From RHP to LHP...did any of you transition?

[Deidre]

I've shared my story elsewhere on here, but the abbreviated version is that I was a Christian for most of my life, then left faith about five years ago, about a year later, identified as an atheist, then returned to faith after my grandmother passed away a little over two years ago. Fast forward to now, I'm a non-theist, and finding that logically, atheism makes sense to me. But, I miss a sense of structure, philosophy and comfort that religion gave to me, even if it was all in my imagination.

That said, I imagine that some here who follow the LHP, may have been like me, following a right hand path, at one time. I find the LHP to be fascinating in that it seems to promote personal growth and adventure, while RHP beliefs don't really focus on self.

So just curious if you transitioned from a RHP to a LHP, and do you find the LHP more gratifying? I'm just seeking, and exploring other faiths not necessarily for consideration, but just knowledge.

 

[Mindmaster]

I've shared my story elsewhere on here, but the abbreviated version is that I was a Christian for most of my life, then left faith about five years ago, about a year later, identified as an atheist, then returned to faith after my grandmother passed away a little over two years ago. Fast forward to now, I'm a non-theist, and finding that logically, atheism makes sense to me. But, I miss a sense of structure, philosophy and comfort that religion gave to me, even if it was all in my imagination.

That said, I imagine that some here who follow the LHP, may have been like me, following a right hand path, at one time. I find the LHP to be fascinating in that it seems to promote personal growth and adventure, while RHP beliefs don't really focus on self.

So just curious if you transitioned from a RHP to a LHP, and do you find the LHP more gratifying? I'm just seeking, and exploring other faiths not necessarily for consideration, but just knowledge.

I went Christian->Atheist->Atheist Satanist->Theistic Satanist, but I feel you may need some explaining. There is eastern and western LHP as well. The eastern focuses on becoming "godlike" by destroying human "hangups" or "taboos" thereby experience "godhood". The western LHP is more like a self-mastery philosophy or a hedonism/epicurean philosophy. There are also Theistic Satanists & Luciferians, and Demonolators who are religious - but not in the way Christians are. (sans self-debasement and sychophantry ad naseaum). There are RHP Theistic Satanist / Luciferians as well, but most aren't that way in my experience not that anything is wrong with it.

There are many other groups and really I haven't the space or interest to delineate them, but these are sort of the basic divisions. We're also all basically selfish (we consider our needs more important than others, naturally) the LHP is just honest about it, not really seeking that as a goal. Though I guess from where you sit, it'd seem that way.

 

[1137]

I was raised Jewish for 16 years. Much happier on the LHP.

 

[Kapalika]

Titan of a post incoming... (bear with me it's like a quarter of my life story haha)

Edit: had second thoughts and removed some of my story more so for the sake of privacy.

I wasn't raised religious per se. The two people who raised me for the first 13 years were Church of Christ (my step father) and Episcopalian (my mother) but neither went to church or were religious in any way you would notice. Later on my mother would have total custody although from ages 12-14 and some of 16 I had a lot of time spent with my biological father who unfortunately converted to Christian Fundamentalism when I was about 5 years old or so (roughly).

I didn't know a lot of their beliefs when he visited before, he always came with his own mother who was a liberal Christian not a literalist but having moved up he didn't really have any supervision (no idea why or if it was deemed no longer necessary or what) and I stayed with him a lot as my mother went back to school during and after the divorce with my step dad, in part due to my school being in his town and not the one me and my mom now lived in. I was at his place maybe half the time for logistical reasons for 12-14.

Eventually he did some stupid crap and hit me and stuff and I instead went and stayed with my grandmother in the same town when I wasn't at my mom's when I was 14. I had actually stayed with her for months at a time before so it was no big deal. I actually think around this time, 13 and 14 I started to realize I was a pantheist but I never had words for it or knew about it. The internet back then wasn't what it was today and I didn't have a lot of access to it. I remember being 14 and in first period of school and writing in a notebook about my "insight" into the nature of god being inseparable from the universe as a total thing, not as separate from it (now I would recognize this as divination).

I kind of feel my grandmother was an influence on me. She was really into native American spirituality and at least at one point in her past considered herself a witch. She was very care free and open... eclectic maybe even. She had been on vision quests and some other cool stuff and believed in some forms of magic. It never came up in a pushy way, she if anything was very open to Christianity and prayed to Jesus.

