Confusion

[preethi01]

Am i wrong if i want to keep my religion being married? I feel if you have a strong bond, how does it affect your children?

 

[zenzero]

Friend preethi,

If love is conditional then it is surely not love even though there is an emotional attachment/lust and appears to be love.
Love never has any binding and it remains intact permanently under any given circumstances.
Sorry, you need to analyze the relationship and then if he is in love as you are then he too can change his faith if he feels it that strongly about being in love and that is something where you will know all about the relationship.
Best Wishes!
Love & rgds

 

[preethi01]

thanks zenzero...for adding valuing to the conversation and to my decision....i hope i will get some answers from here so i can take my final decision........

 

[NemisisQ]

Am i wrong if i want to keep my religion being married? I feel if you have a strong bond, how does it affect your children?

I think u should consult this with a professional.

It's not wrong, whats really wrong is religion itself that prevent others from marrying those that are out of their circle of belief. But that is a common claim. There is nothing wrong in my perspective, but in religous matter, then yeah it might.

A strong bond.... hmmm im not sure if i can comprehend this, considering the unlimited obstacles life has to offer. A reminder; a relationship can't survive with love alone. A occurance in unreturned love is also a problem, if he isn't committed to the same degree as you are then... well, it's best to leave it, and find another fish in the sea.

As for affect on children that is somthing you should discuss with him, if there is any irrational decisions made without a mutual agreement concerning with the kids then the affect would be negative.

How old are the kids??

You should talk to specialist about this, posting the issue on this forum may not be as helpful, not everybody is affiliated with family studies and such.

 

[preethi01]

They are 6,3........let see how does it works....thank you.

 

[NemisisQ]

Rather young age, to experience father and mother divorce. Hmm, well i hear somthings of where blood doesn't matter in a family, or brotherhood. The 6 year old may take a while to adapt to the changes, oh and effort too. Things like this; that are out of his control can be stressful for him, so time, and effort you put in is a good remedy. Well it's how he react the world is what make the difference.

The 3 year old child, may not be able to understand the situation, he's at a stage to recognize symbols and stuff.

Your welcome

 

[preethi01]

Nemisiq,

World if you do good will also speak and if u dont then too will speak. they like to point fingers on others everytime, whats cooking others are very much interested where they dont whts cooks in thier house...anyways....thanks for your advice....

 

[NemisisQ]

Nemisiq,

World if you do good will also speak and if u dont then too will speak. they like to point fingers on others everytime, whats cooking others are very much interested where they dont whts cooks in thier house...anyways....thanks for your advice....

NP

 

[waitasec]

They are 6,3........let see how does it works....thank you.

i thought you said 6 and 2

Not bad guy, really helpful and loving..........Yes he has two children from his current wife...........6,2. i am not able to judge him now...... i understand for the future children. if god with us..... everything there in our mind, christian or muslim why dont people think from that prospect, its upto a person to make his chrisitan or muslim? why holding religion?

 

[beenie]

Wow ssainhu, what are yo doing? Calm down a little bit. Inconsiderate words like "mistress", "cheating dictator" and "are you for real" definitely don't help the lady.

Her story happens all the time.

Islamically speaking, a Muslim man can marry a second wife, and he is not considered a "cheating dictator" definitely.

Preethi, following your heart in such situation can lead to many problems.

First, you just can't force yourself to change your religion because of any man. And he shouldn't have asked you this. How can you?

Secondly, such relation would cause much harm to his family, think about the kids, I don't think this would make you happy and it can cause a lot of troubles to you.

Thirdly, you don't know for sure if he would leave his first wife, it is possible that it's a false promise. Do you accept to be a second wife? (This depends on the laws of the country you live in)

I can't tell you what to do since I am not in your difficult position but I know that indulging in such feelings towards a man without thinking, without considering the circumstances and using your mind to assess the man whom you will start a new life with, can make you unhappy.

If you put an end to this relation which wouldn't be easy for you, you could move on and meet the man whom you deserve.

Sahar, I know I sound harsh, but I have zero tolerance for men cheating on their wives...especially when there are children involved. I've seen the damage it causes for the children, and it saddens me. Second wives are not permitted in the US, and quite honestly, the circumstances don't warrant a second wife, IMO.

I'm sorry if I find it hypocritical for a man to be worried about the religion of the woman he's cheating with while HE'S the one cheating.

preethi01, I apologize if my words are harsh, I just want the best for you and I'm not so sure this man is it.

 

[NemisisQ]

Sahar, I know I sound harsh, but I have zero tolerance for men cheating on their wives...especially when there are children involved. I've seen the damage it causes for the children, and it saddens me. Second wives are not permitted in the US, and quite honestly, the circumstances don't warrant a second wife, IMO.

I'm sorry if I find it hypocritical for a man to be worried about the religion of the woman he's cheating with while HE'S the one cheating.

preethi01, I apologize if my words are harsh, I just want the best for you and I'm not so sure this man is it.

I second that !!

 

[preethi01]

Thanks ssainhu for your advice.

I am honestly disturbed in this case. I am not gonna marry unless and until he gets divorced from his wife. I know what's best for me, ....I always wants to see people happy and not unhappy because of me....let me decide whats best...........i know im hurting many people in this case but i have to listen to my voice inside, god with me...........

