Howdy apophenia!
What is your diagnosis? How are you doing today?
What is your diagnosis? How are you doing today?
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apophenia
- Thread starter apophenia
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apophenia
Well-Known Member
There is not one simple answer to that question. It has lots of layers.
My first thought is that I'm OK with it, but I feel sadness for the sake of the two closest to me. My partner of the last twenty years may be very lonely in her old age, and will certainly feel grief. I feel helpless in the face of that. And my cat, who is now quite elderly, loves me dearly, and really needs looking after. She ( Kitty) only has me and my partner in her life. I hope, and assume, that I will outlive her.
I'm not sure how long I will live - no-one is, of course. But now I can hear the timer ticking somewhat more loudly.
I will post my thoughts about it as they present. Each day is different. This won't happen in a hurry probably, although it may. So I can't answer your question in one post - or possibly even in a hundred posts. But I thought I would open this up here on RF, because I think it may be helpful and insight provoking.
I may start a new thread for this, because this thread has a certain flavor to it which is more like Groucho Marx on acid, and perhaps it should stay that way. We'll see.
apophenia
Well-Known Member
I have thyroid cancer, and have had hep C since 1984. I have decided not to have surgery for the thyroid for various reasons which I will talk about later ( got to go in a minute - christmas preps etc). The liver isn't too bad right now, but statistics indicate that there is a high probability that it will give up soonish, unless sobosfovir is subsidised here in Australia. Sobosfovir cures hep C, but costs $1000 per pill, so a cure costs around $80,000. Another Gilead Sciences product. Remember Donald Rumsfeld ? He makes a lot of money from death and fear of death ! ( He was Gilead chairman. There's a whole other story there ... in fact a few stories, all a bit creepy).
I'm OK today, sort of. A bit emotional for a variety of reasons, including it was my daughters 35th birthday yesterday and we haven't spoken in many years and probably never will again. And it is my mother's birthday in a few days, and ditto. And tomorrow is christmas day, and I just don't want to do the whole thing with my partner's family this year. Will probably go and get drunk with some crazy bikers I know.
Anyway, have a good christmas yourself. Talk again soon.
apophenia
Well-Known Member
Just to clarify that - I probably have thyroid cancer. The final diagnosis involves at least partial thyroidectomy. I have a few neoplasms on the thyroid, with follicular cells. Follicular cancer is generally considered reasonably survivable with thyroidectomy ( only about one in five die). Thyroidectomy has other risks, including damage to the laryngeal nerve which can cause partial or total loss of voice (about one in two hundred), and damage to the parathyroid, which means problems absorbing calcium.
So maybe I'm being a bit of a drama queen. All the biopsies and scans can do that to you. And I found out what end-stage liver failure is like. You don't want to know ... If I don't get that sorted soon, I will be too old to be eligible for treatment program.
So the other reason for this topic - I will be exploring alternative therapies, and reporting what I discover. Already I am taking andrographis, reishi and cat's claw, and some herbs from a traditional chinese medicine practitioner.
That's it for now.
So maybe I'm being a bit of a drama queen. All the biopsies and scans can do that to you. And I found out what end-stage liver failure is like. You don't want to know ... If I don't get that sorted soon, I will be too old to be eligible for treatment program.
So the other reason for this topic - I will be exploring alternative therapies, and reporting what I discover. Already I am taking andrographis, reishi and cat's claw, and some herbs from a traditional chinese medicine practitioner.
That's it for now.
apophenia
Well-Known Member
Meanwhile ...
*Groucho removes the duct tape and grins*
Patient : " Please kiss me "
Doctor : "NO"
Patient: " Please, I want you to kiss me !"
Doctor: " NO !!!"
Patient : " why won't you kiss me ? "
Doctor : " Kiss you ? I shouldn't even be @#$%ing you ! "
Courtesy of Rod T, my general practitioner.
*Groucho removes the duct tape and grins*
Patient : " Please kiss me "
Doctor : "NO"
Patient: " Please, I want you to kiss me !"
Doctor: " NO !!!"
Patient : " why won't you kiss me ? "
Doctor : " Kiss you ? I shouldn't even be @#$%ing you ! "
Courtesy of Rod T, my general practitioner.
apophenia
Well-Known Member
Hey, don't be shy. Being awake at all is a miracle.
apophenia
Well-Known Member
I've already heard some of your music. I loved it. Anything recent ?
