7 Lifetimes or Forever?

[Fireside_Hindu]

Namaste all!

I have a question about Hindu marriage.

I was married in a Catholic wedding, and the Catholic conception of how long a marriage lasts is, "Until death". Basically, we promise to be faithful and devoted to one another until one of us kicks it. Then my husband can run off with his secretary if he wants to (Or I can FINALLY take the pool boy out for coffee)

A Hindu marriage is said to last 7 lifetimes. But my question is this: If you make that promise of 7 lifetimes during each lifetime, does it not reset the counter? Are you basically saying you will be together forever? Or, is their some mechanism in the universe keeping count and everything resets after marriage #7?

And if it does, why? In theory, my husband and the pool boy are the same atma in different bodies so why designate and end and start point for a partnership?

 

[Vinayaka]

Namaste all!

I have a question about Hindu marriage.

A Hindu marriage is said to last 7 lifetimes.

Vannakkam: First I've heard of this, FS. Do you have a source?

(Some days I think one is plenty enough, given the trouble and pain I've put her through.)

 

[Fireside_Hindu]

Vannakkam: First I've heard of this, FS. Do you have a source?

(Some days I think one is plenty enough, given the trouble and pain I've put her through.)

It was something I was always told at Hindu weddings. One of the reasons for the "7 steps" around the fire. My Indian friend from temple likes to joke that while he is hoping that this is only he and his wife's first marriage, that she is ready for it to be the 7th.

I'll look into it. I guess I just took it for granted that it was a common thing.

 

[Vinayaka]

It was something I was always told at Hindu weddings. One of the reasons for the "7 steps" around the fire. My Indian friend from temple likes to joke that while he is hoping that this is only he and his wife's first marriage, that she is ready for it to be the 7th.

I'll look into it. I guess I just took it for granted that it was a common thing.

This is more about what I'm familiar with ... Seven Steps of Wedding Ceremony Explained

Hinduism Today had an article on it too.

 

[sayak83]

Namaste all!

I have a question about Hindu marriage.

I was married in a Catholic wedding, and the Catholic conception of how long a marriage lasts is, "Until death". Basically, we promise to be faithful and devoted to one another until one of us kicks it. Then my husband can run off with his secretary if he wants to (Or I can FINALLY take the pool boy out for coffee)

A Hindu marriage is said to last 7 lifetimes. But my question is this: If you make that promise of 7 lifetimes during each lifetime, does it not reset the counter? Are you basically saying you will be together forever? Or, is their some mechanism in the universe keeping count and everything resets after marriage #7?

And if it does, why? In theory, my husband and the pool boy are the same atma in different bodies so why designate and end and start point for a partnership?

It's a popular belief in some regions. Most of Hindu marraige is local customs. Grihasutras provide a very brief marraige ritual that can be frankly done in an hour. Then it says to follow whatever is custom in the local community if one chooses.

One example. (See kandika 4 to kandika 8)
Paraskara Grihya Sutra

 

[Fireside_Hindu]

This is more about what I'm familiar with ... Seven Steps of Wedding Ceremony Explained

Hinduism Today had an article on it too.

A quick search pulls up a few blogs that mention the 7 lifetimes thing, but nothing that I could call totally reliable. Maybe it's one of those little things people add on later to add extra meaning? I'll keep looking though.

Thanks for the link

 

[SomeRandom]

There's no stopping you from taking out the handsome pool boy after your husband "leaves." The seven lifetimes thing essentially means that for at least seven lifetimes both of your atmans eventually find each other in each life. Whatever animal or human form both of you take within those seven lifetimes.
Think of the story where Krishna and his wife were cursed to be separated but continued to find each other over various lifetimes regardless.
The bond between atmans is considered so strong that one could even use it to justify same sex marriage within a Temple (if one so chooses to argue a point.) Because it really is supposed to cross such barriers.

 

[Fireside_Hindu]

A quick search pulls up a few blogs that mention the 7 lifetimes thing, but nothing that I could call totally reliable. Maybe it's one of those little things people add on later to add extra meaning? I'll keep looking though.

Thanks for the link

Here is something:
Importance Of Saath Phere In Indian Weddings

"According to Hindu beliefs, marriages are made in heaven and once the marriage is solemnized, the two souls are joined for seven lifetimes."

 

[Fireside_Hindu]

There's no stopping you from taking out the handsome pool boy after your husband "leaves." .

We'd have to have a pool first. =P

 

[SomeRandom]

We'd have to have a pool first. =P

Ahh details details.

 

[David T]

Namaste all!

I have a question about Hindu marriage.

I was married in a Catholic wedding, and the Catholic conception of how long a marriage lasts is, "Until death". Basically, we promise to be faithful and devoted to one another until one of us kicks it. Then my husband can run off with his secretary if he wants to (Or I can FINALLY take the pool boy out for coffee)

A Hindu marriage is said to last 7 lifetimes. But my question is this: If you make that promise of 7 lifetimes during each lifetime, does it not reset the counter? Are you basically saying you will be together forever? Or, is their some mechanism in the universe keeping count and everything resets after marriage #7?

And if it does, why? In theory, my husband and the pool boy are the same atma in different bodies so why designate and end and start point for a partnership?

Generally It tends to be literal in the beginning, it becomes metaphorical in the middle, and nonsense at the end for many!!! Sad.. Now if it's literal in the beginning, literal in the middle, and literal at the end then that's one fine relationship, and is what all relationships should strive for. Rare, but magic when you see it!!! Ideally, i think one must find ones matching crazy!!!! Families used to set it up now we are "free" to screw it up on our own!!!

 

[ShivaFan]

Namaste all!

