metis
aged ecumenical anthropologist
I have a son who has "bipolar disorder" who tried to commit suicide twice in the 1980's, and also a granddaughter who tried last year to commit suicide at the age of 15, and she was diagnosed as having "mood disorder" and is on medication that has helped a lot.Depression isn't always manageable or can be treated. If I could get past my fears and if it weren't for my mom and my pets, I'd probably kill myself.
My point is that if you have been diagnosed, and if they can find a medication that works for you, this can help. My son, who's now 42, doesn't take his medication that often, but it has helped him through some rough periods. He owns his own business, and there's a lot of pressures that are put on him because of this.
Hope you're able to get a handle on your depression, but my experience is that this takes time and a lot of patience.