 

[Kathryn]

Am I the only one who thinks it's awfully hypocritical for this man to worry about what religion his mistress is while cheating on his wife? :sarcastic

Run as fast as you can from this guy and find someone with some morals.

Yes to this. And work on your own morals while you're at it.

I find it very odd that two people who supposedly take their religious faiths seriously - and whose faiths both denounce deceit and unfaithfulness - are more than willing to carry on an adulterous affair, even to the point of dismantling a family, but suddenly can't fathom how they are going to raise their future children under two different religions.

Your religions haven't seemed to play too much of an important part in your decision making process so far - why start worrying so much about it now?

Do you think that you can be this lackadaisical about your values at this point and then suddenly expect idealistic values to kick in once you've destroyed his marriage and he's dismantled his current family? Do you honestly believe that the character flaws which played into this whole fiasco are going to suddenly melt away and you both will become paragons of religious virtue?

My advice is for both of you to get away from each other. He needs to focus on his family and you need to focus on why you allowed yourself to become so involved with a married man. APART FROM EACH OTHER, he needs to determine if he wants to stay married to his wife - or if she wants to stay married to him after he tells her he's been unfaithful. APART FROM EACH OTHER, you need to get your head on straight about your own religious values or lack thereof.

Only then can either of you make clear headed and morally sound choices about this unsavory situation. I think you will both find that you probably do not need to be together. It seems an unhealthy scenario to me.

 

[Kathryn]

Thanks ssainhu for your advice.

I am honestly disturbed in this case. I am not gonna marry unless and until he gets divorced from his wife. I know what's best for me, ....I always wants to see people happy and not unhappy because of me....let me decide whats best...........i know im hurting many people in this case but i have to listen to my voice inside, god with me...........

I don't believe God wants you to be involved with a married man. I don't believe God wants married men to have affairs and divorce their wives to marry other women.

Now I know I am speaking generally and that there are exceptions to all cases. But...maybe you don't need to "listen to your heart" as much as you need to re evaluate the teachings of your own religion. You say you are a Christian and you take your faith seriously. Well - read the New Testament this weekend. It's not all that long and it's a pretty easy read over a weekend.

I think you will find that adultery is a pretty grievous sin and that your actions have been pretty reprehensible - I don't care how much you think you love this guy. Guilt and the natural and sad ramifications of divorce and destroying another family have a way of dousing the flames of passion over time.

I think you will regret pushing this relationship forward. GET OUT and get your head and heart together before you jump off into another relationship. The second you realized this man was married you should have stepped way back and broken off any inappropriate contact with him.

Frankly, I don't care if you love him. He's not yours. Your love does not give you any rights to him.

 

[preethi01]

Kathryn,

Thanks for your advice and strongly take it..........i know what bible says very well...... and nobody knows what's going to happen with you in your life. life can take turn anytime even if you don't want to go that side. do you ever know whats god plans for you? and same here........

if the family base is not strong even if you live together in one room it will not work how much ever you wants so.... i am not against any family because i have very large family too and i wish nothing should be done bad....

god knows everything what i do and i dont say that he blesses me for that. i have to carry my sins myself.........

 

[Kathryn]

No one knows what sort of random thing will happen in your life and mine - that's true. But we're not talking about random things you can't control. We are talking about choices you are making. You are choosing to be involved with a married man who has a family.

Stop it.

 

[preethi01]

I don't wanna say anything, whatever happens according to his time and will. If something like this happens in someones life then they will find, even if u want to be involved and not to be involved its once destiny. For the world and in front of god its sin..creator who made me knows whats best for me and will happen according to his will...

 

[Kathryn]

I don't wanna say anything, whatever happens according to his time and will. If something like this happens in someones life then they will find, even if u want to be involved and not to be involved its once destiny. For the world and in front of god its sin..creator who made me knows whats best for me and will happen according to his will...

So you're saying that you can continue to make bad decisions and this is God's will, not yours?

 

[preethi01]

I am sorry here....i will not answer any of the issues....i will close this discussion....

Only i can say that whatever happens in your life and will happen in the future its already decided and only at the will creator....I will continue or discontinue i will leave it on the time to come.....who am i decide whatever decision i make good or bad? always remember if you finger point someone one finger always points at you.....sorry for taking all of your time...

 

[jasem]

Dear all,

I am new to this forum. Happy to see you and need your advice....

I am christian lady, working unmarried in love with a married man muslim....At the start to begin love with conditioned with accepting islam to marry. He is ready to leave his first divorced. I agreed, but at the later stage 1 year i realised i dont want to accept. But i love him so much and dont think of leave him, i too much disturbed. At the same time i dont want to leave christian as i love my god too much.........i informed him that i cant accept, he said he cant marry because two religion people cant stay together which will affect the childrens.

I know i have committed sin by following with married man, its love which is out of anyone hands. and always ask gods blessings......

now i am confused at this stage, he is not in contact with me and i cant just leaving him....

please advice.

A Muslim man can marry a non-Muslim woman, if she believes in one unique God, while a Muslim woman can't marry a non-Muslim under any circumstances. Maybe he just want to find and excuse to refuse marriage.:yes: