Why? (Rant)

I agree Cynic , we are animals . And studies do help understand our behavior . However , we are very complex animals , and we DO NOT live in labs . The study of human behavior is very complex . If we are being studied , do we behave in the same matter as we would if we were no ? I think not . Most of us can't even be honest with ourselves , let alone with others .

I'm not saying that these studies should be thrown away . No , they do help . But each one is only a part of the larger picture , if you know what I mean ? And I guess that is what I disagree with . A simple view isn't seeing the bigger picture , it is only breaking that picture up into smaller parts . And parts often don't react in the same ways the the whole reacts . But they do give us a place to start from .

I'm gone for a few days and this thread just went off the hook! :biglaugh:

I have stated before how I felt and my experiences. I am 29 and have been through more than most people I have met twice my age when it comes to messed up relationships. And for anyone who has read some of my other posts in other threads in reference to my past marriage then you will understand SOME of what I mean. I have been reeled in by jerks pretending to be nice and sweet and romantic and once they have me then the true colors show and I am left feeling like I have something to fix. As if it is my fault that things aren't working out because they were so nice to me to begin with. The truth of the matter is that this has only made me doubt "nice". I keep hoping it is the true thing, but it boils down to that thought of "if it sounds too good to be true then it probably is."

Women are taken in by jerks who at first pretend to be nice. This does harm to those men who truly are nice guys who would never intentionally hurt a woman. Because we begin to think that it is an act. Something done to reel us in and then do as they please.

I don't know if there is anything that can be done about this than for the man to keep being there and eventually it will prove to the woman not to be an act, and for the woman to have the strength about her to keep trying to trust and try again to find love and not believe that all men are that way. Too many get stuck in this way of thinking and give up looking for better and stay with someone who treats them badly because they think that is all there is. Stuck in those kinds of relationships long enough they begin to feel like that is all the better they deserve anyway. It takes a strong woman to realize that they need to get out of those relationships and that they are worth better than they have been treated.

I have often said of bad relationships that I would rather take a beating from a jerk that to be abused verbally...words hurt much more that fists for words stay with our minds longer and resonate to our core. The physical pain subsides, but our minds take a lot longer to heal. I know this all too well.

I don't know about all the intrigue and needy v. confidence argument. I think guys like women who seem a little needy - maybe that they are independent on the outside but needy on the inside or something. And women probably like some of the same thing. No one wants to date or married someone who is completely incompetant and can't manage their own lives but on the other hand, there needs to be a little room for improvement or whatever or why would people put up with each other in the long term.....

Draka said:

I have been reeled in by jerks pretending to be nice and sweet and romantic and once they have me then the true colors show and I am left feeling like I have something to fix. As if it is my fault that things aren't working out ....
Too many get stuck in this way of thinking and give up looking for better and stay with someone who treats them badly because they think that is all there is...
I have often said of bad relationships that I would rather take a beating from a jerk that to be abused verbally....

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I hope that you are in a better relationship now Draka . I understand what you are saying ... although perfering one type of abuse over another just isn't right .

You know ? It seems to me that life is not about not making mistakes , but about learning from our mistakes . My only question is why does it often take so long to learn ?

However , we are very complex animals , and we DO NOT live in labs

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Whatever you say, Kreeden.

All I know is that I have more than a few memories of human guys "swimming close to the predator" in order to get the attention of the ladies. What's funny is that you all think you're so much more evolved than that! hehe

Come now though, you've got to know what I'm talking about! Have you ever been playing basketball or something with your friends, and seen a group of pretty girls walk past and perhaps even glance your way? What was your first reaction? To go sit on the sidelines and get a drink of water? No! You grabbed that ball and went fot the all-star dunk! If you made it, you landed back on the ground, looked over at the girls, and smiled. If you missed it, you might hear girlish laughter, and then make for the water jugs after all!

Believe me, girls know EXACTLY whats going on. They may roll their eyes at a guy for being a "show-off", but in all honesty, they like it.

Ceridwen018 said:

What's funny is that you all think you're so much more evolved than that! hehe

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No , I don't think that we have evolved that far , and I hope that we never do .

What I'm saying is that life is NOT a lab . Things happen in life that are not controled , not to the degree that they are in labs . Could you live the life of a lab rat ? Would you ? Some do . Some refuse to . Of course , most of us are predictable to some degree . People like things that they can predict . But doesn't that also kinda kill the excitement of life ?

BTW , at my age , I go for the water cooler right off ... any Hunter worth his or her salt knows that the water hole is the best hunting grounds ...

Ceridwen , I have had a little smile ever sense reading your post about the basketball game . You are correct , of course . But most people are sheep , or deer , that fellow the herd .

The term " cougar " has come to be used as a slang for a young man who chases older women { around here at lest } , but the term is actually taken from a South American First Nation's name for the great cat , and means " false deer ". Now , in your story about the b-ball game , you have a herd of deer jumping around when a group of female " predators " show up . And of course , being prey they act like such . But if there is a " false deer " amoung them ... He leave the herd , allowing them to act as prey . He goes to that water jug , stakes out his prey , and the predator becomes the prey . You have seen that happen , I'm sure . The guy who breaks from the game to start a conversation with the girls , who knows that it is better to hunt then to wait to be hunted . And yes , of course the hunted know that they are being hunted .

kreeden said:

But most people are sheep , or deer , that fellow the herd .

