Can a marriage survive being "unequally yoked"?

[Moonjuice]

2 Corinthians 6:14
14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

As a Christian, I was convinced that anyone who did not believe what we believed was wrong and in "darkness" and I shouldn't bother spending much time with those people, for fear that they might become a stumbling block for my own walk with the lord. Especially when it comes to relationships. I'm sure there are other Christians out there that can relate.

I married my high school sweetheart 27 years ago (we both went to Christian school, her father was a Baptist preacher, now retired). However, when I de-converted from Christianity all by myself, it created an immediate rift between myself, my family, my wifes family and ultimately between me and my wife.

It took a number of years to get through it, but eventually we did. My wife (whom I adore more than I can put into words) basically said if her beliefs are wrong she does not want to know. In her mind, she is happier thinking she is going to live forever. She is happier thinking she is going to see her dead loved ones again. She is terrified of the reality I have come to accept (which I just call reality). I can certainly understand that. So rather than continue to point out all the incorrect information we have been fed out entire lives as I discovered it, I chose to stop trying to share it with her. I respect the fact that "ignorance is bliss" and if she is choosing bliss over reality, that is totally up to her. What was once a huge issue for us, is now almost never discussed. Its just not important to our relationship any longer.

Since I value the fact that we are 100% committed to continuing to live our lives together until the day we die, I can easily accept the fact that we do not need to agree on the importance of what is true over the value of what feels good- with respect to the supernatural. Honestly, it just doesn't affect the way we live our lives now.

I'm wondering if anyone else is currently in an unequally yoked relationship (religiously speaking). Have you worked it out? Or did it end your relationship?

 

[savagewind]

God bless you!

 

[Vouthon]

As a Christian, I was convinced that anyone who did not believe what we believed was wrong and in "darkness" and I shouldn't bother spending much time with those people, for fear that they might become a stumbling block for my own walk with the lord

Hi @Moonjuice

Many thanks for sharing your personal story with us.

I am sorry to learn of the difficulties that your change of faith brought into your marriage and the resultant strained relations with your wife's family. It's good to know that you both managed to find a way to make it all work out in the end as a couple, despite the hardships. I'm sincerely glad for the two of you.

Not to quibble, but I just wanted to point out - on a purely exegetical basis - that the verse you cited at the start of the OP (2 Corinthians 6:14) does not actually prohibit interfaith unions, nor was this the established practice in the early church of the New Testament era. It's concerned with avoiding pollutions of body and soul, and pursuing a path of sanctification, and is not actually about marriage of any kind.

Many scholars actually argue that it is an interpolation (based on its language and conceptual content not being in alignment with the rest of Paul's authentic letters), but whether it is Pauline, non-Pauline, or anti-Pauline, the majority of ancient and medieval commentators interpreted the verse as a caution against consorting spiritually with idolaters (that is, being influenced by their idol-worship, with Belial explicitly mentioned in a succeeding verse). It does not, however, touch upon the question of the validity of having a carnal relationship with an unbeliever in a mixed marriage.

When Paul does directly refer to Christians in marriages with pagans, he is supportive and not condemnatory:

"To the rest I say—I and not the Lord—that if any believer[a] has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 And if any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy through her husband" (1 Corinthians 7:12-14).​

This was recognised by the early church fathers, for example St. Augustine of Hippo in a tract written around 421 C.E:


From Permission to Prohibition: (harvard.edu)

Augustine debates one Pollentius, otherwise unknown, about the correct interpretation of 1 Cor 7:10–11 and Matthew 19:9 concerning divorce.

Along the way they also discuss 1 Cor 7:12–14. Pollentius argues that ―"This, therefore, is the Lord‘s commandment, both in the Old Testament and the New, that only spouses of the same religion and faith may remain joined to each other." Pollentius buttresses this contention by appeal to Deuteronomy 7:3–4 (a passage that Cyprian had missed) and 1 Cor 7:39.

Augustine summarizes Pollentius‘ argument and then asks:

"If this is the Lord‘s commandment, in both the Old Testament and the New, and this is what the Lord commands, and this is what the apostle teaches, namely, that only spouses of the same religion and faith may remain joined – why then, in opposition to the Lord‘s command, and in opposition to his own teaching, and in opposition to the commandment of the Old Testament and the New, does the apostle [in 1 Cor 7:12–14] order spouses of different faiths to remain joined?"

​

After some further discussion, Augustine says ―"As I recall, in none of the works of the New Testament, either in the Gospel or in any of the writings of the apostles, is it clearly stated without ambiguity that the Lord has prohibited believers from being joined in marriage to unbelievers."

