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Are people right when they talk about you?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Unveiled Artist, Aug 7, 2020.

  1. Unveiled Artist

    Unveiled Artist Veteran Member

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    Do you sometimes see in yourself the negative things people (strangers, friends, etc) say define or say about you?

    For example, I had a former friend who I thought was my friend. Found after high school her family didn't like me-cause I'm gay, black, American, non-catholic, and have behavioral issues due to disability. The negative comments she made of me through the years was directly related to these things. But then I think, does she have a point with some of these things? Not the light comments such as lying or something like that but the big ones. Do we know? Do we admit it to ourselves? Do we apologize? In denial?

    Or are these people (strangers, friends, etc) "always" wrong about who we are that a doesn't align with our faults we accept as opposed to ones we don't?

    -

    Something that I thought about when we talk about people we come in contact with, people we talk with online, politics, religion, and just the stranger who told you you were clumsy and need to get a life.
     
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  2. Jayhawker Soule

    Jayhawker Soule <yawn> ignore </yawn>
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    Of course. Why do you ask?
     
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  3. Unveiled Artist

    Unveiled Artist Veteran Member

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    Just something I thought about when coming in contact with people. For example, if someone said you were always stupid, do you actually believe you are stupid in the way "they" implied it?

    I assume it's alright not to always identify with what a person says a person is (if you're called stupid and you believe you're not, it's alright to believe that). Though, with talking about other people so much do we see the "same thing" in ourselves rather than a version of what we want to accept and the rest we disregard.
     
  4. Amanaki

    Amanaki Veteran Member

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    Yes, there are people both in RF but also in my real life who read me very well, and when I do or say something clearly wrong, or they say negative things about me. I can relate to that from time to time.

    I want to become more clear in my answers in RF, but sometimes RF get to me and I don't "see" clearly, any my response is soon seen as negative or wrong. But that is something I must work on my self :)
     
  5. Onoma

    Onoma Active Member

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    There are always things I have to overlook about other people in order to maintain a friendship with them. In most cases, I found that when I started to look to others and point out something about who they were that I didn't like, I was most often projecting something about myself that I had not found a way to resolve ( We tend to see the world as we are and not how it is ), so in that sense, I try not to be hypocritical

    Also, as you age, you'll find that true friends are far and few between, and the difference between associates, acquaintances and friends become painfully obvious
     
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  6. Vinayaka

    Vinayaka devotee
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    'Consider the source," was one of the best pieces of advice I've ever received on this topic. Some people have great observational skills about other people, and some don't. So I'd look at my friend who said something about me, and analyse how I felt about the things they said about other people. If they had mean gossip or unrealistic thoughts about others, then I wouldn't think they be very good at analysing me either. And of course the opposite would hold. If my Guru gives me advice, I listen.

    Total strangers ... I'd discount them almost always.
     
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  7. sun rise

    sun rise "This is the Hour of God"
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    My wife has an amazing ability to see things in myself that are negative. But they are not "who I am" negative things but "what I do (or don't do)" observations. That's a critical difference.

    The OP noted people who judged who you are. To do that's as off base as disliking someone because they have brown eyes. And while it will sting, such things should not cause self-negativity.
     
  8. Unveiled Artist

    Unveiled Artist Veteran Member

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    Have you thought there is a slither of truth in what strangers say if youre given the objective opinion (they don't know you like friends and guru)?
     
    #8 Unveiled Artist, Aug 7, 2020
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2020
  9. Unveiled Artist

    Unveiled Artist Veteran Member

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    True. There is a difference. Would that mean who a person is couldn't be criticed by a stranger and have some truth as opposed to what that person does?
     
  10. Unveiled Artist

    Unveiled Artist Veteran Member

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    True. I have a current friend we known each other real well for years. She does put me down but with her it's more her personality. She has too much pride. She doesn't know (and told me) how to show empathy. I'm the other way around. I'm emotional. So one day after not talking to her for awhile she calls and as talking she said she wanted me to show her how to be more sensitive to people's feelings. That was hard for her to say. I think that's very different than someone whose treats you good or bad in a manner that disrespects your being.
     