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Frubals for that statement:bounce You're absolutely right.

Druidus----"Why do the jerks get the girls"----Because, (and I'm saying this from expierence) almost all of the girls from 15-20 or so are dumb when it comes to dating. Most girls will automatically go for the star quarterback, even if he is a complete jerk. They like the wild ones, and the ones that they can't have.
Being friends with a girl is great. One of my closest friends is a guy. The only thing you don't want to do is become such good friends that you don't feel like boyfriend/girlfriend anymore (this is what happened to my last relationship. 2 and a half years of being together all began to unwind because it became more of a close freindship then anything else).
At the age you are at Druidus (and me as well) most girls would rather chase around what they can't have. You wouln't belive how many people i know who LIKE to chase around the bad boys, and KNOW that they are just gonna get played with. GIRLS ARE DUMB AT THIS AGE.
But, we'll grow out of it.
So don't change a single thing about yourself Dru Keep being the sweet guy, and eventually the girls will see that.

It depends on where you look for girls too.

If you want a smart girl, go to the library and find one who isn't wearing any pink.

It may sound sick and wrong, but I agree with Spinks. Women love jerks. If you act too nice to a woman, she thinks there must be something wrong with you. I do not know why that is, but it is.

I think it's also because, women are silly. I can say that because I was one of those silly women, and because I had such low self-confidence, I thought any guy who liked me must be desperate. I actually thought if I could win a guy who didn't like me, then wow, that would be something! And being immature you completely ignore the one who is right there with you - but in my defense, it takes the fun out of it! When the guy is 100% there for you, what is there to hope for? Work for?

If you treat a woman like you are her best girl friend, that's all she'll ever see you as. You have to be mysterious. You do not have to be a jerk. BUT, and this is true for both guys and girls, play it cool. Be a friend, but don't be...solicitous.

Wow, ceridwen said it best. And if you really want a girl to like you, tell her that you "need some space". She'll come crawling back I betcha.

johnnys4life said:

She'll come crawling back I betcha.

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LOL, of course she will!!!

Another thing I just thought of...don't be boring. Let her know that she can trust you and be her friend, but also let her know that you are fun too!

(ps..i don't like jerks. i like funny guys)

johnnys4life said:

It may sound sick and wrong, but I agree with Spinks.

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:biglaugh:

You'd think I'd be used to hearing this by now...

Ceridwen018 said:

Even though Spinkles was just trying to be very silly when he said this, its actually quite accurate. Women want what they can't have. They love the thrill of the chase. Though they don't realize it, women go through a stage in life where they want to work for a guy. They like "mystery" and they like "hard-to-get", even though they say they don't. Obviously, there are easy to get guys, but none of them are getting any action.

The reason? Well, I don't know if I can speak for all women, but women want a guy who is confident and independent. You see, women like to be needy, and so they want a man who isn't needy. They are instantly attracted to a guy who emits the "I don't need you" vibe.

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Hehe Nice to see a woman admitting that! fruballs to you for honesty!:biglaugh:You must spread some Karma around before giving it to Ceridwen018 again.- it's all your fault Ceridwen; you must stop saying things that need fruballing!!

Mr_Spinkles said:

:biglaugh:

You'd think I'd be used to hearing this by now...

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Lol, I can't believe you made that your signature. Haven't laughed so hard in ages.

heres a tip from me, on how to attract the ladies. Women are aroused by men who dress well. I know because I am a good dresser, and often get complimented on how sexy I look. There was a specific look I was sportin that got the most results. I had a clean cut (skin fade), black dress shirt (NOT tucked in), faded jeans (with tear at the knees), black dress shoes, silver jewlry (no earings). Most women go for the sassy, bad boy look. I've actually walked into a room before with such an outfit (back in high school) and got the attention of all the girls in the room (this is also due to my confident/cocky attitude).

Here are some examples:
dress shirts: http://www.gap.com/asp/Product.asp?wdid=110245&wpid=2962931, http://www.gap.com/asp/Product.asp?wdid=103010&wpid=231908

Jeans: http://www.gap.com/asp/Product.asp?wdid=110103&wpid=316494 , http://www.gap.com/asp/Product.asp?wdid=110103&wpid=205049

Shoes: http://shop.skechers.com/shop/men/shoes/work/index.jskx?STYLE=SKECHERS%20WORK%20MENS%20SR&INDEX=0&VIEWALL=FALSE&SORT=RANK&PRODID=2404097

You can get ideals on how to dress from stars, magazines such as GQ, etc. Avoid overly priced brands such as virsace, you are better off with brands like gap.

You don't have to be the best looking guy (although that helps), but if you know how to dress and carry yourself, you'll attract lots of attention. That's right, let the ladies come to you...