Squishy Hugs to you! <3
I'm sure with your journey, paired with the holidays, paired with your family members birthdays, that magnifications are logically what follows. The days events carry a weight that wasn't apparent before.
It's good to see you here.
I'm sure with your journey, paired with the holidays, paired with your family members birthdays, that magnifications are logically what follows. The days events carry a weight that wasn't apparent before.
It's good to see you here.
DreadFish
Cosmic Vagabond
Did I leave a link to that here a while ago? Glad you like it. That band is no longer together. The music was great, though. Our guitarist is responsible for like 80% of all the material; he's a great songwriter.
Not been doing much creatively, lately. Just doing whatever comes up.
apophenia
Well-Known Member
Indeed, your insight is correct. And this morning I woke immediately upon a dream which reminded me of a cause for shame. Endogenous ibogaine ! Hallelujah ! Our (well, my...) capacity for ignorance is astounding. If not for the inconceivable perfect peace I would be a lamentable mess.
om ah hum vajra guru padma siddhi hum
Love to you too.
apophenia
Well-Known Member
"Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not love. Love is not music. Music is the best."
- Frank Zappa
DreadFish
Cosmic Vagabond
Indeed. Love frank zappa. Maybe I should say I music him. I think I'm gonna make that a thing. ''I music you''.
apophenia
Well-Known Member
I rediscovered sitar recently. It is a demanding discipline to play poetically, spontaneously. Demanding of the heart. Technique and mastery of genre are the refuges of cowards.
When I was 17 (1973) i bought a Sony reel-to-reel sound-on-sound tapedeck. And a Roland synthesiser. I wanted to make a fusion of electronics and raga.
I'm finally getting it together. It sounds lovely. But it is really important to ignore fashion. And clever technicians.Unless you want to sell slick rubbish. I'm a slow learner as it turns out. And an accomplished avoider.
I have not been playing sitar for years because my neighbors are Indian, and I felt embarrassed ! God Almighty ! And they think Bollywood is cool !
I scare myself
DreadFish
Cosmic Vagabond
Cool song.
Yeah, playing anything totally spontaneously can be difficult. It's definitely a matter of getting yourself out of the way. I think, actually, that's probably the secret to everything.
That sounds like an interesting and worthwhile endeavor. I love the mixing of raga with other forms of music. Im still on a big Soundgarden kick. I love the mix of the heavy, dynamic rock music with the Indian sounds.
This is one of my most favorites:
Also, Bollywood is totally cool
apophenia
Well-Known Member
Yeah I love Soundgarden. And Alice In Chains. Jane's Addiction. Faith No More.
Check this out. But don't have a casual listen. At least not the first time you listen to it. Do whatever you do to activate the sublime mellow, lie on the floor in the dark ... headphones are good, otherwise a real nice hifi up reasonably loud. And settle in for a 45 minute altered state. This is special. Nothing at all like American rock though. Do the whole album in one listen. It is designed to be heard that way. Darshan for crazy people.
apophenia
Well-Known Member
Hang in there Apophenia
Check out my photo gallery. It has food
It looks delicious. Do you cook it, or just take the pictures ? I'm pretty sure you cook it.
Your nephew is very cute. He looks a lot like you.
Somewhere on RF you'll find some of my recipes. Strong influences from India and the middle east, but with my own mods. Lately I'm loving chicken cooked in a pot of water with soy, garlic, ginger, star anise, a pinch of freshly ground cardamom, thyme, a splash of worcestershire sauce, and lemon juice. Serve smeared with butter and an extra squeeze of lemon, and a sprinkle of salt ( in that order ! ).
I love lamb done with garlic, sumac and thyme ( or zahatar) too. Cut the lamb into bite-sized pieces. Start with sauteeing the herbs and garlic in oil or butter, and then throw in the lamb just long enough for it to be pink in the centre and slightly caramelised on the outside. I sometimes add a splash of shiraz when its almost cooked, and a squeeze of lemon. Serve on a bed of buttery rice cooked with a sprig of rosemary or thyme. Mmmm.
Well of course I did... not cook those
I think food is one of the best things in this life. Life is better when food is better. In Arabic we call thyme zaatar, a coincidence to zahatar.
I love my food chewy but dry. No sauces. I love it mostly plain with the main ingredient fresh and standing out. No toppings or extra additions thrown in. In my orders, I give people hard time. No onion, no tomato, to ketchup... and if they are put by mistake, my stomach turns upside down and my day is ruined. I like garlic sauce tho, lettuce and pickles.
I'm so picky when it comes to food