Changing Religion over love???

[StevieHummingbird]

Would you consider changing your religion for marriage?
Or even love. It seems a lot of people do just that, but if yes, why?
Or would you just do the opposite ask to change your lovers religion?
And why? And if you would do one and not the other why? Sorry lots of questions in that, it is just a recent curiosity of mine.

 

[enchanted_one1975]

While I wouldn't change my religion for love, my love (unintentionally) led me to my religion. Upon researching her religion, I found that it was what I needed and that my old religion needed to go. She did nothing to influence this decision other than answering my questions as they came up. If one were to change their religion just because the other person said to then I would have to say that they are worshiping their significant other rather than their Deity/Deities.

 

[Dunemeister]

While I wouldn't change my religion for love, my love (unintentionally) led me to my religion. Upon researching her religion, I found that it was what I needed and that my old religion needed to go. She did nothing to influence this decision other than answering my questions as they came up. If one were to change their religion just because the other person said to then I would have to say that they are worshiping their significant other rather than their Deity/Deities.

Frubals.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

Would you consider changing your religion for marriage?
Or even love. It seems a lot of people do just that, but if yes, why?

I think it shows how incidental and unimportant religion is to most people, "religious" or not. It's simply something you "just do" for most people, and there is little, if any, reflection on the matter.

 

[Dunemeister]

I think it shows how incidental and unimportant religion is to most people, "religious" or not. It's simply something you "just do" for most people, and there is little, if any, reflection on the matter.

Must I constantly frubal people in this thread?

 

[StevieHummingbird]

I understand your point atotal.. but still think others would disagree.
Especially if kids were put into the picture.

 

[Dena]

No, I wouldn't change for love or marriage. I wouldn't ask anyone to change either unless it is what they wanted to do.

 

[enchanted_one1975]

Especially if kids were put into the picture.

When it comes to kids, my fiance and I agree that they should be allowed to choose their own spiritual path. We will help them pursue and learn about whichever path they choose. This is not hypothetical. We already have two teenagers. If they want to go to a certain church they can. If they want to learn about our religion we will teach them. If it is a more obscure religion that they desire we will do our best to help them learn. When parents push their religion on their kids you often wind up with one of two things:
1) Resentment
2) Blind followers
The first often leads to one finding a different path just out of rebellion. That is not a good reason. The second leaves a person following a path without knowing why. IMHO that means their heart is not truly on that path. Sure, it could turn out ok...but will it?

 

[Evee]

All we can do is hope for the best, enchanted_one, eh? I mean, by teaching them that religion is a personal decision, are you not passing on your own beliefs? I know tons of people who think that religion ISN'T a personal decision at all. Basically, no matter what you do, you pass on your own beliefs to your kids. I think that since I believe wholeheatedly in my own beliefs, I will be able to communicate the essential truth of it to my kids. Obviously, I will encourage them to search for the truth on their own, but I'm pretty sure that they'll be able to find it in the same place I did. It's just a question of which ideas will make your kids the happiest, right?

But no, I don't think I could change my religion for love. I ran into a teenaged version of this question and picked G-d. Now, in the future, who can say? But I don't see my love for another person, or for myself, overshadowing my love for, or current understanding of, G-d.
The same applies the other way. I can't help but think that if someone's converting to my religion "for me", it's really unlikely to be a sincere (and therefore valid) conversion. Now, if I happened to fall in love with someone who didn't share my beliefs, but after meeting me and studying them honestly and sincerely began to believe in them, too, that would be OK. But it's got to be genuine and I wouldn't--COULDN'T--force it.

Peace,
EV

 

[enchanted_one1975]

All we can do is hope for the best, enchanted_one, eh? I mean, by teaching them that religion is a personal decision, are you not passing on your own beliefs? I know tons of people who think that religion ISN'T a personal decision at all. Basically, no matter what you do, you pass on your own beliefs to your kids. I think that since I believe wholeheatedly in my own beliefs, I will be able to communicate the essential truth of it to my kids. Obviously, I will encourage them to search for the truth on their own, but I'm pretty sure that they'll be able to find it in the same place I did. It's just a question of which ideas will make your kids the happiest, right?

So my fiance and I should just teach our kids to study Witchcraft and that Jesus is as fake as Santa Clause because that is what we believe? No, we won't be doing that. We do not believe in bad-mouthing other religions. We teach them to be good people. We can do that without pushing particular Deities or certain methods of worship on them. They can choose their own path as they learn about life. If they ask us for guidance we will give them our opinions.

 

[Evee]

Please let me preface this by reassuring everyone that I have no intention of telling anyone how to raise any kids they may be responsible for. Especially not those who have been doing it for as long as I've been alive. I also don't mean to tell anyone that the way they raise their kid(s) is wrong, or even "misguided". I don't even have kids. My ideas are still in the planned-future zone.

You misunderstand me, enchanted_one. I'm saying that no matter what our views are, we teach what we believe to be the truth. You believe that the truth is for everyone to find however they find it. I believe that I've found the closest thing to the truth that we have on Earth. If I think I've got the answer, I'd like to share it with those I love. It doesn't have to be pushy or aggressive. My point is that we impart our biases no matter how hard we try to avoid them. There is no "neutral" way to raise children regarding spiritual beliefs, because even raising them without definite spiritual ideas, or with the idea that a spiritual path is individual and shouldn't be taught from birth, is a stance unto itself, just as biased as raising them to believe in a specific god or to believe in no god at all.
If you didn't teach your kids anything about who or how to worship (or not) before they asked you, how DID they get information? (This is a sincere and genuine question.)