Anyways I had already when I was 16 I was trying to reconcile with my dad but it actually caused a turning point with my relationship with Christianity. I had learned about verses such as the one where Elijah sicked a bear on "little children" and that one in particular, the pastor at my dad's church and my dad were defending it... that was a defining turning point for me.

I tried to explore other religions for a bit, nothing seemed true to me and I even was almost convinced of atheism for a bit as well.

But despite all that questioning I probably would of never came to it exactly how I did if it didn't happen to happen as I was also discovering parts of myself. I thought I was horrible, terrible. I was very depressed for a while and as a precursor to my future Left Hand Path ways I would explore the taboo and "evil" to get a better understanding of my "condition" in hopes of overcoming it. One day, I felt all the rape and murder and serial killer psychology and other stuff I was looking into, all the morbid horrible things in history all the crimes wasn't enough. It didn't help me understand what was "wrong" with me or where "evil" came from.

So I thought one day... laying in bed "What is the most evil thing.... wait! Satanism, there can't be much if anything worse than that!" thinking it might help me get to the root of "evil" so I could understand and defeat it.

...oh boy.

So I looked up Satanism. The first things I came across looked super sensational and even conspiracy theories. Then later I discovered some questionable Satanic sources which I didn't question too much at first but found really interesting. I was a skeptical person though and wikipedia was starting to get big so I decided to look at wikipedia and I was pleasantly surprised that Satanism was actually philosophically an interesting topic! I learned about the Church of Satan and some other stuff, and not too long after discovered Diane Vera's and Venus Satanas' sites.

A few months later on the eve of 2011 I met a succubus in a profound dream. That coming spring I dropped out and I was depressed. Education was a big deal in my family and all of my family had higher education. I was a "failure" in the eyes of some. I didn't do anything for almost 2 months.

So one day I was contemplating everything... and reading Satanic literature... I was mauling it over and then I was reading about Succubi and I felt her... I knew it was her from the dream. Everything overtook me and I finally gave her permission to lay on top of me. It was the most amazing experience ever. As I came under her enrapture I thought about the fact I had been reading Satanic websites and commentary for days and thought to myself "I'm reading Satanic literature all day, and have this succubus on me... I'm a Satanist... I can't deny it anymore."

That was a denial I had had for maybe half a year if not more, from when I first started reading about Satanism. I had agreed with just so much, it all made an insane amount of sense. I had actually been developing my own religious system I had a name for incorporating parts of Satanism I had read about for almost a year prior; another precursor to my LHP ways. In particular, I had taken a huge liking to pantheistic Satanism with some polytheistic elements and the writings of Diane Vera. It was part of me, and kind of always had been since I was young, I just didn't know what to call it. It was always kind of what I believed, I just wasn't aware it actually existed and I couldn't deny that Satan made perfect sense to "draw" it as given his positive qualities.

So that's how I got on to the Left Hand Path. There is a lot more spiritual history after that point. Even to this day I consider that day in the Spring of 2011 to be the date of my initiation. I had some crazy times after it and other shagging and ultimately came to where I am now, over 6 years later. I picked up Tantric Shaivism maybe 4 or 5 years ago?

I explored for a year or two the rest of Hinduism (just to be sure I wanted to not be RHP Hindu and make sure I understood the religious context of LHP Tantra), while still considering myself a Satanist, but settled back into where I am now something like 2 years ago?

So that's my story. Pretty much covered up to that night I became a Satanist... there is a lot more story of my development as a Satanist and then later Shaivia but that's how I got onto the LHP... looking back, I was destined for it all along given my thinking and a lot of just my personality growing up.

So ya I guess I transitioned, but I never really was truly RHP to start with. I was always fairly unorthodox of a person in almost every respect haha.

 

[crossfire]

While I can't say that I was ever really RHP, I can say that studying Buddhism helped me to better understand Christianity, and that studying Luciferianism helped me to better understand Buddhism. If you want to call that a transition, then okay.

If you are looking for comfort, the LHP requires you to examine your discomfort and resolve it, so don't expect any instant gratification comfort-wise. However, you can still find support from others to help you through the resolution.

