Funerals and grieving

[Vinayaka]

Apologies if I did this before ... I have poor memory for old threads.

Does your world view have anything to suggest about funerals, death, grieving? Does that affect the way you grieve in any way? I'm interested in the differences between faiths, or whether it's purely a matter that's individual, each person grieving in his/her own way.

 

[Spirit of Light]

Apologies if I did this before ... I have poor memory for old threads.

Does your world view have anything to suggest about funerals, death, grieving? Does that affect the way you grieve in any way? I'm interested in the differences between faiths, or whether it's purely a matter that's individual, each person grieving in his/her own way.

After have to bury both parents, yes there was some time of grieving, father died in the year 2000 and mother in 2013, it was more difficult the first time when Amanaki was young both in age and as a buddhist, difficult to accept that a parent dies too early. time to heal was longe then when mother died understanding of what death is and how things actually happen made it easier to accept the loss of the last parent.

 

[Vinayaka]

After have to bury both parents, yes there was some time of grieving, father died in the year 2000 and mother in 2013, it was more difficult the first time when Amanaki was young both in age and as a buddhist, difficult to accept that a parent dies too early. time to heal was longe then when mother died understanding of what death is and how things actually happen made it easier to accept the loss of the last parent.

That's similar to when my parents passed, except my father outlasted my mother. I am somehow immune to grieving, to the point that others think I'm cold. "How can you joke around at a time like this?" Such is the nature of some folks, to project their pain out to figuring everyone else should be feeling it. I simply don't. But I'm not alone. My atheist brother is similar.

 

[Spirit of Light]

That's similar to when my parents passed, except my father outlasted my mother. I am somehow immune to grieving, to the point that others think I'm cold. "How can you joke around at a time like this?" Such is the nature of some folks, to project their pain out to figuring everyone else should be feeling it. I simply don't. But I'm not alone. My atheist brother is similar.

Grieving comes in so many ways, some people do make fun in this kind of situation, and maybe it comes from not knowing how to react, but it can also be that the attachment to death is not within them.
And could it be that you are one who does not attach to death?

 

[Vinayaka]

Grieving comes in so many ways, some people do make fun in this kind of situation, and maybe it comes from not knowing how to react, but it can also be that the attachment to death is not within them.
And could it be that you are one who does not attach to death?

I have no real idea why I don't react, but I suspect the belief in reincarnation, viewing physical to astral to physical as not much more than a revolving door at a coffee shop.

I only make fun when I know that that is what the deceased would have wanted. The criticism of it usually comes from the folks who didn't know the deceased as well as I did.

 

[Jainarayan]

I can't remember a time, even for my parents, when I grieved. I've shed a tear or two, but that's about as much grieving as I've done for humans. My animals, otoh, are quite a different story. I cried like a baby when I lost my cats. I cried for two weeks before and after I lost my first one. She was 16 1/2 and dying of kidney failure. My other cat left 2 years ago, diabetic ketoacidosis. I had almost no time to get him properly treated. It took me a long time to get over it. I know how I will react for my dogs, and I do not look forward to it. I just hope I have learned enough about death and rebirth. I cried when I killed the deer (he actually hit my truck). But humans... I can't say I react the same way as I do with animals.

 

[TransmutingSoul]

That's similar to when my parents passed, except my father outlasted my mother. I am somehow immune to grieving, to the point that others think I'm cold. "How can you joke around at a time like this?" Such is the nature of some folks, to project their pain out to figuring everyone else should be feeling it. I simply don't. But I'm not alone. My atheist brother is similar.

I see much the same as you when facing death.

I see death as a Messenger of Joy.

At that same time it is recognised that pain and grief are also part of that process. So tears and sorrow are part of that joy one has for others when they pass on.

I hope all have a big happy party when I leave, friends and foes

I see you are on a fast, all the best, it is a Holy day for us.

Regards Tony

 

[Vinayaka]

I can't remember a time, even for my parents, when I grieved. I've shed a tear or two, but that's about as much grieving as I've done for humans. My animals, otoh, are quite a different story. I cried like a baby when I lost my cats. I cried for two weeks before and after I lost my first one. She was 16 1/2 and dying of kidney failure. My other cat left 2 years ago, diabetic ketoacidosis. I had almost no time to get him properly treated. It took me a long time to get over it. I know how I will react for my dogs, and I do not look forward to it. I just hope I have learned enough about death and rebirth. I cried when I killed the deer (he actually hit my truck). But humans... I can't say I react the same way as I do with animals.

Yes that is a bit puzzling, and something I'm only familiar with on the human side. For pets, I don't grieve either. I'll be curious to my reaction when Boss passes, but that ol' girl will most likely be taking care of my ashes disposal, before me hers.

In my childhood I did grieve. I recall days of it for a beloved uncle in a tragic machinery accident, and for a loved dog, in another but different tragic machine accident.

 

[TransmutingSoul]

Grieving comes in so many ways, some people do make fun in this kind of situation, and maybe it comes from not knowing how to react, but it can also be that the attachment to death is not within them.
And could it be that you are one who does not attach to death?

Amanaki, I see it as not making fun, it more about being positive and joyful for the person that has moved on. If we can look back at the event, I am sure we would be saying, please be happy, I am fine and dandy where I am now!

RegardsTony

 

[Vinayaka]

Amanaki, I see it as not making fun, it more about being positive and joyful for the person that has moved on. If we can look back at the event, I am sure we would be saying, please be happy, I am fine and dandy where I am now!

RegardsTony

Yes, that indeed would be accurate in my case. My brother and I though of having Dad's corpse pop up or a tape his voice from the box, like that guy recently did, as one final practical joke.

