Identity crisis (Who am I)

JustGeorge said:

May I ask why it is important that you figure this out? By learning who you are, what do you hope to gain?

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Because all my life I have done what others want me to do, but never thought of what I wanted, never actually taken the time to know my own being as a physical being, spiritually i understand my being better and better, but not as a human being. I dont know my own physical limits, so I burn my self out doing what others want me to do.

Conscious thoughts said:

Because all my life I have done what others want me to do, but never thought of what I wanted, never actually taken the time to know my own being as a physical being, spiritually i understand my being better and better, but not as a human being. I dont know my own physical limits, so I burn my self out doing what others want me to do.

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Ah, this makes good sense... self awareness is important.

Because you realize you lack this, now is the time to take note.

When you do something, note how it made you feel. Did you like your breakfast? Would you prefer something else tomorrow, or would you like to keep with what you have? Did it make you feel energized or sluggish? How do you feel when you go to work? Do you dread it? Why? Are you enthused with it? Why? Stop before you do something, and ask why. Am I going to bed right now because I am tired, or just habit? Do I really want to read right now, or do I feel obligated? Maybe I feel like calling someone instead...

If you journal, it might be helpful to keep note of these things until you get a better grip of how things make you feel. Don't judge, just take note.

Conscious thoughts said:

On a personal level, I am fine with it.
But when in situation where other people try to help me, or guide me in choose the right job for me, everything become confusing for me. I find it somwhat difficult to work with others because their interest in discussion or in life in general is so far from me.

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This sounds familiar, because I think I am like that too.
This can make me a difficult person to deal with.
I guess I have grown to accept it's just a weakness and/or eccentricity of mine.
I often ask for more time to think things over when I have to make a decision.

I also can find working with others difficult.
Like today, I was working in a garden at a kind of retirement home.
One of the residents walked up to me and expressed pity that I had to work there all by myself and what I needed was a radio so that I had some music to listen to.

If she gave me what she thought I needed, it might've ruined my day at work, because I was in my element working alone at my own pace and I was enjoying the sounds of the birds, the leaves in the wind, and the chatter of people in the neighbourhood.
Some people also seem to really like me(I think it is because I am so calm and quiet), which can make them appear a bit clingy or invasive to me when they try to get to know me or bond with me.

Not sure this talking about myself will help you a lot but maybe it helps to see you may not be alone.
Besides, sometimes talking about these things with others without trying to "fix" anything can already do miracles imo.

My thinking, since you have invited it:

A human must maintain a good self image, and so complete honesty is usually harmful. We are selfish creatures, and close introspection (though it moves us towards humility) will show us endless faults. This ironically destroys our ability to be unselfish! Therefore we must focus on our positives. We must be partially narcissists or we are out of balance. If someone says we are kind, we should allow this. We can't function without compliments. Without some kind of reinforcement from the outside, some love, some social status, we are naked. If we are not touched we fall apart.

A person who keeps to himself is selfish. This is the truth. He is not kind. He is not generous. He can be generous at times. He can attempt to be kind, and he can attempt to be friendly. Keeping to ourselves is not a moral good. It is a neutral good. It is better than attacking people, but it is essentially also harm through inaction. It also harms us, since nothing comes from it. We are limited by our selfishness and by our lack of resources, so we can only be so good; but someone who wants friends has to attempt to make friends. Its not easy. It is not comfortable or even purely honest.

Conscious thoughts said:

As in hobbies? Outside of my home non, at home mostly drawing or painting

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Those are nice. What else do you like doing? How do you interface with the world outside of your spirituality?

Conscious thoughts said:

I realize in discussion with people around me that I do not know who I am
I do not mean in a spiritual sense, but in the world around me, I cant seem to fit in

A description of what I feel would be.
"Floating in between layers of existence"
But no solid ground to stand on.

Maybe this is why I am always in some form of change

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I live by the mantra I am I

In the same way you are you

Go with it.

SigurdReginson said:

Those are nice. What else do you like doing? How do you interface with the world outside of your spirituality?

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Only when I travel to work, visiting my Ex-gf , speaking with friends or going shopping.
Other than that I am alone

Conscious thoughts said:

For me i accept some will like me for whom i am to them.
Some will dislike me for whom i am.

But who am I, i cant answer because i have nothing to hold on to (except my body) but I am not my body,its not who i am

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Perhaps a little Allan Watts might be good? The wave in the ocean.... I think disconnection comes from everyone being at a different place at a different time, but if you step away from one instant or another, I think there is connection under it all.

Conscious thoughts said:

Only when I travel to work, visiting my Ex-gf , speaking with friends or going shopping.
Other than that I am alone

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Hmmm... Maybe it's time to do something big for yourself. When's the last time you really treated yourself?

SigurdReginson said:

Hmmm... Maybe it's time to do something big for yourself. When's the last time you really treated yourself?

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Ahmmmm i cant remember

Conscious thoughts said:

Only when I travel to work, visiting my Ex-gf , speaking with friends or going shopping.
Other than that I am alone

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Social isolation can cause identity problems in of itself. Humans are intensely social beings and so much of our sense of self forms in relation to others. We weren't made to be alone.

Conscious thoughts said:

I realize in discussion with people around me that I do not know who I am
I do not mean in a spiritual sense, but in the world around me, I cant seem to fit in

A description of what I feel would be.
"Floating in between layers of existence"
But no solid ground to stand on.

Maybe this is why I am always in some form of change

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OK - I have one more thought experiment for you.

