Do you feel powerless?

[Spiderman]

My new years resolution is to sober which means choosing the path of most resistance at times and extremely delayed gratification...the straight and narrow way.

RF doesn't know the sober Matt so I'm sorry if I annoyed , disturbed, offended, or made you uncomfortable. I know I've apologized before but I keep turning into a different person and find myself powerless over a deep-seated addiction that I have worshipped and made myself a slave to since I was in the 6th grade.

Drug and alcohol addiction destroys countless lives and robs so many people of everything. 1919 was the year that my drug of choice was first synthesized so 2019 is the 100 year anniversary and was the year I was most enslaved to that dragon. I'm hoping it will be the last year of drinking that potion or smoking those magic crystals which bring such instant gratification followed by a nightmare and misery. I'm praying 2020 will be complete freedom but that will be a miracle.

I'll keep you posted.

I'm checking into a hospital for about 10 days soon I think. If that doesnt work I'll do the full month or more inpatient treatment program....AGAIN!

Your prayers and blessings are appreciated, but maybe they will not be answered for years and it just seems like I get worse idk... some day you will see the answer to your prayers... maybe it will be 100 years from now in purgatory, or some heavenly realm or the prophet Samuel's "World of the dead", who knows? Your dreams for yourself and your loved ones might actually come true after you leave your bodies behind.

I just worry I'll become a monster again. I hate this battle of good against evil within the mind, heart, soul, will, thought, words, actions, and emotions...the s*** just doesn't stop.

The question I have for you is, do you ever feel powerless over a habit? Like, you know for now you can stop , but tommorow you could become a different person and relapse even after promising you would not and being 100 percent certain and committed to sobriety?

Do you ever feel like you are not in control of your behaviors because your desires and inclinations keep slipping back and forth from good to evil? Do you ever feel powerless over urges and impulses?

It pisses me off and my anger is at myself , but even more my anger is at God for refusing to take these temptations away from people and leaving them confused, weak, sick, and tormented. By allowing the devil to tempt people and leaving us with the curse of original sin, God is responsible for this circus. God created Satan.

The book of Isaiah says God creates evil. Also, God pointed out Job to the Devil and let the Devil kill off his family and friends and livestock, then afflict Job with annoying disgusting illnesses, soars, boils, and wounds. The Bible makes it clear that a lot of this evil in our world is God's permissive will, in other words, God wants it. So, thank you very much Lord! Please turn it into something beautiful!

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

I am glad you are committed to healing from your addiction. I count you as a friend on here and have known you for a few years now. I have been highly concerned about you for months now. I have noticed your erratic behavior but felt powerless to do anything (there you go). I did tell you that I was concerned for you, though. I will certainly hold you in my prayers and wish you all the very best. I do believe in you, Matt. You can do it if you take things a day at a time, learn better coping skills and practice more mindfulness and resolve to stick to them and avoid triggers.

I have my own struggles with alcohol, along with self-injury, and have for years. Thanks to God, I do not feel powerless over them, at least not completely. I haven't cut in about a month and am starting to gradually drink less (which may not seem like much since I'm a binge drinker who drinks almost every day, but it's a start.

God bless and good luck.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

I let my anxiety get the best of me there for a couple of days recently. I've mostly recovered, and I seek to learn from it and become wiser.

 

[Stevicus]

My new years resolution is to sober which means choosing the path of most resistance at times and extremely delayed gratification...the straight and narrow way.

RF doesn't know the sober Matt so I'm sorry if I annoyed , disturbed, offended, or made you uncomfortable. I know I've apologized before but I keep turning into a different person and find myself powerless over a deep-seated addiction that I have worshipped and made myself a slave to since I was in the 6th grade.

Drug and alcohol addiction destroys countless lives and robs so many people of everything. 1919 was the year that my drug of choice was first synthesized so 2019 is the 100 year anniversary and was the year I was most enslaved to that dragon. I'm hoping it will be the last year of drinking that potion or smoking those magic crystals which bring such instant gratification followed by a nightmare and misery. I'm praying 2020 will be complete freedom but that will be a miracle.

I'll keep you posted.

I'm checking into a hospital for about 10 days soon I think. If that doesnt work I'll do the full month or more inpatient treatment program....AGAIN!

Your prayers and blessings are appreciated, but maybe they will not be answered for years and it just seems like I get worse idk... some day you will see the answer to your prayers... maybe it will be 100 years from now in purgatory, or some heavenly realm or the prophet Samuel's "World of the dead", who knows? Your dreams for yourself and your loved ones might actually come true after you leave your bodies behind.