Another brother, at a cousins funeral, leaned over to me and whispered, "I only came for the food." A guy we didn't know turned around and gave him a nasty talking to. He didn't know that cousin like we did. Guy would have said the same thing, probably did.

 

[Jainarayan]

Yes that is a bit puzzling, and something I'm only familiar with on the human side. For pets, I don't grieve either. I'll be curious to my reaction when Boss passes, but that ol' girl will most likely be taking care of my ashes disposal, before me hers.

In my childhood I did grieve. I recall days of it for a beloved uncle in a tragic machinery accident, and for a loved dog, in another but different tragic machine accident.

It could be you being a bit further along on the journey and learning curve than I am.

 

[Vinayaka]

It could be you being a bit further along on the journey and learning curve than I am.

I don't think so. I know others who are the same. I also know a few grown men who will bawl like babies throughout an entire funeral.. As a teacher in a fairly small school, many of us would go to funerals of kid's parents. It surprised me actually, the first time I saw it at that level.

 

[TransmutingSoul]

Yes, that indeed would be accurate in my case. My brother and I though of having Dad's corpse pop up or a tape his voice from the box, like that guy recently did, as one final practical joke.

Another brother, at a cousins funeral, leaned over to me and whispered, "I only came for the food." A guy we didn't know turned around and gave him a nasty talking to. He didn't know that cousin like we did. Guy would have said the same thing, probably did.

That would have caused a stir indeed.

Your father may have liked that, I think you were right in finding a balance with those that attended the funeral and restrained yourself.

Regards Tony

 

[Vinayaka]

That would have caused a stir indeed.

Your father may have lived that, I think you were right in finding a balance with those that attended the funeral and restrained yourself.

Regards Tony

Yeah, it didn't take us long to realise it was a dumb idea. No point having a death by anger at a funeral. A couple of old aunts may have done some serious damage.

 

[Spirit of Light]

Amanaki, I see it as not making fun, it more about being positive and joyful for the person that has moved on. If we can look back at the event, I am sure we would be saying, please be happy, I am fine and dandy where I am now!

RegardsTony

Yes, passing away is not the end it is just passing to something else.

 

[Jainarayan]

I don't think so. I know others who are the same. I also know a few grown men who will bawl like babies throughout an entire funeral.. As a teacher in a fairly small school, many of us would go to funerals of kid's parents. It surprised me actually, the first time I saw it at that level.

Interesting. I wonder if it's a cultural or societal thing. That is, a western thing. Latin Americans are extremely emotional. You do not want to attend a Puerto Rican or Cuban funeral. I don't know about Europeans, but North Americans seem to think that if you don't carry on, or at least look like it, you're a cold hard [insert favorite pejorative]. I don't think it's like that in most of Asia, but I could be wrong. I wonder if any anthropologist has done a study.

 

[ChristineM]

We recently lost a cat to a speeding motorist. Had her cremated and today her ashes were returned to us. Since the accident we have all grieved, when we spread and buried her ashes by her favourite rose tree (she liked to hug it) we all shed tears and no doubt will feel her loss for some time.

I don't remember feeling such pain for a human but was not particularly close to any that i have known who have died other than a childhood friend who died of leukemia. He wanted a party when he went, it does make things much easier.

What do i make of this? We grieve in our own way and depending on the situation.

 

[TransmutingSoul]

Interesting. I wonder if it's a cultural or societal thing. That is, a western thing. Latin Americans are extremely emotional. You do not want to attend a Puerto Rican or Cuban funeral. I don't know about Europeans, but North Americans seem to think that if you don't carry on, or at least look like it, you're a cold hard [insert favorite pejorative]. I don't think it's like that in most of Asia, but I could be wrong. I wonder if any anthropologist has done a study.

With the Australian Aboriginal it is a very loud wailing, they let it all go!

Regards Tony

 

[Vinayaka]

I wonder if any anthropologist has done a study.

I would imagine so, yes. If I find something interesting, I''ll link it. Most certainly funerals themselves differ. For one, some are done at home.

Edited ... This was an interesting read ... Death is not the end: Fascinating funeral traditions from around the globe

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Apologies if I did this before ... I have poor memory for old threads.

Does your world view have anything to suggest about funerals, death, grieving? Does that affect the way you grieve in any way? I'm interested in the differences between faiths, or whether it's purely a matter that's individual, each person grieving in his/her own way.

I don't think it matters if it's been done before. The population here changes. I mean...I don't, obviously. I'm not allowed to leave until I've paid off my debts to @Debater Slayer.

Anywhoos...to the topic...
I can't represent atheists, but only myself. But my world view would suggest that a funeral is focused on allowing those still living to say goodbye to the one who has passed.
That being the case, it should be representative of the person who has died. So I don't go into a funeral hoping for a non-religious service, for example. I go in hoping the service matches the person.
And there should be enough space for individuals to grieve in their own way, since we really are all very different in that sense, I think. Laughter works for some, tears for others, some want contact (hugs) others really want to be left alone.
The key thing is that we all look out for each other, and make sure people have help (both practical and mental/spiritual) as required.

If we do all that, personally, I don't care about the rest.

When I die, I would fully expect it to be completely non-religious (since I don't want to look like a hypocrite in death) and not involve anyone looking at my dead body. I want to be cremated, and have the ashes scattered to the winds, and encourage people to remember my life, not my death.
I would also like some laughter, even if it's just the groan-inducing kind my bad jokes seems to attract.
I get that not everyone will be able to laugh. But those who can, should. And those who know me will surely find SOMETHING amusing in it all.