Imagine one atom all alone in a void. Can you tell me what color it is? Can you tell me what phase of matter it is in - liquid, solid, gas? can you tell me any properties at all? Turns out it has no color (color is produced from a group of atoms), the phase of matter cannot be define (again, that is a property of the collective), no properties at all can be defined. You see, all we can measure of anything are interactions - we never see anything on it's own, or know what anything is, we can only see how it interacts with other things. The same for people, who you are is who you are with others, and who you are in one environment or another. It is all relative, and it is all connected - impossible to have anything on it's own without being connected. You are not alone, you are connected to everything, as we all are.

No solid ground? You are your own solid ground, you are the solid ground, and you are also the floating layers of existence. You are a drop of water, and you are also the ocean.

Saint Frankenstein said:

Social isolation can cause identity problems in of itself. Humans are intensely social beings and so much of our sense of self forms in relation to others. We weren't made to be alone.

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If I am to much with others i because extremely tired and exausted, I need the alone time to recharge and I think I am not a social person

idea said:

OK - I have one more thought experiment for you.

Imagine one atom all alone in a void. Can you tell me what color it is? Can you tell me what phase of matter it is in - liquid, solid, gas? can you tell me any properties at all? Turns out it has no color (color is produced from a group of atoms), the phase of matter cannot be define (again, that is a property of the collective), no properties at all can be defined. You see, all we can measure of anything are interactions - we never see anything on it's own, or know what anything is, we can only see how it interacts with other things. The same for people, who you are is who you are with others, and who you are in one environment or another. It is all relative, and it is all connected - impossible to have anything on it's own without being connected. You are not alone, you are connected to everything, as we all are.

No solid ground? You are your own solid ground, you are the solid ground, and you are also the floating layers of existence. You are a drop of water, and you are also the ocean.

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I do agree with your words here, but I still feel like someone without a identity

I think some people who "don't know who they are" may in fact know very well who they are but refuse to admit their own wishes to themselves. Then, it may happen that the wishes are buried so much deep inside that they possibly can feel them anymore. If I was in a situation like @Conscious thoughts describes, first of all I would ask myself whether my attraction to a possibly "monastic" life is genuine or yet another form of denying my wishes appearing to be "good" as it's disguised as "something holy".

@Conscious thoughts you have often mentioned that you want others to respect you for your knowledge and discipline in religious matters. The only problem is that no one on the Internet knows you personally, so no one can judge what you base your claim on. If I were a religious loner, I might consider writing a book, for example.

A simple exercise somebody taught me is closing ones eyes and feeling what immediately comes to my mind. This often is what the mind truly wants.

Conscious thoughts said:

Ahmmmm i cant remember

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Maybe it's time. treating yourself isn't always a selfish endeavor... Sometimes when doing something for yourself, it puts you more in tune with yourself and serves to ground you. Something to think about.

Conscious thoughts said:

If I am to much with others i because extremely tired and exausted, I need the alone time to recharge and I think I am not a social person

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I'm much the same due to my "issues" but social isolation still is not healthy. I'm not saying to go to a nightclub or be surrounded by tons of people. It's good to have a few close friends and to see people every day, is all. Too much isolation can literally make you go insane and cause health problems that can kill you. But what I'm saying is that socializing with people more can possibly help with the identity issues. Not spending much time on forums like this can certainly help, too, as people are constantly questioning and trying to tear down the (religious) identities of others and themselves here.

Sirona said:

I think some people who "don't know who they are" may in fact know very well who they are but refuse to admit their own wishes to themselves. Then, it may happen that the wishes are buried so much deep inside that they possibly can feel them anymore. If I was in a situation like @Conscious thoughts describes, first of all I would ask myself whether my attraction to a possibly "monastic" life is genuine or yet another form of denying my wishes appearing to be "good" as it's disguised as "something holy".

@Conscious thoughts you have often mentioned that you want others to respect you for your knowledge and discipline in religious matters. The only problem is that no one on the Internet knows you personally, so no one can judge what you base your claim on. If I were a religious loner, I might consider writing a book, for example.

A simple exercise somebody taught me is closing ones eyes and feeling what immediately comes to my mind. This often is what the mind truly wants.

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I am aware that nobody in RF know the true me except for what I write here. But the few people (outside of RF) who I shown some of my posting in RF to, say it is like hearing me speak in "real life"
So I think what you read from me in RF is very much similar to who I am offline too

I've been there and have thought these things. Due to my faith, I see the purpose of my life as not being about me, anymore. In the Bible, Paul states that he doesn't care what others think of him, he doesn't care what 'he' thinks of himself. Of course, he cares about others, but think he meant that his life wasn't his own anymore, and he was living with a deeper purpose. We are human though, and enjoy affirmation from fellow humans. But, it could be that you're struggling to fit somewhere where you were never meant to fit to begin with. Maybe work all of that out, and see what you come up with. Hope this helps.

Conscious thoughts said:

I realize in discussion with people around me that I do not know who I am
I do not mean in a spiritual sense, but in the world around me, I cant seem to fit in

A description of what I feel would be.
"Floating in between layers of existence"
But no solid ground to stand on.

Maybe this is why I am always in some form of change

Click to expand...

You are in a Journey with us all dear friend.

We all traverse the seven valley's of life in a longing to find our true selves.

A spiritual being that is finding true life struggles with a materialistic world, as that world is not of God but of Man.

The hard part for many of us, is that man also makes of God part of that material world and that is the hardest thing to come to terms with, to reconcile within our own self.

You may enjoy reading about those seven valley's, it may help you find where you are in life?


Regards Tony