3 years ago...
Like most human beings, I have often felt the need to cling. A group to belong to; a goal to pursue; a leader to follow. I wanted to find a conservative group that represented my politically left-field beliefs, being socially conservative and economically liberal. This put me out of touch with a lot of people in the political sphere.
I eventually stumbled upon White Nationalism (Not White Supremacy™) and fell headlong into purgatory. Mostly a U.S. movement (if it could be called a movement) I still felt isolated and fragmented, because it had no core doctrine/s. Nor did WN fully represent my beliefs, because it was far too broad and attracted all sorts of people with whom I didn't want to associate; anti-intellectual types who had a painfully bad grasp of history and politics, economics and so forth. I still spent a lot of time with some White Nationalists though because broadly it was a group I could share my views with and not feel shot down by.
Let me tell you - being a White Nationalist is a pretty small effort when it comes to getting out. Or being pulled out. Probably one of the reasons I didn't fully connect with it; not to mention its overt US foundations. It took me a long time to buy into the whole Jewish problem because it seemed like nonsense, but eventually it stuck. It stuck because I believed that the white race was a pretty perfect race and we were dwindling, our countries were turning into liberal holes, full of things I disagree with like on-demand abortions and same-sex marriage (things with which I still take issue). However, if my people were perfect and so on, they couldn't possibly be responsible for ruining their own societies, so the culprit had to be some race else; some race that could blend in. It certainly wasn't Korean people. This is where it becomes possible for such a mindset to accept a Jewish Problem™. As stupid as this logic sounds, and as stupid as it is, you must remember that these people genuinely believe that their race is dying and their countries are going to be overrun by foreign cultures and their way of life will be lost forever - this kind of thinking leads indeed to a sort of madness. 'You do what you can to save your family' logic, nevermind that the threat may not be real; the threat is as real to them as the heat in Arizona.
Well, I thought it was.
I eventually wandered even further down the path to a more European-based way of thinking. It had set doctrines, a foundation, a group of people who knew history, politics, economics, and so forth. I'd reached National Socialism. Now as far as NS is concerned, there may as well be two groups. There is the group that you see on the telly; Neo-Nazis, with their cut-hair and their offensive flags; then there is the other group, what I might call the National Socialists. The sort of real ones. These people don't take part in street demonstrations; they don't wave stupid flags, or walk around covered in tattoos and let everyone know they are NatSocs. Anyone with any brains doesn't do this; they keep it squarely to themselves and other National Socialists. They are well-read; they may have gone to university; they know their politics and most of them don't like Trump. You could have an intelligent discussion on the economy with a NS and not even realise it. This group was the one I joined, so to speak. I became a holohoaxer (ship them all to Madagascar); I believed that Jews controlled, well, everything; I read MK. All these sorts of things, I did them and discussed them online with other National Socialists whom I trusted.
We shared the same views, mostly (religion is a huge issue, if not one of the biggest issues within modern National Socialism). We had one outlook. We had one goal. Hot damn I sure hated those Jews.
And, well, pretty much everyone else too because they'd accepted the lie™.
It wasn't until the internet was taken from me in mom's effort to cut down on household bills that I started to crack the shell a little. I did what I usually do when I have no internet - I read the Scripture. I became enthralled by figures like David, the prophets, and felt my heart break for Tamar. It may surprise you, but I never once thought 'Oh, these guys are Jews, my apparent mortal enemies'.
Eventually I moved (or rather, was evicted) and regained the internet. I returned to RF and also to my NS sites, SF and so on. I was in a kind of limbo because I had put all my energy into National Socialism and yet at this point in my life I was exploring 'Hebrew Roots' nonsense. Eventually, after being on RF, my views did start to change, albeit slowly. My old love for Judaism that I'd had since I was a kid finally pushed through after I met this bloke. I decided that politics was always going to be a nonsense and that I was better concentrating my efforts on religion, which meant ultimately way, way more to me. Though I was still politically homeless and on RF that's kind of a sucky position. Anyway this bloke I was chatting to had no idea he was talking to a what I might now call, lukewarm National Socialist (why would I tell him?!).
He helped, though. I mean, he helped a lot. There's nothing quite like a damn Jew to cut the NatSoc jugular.
But now I feel bad. Coming out of White Nationalism is a piece of cake compared to being an Ex-National Socialist. It feels like a stain that will never wash out, no matter how much t'shuva I make, or how much I try to stick up for my now beloved Jewish people. My old anti-Semitism is all over old diaries and it pains me to read it, even just knowing it's there. I understand that people do all sorts of crazy things, go through all sorts of phases, but very few have a serious National Socialism phase. It just feels like the deaths of millions are still on the conscience, even if I had nothing to do with it.
I sort of hope this post will help.
