I've been thinking about going back to Catholicism again. I might go to Mass tomorrow. No matter what I do, I can't seem to shake my attachment to it. Intellectually, I can argue against it but on the heart level, I'm still very much drawn toward it.
I have tried Satanism, Luciferianism and Paganism and I never end up truly spiritually connecting to it. I try to pray to other gods but I never seem to get anything from it. But when I would go to Mass, pray the Rosary or read Catholic literature, I'd feel great. I'd feel that I was loved. I don't feel that from the other paths I've tried.
I have filled my head with so much anti-Abrahamic literature but I'm still drawn to the Church. It's very perplexing to me. Can I really believe in it again after going so far to disprove it to myself? I don't really know, but it keeps pulling me back. I usually run away from Catholicism when something bad has happened and I get angry and then fall into a depressive rut.
Also, I miss the beauty of the liturgy and the feeling of community. Satanism is a very lonely path and it's hard to find anything in it that approaches the same sort of classical Western aesthetic beauty that is in Catholicism. I can intellectually agree with Satanism but I don't really feel it in my heart.
I know I must seem like a flake, but this is a real struggle for me that has been going on for a few years.
I have tried Satanism, Luciferianism and Paganism and I never end up truly spiritually connecting to it. I try to pray to other gods but I never seem to get anything from it. But when I would go to Mass, pray the Rosary or read Catholic literature, I'd feel great. I'd feel that I was loved. I don't feel that from the other paths I've tried.
I have filled my head with so much anti-Abrahamic literature but I'm still drawn to the Church. It's very perplexing to me. Can I really believe in it again after going so far to disprove it to myself? I don't really know, but it keeps pulling me back. I usually run away from Catholicism when something bad has happened and I get angry and then fall into a depressive rut.
Also, I miss the beauty of the liturgy and the feeling of community. Satanism is a very lonely path and it's hard to find anything in it that approaches the same sort of classical Western aesthetic beauty that is in Catholicism. I can intellectually agree with Satanism but I don't really feel it in my heart.
I know I must seem like a flake, but this is a real struggle for me that has been going on for a few years.