Attending temple (or not)... something on my mind lately

[Islington]

Tell us how you felt when you come back, then. If it was better or not!

 

[Jainarayan]

Tell us how you felt when you come back, then. If it was better or not!

Will do.

 

[Nyingjé Tso]

Vanakkam,

Yes as Islington said, staring is totally normal, don't worry.
It's a cultural thing, it is not considered rude to stare.
If you go to India, you'll see pretty much everyone you pass staring at you for a while, then resume their activity... They're just curious about you, no harm or judgement in the process.

Aum Namah Shivaya

 

[SomeRandom]

Yeah, I'm even dressed. Well, business casual: new polo shirt, dark blue chinos. I think a tie would be over the top. I do like wearing a tie occasionally, but the collar has to be loosened: that "devil-may-care" demeanor ... I can't stand anything around my neck.

I've been dressing better for work and gotten compliments from surprised coworkers. With the exception of last Friday's half vacation day it's been about 2 weeks since I've worn jeans and a t shirt. It's been nice slacks, collared shirts or polo shirts. I've also realized that part of my feelings of "inadequacy" at temple were most likely due to how I was dressing. Not disrespectfully, but just "not me".

Well dressed well minded, right?
Our Temple has a sort of unofficial enforced dress code (mostly because of meddling fussy parents parenting the kids) so I would prefer jeans but alas have to wear salwar kameez and they're uncomfortable. Oh well.

 

[Jainarayan]

I went. It was crowded. A lot of kids and people I never saw before. Some of the kids were dressed nicer than their parents. There was a lot of jostling and people bumping into each other. I escaped that part unscathed. If anyone was looking at me funny I didn’t notice it. For the first time in a while I didn’t feel uncomfortable or that I didn’t belong there. But I did leave after about an hour because it was getting more crowded as it got later. It was getting hard to get around.

 

[Vinayaka]

I went. It was crowded. A lot of kids and people I never saw before. Some of the kids were dressed nicer than their parents. There was a lot of jostling and people bumping into each other. I escaped that part unscathed. If anyone was looking at me funny I didn’t notice it. For the first time in a while I didn’t feel uncomfortable or that I didn’t belong there. But I did leave after about an hour because it was getting more crowded as it got later. It was getting hard to get around.

Cute little kids get the same staring treatment you get, if not more so, and they seem to take it okay, lol. I went this morning. Boss went tonight. Hope she comes back uninjured.

 

[Fireside_Hindu]

I can totally relate @Jainarayan

I've been attending temple regularly for more than 5 years now but my inherent social anxiety has never left me. Like you, no one has ever been unkind to me, but it has always been a discomfort I can't shake. I am usually fine after about 20 minutes, but I have done the same as you at times - driven to temple only to turn around. Or sometimes I would go intending to stay for many hours of a festival or puja only to rush in and leave quickly.

Often times I've had to force myself to go even though I don't want to deal with the anxiety - because I know it's good for me in the long run.

Recently, I've been dealing with some serious anxiety and depression issues (It seems to rear its ugly head every 7-8 years) that have made it really hard to attend temple even when I really miss it. I would talk to your PC doctor about beta blockers. My doctor prescribed them to me and they help with the physical symptoms of anxiety like sweating, clammy hands and heart palpitations which can be so embarrassing and make things worse. I've taken one before the last three visits to temple and they have really helped a lot. I still notice the stares, but I relax much faster and the anxiety never reaches a fever pitch. A large part of social anxiety is the self consciousness we feel over those embarrassing symptoms.

 

[Aupmanyav]

Yes as Islington said, staring is totally normal, don't worry.
It's a cultural thing, it is not considered rude to stare.
If you go to India, you'll see pretty much everyone you pass staring at you for a while, then resume their activity... They're just curious about you, no harm or judgement in the process.

In the temple (not sure of other places, either in India or abroad), return a stare with a smile and a wink. It is psychologoical. If you feel you belong, the stares will not affect you.

 

[Jainarayan]

I can totally relate @Jainarayan

It seems to rear its ugly head every 7-8 years) that have made it really hard to attend temple even when I really miss it. I would talk to your PC doctor about beta blockers. My doctor prescribed them to me and they help with the physical symptoms of anxiety like sweating, clammy hands and heart palpitations which can be so embarrassing and make things worse.

Same here about the timing as far as it being cyclical. Mine is more frequent though. I take Bystolic and HCTZ to control my bp. Bystolic is a beta-blocker. I didn’t know that could control anxiety.

My bp began going up about 2 years ago just before my back surgery and as the pain increased. Considering I am in pain 2 years later and still on an opioid, it’s probably affecting my bp.

The sweating has greatly diminished since I stopped my bupropion. I get depressed but not so much I feel it’s benefits outweigh the side effects.

And being an Aspie doesn’t help matters.

A large part of social anxiety is the self consciousness we feel over those embarrassing symptoms.

Yep!