In their discussions of mixed marriage, neither Tertullian nor Pollentius nor Augustine cite 2 Cor 6:14. In their commentaries ad loc. neither Theodoret nor Pelagius nor Ambrosiaster mentions marriage. For what it is worth I note that not a single one of the excerpted commentaries on 2 Cor 6:14 presented in Ancient Christian Commentary on Scripture (see note 11 above) even mentions marriage.​

 

[sun rise]

I'm wondering if anyone else is currently in an unequally yoked relationship (religiously speaking).

My wife is an atheist and I'm not. She is as dedicated to music with the same intensity as I'm dedicated to the spiritual world.

There have been moments such as when she accused me of being willing to "do anything they tell you to do". But my response was that I'm being told to be more loving and that settled that (along with of course my demonstrating that love).

So the balanced "yoke" for us is loving each other and having interests which are compelling.

 

[Kenny]

2 Corinthians 6:14
14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

As a Christian, I was convinced that anyone who did not believe what we believed was wrong and in "darkness" and I shouldn't bother spending much time with those people, for fear that they might become a stumbling block for my own walk with the lord. Especially when it comes to relationships. I'm sure there are other Christians out there that can relate.

I married my high school sweetheart 27 years ago (we both went to Christian school, her father was a Baptist preacher, now retired). However, when I de-converted from Christianity all by myself, it created an immediate rift between myself, my family, my wifes family and ultimately between me and my wife.

It took a number of years to get through it, but eventually we did. My wife (whom I adore more than I can put into words) basically said if her beliefs are wrong she does not want to know. In her mind, she is happier thinking she is going to live forever. She is happier thinking she is going to see her dead loved ones again. She is terrified of the reality I have come to accept (which I just call reality). I can certainly understand that. So rather than continue to point out all the incorrect information we have been fed out entire lives as I discovered it, I chose to stop trying to share it with her. I respect the fact that "ignorance is bliss" and if she is choosing bliss over reality, that is totally up to her. What was once a huge issue for us, is now almost never discussed. Its just not important to our relationship any longer.

Since I value the fact that we are 100% committed to continuing to live our lives together until the day we die, I can easily accept the fact that we do not need to agree on the importance of what is true over the value of what feels good- with respect to the supernatural. Honestly, it just doesn't affect the way we live our lives now.

I'm wondering if anyone else is currently in an unequally yoked relationship (religiously speaking). Have you worked it out? Or did it end your relationship?

I am not unequally yoked... but I think there is more to the understanding of the scripture that you quoted since it doesn't necessarily apply to marriage...

please note:

1 Cor 7:12 Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a fellow believer has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. 13 And if a believing woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. 14 For the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the believing husband brings holiness to his marriage.

A great example that you can be unequally yoked in faith but still have a wonderful marriage.

 

[Secret Chief]

In my partnership the areas of compatability are not around any religious belief (we are not similarly inclined). I appreciate how they could be for others though.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

2 Corinthians 6:14
14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

As a Christian, I was convinced that anyone who did not believe what we believed was wrong and in "darkness" and I shouldn't bother spending much time with those people, for fear that they might become a stumbling block for my own walk with the lord. Especially when it comes to relationships. I'm sure there are other Christians out there that can relate.

I married my high school sweetheart 27 years ago (we both went to Christian school, her father was a Baptist preacher, now retired). However, when I de-converted from Christianity all by myself, it created an immediate rift between myself, my family, my wifes family and ultimately between me and my wife.

It took a number of years to get through it, but eventually we did. My wife (whom I adore more than I can put into words) basically said if her beliefs are wrong she does not want to know. In her mind, she is happier thinking she is going to live forever. She is happier thinking she is going to see her dead loved ones again. She is terrified of the reality I have come to accept (which I just call reality). I can certainly understand that. So rather than continue to point out all the incorrect information we have been fed out entire lives as I discovered it, I chose to stop trying to share it with her. I respect the fact that "ignorance is bliss" and if she is choosing bliss over reality, that is totally up to her. What was once a huge issue for us, is now almost never discussed. Its just not important to our relationship any longer.

Since I value the fact that we are 100% committed to continuing to live our lives together until the day we die, I can easily accept the fact that we do not need to agree on the importance of what is true over the value of what feels good- with respect to the supernatural. Honestly, it just doesn't affect the way we live our lives now.

I'm wondering if anyone else is currently in an unequally yoked relationship (religiously speaking). Have you worked it out? Or did it end your relationship?

I was in an unequally yoked relationship, but it wasn't a super long one.
Ultimately I think it's going to matter more about what the specific beliefs are, and whether there are kids involved than whether your beliefs are different.

As an atheist, it makes it easier to accept a loved one having a different belief in some circumstances (for example, I don't honestly believe they'll be condemned to hell for it, which would be hard to handle).
But my girlfriend at the time assumed I'd convert to Catholicism if we ended up marrying (that discussion was enough to set me running, but different story...lol). Her rationale seemed to be 'Why wouldn't you? You don't have a religion, so not like converting to one would upset your family or be contrary to your religious beliefs.'

