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Gabrielle (A Draft In Progress)

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
Note On the Poem: This is a draft of a poem Alyssa and i were working on tonight. The story is true. The subject of the story was a beautiful woman whose sexual, physical, mental, and emotional abuse from her parents during childhood broke her mind into multiple personalities.

Still, she somehow managed to keep herself neat, clean, and wholesome in her body.

I knew her for a few years because she lived in the same apartment building as me. For some reason never to be known, she eventually returned to her parents in L.A., and soon after killed herself.

Her name was Gabrielle, and she died in her mid twenties, in Los Angeles, and for all intents and purposes, murdered by her own parents. This poem is in memory of her, who was a gentle spirit, who did the best she could with a brutal life.



Gabrielle


Gabrielle is dead.
Today I heard.

She whose mind
Was fractured

And could not twine
Into one stream.

Nor braid her life
A strength of rope.

I wondered
That she kept herself

Body firm, clothes clean,
And gentle.

There was that of her
Body whole

Left
Beneath L.A.
 

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
lightbearer said:
This is lovely. when do you think you'll be done with it? Did Alyssa <- beautiful name> and you get to finish?
Thank you! Isn't her name beautiful? So's her spirit, for that matter. Alyssa and I will work on this again, but she's got a factory job that keeps her pretty busy during the week. We need a weekend evening for this.

BTW, I love your username! And welcome to the Forum! Will you be posting some of your poetry here?
 
Oh no! Not me. I can only hear the music. My voice is very muffeled and difficult to make out. I can try but I don't think you will like it. Maybe in the future sometime. [distant future] :)
 

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
lightbearer said:
Oh no! Not me. I can only hear the music. My voice is very muffeled and difficult to make out. I can try but I don't think you will like it. Maybe in the future sometime. [distant future] :)

Well, we're a very accepting group here. So, if you ever feel like it, go right ahead and post. You will probably find that at least some of us like it.
 

CDRaider

Well-Known Member
Thats a beautiful poem. Thank you for posting the story behind it, the poem means so much more with the story. i love poetry that is simple and quick like that. Its my favorite kind to read and write.

Kudos, its a beautiful start.
 

michel

Administrator Emeritus
Staff member
CDRaider said:
Thats a beautiful poem. Thank you for posting the story behind it, the poem means so much more with the story. i love poetry that is simple and quick like that. Its my favorite kind to read and write.

Kudos, its a beautiful start.

It is a beautiful poem (if only for the story behind it); I hate to say this, but I am not an advocate of the "simple and quick" as CDRaider obviously is. My poems have neverending sentences!:rolleyes: Nice one though Phil!
 

CDRaider

Well-Known Member
michel said:
It is a beautiful poem (if only for the story behind it); I hate to say this, but I am not an advocate of the "simple and quick" as CDRaider obviously is. My poems have neverending sentences!:rolleyes: Nice one though Phil!

yup, JMoum wrote a poem about us the is only two lines long and is my favorite poem ever.

I wrote one for my grandpa and it was about 8 verses, super long. I took it to my old high school techer because i still really respect his opinion, he told me that my best works were no more than 20 lines. Turns out the poem i wrote was more effective as one verse, and i read it with just the one verse, it was pretty powerful. my long stuff sucks! (excuse my language) :D
 
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