I also don't believe in bad-mouthing other religions and I certainly don't believe that one has to bad mouth a religion in order to put forward the idea that one's own is the right one. And of course they'll choose their own paths as they grow up. That's what growing up is, right? Call me idealistic, but I believe that we're all capable of shedding the faiths of our fathers and following the path we feel calls to us. ("faiths of our fathers" really means "of our parents", but I liked the alliteration. ) I did. Didn't you? I bet tons of other RFers have. From the number of conversations I've had with people in the process of converting to other faiths, I'm pretty confident that if you raise your kids to be thoughtful, they'll be able to find their way to the Truth, either with your guidance or in spite of it.

Since I believe that my path is the closest we get to the truth, you can bet I'll be teaching it to any kids I have, especially since it requires members to study Torah for themselves and to question interpretations and rules relentlessly. If it stands up to their questionning, they'll stay. If it doesn't, they'll probably have me convinced, too, and we'll all go looking for the truth again somewhere else. Doesn't seem much like "pushing" to me.

 

[enchanted_one1975]

Well if I get the chance, I might sneak in a story from my Mythology beliefs or something, but I am going to play it by ear. A lot of my feelings on this topic are probably because the Catholic church was forced down my throat for many many years as a child. While I may have learned some good morals from it, I also learned a lot of hatred and bigotry that I had to overcome on my own. My biggest regret, however, is that I was lied to for all those years and I didn't even begin to learn the truth until I was in my 30's.

Evee...I hope no hard feelings?

 

[Evee]

None at all. Don't sweat it.
I'm in the middle of the transition from my parents' beliefs to my own, so I can sympathize a bit. Luckily my parents were the the shoving-down-the-throat kind.
Peace

 

[Arkholt]

I think it all comes down to what you think is most important. If you think your possible spouse is more important than your religion/god/gods/spirituality/whatever, then you probably would change or give up your religion. If you think those things are more important than your possible spouse, then you ought to make that apparent to him or her, and they ought to be respectful enough to be accepting of that. If they aren't, they're probably not worth it anyway.

 

[Smoke]

I know lots of people who have changed religions for their spouses.

My great-grandparents both changed churches. He was Roman Catholic and she was German Methodist. They both joined the Lutheran Church as a compromise.

If I had married a woman when I was Orthodox, I would not have even considered marrying outside the Church. Presently, my husband and I have very different religious views, but it doesn't cause any problems. I don't think I could change my views for another person even if I wanted to, and I don't expect him to change his.

 

[Smoke]

I think it all comes down to what you think is most important. If you think your possible spouse is more important than your religion/god/gods/spirituality/whatever, then you probably would change or give up your religion.

I don't think it's fair to put it that way. A lot of people feel that god and religion are very important, but don't think there's one true faith to the exclusion of all others. Such people find their strong religious commitment is no obstacle to changing their religious affiliation.

 

[cardero]

I know lots of people who have changed religions for their spouses.

My great-grandparents both changed churches. He was Roman Catholic and she was German Methodist. They both joined the Lutheran Church as a compromise.

If I had married a woman when I was Orthodox, I would not have even considered marrying outside the Church. Presently, my husband and I have very different religious views, but it doesn't cause any problems. I don't think I could change my views for another person even if I wanted to, and I don't expect him to change his.

Would you have had any problem with a Christian marriage service if John wanted one?

 

[zenzero]

Friend SH,

Changing Religion over love???

both the terms needs understanding a broader perspective.
Religion: is only a path or way towards knowing the *self*. It is individual and personal.
Love - love is a quality of a being. A flower has a quality of spreading its fragrance. It is for the whole of existence. The flower is open for any one to partake of it freely. similarly every human has this quality of love which is for anyone to partake BUT however, our human minds never allows such openness and always thinks that loving should be restricted to one partner and family members.
On both counts the human mind has not yet become a part of a BEING.
Love & rgds

 

[Smoke]

Would you have had any problem with a Christian marriage service if John wanted one?

No; we had hoped to have Draka officiate even though neither of us is Wiccan, and when she was unable to do it we considered asking an independent Catholic priest to officiate. We thought of asking you to officiate, too, but then it turned out that out-of-state clergy need special permission to officiate in Connecticut, so we decided to take the easy way out with the JP. If we'd been able to marry in South Carolina, John would probably have pushed for the United Church of Christ clergy to officiate, and I wouldn't have had a problem with that, either.

The only condition was that I would not have pretended to be a Christian, so any Christian clergy who might have officiated would have had to sign off on marrying a Christian to a non-Christian. That is sometimes a problem, even beyond the gay issue.

 

[StevieHummingbird]

Friend SH,



both the terms needs understanding a broader perspective.
Religion: is only a path or way towards knowing the *self*. It is individual and personal.
Love - love is a quality of a being. A flower has a quality of spreading its fragrance. It is for the whole of existence. The flower is open for any one to partake of it freely. similarly every human has this quality of love which is for anyone to partake BUT however, our human minds never allows such openness and always thinks that loving should be restricted to one partner and family members.
On both counts the human mind has not yet become a part of a BEING.
Love & rgds

So you are saying that if he or she does change their religion then they are being selfish to themselves, and that it is not their real path?
Sorry if I misinterpreted that, just trying to understand.