Whereas for me, there's no way I'm converting to Catholicism...although neither would I expect her to deconvert.

And of course any kids raised would become points of contention if there was a disagreement on what they should be taught, etc. I'd be okay with teaching both parents beliefs as two separate sources of information for a child. But this wouldn't be acceptable to many I suspect.

 

[Vinayaka]

2 Corinthians 6:14
14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

As a Christian, I was convinced that anyone who did not believe what we believed was wrong and in "darkness" and I shouldn't bother spending much time with those people, for fear that they might become a stumbling block for my own walk with the lord. Especially when it comes to relationships. I'm sure there are other Christians out there that can relate.

I married my high school sweetheart 27 years ago (we both went to Christian school, her father was a Baptist preacher, now retired). However, when I de-converted from Christianity all by myself, it created an immediate rift between myself, my family, my wifes family and ultimately between me and my wife.

It took a number of years to get through it, but eventually we did. My wife (whom I adore more than I can put into words) basically said if her beliefs are wrong she does not want to know. In her mind, she is happier thinking she is going to live forever. She is happier thinking she is going to see her dead loved ones again. She is terrified of the reality I have come to accept (which I just call reality). I can certainly understand that. So rather than continue to point out all the incorrect information we have been fed out entire lives as I discovered it, I chose to stop trying to share it with her. I respect the fact that "ignorance is bliss" and if she is choosing bliss over reality, that is totally up to her. What was once a huge issue for us, is now almost never discussed. Its just not important to our relationship any longer.

Since I value the fact that we are 100% committed to continuing to live our lives together until the day we die, I can easily accept the fact that we do not need to agree on the importance of what is true over the value of what feels good- with respect to the supernatural. Honestly, it just doesn't affect the way we live our lives now.

I'm wondering if anyone else is currently in an unequally yoked relationship (religiously speaking). Have you worked it out? Or did it end your relationship?

I'm glad you guys made it through that crisis. In my experience as an observer, most couples don't.

 

[Brian2]

2 Corinthians 6:14
14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

As a Christian, I was convinced that anyone who did not believe what we believed was wrong and in "darkness" and I shouldn't bother spending much time with those people, for fear that they might become a stumbling block for my own walk with the lord. Especially when it comes to relationships. I'm sure there are other Christians out there that can relate.

I married my high school sweetheart 27 years ago (we both went to Christian school, her father was a Baptist preacher, now retired). However, when I de-converted from Christianity all by myself, it created an immediate rift between myself, my family, my wifes family and ultimately between me and my wife.

It took a number of years to get through it, but eventually we did. My wife (whom I adore more than I can put into words) basically said if her beliefs are wrong she does not want to know. In her mind, she is happier thinking she is going to live forever. She is happier thinking she is going to see her dead loved ones again. She is terrified of the reality I have come to accept (which I just call reality). I can certainly understand that. So rather than continue to point out all the incorrect information we have been fed out entire lives as I discovered it, I chose to stop trying to share it with her. I respect the fact that "ignorance is bliss" and if she is choosing bliss over reality, that is totally up to her. What was once a huge issue for us, is now almost never discussed. Its just not important to our relationship any longer.

Since I value the fact that we are 100% committed to continuing to live our lives together until the day we die, I can easily accept the fact that we do not need to agree on the importance of what is true over the value of what feels good- with respect to the supernatural. Honestly, it just doesn't affect the way we live our lives now.

I'm wondering if anyone else is currently in an unequally yoked relationship (religiously speaking). Have you worked it out? Or did it end your relationship?

My wife is not a believer and we are still together and it has been about 45 years since we met.
There have been problems along the way because of differences in belief however but we have remained together even if it causes a gap in the relationship in which we cannot share.

 

[idea]

This podcast might be helpful
Marriage on a Tightrope

 

[Muffled]

I believe mine did. 49 years before she died. We did have our battles though.

 

[Muffled]

2 Corinthians 6:14
14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

As a Christian, I was convinced that anyone who did not believe what we believed was wrong and in "darkness" and I shouldn't bother spending much time with those people, for fear that they might become a stumbling block for my own walk with the lord. Especially when it comes to relationships. I'm sure there are other Christians out there that can relate.

I married my high school sweetheart 27 years ago (we both went to Christian school, her father was a Baptist preacher, now retired). However, when I de-converted from Christianity all by myself, it created an immediate rift between myself, my family, my wifes family and ultimately between me and my wife.