I'm not sure if this information will be helpful to you, but I do wish you well on your path.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I used to be a seriously hardcore Bible thumper many years ago (about half my life ago). Brought up in the church, declared to be the ideal teenaged Christian, and lived my life for god (as I had no one and nothing else).
But I was very miserable. Even after I left Christianity and followed neo-Paganism for a few years, living for others was getting me no where except closer to death.
Eventually though in LHP philosophies I found strength in personal enrichment, growth, and empowerment, and today I'm not in the dark place I once was, and I've found strength and courage to lift myself out of an emotional black hole.
And, oddly, learning to live for myself has made it much easier to also live for others, reflection of the sufferings of Prometheus and Satan over their own actions against god that greatly benefited us.

 

[Liu]

I'm not sure I ever was on a RHP.

I grew up denominately protestant Christian, but with agnostic/areligious parents and even the Christians I encountered in school and Sunday school were the opposite of literalists.

So, the RHPy elements I had adopted were not of a theological nature, but instead certain morals (which I eventually got rid of simply due to the fact that I was bullied a lot in school), and a strong belief in physicalism. On that later point I'm still working, but finally getting through the first helped me very much. It's very cathartic to accept one's violent fantasies as what they are (even without acting on them) instead of being ashamed and afraid someone would notice. Due to that I can be more honest towards myself in other respects, too.

In regards to religion, my journey was basically
agnostic very liberal Christianity -> general agnostic Pantheism -> pantheistic Satanism
into which I'm now incorporating elements of whatever religion or philosophy I like.

 

[Deidre]

I used to be a seriously hardcore Bible thumper many years ago (about half my life ago). Brought up in the church, declared to be the ideal teenaged Christian, and lived my life for god (as I had no one and nothing else).
But I was very miserable. Even after I left Christianity and followed neo-Paganism for a few years, living for others was getting me no where except closer to death.
Eventually though in LHP philosophies I found strength in personal enrichment, growth, and empowerment, and today I'm not in the dark place I once was, and I've found strength and courage to lift myself out of an emotional black hole.
And, oddly, learning to live for myself has made it much easier to also live for others, reflection of the sufferings of Prometheus and Satan over their own actions against god that greatly benefited us.

This is so helpful! So one should embrace, work through and evolve out of the darkness, but face the darkness, instead of like in RHP's...dispel it, run from it, avoid it. Reality is sometimes dark, and if we don't deal with it, it will deal with us. One way or the other. I have found that to be true. I have unrelenting irrational fears that I continue to rug sweep, and they grow darker, and scarier because I'm not dealing with them.

I've also never known the story of Satan's suffering, it's always taught in Christianity that he makes other suffer, and that he enjoys that. I always wondered though, people who like to see others suffer, usually are suffering themselves. Is that really a true story and so on, would go through my head.

This is so enlightening, thank you SW!

 

[Deidre]

@Kapalika - Your story is crazy amazing! I have read it a few times. We have similar thought processes, and it's helping me see that i'm not alone in my doubts about so many things. It's so weird to believe in something for so long, leave it, return to it, and then leave it again...and realize that all you believed might not be at all true. Why LHP seems real for lack of a better word, is that it's not based on a deity, and all of its mighty characteristics. It is based on one's core self, and knowing one's self...it seems, anyways. You've given me so much to think about.

 

[Mindmaster]

I'm not sure I ever was on a RHP.

I grew up denominately protestant Christian, but with agnostic/areligious parents and even the Christians I encountered in school and Sunday school were the opposite of literalists.

So, the RHPy elements I had adopted were not of a theological nature, but instead certain morals (which I eventually got rid of simply due to the fact that I was bullied a lot in school), and a strong belief in physicalism. On that later point I'm still working, but finally getting through the first helped me very much. It's very cathartic to accept one's violent fantasies as what they are (even without acting on them) instead of being ashamed and afraid someone would notice. Due to that I can be more honest towards myself in other respects, too.

In regards to religion, my journey was basically
agnostic very liberal Christianity -> general agnostic Pantheism -> pantheistic Satanism
into which I'm now incorporating elements of whatever religion or philosophy I like.

I sort of echo your first statement here... I had questions that the Bible wasn't answering, but I mostly went on the basis of considering myself Christian because that is all I knew. My family is generational Catholics for as far as memory is known, lol. I spent about eight years of my life attending religious classes for a religion I don't even give a flying _whatever_ about now.

