When Do You Get Out of a Relationship?

Do you linger on in a bad relationship or do you get out early on?

I have had a tendency to linger. Then when I leave the other person is surprised.

I agree with Bastet--it does depend on a lot of things. But if it is bad, yeah, get out as soon as possible. I was in a relationship once where, if I had not gotten out when I did, things would have deteriorated to the point that just trying to leave the person would have been a huge mess. The longer you wait sometimes, the worse things will be when you try to leave. I was fortunate that I dumped the guy when I did, because as soon as I dumped him, he revealed some lurking aspects of his character that were deeply disturbing, and if I had stayed in the relationship longer, these disturbing sides of him would have only become more and more obvious and would have damaged me in more ways than one. In my case, I simply paid attention to 'clues', and listened to my intuition. Intuition, I believe, is something we should never overlook! Even if to all outward appearances things seem fine, if you just have this uneasy 'gut feeling' about the person that won't go away, don't shove it aside--pay attention. Also, I have learned that the opinions and observations of family and friends are invaluable--they often see things that the person in the relationship is blind to. Listen to them!

Anyway, that's my two cents...

It really does depend on a lot of things, especially when other people (children) are involved. If the relationship is bad and cannot be fixed, get out right away. I had one very bad relationship/marriage. Had I left when it first got bad, I could have spared myself and my children many years of emotional trauma. Trust your feelings.

carrdero said:

Mrscarrdero’s contract kept on getting renewed because of her cooking and gaming skills.

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carrdero's contract will expire if he doesn't go and clean the kitty
litter box and wash the dishes. :biglaugh: :jiggy:

(Speaking of those gaming skills, has Mr C been able to lure you into the "Harvest Moon" series yet, Mrs C?)

I would agree that one should try to get out right away when one realizes it's abusive. However, sometimes it can take awhile to realize that it is. Either you don't want to see it, or it starts off subtly.

I went to TAFE with a girl that was in a relationship with a dude that abused her, hit her, attacked her and treated her like dirt. We all suggested that she leave him, and she replied "I can't, I love him"..

........

It also may be hard to get out of a relationship due to fear.

Whenever it ceases to be mutually enjoyable. Of course, children can complicate the situation.

Ealry marriages can also be a burden. Getting married too early might be a "spur of the mo: thing.

Everyone seems to have given you good advice; I'm not sure I can add any except perhaps to reiterate the fact that the longer you leave it the harder it will be. If you are sure that the relationship is 'wrong', then the sooner you can both try to find more suitable partners, the better. Not only are you doing yourself a disservice by 'going along with it', but you are doing the same to your partner.

No one said life was easy.

But as the old song goes, MICH, "I get by, with a little help from my friends"

As early as possible. Don't wait.

Immediately at the first sign of ANY abuse: physical, verbal or spiritual.

FeathersinHair said:

(Speaking of those gaming skills, has Mr C been able to lure you into the "Harvest Moon" series yet, Mrs C?)

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There are two of them at the game store. We didn't know which one to purchase.
We would like to know which one you would recommend.

Love is blind. When you are with someone who you thought you knew, you exclude all the negative things around you. You think everything is positive. Then one day, (hopefully you will wake up or have woken up) you realize that there is something wrong. That you don't belong there or you are not happy.

Love is blind to some. I was in a relationship where I thought I was happy. No matter what I did to make things work, I thought I was happy. I thought that even though I cried almost every night, that I was meant to be with this person. I thought that even though the alcohol was his friend and I was the chauffer, that I was happy. It was all wrong. I was not meant to work 80-90 hours a week while I supported his drinking habits. But love was blind.

Then I realized. I was not blind. I had my eyes closed. Now...they are open. I can finally see. I use to talk to the person I was with before. You know? He had his eyes closed too. He never saw what was in front of him. All he felt was the bottle. Then he opened his eyes and realized that it's not the bottle he wanted to hold.

The best way to decide when to get out of a relationship is a simple prevention method; don't get in to a relationship to begin with.

You know Mrs C.

I was going out with "Ingrid" for a while. The church I was going to encouraged double dating and dating around, which was a healthy way to do it. Ingrid was 3 years older than me, but WAY more mature! So, I decided to ask out the prettiest girl in the "Single Professional" class (I was in Single College) and she was 5 years older than me.

Whoa. Three years later (maybe four) Donna and I were married. We still are. I was strying to FORCE the relationship with Ingrid, but I really had a great time with Donna. Glad I "played the field" before I set my sights.

SoulTYPE01 said:

I went to TAFE with a girl that was in a relationship with a dude that abused her, hit her, attacked her and treated her like dirt. We all suggested that she leave him, and she replied "I can't, I love him

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Sounds like my niece.

Love isn't a good enough reason to stay in an abusive relationship.