I just worry I'll become a monster again. I hate this battle of good against evil within the mind, heart, soul, will, thought, words, actions, and emotions...the s*** just doesn't stop.

The question I have for you is, do you ever feel powerless over a habit? Like, you know for now you can stop , but tommorow you could become a different person and relapse even after promising you would not and being 100 percent certain and committed to sobriety?

Do you ever feel like you are not in control of your behaviors because your desires and inclinations keep slipping back and forth from good to evil? Do you ever feel powerless over urges and impulses?

It pisses me off and my anger is at myself , but even more my anger is at God for refusing to take these temptations away from people and leaving them confused, weak, sick, and tormented. By allowing the devil to tempt people and leaving us with the curse of original sin, God is responsible for this circus. God created Satan.

The book of Isaiah says God creates evil. Also, God pointed out Job to the Devil and let the Devil kill off his family and friends and livestock, then afflict Job with annoying disgusting illnesses, soars, boils, and wounds. The Bible makes it clear that a lot of this evil in our world is God's permissive will, in other words, God wants it. So, thank you very much Lord! Please turn it into something beautiful!

Well, I hope you do well. Whatever you gotta do to recover, just do it. I wish you well.

As for your questions, I suppose there are some habits which might be hard for me to break. Smoking is one, coffee is another. I did have some issues with addiction back in the late 1980s, so I felt I had to just shake it off somehow. Both of my parents were in AA, so I was aware of 12 step programs, but I never could quite get into that for myself. I just felt like I had to push myself to do what I had to do.

I'm far from perfect, but I try to do the best I can.

 

[sun rise]

The question I have for you is, do you ever feel powerless over a habit? Like, you know for now you can stop , but tommorow you could become a different person and relapse even after promising you would not and being 100 percent certain and committed to sobriety?

That is step 1 of all the 'anonymous' programs.

I hope and pray you get what you most need in this difficult time.

 

[PureX]

My new years resolution is to sober which means choosing the path of most resistance at times and extremely delayed gratification...the straight and narrow way.

It's a surrender to healing. A letting go of self-will. In a way, it can be very easy. You just shut up and do what you're told (by those who know the way out).

RF doesn't know the sober Matt...

Matt doesn't know the sober Matt. Because all the normal life things that would have defined Matt and made him who he would be as a sober man got ignored, and pushed aside, in a mad obsession with the big "feel good". Addiction recovery means going back through those experiences, and feeling them this time. Real jobs you didn't have. Real dates you didn't go on. Real friendship you didn't make. Real responsibilities you didn't take on. A real life that you've never lived. Then we will all see the real Matt. And you will get to know him, too. How amazing he is, and how valued he is to those around him. But first you have to do the work. The work of recovery from addiction. And then you have to keep doing it, until it becomes your life.

 

[SalixIncendium]

My new years resolution is to sober which means choosing the path of most resistance at times and extremely delayed gratification...the straight and narrow way.

RF doesn't know the sober Matt so I'm sorry if I annoyed , disturbed, offended, or made you uncomfortable. I know I've apologized before but I keep turning into a different person and find myself powerless over a deep-seated addiction that I have worshipped and made myself a slave to since I was in the 6th grade.

Drug and alcohol addiction destroys countless lives and robs so many people of everything. 1919 was the year that my drug of choice was first synthesized so 2019 is the 100 year anniversary and was the year I was most enslaved to that dragon. I'm hoping it will be the last year of drinking that potion or smoking those magic crystals which bring such instant gratification followed by a nightmare and misery. I'm praying 2020 will be complete freedom but that will be a miracle.

I'll keep you posted.

I'm checking into a hospital for about 10 days soon I think. If that doesnt work I'll do the full month or more inpatient treatment program....AGAIN!

Your prayers and blessings are appreciated, but maybe they will not be answered for years and it just seems like I get worse idk... some day you will see the answer to your prayers... maybe it will be 100 years from now in purgatory, or some heavenly realm or the prophet Samuel's "World of the dead", who knows? Your dreams for yourself and your loved ones might actually come true after you leave your bodies behind.

I just worry I'll become a monster again. I hate this battle of good against evil within the mind, heart, soul, will, thought, words, actions, and emotions...the s*** just doesn't stop.

I'm glad you're doing this for yourself, Matt. My thoughts are with your through your struggle.

The question I have for you is, do you ever feel powerless over a habit? Like, you know for now you can stop , but tommorow you could become a different person and relapse even after promising you would not and being 100 percent certain and committed to sobriety?

I have, in the past, felt powerless over a couple of habits.

