EnjoyTheJourney
Member
Felt it was time that I should say 'Hello' as I have been reading the forums for a few weeks now and have gained a great deal already from them, so thank you all. I ended up here in my search (some may say 'mid life crisis'!) for... I'm not sure yet but I no doubt will when I find it!
Like everyone, life has thrown some spanners in the works over the last few years, and I have got fed up with feeling like 'life is against me', when in reality I have so much to be grateful for really. Other than as a child (when I was spoon fed the faith and fear of 'doing wrong' by the school system) I have never considered myself a religious person but, but as a result it has stayed in the back of my mind so I have been a fearful person I guess you could say. Scared of 'doing it wrong', scared up upsetting people, scared of missing out or regretting something. I always felt an affinity with nature/ animals, and as a teenager I made vague attempts at becoming a witch (I guess Wiccan it would be now), but put that down to 'being a teenager' and tried to fit back in with society.
As the years passed, I have allowed myself to become more me little by little- gradually realising that I don't need to be someone else just to be accepted by others. This has been liberating and after a particularly challenging year last year, I started to feel that I wanted to learn more about myself and investigate, for want of a better word, my spirituality (as I feel the true change/ peace needs to come from within). At first I think I was looking for a label. Something that I could slot into and follow to give me direction, but the more I have read, the more I don't think anything 100% fits, and I am starting to realise that maybe, that is OK!
I have tried to approach this with an open mind. I think it is so easy in this day and age to be negative, and to be critical of things for no good reason, and there is so much disinformation and hate online that it can be hard to know what to believe sometimes!
I was quite shocked to discover how much of a 'left hand path' personality I seem to have. Even looking at the word 'Satan' made me think I would go straight to hell in the beginning, but this is exactly the problem- I am working on what I have been told and not what 'I have learned through my own research to be true for me'. I have quite a logical and scientific mind, but also have always also felt there is 'something else' that I can't be described by science (yet!) as well. I discovered that pantheism probably best fits the way I see the universe. I also discovered I feel an incredible affinity with the Baphomet symbol (after initially being horrified at my new fascination!), having researched for ages about the meanings and origins of it. To me it represented at first facing my fears, but as I learnt more, more now as a reminder that there is balance in everything (known and unknown), and that I need to find that balance in my own life to help me become more 'in tune' with the universe.
I have also been trying to read as much as I can about The law of attraction/ Magick/ the secret, as I discovered that this is something I have experienced without knowing what it is called in the past, during the times that life seemed to be 'going well'.
OK, so potentially that sounds a little bit nutty..! But essentially, I feel I need to learn to appreciate what I have again, and learn about and accept myself for who I really am, but also to find a way to be able to express this 'spiritually' to help remind/ reinforce this in everyday life.
Like everyone, life has thrown some spanners in the works over the last few years, and I have got fed up with feeling like 'life is against me', when in reality I have so much to be grateful for really. Other than as a child (when I was spoon fed the faith and fear of 'doing wrong' by the school system) I have never considered myself a religious person but, but as a result it has stayed in the back of my mind so I have been a fearful person I guess you could say. Scared of 'doing it wrong', scared up upsetting people, scared of missing out or regretting something. I always felt an affinity with nature/ animals, and as a teenager I made vague attempts at becoming a witch (I guess Wiccan it would be now), but put that down to 'being a teenager' and tried to fit back in with society.
As the years passed, I have allowed myself to become more me little by little- gradually realising that I don't need to be someone else just to be accepted by others. This has been liberating and after a particularly challenging year last year, I started to feel that I wanted to learn more about myself and investigate, for want of a better word, my spirituality (as I feel the true change/ peace needs to come from within). At first I think I was looking for a label. Something that I could slot into and follow to give me direction, but the more I have read, the more I don't think anything 100% fits, and I am starting to realise that maybe, that is OK!
I have tried to approach this with an open mind. I think it is so easy in this day and age to be negative, and to be critical of things for no good reason, and there is so much disinformation and hate online that it can be hard to know what to believe sometimes!
I was quite shocked to discover how much of a 'left hand path' personality I seem to have. Even looking at the word 'Satan' made me think I would go straight to hell in the beginning, but this is exactly the problem- I am working on what I have been told and not what 'I have learned through my own research to be true for me'. I have quite a logical and scientific mind, but also have always also felt there is 'something else' that I can't be described by science (yet!) as well. I discovered that pantheism probably best fits the way I see the universe. I also discovered I feel an incredible affinity with the Baphomet symbol (after initially being horrified at my new fascination!), having researched for ages about the meanings and origins of it. To me it represented at first facing my fears, but as I learnt more, more now as a reminder that there is balance in everything (known and unknown), and that I need to find that balance in my own life to help me become more 'in tune' with the universe.
I have also been trying to read as much as I can about The law of attraction/ Magick/ the secret, as I discovered that this is something I have experienced without knowing what it is called in the past, during the times that life seemed to be 'going well'.
OK, so potentially that sounds a little bit nutty..! But essentially, I feel I need to learn to appreciate what I have again, and learn about and accept myself for who I really am, but also to find a way to be able to express this 'spiritually' to help remind/ reinforce this in everyday life.
