaugh:

"I have a problem with rapists."

HOPEFULLY you do!

 

[klubbhead024]

There are terrible people in every ethnic group. The important thing to remind yourself is that the people at your restaurant do NOT represent the population at large. I would find another job if at all possible.

I am currently trying to find a new job, with no success. Also, I am not referring to the employees by themselves, most of the guests act the same way.

 

[klubbhead024]

I think you should also go over to a racist forum like Stormfront and look up their views. Look at what racism can make someone think and do.

I took a look, and I can gladly say that I am not that extreme

 

[lilithu]

Well, I'm really not proud of this, but more and more I feel myself becomnig somewhat of a racist. I work at a restaurant with mostly black employees, serving mostly black customers. When I first started I thought nothing of the general stereotypes, but these days it seems to me that these stereotypes are mostly true. On a daily basis I hear how proud they are to commit certain crimes and get away with, how happy they are not having an education, spouting off the n word 2-300 times, obsessing over basketball, nonstop smoking of marijuana(not that I'm against it). But it's getting to a point where they way they speak in general gets me very agrivated. I do realize this does not represent the whole black culture, and I am still more then happy to be civil(making chit chat, opening doors, etc), but I can't get rid of this feeling. Anybody got some advice to help me out here?

Also, is feeling like this really a bad thing?

The thing about generalizations and stereotypes is that they usually have some basis in reality. It isn't racist to recognize that. Nor is it racist to be annoyed by some of these traits that you see. It would be racist if you applied these negative feelings that you have towards other african-americans that you meet instead of assessing them individually on their character. The behaviors that are bothering you are (for various reasons) correlated with certain groups of african-americans, but they are not inherent in african-americans. It sounds like you are aware of that, and struggling with that is the best you can do.

I'd say that the biggest problem that you have is that you're at the point where just the way your coworkers speak aggravates you. Afterall, speech patterns are not something that we can rightfully make a moral judgement about. It sounds to me like you've been bothered by some of the morally questionable choices that your coworkers make (the crime in particular, but also anti-intellectualism and excessive swearing) and this has in your mind become associated with other behaviors that would be otherwise be neutral (speech, an interest in basketball). So that the one reminds you of the other. This association has to stop because: 1) it's not fair (correlation doesn't mean they're inherently linked with each other); 2) sooner or later the aggravation will show up in your interactions with your coworkers AND 3) it is causing you undue stress.

I don't know how open you'd be to this but I would suggest trying to practice Buddhist non-attachment. Remind yourself that the way of speaking is not caused by and does not cause the crimes etc. It is a mistake that our minds play to see them as linked. I'm not telling you to condone bad behavior, just to recognize that the speech is not the same thing as the crime. When you find yourself making a judgement based on speech, recognize that's what you're doing (making a moral judgement based on speech) and then let it go. Release it. Don't hold on to it. This will sound weird to someone who's not used to it. All I can say is give it a try. It does get easier with practice.


I hope this helps. Good luck.

 

[Ori]

Some stereotypes can be fairly accurate, although you find people like to play these up on purpose sometimes, mostly for humour.

I think it's a brave to admit feeling the way you do, but it doesn't help if your always stuck around the same people.

Obviously, no one is perfect, I remember that I once made a comment on this very forum, stating that the USA was a nation of mostly idiots, I was very, very wrong.

 

[mostly harmless]

The thing about generalizations and stereotypes is that they usually have some basis in reality. It isn't racist to recognize that. Nor is it racist to be annoyed by some of these traits that you see. It would be racist if you applied these negative feelings that you have towards other african-americans that you meet instead of assessing them individually on their character. The behaviors that are bothering you are (for various reasons) correlated with certain groups of african-americans, but they are not inherent in african-americans. It sounds like you are aware of that, and struggling with that is the best you can do.

I'd say that the biggest problem that you have is that you're at the point where just the way your coworkers speak aggravates you. Afterall, speech patterns are not something that we can rightfully make a moral judgement about. It sounds to me like you've been bothered by some of the morally questionable choices that your coworkers make (the crime in particular, but also anti-intellectualism and excessive swearing) and this has in your mind become associated with other behaviors that would be otherwise be neutral (speech, an interest in basketball). So that the one reminds you of the other. This association has to stop because: 1) it's not fair (correlation doesn't mean they're inherently linked with each other); 2) sooner or later the aggravation will show up in your interactions with your coworkers AND 3) it is causing you undue stress.

I don't know how open you'd be to this but I would suggest trying to practice Buddhist non-attachment. Remind yourself that the way of speaking is not caused by and does not cause the crimes etc. It is a mistake that our minds play to see them as linked. I'm not telling you to condone bad behavior, just to recognize that the speech is not the same thing as the crime. When you find yourself making a judgement based on speech, recognize that's what you're doing (making a moral judgement based on speech) and then let it go. Release it. Don't hold on to it. This will sound weird to someone who's not used to it. All I can say is give it a try. It does get easier with practice.


I hope this helps. Good luck.

I like Lilithu's advice, and it does get easier to let things go when you practice-practice-practice!