Going to Heaven

[robtex]

My brother is watching "Raising Helen" and in the movie an aunt is asking her new "daughter" (given to her by the court in the movie), to tell her where her mommy and daddy went (whom were killed in the movie). The little girl says "heaven" and the aunt concurs. But it brings up a question. If one is not a Christian or Muslim one may not believe there is a heaven.

Heaven certainly is a convient and nuturing answer to give a child because you can throw out the "living in eternal happinees" line but what if you don't believe in heaven and say like some of the parents on here your children were not raised in religion that has a heaven.

Is there a reasonable aternative to tell ones children in explaining death or what happens after you die?

 

[FyreBrigidIce]

I would have to say it depends on the age and mental capacity of the child.

Whatever the guardians decide to tell the child, they should be tactful and empathetic to the childs needs.

Unfortunately, I do not know of a specific answer because I do believe there is a better place once our life cycles are complete.

This is a great thread though and I look forward to reading other responses.

 

[linwood]

I tell my children the truth as tactfully as I can.

My 11 year old asked me what I thought it was like when you die since I was an atheist.

I told him I thought the day I died would be exactly like Sept.23rd 1756.

My youngest hasn`t gone there yet but I`ll tell her the same thing.
The way I say it will depend on her capacity at the time she asks.

I would like to add that normally when my children ask questions about God and or the afterlife I specify that what I tell them is just what I believe and that no one can really know until it happens.

 

[FyreBrigidIce]

My 11 year old asked me what I thought it was like when you die since I was an atheist.

I told him I thought the day I died would be exactly like Sept.23rd 1756.

Ok, this may be a stupid question, but I am not good at remembering any dates I should have learned in school. What is Sept. 23rd 1756? Please forgive my ignorance.

 

[linwood]

Ok, this may be a stupid question, but I am not good at remembering any dates I should have learned in school. What is Sept. 23rd 1756? Please forgive my ignorance.

I`m sorry I should be more clear.

The date doesn`t really matter the point is that when I`m dead it will be just like Sept. 23rd 1756 to me.

Do you remember what Sept. 23rd 1756 was like?

Neither do I , I wasn`t here.

 

[Scuba Pete]

Wasn't that the day when... oh, that's off topic and I'll get another nasty note!

But to the topic... I do believe that you should tell the child what you believe as honestly as possible.

We had a Siamese cat for a couple of weeks way back when... We had a collar on it and it got snagged by a bolt under my truck. We looked and looked for Siamkitty and I finally found her under the truck, seemingly dead. As I pulled her out I heard the neck snap and the cat expired immediately. I hadn't realized that her collar was caught. What do you tell a 4 year old?

So Sniggle and I had a Daddy/daughter talk about death. I told her that Siamkitty was gone and that I was responsible in part. We talked about how death was just the completion of life and that all things... even daddy and mommy were going to die. We hugged and cried and went outside and buried Siamkitty.

I never talked about heaven or hell here as I thought it not appropriate. That is between the deceased and God, and does not concern me at all. Have I EVER talked about heaven and hell with my Sniggle? Oh sure... but not in the context of a recent death. That could only lead to a conversion that is little more than "fire insurance". That's not what God desires.

 

[retrorich]

"Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to die."

 

[FyreBrigidIce]

Thank you Linwood. I did think the date was something historical that I would have learned in school.

You do present a point. Noone does truly know what will happen to someone whos dies, other than burial and mourning by loved ones.

 

[Zionic86]

All thoughts grounded because of a foggy mind! HAHA! Thats awesome. Your child asks you what its like after you die. And we all sit here between ourselves thinking of the answer to say, yet we forget we are of the flesh at the moment, a big nerve in a skull. The question isnt for you to imput your belief onto your childs. Are not both of you unique/differrent individuals, were we all not given the same rights, to live to breath to be conciouse of our existence? In my opinion when a child asks they should be answered with truth not opinion. THe truth is the straight path, no matter what, with any religion. Anything but the truth is a path that branches away from the straight and true road, and shall you take that path, you shall be delivering to the evil. How can one contend possibly with this. Look at the world around you. SHut the news off. Any news you ever hear has already been established as a building on the deterring paths leading to the evil. (CNN MSNBC) When a child asks what happens after you die? What can you purely put into the childs thoughts other than the fact that you dont know. Do you know? No. SO why tell the child what you dont know, that can only do harm. Do you see the path? THat leads to the evil? This is only the begining!