It took a number of years to get through it, but eventually we did. My wife (whom I adore more than I can put into words) basically said if her beliefs are wrong she does not want to know. In her mind, she is happier thinking she is going to live forever. She is happier thinking she is going to see her dead loved ones again. She is terrified of the reality I have come to accept (which I just call reality). I can certainly understand that. So rather than continue to point out all the incorrect information we have been fed out entire lives as I discovered it, I chose to stop trying to share it with her. I respect the fact that "ignorance is bliss" and if she is choosing bliss over reality, that is totally up to her. What was once a huge issue for us, is now almost never discussed. Its just not important to our relationship any longer.

Since I value the fact that we are 100% committed to continuing to live our lives together until the day we die, I can easily accept the fact that we do not need to agree on the importance of what is true over the value of what feels good- with respect to the supernatural. Honestly, it just doesn't affect the way we live our lives now.

I'm wondering if anyone else is currently in an unequally yoked relationship (religiously speaking). Have you worked it out? Or did it end your relationship?

I believe you have lost the reality and exchanged it for ashes.

I believe there is some of that and people don't like their icons smashed. The problem is that you may just as likely have strayed from the truth as found it.

 

[Moonjuice]

I believe you have lost the reality and exchanged it for ashes.

I believe there is some of that and people don't like their icons smashed. The problem is that you may just as likely have strayed from the truth as found it.

What a wonderful collection of insightful comments on marriages with conflicting religious beliefs. Thank you for your participation.

 

[idea]

2 Corinthians 6:14
14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

As a Christian, I was convinced that anyone who did not believe what we believed was wrong and in "darkness" and I shouldn't bother spending much time with those people, for fear that they might become a stumbling block for my own walk with the lord. Especially when it comes to relationships. I'm sure there are other Christians out there that can relate.

I married my high school sweetheart 27 years ago (we both went to Christian school, her father was a Baptist preacher, now retired). However, when I de-converted from Christianity all by myself, it created an immediate rift between myself, my family, my wifes family and ultimately between me and my wife.

It took a number of years to get through it, but eventually we did. My wife (whom I adore more than I can put into words) basically said if her beliefs are wrong she does not want to know. In her mind, she is happier thinking she is going to live forever. She is happier thinking she is going to see her dead loved ones again. She is terrified of the reality I have come to accept (which I just call reality). I can certainly understand that. So rather than continue to point out all the incorrect information we have been fed out entire lives as I discovered it, I chose to stop trying to share it with her. I respect the fact that "ignorance is bliss" and if she is choosing bliss over reality, that is totally up to her. What was once a huge issue for us, is now almost never discussed. Its just not important to our relationship any longer.

Since I value the fact that we are 100% committed to continuing to live our lives together until the day we die, I can easily accept the fact that we do not need to agree on the importance of what is true over the value of what feels good- with respect to the supernatural. Honestly, it just doesn't affect the way we live our lives now.

I'm wondering if anyone else is currently in an unequally yoked relationship (religiously speaking). Have you worked it out? Or did it end your relationship?

It's not can you go with me, it's can you grow with me.
No two people are equal. True love accepts others as they are, nor as you would have them to be. Opposites attract as a challenge, to see if it really is possible to love others as they are.
Best wishes to you both.

 

[Deeje]

I'm wondering if anyone else is currently in an unequally yoked relationship (religiously speaking). Have you worked it out? Or did it end your relationship?

I lost my other half seven years ago. He was not a believer and at the time of our marriage I was spiritually lost.....but searching. When I found Jehovah's Witnesses, and began studying the Bible with them (not long after our wedding) my own family was very supportive, but my husband and his family were not. It caused many problems for us and after 20 years of arguing with me over my faith, and refusing to listen to anything I said, he was finally forced to meet some of my brotherhood....our son was getting engaged to a lovely Witness girl, and so he had no choice but to mingle with Witnesses at the engagement party. He had stressed about it.....but I was astounded to see that after the introductions, he hung around and spoke to them all evening. Finally, he saw what I had seen 20 years earlier, rather than allowing his bigoted mother to influence his thinking. He welcomed them into our home after that and treated them with kindness and respect. I was delighted and relieved to finally have peace at home.

We were together almost 50 years before I lost him, (45 years married) and sticking with him through 20 years of struggles was worth the 25 years of happiness that followed. I have no regrets.

I believe that the scripture you quoted has wider implications than simply avoiding people who are not believers.....it says...."Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers" which is not ruling out unbelievers altogether because we are rubbing shoulders with many unbelievers at work, at school and in other places where people gather...we have neighbors who are unbelievers and there is no rule that says we must avoid people who do not share our faith.....what we would avoid is close friendships those who wish to tear our faith down. Its natural for us to seek friendships with kindred spirits...those who have the same interests, likes and dislikes as we do. But they do not have to be believers for us to be friends with them.

The admonition from the scriptures is to marry a fellow believer.....for obvious reasons my own experience is an example of why this is the better option. I believe that sharing faith brings you closer together....and you have one source of advice that never conflicts.