I have a question about Hindu marriage.

I was married in a Catholic wedding, and the Catholic conception of how long a marriage lasts is, "Until death". Basically, we promise to be faithful and devoted to one another until one of us kicks it. Then my husband can run off with his secretary if he wants to (Or I can FINALLY take the pool boy out for coffee)

A Hindu marriage is said to last 7 lifetimes. But my question is this: If you make that promise of 7 lifetimes during each lifetime, does it not reset the counter? Are you basically saying you will be together forever? Or, is their some mechanism in the universe keeping count and everything resets after marriage #7?

And if it does, why? In theory, my husband and the pool boy are the same atma in different bodies so why designate and end and start point for a partnership?

Wow. I am not sure I have ever heard of this as "official" though let me ask my Hindu wife for some answer to this, she is from India. I also want to see what Aup has to say on this.

Let me clarify, I *might* have heard of this - it is vaguely there - but even in the Ramayana I cannot recall this.

The marriage samskara of vivah has traditions. I went through these in my marriage, including walking around the fire, etc., I wore the traditional Bengali style cone hat and attire, et all. Seven STEPS, seven MANTRAS.

But seven lives?

 

[ShivaFan]

UPDATE

I just checked with Jayaram V, and according to this great savant of Hinduism (as well as Buddhism and Jainism), he says in fact as part of vivah there is the tradition in belief that the marriage extends across seven lifes upon which each couple helps each other spiritually.

So you have brought up an amazing post. Like I said, I think I heard it vaguely, but if Jayaram V says it is indeed a factual tradition, then it is.

Very interesting!

 

[ShivaFan]

I just asked my wife.
I was a little hesitant to ask.
But I did just now.
I asked if she has ever heard of this?

Note - I had to be careful when asking that she not know I was replying to another female on an internet forum. So I put it into context of what Jayaram V said.

She said yes. She had a funny look on her face, however. But she did confirm this is true but "only if you wish it to be true - it doesn't HAVE to be seven lives, but if wished it can be up to seven lives if part of teaching Hinduism. The wife is the Hindu Temple in this case".

So take it as you will, that is what she said, even though I think I know more about Hinduism than she does, and I am told by many, many Hindus from India (including South Indians, not just North) that I know more than they do. Whatever the case, this seems not entirely true, but CAN be true "if you wish it" .... ?

One advantage my wife has over me is she speaks seven languages, including many North Indian languages including obscure one's such as Assamese. So the point of that is, she has an expansive knowledge of North Indian traditions in different Indian cultures. So this idea of seven lives for one marriage - is apparently not uncommon but wide spread.

 

[ShivaFan]

... it may be more of a North Indian thing.

 

[Spirit_Warrior]

I have heard it too, but where does it originate from? Is it mentioned in any scripture?

7 lifetimes? Now days people can't stay together for 7 months, even days sometimes lol

I don't actually like the idea of being bound to somebody for 7 whole lifetimes! Isn't it a fact that our likes, dislikes and circumstances change. If two people fall in love with each other at one time because of circumstances and shared likes and dislikes, there is no guarantee it will continue, because things change.

 

[Vinayaka]

For the record, in the reincarnation patterns I have observed, people often reincarnate in groups, especially families, but also friends or close associates. So a Great-grandmother passes, sticks around, and is reborn in the same family as the son of her grandson, or niece.

So I can certainly see being around somebody (some soul) in some way for 7 lifetimes or more.

The pattern for twins must be interesting.

 

[Jainarayan]

For the record, in the reincarnation patterns I have observed, people often reincarnate in groups, especially families, but also friends or close associates. So a Great-grandmother passes, sticks around, and is reborn in the same family as the son of her grandson, or niece.

Not to go too far off track (a little off is good, though ), but I think I've observed this in my own life. It seems that for the past almost-32 years I'm spiritually and emotional bound and intertwined with someone else. I simply get the feeling that in (many) previous lives we were friends, brothers, possibly lovers, but something always came between us. It's an odd feeling, just cannot be described, only felt.

 

[Spirit_Warrior]

For the record, in the reincarnation patterns I have observed, people often reincarnate in groups, especially families, but also friends or close associates. So a Great-grandmother passes, sticks around, and is reborn in the same family as the son of her grandson, or niece.

So I can certainly see being around somebody (some soul) in some way for 7 lifetimes or more.

The pattern for twins must be interesting.

I get this. There are a few people I have met in my life, who I feel like I have had past life connections with. Like there is a male friend of mine who is only a few years older than me, but I feel like he was my father in my past life. He knows this, and we laugh about it.

I know in reincarnation studies, they do suggest that we reincarnate usually in groups and usually in the same family.

 

[Vinayaka]

I get this. There are a few people I have met in my life, who I feel like I have had past life connections with. Like there is a male friend of mine who is only a few years older than me, but I feel like he was my father in my past life. He knows this, and we laugh about it.

I know in reincarnation studies, they do suggest that we reincarnate usually in groups and usually in the same family.

One of the insights I've had in sadhana, and approach to this that has come up from studying these patterns in my family and friends is just how attached to gender I am. For example, I have some kind of soul relationship with a deceased uncle of mine. He is reborn either as my elder brother, or as myself. That part's pretty clear, but I just assume we (my brother and I) were both male in our last life. Could well have been one male and one female.

I've noticed that people, when conjecturing about who they were, etc. generally don't dispose of the gender identity across the previous lives. My one daughter was my FIL, so that helped extinguish that falsity somewhat. And so it goes.

It seems likely to me that close friends could easily become siblings, or vice versa. I also sense that the patterns are becoming far more globalised now, while previously they were quite village-centered.