As an atheist having someone praying for you

[Augustus]

To be fair to the religious, most time, they mean well when they say, "I'll pray for you"
I usually ignore it and treat it as a normal reaction from a person of faith.
Much more useful would have been, "What can I do to help?" but they believe praying is helping.

Do people actually use it in that way though? It's just a statement of best wishes.

Can't say I've ever heard it in a manner that someone who would otherwise have helped me chooses not to because they believe that praying is a superior replacement for the tangible assistance they would otherwise have offered.

The majority of the time I assume it doesn't even mean they are actually going to pray for me, it's just an expression.

 

[ImmortalFlame]

Dunno about online debate, but IRL, if it is clearly said with good intentions then getting annoyed about it is pathetic.

Getting annoyed at someone genuinely wishing you well simply because you would prefer them to have phrased it slightly differently is petty arrogance and a total **** move.

I'm not sure it's fair to depict that kind of reaction like that. To pray for someone is, implicitly, a bit different to simply wishing them well. It is to imply that a person possesses some deficiency that needs healing or changing, often by simply being the person they are or having beliefs or opinions not in line with the "prayees".

I'm certain it can be said with the best intentions, but I believe those intentions are largely influenced by the culture around praying which tells people that prayer is selfless rather than the actual implications of the prater itself, or the subtext of telling someone they need to be prayed for.

I don't believe I've ever been told "I will pray for you" maliciously, but I still reserve to right to say to someone "Actually, I do find the fact that you've said that somewhat insulting and I'd rather you didn't", and I don't think it's a **** move. I don't say it to make them feel bad, I say it because it's the genuine affect to me of their words, and I want to increase their awareness of the implication of what they have said - even if they think they mean well by saying it.

There are exceptions to the above, of course, such as prayer following loss or tragedy, which more often is - as you described it - simply wishing well and hoping for healing. I'm talking explicitly about people who say it as a reaction to me being an atheist, or expressing a belief they feel makes prayer for me necessary.

 

[Samantha Rinne]

If you are engaged in a discussion/debate with a theist and they post something like "I'm praying for you", do you take it as wish for your best interests or as a passive/aggressive "shot" meant to antagonize and belittle your point of view?

Why on Earth would you think that? To show actually belittling your point of view, I'm gonna say that's completely ridiculous and irrational. That's what belittling looks like.

Now, praying that you'll come to see Jesus or something, yes that's heavy handed. But say you're sick or have a broken leg. How is that different from saying "I wish you luck"? You just can't accept them, and are accusing them of being the one with the problem. The problem is you.

I had a friend who was suicidal (atheist agnostic) because she couldn't see her life as anything but pain. I prayed for her too. Did I pray she's gonna find Jesus? Not really, I prayed she'd be okay, cuz the last time I heard from her it sounded like she jumped. She survived with a fracture. But she had no idea how worried she made me. We weren't friends much longer, and I know suspect she tried again to kill herself not long after.

I'm praying for you, too. Not necessarily to reach any specific theology, but because you seem hostile to people. You seem angry. And I know how anger screws up lives, having lost a job to lost temper.

 

[ChristineM]

If you are engaged in a discussion/debate with a theist and they post something like "I'm praying for you", do you take it as wish for your best interests or as a passive/aggressive "shot" meant to antagonize and belittle your point of view?

I usually see it as a waste of time, dreaming instead of actually doing something.

How i react depends on the situation, it ranges from feeling sorry for them to asking them not to waste their time.

However, asking them to cease and decist can sometimes create s lovely fireworks display

 

[viole]

If you are engaged in a discussion/debate with a theist and they post something like "I'm praying for you", do you take it as wish for your best interests or as a passive/aggressive "shot" meant to antagonize and belittle your point of view?

no. i ask them why they are so anxious to prove the ineffectivity of prayer even more.

Ciao

- viole

 

[Augustus]

I'm not sure it's fair to depict that kind of reaction like that. To pray for someone is, implicitly, a bit different to simply wishing them well. It is to imply that a person possesses some deficiency that needs healing or changing, often by simply being the person they are or having beliefs or opinions not in line with the "prayees".

Then it is largely an indirect criticism, rather than a statement of support.

I can never remember anyone offering prayers where I've viewed it as anything other than a well meaning statement of support, although I'm sure it happens to some people.