    #10 Unveiled Artist, Aug 7, 2020
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2020
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  11. Vinayaka

    Vinayaka devotee
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    In certain contexts or situations, sure. "Your fly is open." is likely really accurate. But as to personality, no. How could they?

    But emotion, perhaps. One has to remember that there is a huge difference between mood, and personality. One is temporary, while the other is permanent. A person can make a huge error in judgement by seeing the temporal as permanent. we all have our good and bad days. Just because we're upset at a situation, doesn't mean we're an angry person.
     
  12. Secret Chief

    Secret Chief Meghalayan Ape

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    As Vinayaka said really, I think. It depends on the source. The more someone knows me, the more credence I may give to their comments; but also taking into account my assessment of them. If my partner declared me to be an idiot I would have serious regard to it. An online stranger? Water, duck, back. o_O
     
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  13. PureX

    PureX Veteran Member

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    Well, now I don't like you! :)

    I think it's important to take a little time to consider such negative 'critiques' calmly and honestly. As there may always be something to them and we may not be aware of it. But apart from that I wouldn't waste a lot of time or energy worrying over other people's opinions of you. Especially things you can't change, like the past, or your physical makeup. People like to build themselves up by tearing others down. When they do that to you, just figure it's the result of their own internal weaknesses, not yours.
     
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  14. Brickjectivity

    Brickjectivity Veteran Member
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    Never in the moment. Years later it may come back to haunt me. I may realize they were pointing something out at the time. On the other hand if they pick at a problem that I already know about then it annoys me.

    For example suppose I don't know how to climb onto a horse, and you're criticizing how I do it. That's annoying. On the other hand if I know how and don't realize I'm doing it badly I'll ignore your comment but may think about it later.
     
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  15. Unveiled Artist

    Unveiled Artist Veteran Member

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    Hmm. That's pretty much my point, though. Even those who tear others down may have a slither of truth in what they say regardless their intent and how hurtful it is, no?

    If feelings are just feelings, we push their negativity aside and find they have some fact to what they said or does their negativity justification to ignore what they said in favor for someone else's comments we choose to accept more (confirmed bias)?
     
  16. Unveiled Artist

    Unveiled Artist Veteran Member

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    (Just challenging to get things)

    That sounds more you accept people's comments you know but those you don't, you turn down?.... maybe see it as the strangers have more of an objective opinion of you than your friends and family.

    So, the source shouldn't be divided if indeed each person has some sort of truth in what they say about others, no?

    Or do we hear what we want to hear through our biases?

    @Vinayaka
     
  17. Unveiled Artist

    Unveiled Artist Veteran Member

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    Hmm. Make sense. Nowadays, I'm not near anyone for me to experience the questions I have in my OP, really. My former friend became my former friend 10 years ago and ever since then, I have only one friend and a whole bunch of strangers I live around. Which kinda gives me time to think about stuff-well, too much time. I become my own worse enemy.
     
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  18. Secret Chief

    Secret Chief Meghalayan Ape

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    I see your point. I think I mean I put less weight in an opinion the less someone knows me. Plus, the level of respect I have for the other person. In fact, with some people I would consider a criticism as a compliment!
     
  19. Heyo

    Heyo Well-Known Member

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    Sometimes people obviously lie or want to rile me up. I can ignore that easily.
    Sometimes people tell me how they perceive me. Then I have to decide if I'm OK with that perception, especially when I get the same feedback from multiple people. (I usually am because most people have a better view of me than I have of myself.)
    When I'm not OK with that perception, I have to change my behaviour.
     
  20. Saint Frankenstein

    Saint Frankenstein Ov Fire and the Void
    Premium Member It's My Birthday!

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    It depends on how well they know me. When we're pretty close, then I consider what they say.
     
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