UU joke of the day/week

[uu_sage]

You might be UU if

.......Your best dress shoes are sandals
.......You think a holy day of obligation is your turn to do coffee
.......You get mail from committees you didn't know you were on.
.......You know two people that are upset that trees had to die for your church to be built
.......If half the dishes at your church's potluck dinner have tofu in them.
.......If your church always wins the city's "hairiest congregation award"
.......If your Sunday best is whatever you were wearing when you fell asleep in the church basement Saturday night.
.......If you celebrate the holiday season by lighting eight trees while meditating.

-Shawn
(Monte Vista UU Congregation Montclair, CA)

 

[lilithu]

After the secular humanists came along, we said that UUs believe in One God - at Most.

Now, what with the pagans, we say that UUs believe in One God - More or Less.

 

[Green Gaia]

After the secular humanists came along, we said that UUs believe in One God - at Most.

Now, what with the pagans, we say that UUs believe in One God - More or Less.

Hehe... most of us would agree we believe in something.

 

[lilithu]

Hehe... most of us would agree we believe in something.

A Unitarian Universalist was worried, and confided to another UU, "I want to invite a friend to the Sunday service, but our minister uses that J-word so much I'm afraid it will make my friend feel uncomfortable."

"When has our minister ever mentioned Jesus?" asked the other.

"I meant 'Justice'."

 

[lilithu]

What do UUs have in common with Pontius Pilate?

They ask, "What is truth?" and then don't stay around for an answer.

:biglaugh:

 

[lilithu]

UU Prayer: "Dear God, if there is a God, if you can, save my soul, if I have a soul."

 

[lilithu]

UUs address prayers, "To whom it may concern."

 

[lilithu]

A man walks into the ladies department of Macy's, and shyly says to the woman behind the counter "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife".

"What type of bra?" the clerk responded.

"Type?" asks the man. "What types are there?"

"Well" replies the clerk "there are many shapes, sizes and colors of bras, but there are really only three types, the Catholic type, the Salvation Army type and the Unitarian type."

"What's the difference between them?" asks the man.

The clerk replies "It's really quite simple you see. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen and the Unitarian type makes mountains out of molehills."

 

[lilithu]

UU's are basically good people, who, for the most part, try to live by the 10 suggestions.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

What a great thread!! :biglaugh:

 

[lilithu]

In honor of the newly elected Pope:

A Catholic was explaining to a Unitarian Universalist friend how dogma was formulated in the Catholic Church. "First it is debated by the Church authorities. Then, when the debate is ended, whatever was decided upon is declared dogma by the Pope."

"It's pretty much the same with us," said the Unitarian Universalist.

"I thought you didn't have dogma?"

"That's because no debate among Unitarian Universalists ever ends!"

 

[michel]

Forgive me if you have used any of these before, but they caught my eye...Why did the UU cross the road?
To support the chicken in its search for its own path.

What do you call a dead Unitarian Universalist?
All dressed up with no place to go.

Arguing with a UU is like wrestling with a pig. Pretty soon you realize the pig likes it. :jiggy:

 

[lilithu]

Forgive me if you have used any of these before, but they caught my eye...Why did the UU cross the road?
To support the chicken in its search for its own path.

What do you call a dead Unitarian Universalist?
All dressed up with no place to go.

Arguing with a UU is like wrestling with a pig. Pretty soon you realize the pig likes it. :jiggy:

All good jokes. I had not heard that last one before Michel. I love it!!

 

[lilithu]

Wherever you find two Jews, you find three religious opinions.

Unitarian Universalists would be amazed at such unanimity.

 

[lilithu]

For the members of any religion...

To have a few doubts is normal.

To have many doubts is a crisis of faith.

To have constant doubts is a conversion to Unitarian Universalism.

 

[lilithu]

We've shared many self-deprecating jokes about UU. Time for just one that says how great we are. (disclaimer: nothing is meant against Catholics and/or Methodists; it's all in fun. Feel free to "retaliate" in that same spirit of humour. )

On her way to church one Sunday morning, the UU minister noticed a young child in the parking lot of the nearby Catholic church, with a box and a sign: "Free kittens, from a good Catholic family!" She smiled to herself, mentally wished the child good luck, and went on her way.

About the middle of the week, she saw the same child, with the same box, outside the Methodist church, this time with a sign that said, "Good Methodist kittens! Absolutely free!" Impressed with the child's tenacity, she went on into her board meeting.

Finally, the next Sunday, the child was in her Church's parking lot, with a new sign reading: "Unitarian Universalist kittens! Free to a good home!" This time she stopped to chat.

"Weren't you outside the Catholic church last Sunday?"
"Yes."

"And on Wednesday, weren't these Methodist kittens?"
"They sure were."

"Well, how come they're Unitarian Universalist kittens now?"
"Cause today their eyes are open!"

 

[ayani]

lilith, i adore that one!

 

[lilithu]

lilith, i adore that one!

Gracie, I was saving this next one for tomorrow with you in mind. But since you responded today:

A Unitarian is just a Quaker with Attention Deficit Disorder.

 

[ayani]

Gracie, I was saving this next one for tomorrow with you in mind. But since you responded today:

A Unitarian is just a Quaker with Attention Deficit Disorder.

lilithu- oh, that's awesome...

but i'd change it to say "a unitarian is just a quaker who's truly sure he's not sure- a quaker would need some more convincing!".

 

[lilithu]

Back to making fun of ourselves.


At one Sunday morning service, in of the very big Unitarian churches in Boston, a man was making a ruckus in the back pew. After every sentence the minister spoke, he would shout, "Amen! Halleluia!"

One of the ushers approached the man and spoke to him discreetly. "Sir, uh, we just don't do things like that here."

"But I got religion!"

"Well you certainly didn't get it here."