I don't believe I've ever been told "I will pray for you" maliciously, but I still reserve to right to say to someone "Actually, I do find the fact that you've said that somewhat insulting and I'd rather you didn't", and I don't think it's a **** move. I don't say it to make them feel bad, I say it because it's the genuine affect to me of their words, and I want to increase their awareness of the implication of what they have said - even if they think they mean well by saying it.

If someone does it as a rebuke then it's fair enough to be annoyed, I agree. Just the same as with any other kind of rebuke you find objectionable.

I have heard some people get a bit precious about it even when simply as another form of wishing someone well though, which I find somewhat ridiculous.

 

[QuestioningMind]

If you are engaged in a discussion/debate with a theist and they post something like "I'm praying for you", do you take it as wish for your best interests or as a passive/aggressive "shot" meant to antagonize and belittle your point of view?

That would depend on why they are praying for me. If it's because I'm going into surgery, I'd assume that they are simply wishing me luck. However, if they've just been informing me of all the horrible things that will happen to me if I fail to believe in their proposed god being and then tell me that their praying for my soul, I'd tend to be insulted.

 

[Invisibilis]

Thanks , but telling me you'll do something for me of which I have no belief in its power is really no favour and could be construed as a failure to respect my beliefs. But you are sincere and I'll accept them as long as you allow me to view them as best wishes!! Lol

A person not for God references life from a self point of view, and takes everything affront as personal.
A person truly for God references life from a spiritual point of view, and takes everything affront as a misunderstanding, and not personal.

Unfortunately, most of those who say they are for God and not truly for God, and have a foot in both camps. These are most likely to say to an atheist "I'll pray for you". Their announcement has become personal (for their own self). This does not mean they won't pray, but they are partly claiming the prayer to God for self.

 

[Stevicus]

If you are engaged in a discussion/debate with a theist and they post something like "I'm praying for you", do you take it as wish for your best interests or as a passive/aggressive "shot" meant to antagonize and belittle your point of view?

If it's in a context of a debate or someone trying to proselytize, I would take it as veiled antagonism and hubris. It's just like how some people around here respond with "Bless your heart." They actually mean something else they can't say.

I sometimes wonder just how much good it actually does to pray "for" someone anyway.

 

[stvdv]

If you are engaged in a discussion/debate with a theist and they post something like "I'm praying for you", do you take it as wish for your best interests or as a passive/aggressive "shot" meant to antagonize and belittle your point of view?

IMO:
This is crossing the line, because it's condescending, they see the Atheist's non-faith as inferior and their faith as superior.
The correct way would be, to wait until the Atheist asks the Theist to pray for him. Unasked advice/prayers are "not done".
Even if he does not ask it, but prays in his mind, it still is condescending. I avoid these people.
There is no mutual equality (from their side), and that means no real communication nor truth.

Even the Bible tells us not to pray for others unasked.
So actually the Theist might need the Atheist to pray for his sake, that he might see his error.

 

[Geoff-Allen]

Thanks , but telling me you'll do something for me of which I have no belief in its power is really no favour and could be construed as a failure to respect my beliefs. But you are sincere and I'll accept them as long as you allow me to view them as best wishes!! Lol

Fair enough.

I may have been a little clumsy in the language I used. We can all benefit from wishing the best for our fellow humans. Just knowing that someone is sincerely wishing for your peace of mind can be a small comfort in a world like this.

I was sincere even if it was a bit clumsy

I believe deep down {maybe way deep down!} we all have an instinct for kindness & compassion but we forget and need constant reminders!

Ciao!

 

[Ayjaydee]

Why on Earth would you think that? To show actually belittling your point of view, I'm gonna say that's completely ridiculous and irrational. That's what belittling looks like.

Now, praying that you'll come to see Jesus or something, yes that's heavy handed. But say you're sick or have a broken leg. How is that different from saying "I wish you luck"? You just can't accept them, and are accusing them of being the one with the problem. The problem is you.

I had a friend who was suicidal (atheist agnostic) because she couldn't see her life as anything but pain. I prayed for her too. Did I pray she's gonna find Jesus? Not really, I prayed she'd be okay, cuz the last time I heard from her it sounded like she jumped. She survived with a fracture. But she had no idea how worried she made me. We weren't friends much longer, and I know suspect she tried again to kill herself not long after.

I'm praying for you, too. Not necessarily to reach any specific theology, but because you seem hostile to people. You seem angry. And I know how anger screws up lives, having lost a job to lost temper.

Why would someone think that? Read some of the answers and keep the personal insults to yourself.