 

[Mindmaster]

I've also never known the story of Satan's suffering, it's always taught in Christianity that he makes other suffer, and that he enjoys that. I always wondered though, people who like to see others suffer, usually are suffering themselves. Is that really a true story and so on, would go through my head.

Many on the LHP view Satan/Lucifer only in the symbolic way as an adversary to mental slavery, or as a Promethean guiding light type. In any case, even if you get into the Bible the only time Satan is being the bad guy is in Revelation and it is obvious that section is a recent addition - even the churches aren't taking it very _literally_ in most cases.

For people like me, who are theistic, we tend to see Satan as a actual being but there is some debate (probably more reflective of individual progress in approaching him) as to whether he is an anthropomorphic deity or exists merely as pure consciousness. (Personally, I feel "consciousness") Anyway, if anyone has the desire to learn of his true nature they merely have to earnestly ask. One has to bear in mind that his energy is what I'd call an "old one" and as such he's sort of nebulous, where as what people commonly refer to demons are much younger spirits as a rule and easier to interpret. Of course, this is just for categorization as I wouldn't expect you to believe me. These things can really only be understood directly and anything less is just self-deception really.

I think it is important to understand that the actual spiritual world doesn't exist as a dichotomy, and rather is a blended environment. That is a critical difference between the spiritual outlook of the LHP vs RHP... I see no evil under the sun basically... There is only survival and necessity...

 

[Deidre]

While I can't say that I was ever really RHP, I can say that studying Buddhism helped me to better understand Christianity, and that studying Luciferianism helped me to better understand Buddhism. If you want to call that a transition, then okay.

If you are looking for comfort, the LHP requires you to examine your discomfort and resolve it, so don't expect any instant gratification comfort-wise. However, you can still find support from others to help you through the resolution.

I'm not sure if this information will be helpful to you, but I do wish you well on your path.

Bolded by me. That's exactly what I want. I've fled most of my life to religion...always trying to escape pain, or stress. Always thinking that it wasn't my problem to deal with, and while I've made strides with the fears in my life, I could do so much better. This could help me, but I need to understand it more. I don't wish to look at Satan as an actual entity. That feels too theistic.

 

[Kapalika]

@Kapalika - Your story is crazy amazing! I have read it a few times. We have similar thought processes, and it's helping me see that i'm not alone in my doubts about so many things. It's so weird to believe in something for so long, leave it, return to it, and then leave it again...and realize that all you believed might not be at all true. Why LHP seems real for lack of a better word, is that it's not based on a deity, and all of its mighty characteristics. It is based on one's core self, and knowing one's self...it seems, anyways. You've given me so much to think about.

'm not totally sure what you mean by leaving and returning. I think as a teenager it was more of my critical thinking and inclinations rubbing against the orthodox Christianity around me. It's more like I left Christianity in 3 distinct stages. But I never returned to any of those.

I guess the closest is when I was Hindu I took the break from Kashmir Shaivism but the intent was to always return. I felt I did not understand Hinduism authentically since I was approaching what I was taught about Kashmir Shaivism from my Satanic perspective. I found I really liked different elements from other Shaiva and Hindu sects but never the "whole package". It was after a while of gaining all this general knowledge that I returned to look back at Kashmir Shaivism and realized how perfectly it fitted (I interpret a couple of things differently but otherwise I'm 90%+ typical). At some point in that break I seriously considered dropping Satanism but I never really could bring myself to do it.

So I never felt like I've done that whole leaving and returning thing. If anything I'm too stubborn and stick with stuff way too long. The difference is with Satanism/Hinduism sticking with it worked for me and made sense. Christianity never really did from day 1 and given my environment and age I just didn't know any better to give it up much sooner.

 

[Deidre]

I'm not totally sure what you mean by leaving and returning. I think as a teenager it was more of my critical thinking and inclinations rubbing against the orthodox Christianity around me. It's more like I left Christianity in 3 distinct stages. But I never returned to any of those.