Cynic said:

heres a tip from me, on how to attract the ladies. Women are aroused by men who dress well. I know because I am a good dresser, and often get complimented on how sexy I look. There was a specific look I was sportin that got the most results. I had a clean cut (skin fade), black dress shirt, faded jeans (with tear at the knees), black dress shoes, silver jewlry (no earings). Most women go for the sassy, bad boy look. I've actually walked into a room before with such an outfit (back in high school) and got the attention of all the girls in the room (this is also due to my confident/cocky attitude).

Here are some examples:
dress shirts: http://www.gap.com/asp/Product.asp?wdid=110245&wpid=2962931, http://www.gap.com/asp/Product.asp?wdid=103010&wpid=231908

Jeans: http://www.gap.com/asp/Product.asp?wdid=110103&wpid=316494 , http://www.gap.com/asp/Product.asp?wdid=110103&wpid=205049

Shoes: http://shop.skechers.com/shop/men/shoes/work/index.jskx?STYLE=SKECHERS%20WORK%20MENS%20SR&INDEX=0&VIEWALL=FALSE&SORT=RANK&PRODID=2404097

You can get ideals on how to dress from stars, magazines such as GQ, etc. Avoid overly priced brands such as virsace, you are better off with brands like gap.

You don't have to be the best looking guy (although that helps), but if you know how to dress and carry yourself, you'll attract lots of attention. That's right, let the ladies come to you...

Click to expand...

Oh my! How times have changed..........

In my early twenties, I dressed 'smart' - shirt, tie, sports jacket, polished shoes, the lot.
I remember meeting a friend of mine by the sea front one day (a slight excuse was that I had come out of college) - This guy said to me "For goodness' sake, you look like a drains inspector!" (I even had one of those old leather briefcases).

When he was fifteen, my older son wanted a suit for school - I offered him one or two of mine - he reeled back in horror "Flares! - pin-stripes! You must be joking, I would'nt be seen dead in that!"

Two years later, I found him riffling through my wardrobe, asking if he could borrow those very same suits - they were now in fashion!

I have never followed fashion, (far too expensive, for one thing!).
To the girls on the forum, do you like a guy who looks 'dressed up to the nines' - because
if you do, I'd better tell him to get out of his baggy torn jeans now................:biglaugh:

michel said:

Oh my! How times have changed..........

In my early twenties, I dressed 'smart' - shirt, tie, sports jacket, polished shoes, the lot.
I remember meeting a friend of mine by the sea front one day (a slight excuse was that I had come out of college) - This guy said to me "For goodness' sake, you look like a drains inspector!" (I even had one of those old leather briefcases).

When he was fifteen, my older son wanted a suit for school - I offered him one or two of mine - he reeled back in horror "Flares! - pin-stripes! You must be joking, I would'nt be seen dead in that!"

Two years later, I found him riffling through my wardrobe, asking if he could borrow those very same suits - they were now in fashion!

I have never followed fashion, (far too expensive, for one thing!).
To the girls on the forum, do you like a guy who looks 'dressed up to the nines' - because
if you do, I'd better tell him to get out of his baggy torn jeans now................:biglaugh:

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I dunno why you're laughing. There is a total difference when women see that you dress nice and take good care of yourself. Some girls will even look to see if you have nice shoes. I've noticed myself from my personal experience, there is a big difference in how they look at you and how they act around you.... big difference. Women look at these details, more then you know (well most women). This is true even with people in general. I notice that I get treated with lots of respect, am adressed as sir, and they will be extra courtious towards me (i.e. excuse me sir, etc). (And this is also because of a confident attitude).

p.s. Baggy pants is a no go (IMO), it looks ghetto

kreeden said:

Ceridwen , I have had a little smile ever sense reading your post about the basketball game . You are correct , of course . But most people are sheep , or deer , that fellow the herd .

The term " cougar " has come to be used as a slang for a young man who chases older women { around here at lest } , but the term is actually taken from a South American First Nation's name for the great cat , and means " false deer ". Now , in your story about the b-ball game , you have a herd of deer jumping around when a group of female " predators " show up . And of course , being prey they act like such . But if there is a " false deer " amoung them ... He leave the herd , allowing them to act as prey . He goes to that water jug , stakes out his prey , and the predator becomes the prey . You have seen that happen , I'm sure . The guy who breaks from the game to start a conversation with the girls , who knows that it is better to hunt then to wait to be hunted . And yes , of course the hunted know that they are being hunted .

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Interesting analogy.

Listening to you guys "boy-talk" is so funny. Yes, women do like men who dress well, but be careful about dressing too well in this day and age--you might start attracting the guys, too!

The most important thing is just to take care of yourself. Take Spinkles, for instance: He takes regular showers, occasionally brushes his teeth, and knows the difference between a comb and deoderant. Ah, it makes my heart swim.

Guys who smell good, (and I'm not talking about cologne overload, here. Yuck!), are an instant turn-on, whereas guys who smell bad acheive a drastically oposite affect. Come to think of it, smell is such a powerful thing for girls, you should try to play that card, Druidus. Next time you're left "picking up the pieces", do so with the help of a little Abercrombie, perhaps?