Khale
Active Member
Bush Quicker, Kerry Thicker Than Had Been Believed...
Posted 6.10.05
Americans are congratulating themselves for making the right choice of President last year following the release of documents showing that George Bush and John Kerry are each other's intellectual equals and not the grossly mismatched pair so inaccurately portrayed on late night comedy shows and internet flash animations.
Many percieved that Kerry was an articulate, well-read intellectual whilst Bush was a barely-sentient vegetable cowering under the porch every evening for fear that the sun would be drowned by the ocean. The records of Kerry's educational records, which he withheld during the election, have largely disproved that.
President Bush answers serious questions about the budget whilst Senator Kerry is distracted by a hacky-sack thrown from the audience at a one of last year's election debates
The news came as Kerry at last graduated from Yale University at the age of 62 after finally passing Ant Farm Studies, Pool Safety and Psychology, the three remaining units he needed to earn Yale's respected 'Be the Best You Can' Diploma.
President Bush congratulated his former adversary on his academic achievement and spoke of his own relief that he no longer needed to mask his giant intellect out of pity for Kerry: "It was, I think, Marcel Proust who said 'Cela fait souvent de la peine de penser' and I hardly think I need say more on the matter." The President then took a sip of Claret and returned to playing blindfold chess against a team of NASA scientists whilst discussing poetry with Devon from Knight Rider.
Kerry's clever words during the election are attributed to a shady party contact, nicknamed Deep Thought, who fed erudite oneliners and quotations from Aristotle to the Democratic hopeful. During a publicity tour of Hacksaw, Oklahoma, Kerry's earpiece reportedly fell out and the Vietnam veteran was forced to improvise by repeatedly reading the Terms and Conditions from a Best Buy receipt in his pocket. After an hour, locals became agitated and aides ushered him from the scene.
Meanwhile, commentators have welcomed a new flowering of intellectualism in the White House, something not seen since Lyndon Johnson completed a crossword in 1968. Bush was quick to calm fears that he would become distant and arrogant however: "Tish and piffle I daresay. My good man, we stand today on the brink of a revolution in the politics of the mind. Embrace the new dawn and let me lead you like the helpless cattle you are. LO, I AM WISER AND MORE POWERFUL THAN YOUR FEEBLE BRAINS CAN EVER IMAGINE! KNEEL BEFORE ME AND DESPAIR!
by Adamsan
-www.pointlesswasteoftime.com-
Posted 6.10.05
Americans are congratulating themselves for making the right choice of President last year following the release of documents showing that George Bush and John Kerry are each other's intellectual equals and not the grossly mismatched pair so inaccurately portrayed on late night comedy shows and internet flash animations.
Many percieved that Kerry was an articulate, well-read intellectual whilst Bush was a barely-sentient vegetable cowering under the porch every evening for fear that the sun would be drowned by the ocean. The records of Kerry's educational records, which he withheld during the election, have largely disproved that.
President Bush answers serious questions about the budget whilst Senator Kerry is distracted by a hacky-sack thrown from the audience at a one of last year's election debates
The news came as Kerry at last graduated from Yale University at the age of 62 after finally passing Ant Farm Studies, Pool Safety and Psychology, the three remaining units he needed to earn Yale's respected 'Be the Best You Can' Diploma.
President Bush congratulated his former adversary on his academic achievement and spoke of his own relief that he no longer needed to mask his giant intellect out of pity for Kerry: "It was, I think, Marcel Proust who said 'Cela fait souvent de la peine de penser' and I hardly think I need say more on the matter." The President then took a sip of Claret and returned to playing blindfold chess against a team of NASA scientists whilst discussing poetry with Devon from Knight Rider.
Kerry's clever words during the election are attributed to a shady party contact, nicknamed Deep Thought, who fed erudite oneliners and quotations from Aristotle to the Democratic hopeful. During a publicity tour of Hacksaw, Oklahoma, Kerry's earpiece reportedly fell out and the Vietnam veteran was forced to improvise by repeatedly reading the Terms and Conditions from a Best Buy receipt in his pocket. After an hour, locals became agitated and aides ushered him from the scene.
Meanwhile, commentators have welcomed a new flowering of intellectualism in the White House, something not seen since Lyndon Johnson completed a crossword in 1968. Bush was quick to calm fears that he would become distant and arrogant however: "Tish and piffle I daresay. My good man, we stand today on the brink of a revolution in the politics of the mind. Embrace the new dawn and let me lead you like the helpless cattle you are. LO, I AM WISER AND MORE POWERFUL THAN YOUR FEEBLE BRAINS CAN EVER IMAGINE! KNEEL BEFORE ME AND DESPAIR!
by Adamsan
-www.pointlesswasteoftime.com-