Like most human beings, I have often felt the need to cling. A group to belong to; a goal to pursue; a leader to follow. I wanted to find a conservative group that represented my politically left-field beliefs, being socially conservative and economically liberal. This put me out of touch with a lot of people in the political sphere.
I eventually stumbled upon White Nationalism (Not White Supremacy™) and fell headlong into purgatory. Mostly a U.S. movement (if it could be called a movement) I still felt isolated and fragmented, because it had no core doctrine/s. Nor did WN fully represent my beliefs, because it was far too broad and attracted all sorts of people with whom I didn't want to associate; anti-intellectual types who had a painfully bad grasp of history and politics, economics and so forth. I still spent a lot of time with some White Nationalists though because broadly it was a group I could share my views with and not feel shot down by.
Let me tell you - being a White Nationalist is a pretty small effort when it comes to getting out. Or being pulled out. Probably one of the reasons I didn't fully connect with it; not to mention its overt US foundations. It took me a long time to buy into the whole Jewish problem because it seemed like nonsense, but eventually it stuck. It stuck because I believed that the white race was a pretty perfect race and we were dwindling, our countries were turning into liberal holes, full of things I disagree with like on-demand abortions and same-sex marriage (things with which I still take issue). However, if my people were perfect and so on, they couldn't possibly be responsible for ruining their own societies, so the culprit had to be some race else; some race that could blend in. It certainly wasn't Korean people. This is where it becomes possible for such a mindset to accept a Jewish Problem™. As stupid as this logic sounds, and as stupid as it is, you must remember that these people genuinely believe that their race is dying and their countries are going to be overrun by foreign cultures and their way of life will be lost forever - this kind of thinking leads indeed to a sort of madness. 'You do what you can to save your family' logic, nevermind that the threat may not be real; the threat is as real to them as the heat in Arizona.
Well, I thought it was.
I eventually wandered even further down the path to a more European-based way of thinking. It had set doctrines, a foundation, a group of people who knew history, politics, economics, and so forth. I'd reached National Socialism. Now as far as NS is concerned, there may as well be two groups. There is the group that you see on the telly; Neo-Nazis, with their cut-hair and their offensive flags; then there is the other group, what I might call the National Socialists. The sort of real ones. These people don't take part in street demonstrations; they don't wave stupid flags, or walk around covered in tattoos and let everyone know they are NatSocs. Anyone with any brains doesn't do this; they keep it squarely to themselves and other National Socialists. They are well-read; they may have gone to university; they know their politics and most of them don't like Trump. You could have an intelligent discussion on the economy with a NS and not even realise it. This group was the one I joined, so to speak. I became a holohoaxer (ship them all to Madagascar); I believed that Jews controlled, well, everything; I read MK. All these sorts of things, I did them and discussed them online with other National Socialists whom I trusted.
We shared the same views, mostly (religion is a huge issue, if not one of the biggest issues within modern National Socialism). We had one outlook. We had one goal. Hot damn I sure hated those Jews.
And, well, pretty much everyone else too because they'd accepted the lie™.
It wasn't until the internet was taken from me in mom's effort to cut down on household bills that I started to crack the shell a little. I did what I usually do when I have no internet - I read the Scripture. I became enthralled by figures like David, the prophets, and felt my heart break for Tamar. It may surprise you, but I never once thought 'Oh, these guys are Jews, my apparent mortal enemies'.
Eventually I moved (or rather, was evicted) and regained the internet. I returned to RF and also to my NS sites, SF and so on. I was in a kind of limbo because I had put all my energy into National Socialism and yet at this point in my life I was exploring 'Hebrew Roots' nonsense. Eventually, after being on RF, my views did start to change, albeit slowly. My old love for Judaism that I'd had since I was a kid finally pushed through after I met this bloke. I decided that politics was always going to be a nonsense and that I was better concentrating my efforts on religion, which meant ultimately way, way more to me. Though I was still politically homeless and on RF that's kind of a sucky position. Anyway this bloke I was chatting to had no idea he was talking to a what I might now call, lukewarm National Socialist (why would I tell him?!).
He helped, though. I mean, he helped a lot. There's nothing quite like a damn Jew to cut the NatSoc jugular.
But now I feel bad. Coming out of White Nationalism is a piece of cake compared to being an Ex-National Socialist. It feels like a stain that will never wash out, no matter how much t'shuva I make, or how much I try to stick up for my now beloved Jewish people. My old anti-Semitism is all over old diaries and it pains me to read it, even just knowing it's there. I understand that people do all sorts of crazy things, go through all sorts of phases, but very few have a serious National Socialism phase. It just feels like the deaths of millions are still on the conscience, even if I had nothing to do with it.
I sort of hope this post will help.
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