 

[cardero]

robtex writes: Is there a reasonable aternative to tell ones children in explaining death or what happens after you die?

Since this is a sincere question I would tell them the TRUTH, I would probaly tell them:
"I am not going to lie to you, go ask your mother."

 

[JohnG139]

I think one has to be very careful with the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts. If the truth will hurt a child too much, If it is too disturbing, If they are not yet of an age where thy can handle the truth, then telling them the truth should be delayed until they have reached a maturity level that will allow them to handle it without emotional damage.
I live by the situation ethic "In every situation do the most loving thing" Sometimes the most loving thing is telling a comforting untruth.

 

[John Debaptist]

The hope of Christians is in the bodily resurrection from the dead at Christ second coming. That is when we will be taken to heaven which is Space. When the Bible states that the heavens declare the glory of the Lord it is talking about Outer-Space. When Jesus left this world he started ascending towards the sky and the angels told his disciples that this same Jesus christ would come back in the same way. The belief in the immortality of the soul is a non-biblical doctrine which comes from Spiritualism and is the basis of spiritualism.

The bible teaches that dead people are asleep and the truth is that they are awaiting the resurrection either for eternal life when Christ will come or eternal separation from the Creator after the millenium as stated in the book of Revelation chapter 20. Here is what the bible teaches regarding the state of dead people.

Ecclesiastes 3:
19] For the fate of the sons of men and the fate of beasts is the same; as one dies, so dies the other. They all have the same breath, and man has no advantage over the beasts; for all is vanity.
[20] All go to one place; all are from the dust, and all turn to dust again.
[21] Who knows whether the spirit of man goes upward and the spirit of the beast goes down to the earth?


5] For the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing, and they have no more reward; but the memory of them is lost.
[6] Their love and their hate and their envy have already perished, and they have no more for ever any share in all that is done under the sun.
[7]
Go, eat your bread with enjoyment, and drink your wine with a merry heart; for God has already approved what you do.


[8]
Let your garments be always white; let not oil be lacking on your head.


[9]
Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life which he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun.


[10] Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might; for there is no work or thought or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol, to which you are going.

 

[jeffrey]

Tough question, and for someone that doesn't believe in heaven,... I don't know. Our cat got hit by a car. Flattened it. Broke our little girl's heart. We told her God was overrun with mice and needed our cat, which was a great mouser, in heaven. She seemed to ok with that. But for someone that does not believe.... Maybe just they're gone..

 

[CelticRavenwolf]

See, I don't think that death is such a bad thing, so I would do my best to instill that in my children (when I have them, that is!). It's just an inevitability to life, so I wouldn't want them to be stuck in our society's popular belief that it is always a tragic occurance.

This stance likely comes from my belief in reincarnation. If when you die you are simply reborn into another life, then death ceases to be tragic and becomes the next great adventure. The sick, the elderly; I consider it more of a blessing when they die than a tragedy.

I wouldn't hide the truth from kids, no matter how young. Lying to them early on, then telling them the truth when their older just reopens wounds. Trying to shield them from it can be just as bad. When I was younger and my cat had to be euthanized my parents brought me to the vet's to say goodbye. I wanted to stay while they euthanized him, but my parents wouldn't let me. I never forgave myself for letting him die alone. 10 years later I had to euthanize my dog because of complications of old age, and I'm so glad I was with her. To me, helping her die was my last gift to her, and I only wish that people could be given the same opportunity.

 

[CelticRavenwolf]

See, I don't think that death is such a bad thing, so I would do my best to instill that in my children (when I have them, that is!). It's just an inevitability to life, so I wouldn't want them to be stuck in our society's popular belief that it is always a tragic occurance.

This stance likely comes from my belief in reincarnation. If when you die you are simply reborn into another life, then death ceases to be tragic and becomes the next great adventure. The sick, the elderly; I consider it more of a blessing when they die than a tragedy.

I wouldn't hide the truth from kids, no matter how young. Lying to them early on, then telling them the truth when their older just reopens wounds. Trying to shield them from it can be just as bad. When I was younger and my cat had to be euthanized my parents brought me to the vet's to say goodbye. I wanted to stay while they euthanized him, but my parents wouldn't let me. I never forgave myself for letting him die alone. 10 years later I had to euthanize my dog because of complications of old age, and I'm so glad I was with her. To me, helping her die was my last gift to her, and I only wish that people could be given the same opportunity.