And I have relapsed into both smoking and drinking after promising myself that I would quit both, but was ultimately able to quit both successfully.

What affected my success was not how others perceived me, but how I perceived myself. It was a shift in my worldview and my goals associated with that worldview.

Do you ever feel like you are not in control of your behaviors because your desires and inclinations keep slipping back and forth from good to evil? Do you ever feel powerless over urges and impulses?

I have, but I never really perceived it as good vs evil. I never lent credence to those concepts. For me it was more about strength vs weakness. I made the choice that I will be in control of my mind and body and not surrender control to chemicals.

 

[Spiderman]

I am glad you are committed to healing from your addiction. I count you as a friend on here and have known you for a few years now. I have been highly concerned about you for months now. I have noticed your erratic behavior but felt powerless to do anything (there you go). I did tell you that I was concerned for you, though. I will certainly hold you in my prayers and wish you all the very best. I do believe in you, Matt. You can do it if you take things a day at a time, learn better coping skills and practice more mindfulness and resolve to stick to them and avoid triggers.

I have my own struggles with alcohol, along with self-injury, and have for years. Thanks to God, I do not feel powerless over them, at least not completely. I haven't cut in about a month and am starting to gradually drink less (which may not seem like much since I'm a binge drinker who drinks almost every day, but it's a start.

God bless and good luck.

I'm very blessed to be in your prayers. I think God, mother Mary, Amaterasu and the Kami, and Saint Francis of Assisi love you very much because you have your problems and woundedness which makes it so that you don't get proud, judgemental, hypocritical, condemning, or self-righteous...therefore your prayers are more powerful than those who resemble a self-righteous Pharisee.

Jesus said that the Pharisee was praying next to the tax collector and drunkard and the tax collector just beat his chest and acknowledged he was a sick imperfect sinner, the pharisee thanked God for how holy he was and that he wasn't like the sinner beside him. God was far more pleased with the humble prayer of the poor sinner.

So, stay humble and I'm sure your prayers are more powerful than the vast majority by far because it was people like you that Christ came for.

((Hugs)) .

 

[Twilight Hue]

My new years resolution is to sober which means choosing the path of most resistance at times and extremely delayed gratification...the straight and narrow way.

RF doesn't know the sober Matt so I'm sorry if I annoyed , disturbed, offended, or made you uncomfortable. I know I've apologized before but I keep turning into a different person and find myself powerless over a deep-seated addiction that I have worshipped and made myself a slave to since I was in the 6th grade.

Drug and alcohol addiction destroys countless lives and robs so many people of everything. 1919 was the year that my drug of choice was first synthesized so 2019 is the 100 year anniversary and was the year I was most enslaved to that dragon. I'm hoping it will be the last year of drinking that potion or smoking those magic crystals which bring such instant gratification followed by a nightmare and misery. I'm praying 2020 will be complete freedom but that will be a miracle.

I'll keep you posted.

I'm checking into a hospital for about 10 days soon I think. If that doesnt work I'll do the full month or more inpatient treatment program....AGAIN!

Your prayers and blessings are appreciated, but maybe they will not be answered for years and it just seems like I get worse idk... some day you will see the answer to your prayers... maybe it will be 100 years from now in purgatory, or some heavenly realm or the prophet Samuel's "World of the dead", who knows? Your dreams for yourself and your loved ones might actually come true after you leave your bodies behind.

I just worry I'll become a monster again. I hate this battle of good against evil within the mind, heart, soul, will, thought, words, actions, and emotions...the s*** just doesn't stop.

The question I have for you is, do you ever feel powerless over a habit? Like, you know for now you can stop , but tommorow you could become a different person and relapse even after promising you would not and being 100 percent certain and committed to sobriety?

Do you ever feel like you are not in control of your behaviors because your desires and inclinations keep slipping back and forth from good to evil? Do you ever feel powerless over urges and impulses?

It pisses me off and my anger is at myself , but even more my anger is at God for refusing to take these temptations away from people and leaving them confused, weak, sick, and tormented. By allowing the devil to tempt people and leaving us with the curse of original sin, God is responsible for this circus. God created Satan.

The book of Isaiah says God creates evil. Also, God pointed out Job to the Devil and let the Devil kill off his family and friends and livestock, then afflict Job with annoying disgusting illnesses, soars, boils, and wounds. The Bible makes it clear that a lot of this evil in our world is God's permissive will, in other words, God wants it. So, thank you very much Lord! Please turn it into something beautiful!

Maybe distinguishing the feelings of powerlessness from what a person is actually powerless at, might lessen any fustration that may arise. Weed out what you can do from what you can't do.