 

[Ancient Soul]

If you are engaged in a discussion/debate with a theist and they post something like "I'm praying for you", do you take it as wish for your best interests or as a passive/aggressive "shot" meant to antagonize and belittle your point of view?

While I'm not an atheist, I've had this phrase thrown at me countless times over the years. So would like to add my input.

Although to set the record straight, not necessarily coming from a straight Theist, but only from a Christian.

Now while the "I'm praying for you" would be fine if it's given in context of support for a misfortune or illness etc. I just let it slide then. But in a forum debate it's most often used as a condescending insult to anyone who they cannot convert into believing in their Christian religion. Because it carries with it the connotation of "I'm praying for you" to see the light, be "saved", to "repent" etc, and become a Christian. Looking down on you like you are some low life, and they are exalted above you. That just gets to me.

 

[Ancient Soul]

Perhaps. But I can't help that - other than to pray for their enlightenment.

Thank you for proving the point I just made in my previous post.

That you use the saying "I'm praying for you" as a condescending insult that Christians use to look down upon others with.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

If you are engaged in a discussion/debate with a theist and they post something like "I'm praying for you", do you take it as wish for your best interests or as a passive/aggressive "shot" meant to antagonize and belittle your point of view?

It's case by case. Years ago, I was having intense convo here. After every post she always put something like bless you, peace with you, what so have you (blurred on intentionally).

Most times it's annoying but when used to side track or ignore an argument on a debate site, it's condescending. Very.

Most times, I take it as good will. I live among Christians so I hear it a lot. What rocks me is if on the phone with my insurance way out of state and before hanging up, they'd say God bless you. (I'm tempted to say blessed be just because)

It's interesting many god believers don't know how much influence they have on people unlike them.

Most times it's fine. It just makes me think where I am on the sceme of things.

 

[Ancient Soul]

To be fair to the religious, most time, they mean well when they say, "I'll pray for you"
I usually ignore it and treat it as a normal reaction from a person of faith.
Much more useful would have been, "What can I do to help?" but they believe praying is helping.

Ho hum

So true.

Christianity - The religion of sitting there doing nothing but "praying" and then pretending that their "god" does it for them.

 

[ImmortalFlame]

Then it is largely an indirect criticism, rather than a statement of support.

I can never remember anyone offering prayers where I've viewed it as anything other than a well meaning statement of support, although I'm sure it happens to some people.

It's likely rarer than we're really mentioning here, but there's probably a cognitive fallacy in place that makes those far fewer times stand out more in our memory. Kind of like how you tend to remember more clearly every time someone shut a door in your face rather than every time somebody held a door open for you, despite the latter probably happening far more often.

If someone does it as a rebuke then it's fair enough to be annoyed, I agree. Just the same as with any other kind of rebuke you find objectionable.

I have heard some people get a bit precious about it even when simply as another form of wishing someone well though, which I find somewhat ridiculous.

As with many things, context and tone is key. If I ever feel like someone has said it to me in a negative way, I'm less interested in admonishing them for it than in trying to get them to understand why it comes across negatively to me, which at least encourages them to think a bit more about it - even if it ends up making no difference. I think being precious about it probably doesn't help either the prayer or the prayee, but it does happen a lot.

 

[TagliatelliMonster]

If you are engaged in a discussion/debate with a theist and they post something like "I'm praying for you", do you take it as wish for your best interests or as a passive/aggressive "shot" meant to antagonize and belittle your point of view?

Depends on context off course.

If it's posted as a response to "I accept evolution theory", then I'll take it as passive aggression.
If it's posted as a response to "I just got diagnosed with cancer", then I'll take it as a sign of compassion.

 

[stvdv]

If you are engaged in a discussion/debate with a theist and they post something like "I'm praying for you", do you take it as wish for your best interests or as a passive/aggressive "shot" meant to antagonize and belittle your point of view?

Proselytizers proselytize, because they "think they know(believe)", that they know what is best AND what is best for others.

Your question is about "when you are in a debate"

My feeling is, that you had in mind that the debate is about Religion, as you specifically mentioned "passive aggressive shot meant to antagonize and belittle your point of view". You don't mention anything else, so I stick to the facts given. No hypotheticals.

In that case it is exactly what you said, I would call it even active aggressive shot.

Because all humans know, that to belittle the other is a form of serious violence. Knowing this and still doing it, proves that it is an active agressive shot of violence. When it is, because he lost the debate, then it is passive aggressive too.

Personally I don't care what their reason is to belittle me. To belittle my POV would be the better reason. The main fact is, that they belittle me.