Should You Discuss Religion with Friends?

I have recently come up against a somewhat disturbing trend with a friend of mine, in regards to our religious differences. She is a non-evangelical protestant (I'm not sure what denomination) and a few months ago we had a big discussion in which she accused me of being anti-religious (I am a waffling agnostic/humanist, but am definitely not a theist). I took umbrage to her accusations and we had a lengthy conversation in which I told her that I feel that religion is something people should be able to discuss openly without being afraid of hurting people's feelings. She said that I should open myself to possibilities beyond just what I can perceive with my senses and determine through reason. I, not wanting to precipitate a big argument, de-escalated the situation and we never really resolved the issues behind it.

Ever since that time, I've been getting weird vibes from her anytime a religious topic comes up. I've begun specifically avoiding bringing up anything of a religious nature so as not to offend her or cause another problem. This is a problem, though, because she is one of my best friends and I want to be able to talk with her about thoughts I have on religion and my own belief without her thinking that I am putting down her religion, or religion in general (if I say something negative about Christianity, for example, or even theistic belief versus agnosticism or atheism).

So that's a long-winded way of asking -- is it wise to discuss religion with friends who do not necessarily share your same beliefs? How do you talk about topics which border on religious issues (the religion of the president, war in Iraq, the death penalty, Ten Commandments cases, etc.) without losing friends? Or do you just avoid talking about such things at all?

Thanks.

-- Mat

That would depend on the friend. I have friends, I would tend to avoid the subject until a special time...and I have others with whom that is almost the sole topic we discuss. There really can't be any sort of firm rule on this.

I have probably lost a few friends over debating religion, which is sad. Personally I love to debate the topic and it's very fun to me. There is even a local bar down the street from me that I go to fairly often and they know I run this site and we always talk about religion. Yes talk about religion in a bar with the bar owner and a few other regulars, with 100 people around us. Hehe. Sounds weird but it happens.

The main point is to be respectful of others. And that is the key, if they can't respect you then forget about them. It's their loss.

I agree it depends on the friend first and foremost...i'm lucky i've been blessed w/ friends who, though many are not religious, some even atheists, are very openminded about my newly found religion and engage in discussions w/ me that are very open and civil...

No*s is right, it depends on the friend. I am one of those people who can be friends with anyone, regardless of their religious beliefs...in fact, when I asked him, even my room mate with whom I am very good friends told me he thinks I am going to hell.

But not everyone is like that. It seems that in our country, humanism/nontheism is so unorthodox that some people find it offensive. I've found in my own personal experience most people agree friendship should transcend race, nationality, and political and religious beliefs.

Thanks for the replies, and I definitely agree that the kinds of things I discuss with my friends depends on their general outlook. I have some friends who, in the past, have mistaken curiosity about their religion for an interest in joining their religion, which is always an awkward situation.

I suppose I am feeling weird about this situation because this friend and I tend to agree on many other things, and so perhaps she's weirded out that suddenly she and I are at odds about something, and especially something as important as religious belief. Also, I suspect that she is still somewhat under the sway of the stereotype that someone who doesn't believe in God (me) does so willfully, and that that makes them a bad person. Hopefully she will be able to look at my behavior and morality long-term and realize that that is not true.

In the short-term, though, I think I am going to tread lightly and stay off the religious topics until we either clarify our differences, or come to some agreement about what we're "able" to discuss without hurting each other's feelings (because, to be quite honest, it did hurt to hear that she thought I was anti-religious, because I don't think I am).

-- Mat

Hmmm...I have a Christian friend, and she's my best friend. She loves me just the way I am, and me to her, as well. You shouldn't let religion get in the way of your friendship, but I think you should bring up the topic to try for them to understand your views, and for you to understand their views. Try not to be insulting when you're doing it though.

Yes, it depends on the nature of the friendship, and definately on the maturity level of the both of you. If you cannot handle opposing viewpoints, recognize strengths of opposing views, see your own weaknesses, or just be willing to listen, then you have no business bringing up the topic (whatever it is). Religion does seem to raise different emotions in all of us, and for some it is a touchy subject. If you can have better discussions over coffee and you value other aspects of the friendship, you may want to treasure what you can. However, if you are constantly demeaned because of your beliefs, it may be better to surround yourself with folks that will support you.

I don't know from where the 'quote' came from, but I learned never to discuss politics or Religion with friends( Meaning that it is the easiest way to lose friends). That sounds as if it has happened to you, Rex. Until I found the forum, I felt very frustrated, because like you I adore debating.

I agree that it depends on your friends. I have one who differs slightly and we love debating each other. I would be careful because for some it can be sensitive where others really just don't care and some actulally enjoy it no matter how you differ. My friend and I are both Christian but we enjoy debating on religion and politics. He always says that quote 'carry an ace up your sleeve'

I would just ask first to the person.

My wife and I have dear friends and our kids are friends. We are on opposite sides of the spectrum on both politics and religion. Our debates are fun and educational, but never personal. Sometimes our bias shows, but we respect each others opinion.

Should You Discuss Religion with Friends?

I find it is best to avoid discussing religion/atheism with friends, relatives or coworkers. It's a very emotional subject which can cause arguments and bad feelings. Instead, I come to these great forums to express my religious opinions.

If my friends want to, I am more than happy to contribute....but I don't bring it up.

By definition a true friend would not want to see his/her friend languish in error; and would use every opportunity to guide his/her friend into truth. Both, if friends would see the genuine desire on the part of each other and would genuinely study together to see if the one or the other had religious truth....They may discover the real truth was not championed by either; and come to accept the truth they mutually discovered.

On the other hand if one or the other did have the real truth; because of their being friends, they would be in each other's debt for the friendly guidance that resulted in their both embracing the same genuine truth.


precept

MatCauthorn said:

So that's a long-winded way of asking -- is it wise to discuss religion with friends who do not necessarily share your same beliefs? How do you talk about topics which border on religious issues (the religion of the president, war in Iraq, the death penalty, Ten Commandments cases, etc.) without losing friends? Or do you just avoid talking about such things at all?

Click to expand...

I have no problem talking with friends about these things but then I tend to surround myself with people who are respectful of others beliefs. We often get to the "agree to disagree" without thinking the other person is stupid or misinformed.

We converse....we don't try to convert.

I have already said 'no' to this one; now I have read others' posts I am envious of those of you who have people with whom you can discuss religion. Until I came across this forum, I had no one at all; I have been 'religiously lonely' all my adult life. When in Church, I have been told in so many words to 'accept the whole package, signed sealed and delivered, as is, or go away'. What a shame! No wonder there are so many atheists and agnostics.

I ask all my friends to church, just as I ask all my friends to come diving or to let me teach them how.

NetDoc said:

I ask all my friends to church, just as I ask all my friends to come diving or to let me teach them how.

Click to expand...

Ah, but does that mean none of us are your friends. You haven't asked us to go diving or to church with you *weeps*

It depends on your relationship with your friends.My two best friends are Catholic and we get into some pretty heated arguements over religion,but we can still crack a couple of brews after and argue about other subjects.We all just love to argue!