I guess the closest is when I was Hindu I took the break from Kashmir Shaivism but the intent was to always return. I felt I did not understand Hinduism authentically since I was approaching what I was taught about Kashmir Shaivism from my Satanic perspective. I found I really liked different elements from other Shaiva and Hindu sects but never the "whole package". It was after a while of gaining all this general knowledge that I returned to look back at Kashmir Shaivism and realized how perfectly it fitted (I interpret a couple of things differently but otherwise I'm 90%+ typical). At some point in that break I seriously considered dropping Satanism but I never really could bring myself to do it.

So I never felt like I've done that whole leaving and returning thing. If anything I'm too stubborn and stick with stuff way too long. The difference is with Satanism/Hinduism sticking with it worked for me and made sense. Christianity never really did from day 1 and given my environment and age I just didn't know any better to give it up much sooner.

Oh, I was referring to me...my leaving and returning. Sorry. lol

 

[Shadow Wolf]

Bolded by me. That's exactly what I want. I've fled most of my life to religion...always trying to escape pain, or stress. Always thinking that it wasn't my problem to deal with, and while I've made strides with the fears in my life, I could do so much better. This could help me, but I need to understand it more. I don't wish to look at Satan as an actual entity. That feels too theistic.

Let your "soul" explode into a raging, consuming inferno. Learn the power of a question, and never be afraid to ask them, and accept the answers (though, of course, always double check and triple check on most things). Know and learn that even "forbidden" knowledge and taboo acts can be empowering and liberating.

 

[Deidre]

Let your "soul" explode into a raging, consuming inferno. Learn the power of a question, and never be afraid to ask them, and accept the answers (though, of course, always double check and triple check on most things). Know and learn that even "forbidden" knowledge and taboo acts can be empowering and liberating.

This is such a great post and it has me thinking to Christianity, and how women are supposed to be shy, modest...and how believers in general are taught to never question. I think depending on the church, sometimes that's not ''taught,'' but it's one of those mysterious things that everyone just knows, coming from when Paul in the Bible tells men to keep their women quiet, and the women shouldn't question or be in authority positions. Granted, that was the culture of the time, but MANY men think this today, in the church. I do like men to lead, but in a respectful way, that's just me. That said, I've never allowed my ''soul'' to explode, for I was always taught that keeping things inside, and taking them to God in prayer, was the 'right' way. And forget taboo things...one should always view those as evil, if one is a ''true'' believer. It's those types of doctrines that take time to...unlearn.

 

[crossfire]

Bolded by me. That's exactly what I want. I've fled most of my life to religion...always trying to escape pain, or stress. Always thinking that it wasn't my problem to deal with, and while I've made strides with the fears in my life, I could do so much better. This could help me, but I need to understand it more. I don't wish to look at Satan as an actual entity. That feels too theistic.

You don't have to be a Satanist to be LHP. Just start looking inward and identify what you are uncomfortable or unsatisfied with, observe how the unsatisfactoriness arises, how it ends, then develop a plan of practice to resolve it.

 

[Deidre]

You don't have to be a Satanist to be LHP. Just start looking inward and identify what you are uncomfortable or unsatisfied with, observe how the unsatisfactoriness arises, how it ends, then develop a plan of practice to resolve it.

Okay, I will do this. Is this what is meant by following a path of darkness to enlightenment? We have dark parts of us that need addressing, resolving, etc?

 

[crossfire]

Okay, I will do this. Is this what is meant by following a path of darkness to enlightenment? We have dark parts of us that need addressing, resolving, etc?

Exactly. Address and resolve instead of repressing. Repressing is like allowing a boil to fester, building up poisons that affect your mind.

 

[Deidre]

Exactly. Address and resolve instead of repressing. Repressing is like allowing a boil to fester, building up poisons that affect your mind.

I agree, I think that it's hard for me to transition from merely praying away a problem, to actually dealing with it, and trying to get past it. The main issue I'd like to deal with, is my childhood. I have since made amends with my dad, he apologized for hurting me as a kid (emotionally, and hit me, etc)...but I still hold onto the pain of it. Not as much, but it's like I simply don't know how to resolve it. How to rid myself of the poison, if that makes sense. I have cried about it, prayed about it when I was a practicing Christian, worked through some of it, but there are still triggers that spark those horrible memories. And it's more than just memories, I've created a narrative in my mind that if my childhood was better, different, etc...I would never be afraid of anything, now. My life would be bliss, and I know that is wrong to think like this, but it's an ingrained narrative, I guess.