JeremK
Member
I am reaching out to all of you today to see if anybody can relate to my problem. I'm sure that others on this form, particularly ex-Christians or ex-Muslims, will be able to relate.
During my time in faith, I felt a loving, awesome presence. However, as time went on, I began to experience more and more anxiety along with this presence. This was mostly caused by my bisexuality, as I was homophobic at the time. Seeing guys who I was attracted to made me cringe and occasionally even panic. I remember one night in particular where I was up late in the night fearing I had committed an unforgivable sin. Eventually, I started to doubt my faith, after talking to an Atheist who pointed out some of the Bible's false prophecies and contradictions. Additionally, a member of my family died on the day we had planned to say goodbye to him before we could do so. All of these prompted me to leave the faith. My entire worldview was shattered, leaving me in a massive depression for about two weeks.
I have had an anxiety disorder for the majority of my life, but due to the above experiences it has only gotten worse. I have a massive self-hatred complex. I live in a constant state of anxiety and fear. I'm insanely scared about the future and about things not in my control. I have gotten less social, and less confident. Due to my constant stress I have gained about fifty pounds, although that amount is beginning to decrease slightly. I have had thoughts about killing myself and/or others. I have frequent intrusive thoughts telling me that terrorists are right and that my loved ones and I will go to Hell when we die for not believing in God. I still feel the positive presence even though I don't believe in God anymore. Whenever I feel the positive presence (that I used to feel with God), I feel even worse about myself.
Apparently, there is a name for this: it's called Religious Trauma Syndrome (RTS). If anyone is out there who is suffering in a similar manner, then please message me. I would heavily appreciate advice from everybody reading this as well. And, before this is asked, I have a therapist and various friends of mine who I talk to about all of this. My anxieties have lessened recently due to them, and they prevented me from suicide.
Happy trails to all of you.
During my time in faith, I felt a loving, awesome presence. However, as time went on, I began to experience more and more anxiety along with this presence. This was mostly caused by my bisexuality, as I was homophobic at the time. Seeing guys who I was attracted to made me cringe and occasionally even panic. I remember one night in particular where I was up late in the night fearing I had committed an unforgivable sin. Eventually, I started to doubt my faith, after talking to an Atheist who pointed out some of the Bible's false prophecies and contradictions. Additionally, a member of my family died on the day we had planned to say goodbye to him before we could do so. All of these prompted me to leave the faith. My entire worldview was shattered, leaving me in a massive depression for about two weeks.
I have had an anxiety disorder for the majority of my life, but due to the above experiences it has only gotten worse. I have a massive self-hatred complex. I live in a constant state of anxiety and fear. I'm insanely scared about the future and about things not in my control. I have gotten less social, and less confident. Due to my constant stress I have gained about fifty pounds, although that amount is beginning to decrease slightly. I have had thoughts about killing myself and/or others. I have frequent intrusive thoughts telling me that terrorists are right and that my loved ones and I will go to Hell when we die for not believing in God. I still feel the positive presence even though I don't believe in God anymore. Whenever I feel the positive presence (that I used to feel with God), I feel even worse about myself.
Apparently, there is a name for this: it's called Religious Trauma Syndrome (RTS). If anyone is out there who is suffering in a similar manner, then please message me. I would heavily appreciate advice from everybody reading this as well. And, before this is asked, I have a therapist and various friends of mine who I talk to about all of this. My anxieties have lessened recently due to them, and they prevented me from suicide.
Happy trails to all of you.