Are Humans Naturally Monogamous?

[Father Heathen]

They were speaking of tribal, but strictly dealing with reproductive fitness, I suppose it would work equally well today. Of course, that's not taking into account the rather important cultural ramifications of getting caught.

So cheating with and getting impregnated by a "ne'er-do-well" produces genetically superior offspring than reproducing with the actual provider and protector?

 

[Storm]

And this goes to my central objection. What's the point of asking whether we are "naturally" monogamous?

At the very least, I think it's valuable to know whether or not monogamy defies (or transcends, if you prefer) our nature.

What matters is whether we should be.

A topic for another thread I think. If you started one, I'd be delighted to participate.

 

[Storm]

So cheating with and getting impregnated by a "ne'er-do-well" produces genetically superior offspring than reproducing with the actual provider and protector?

I tend to shy away from phrases like "genetically superior," but if the ne'er-do-well produces a more physically appealing child, then the child is more likely to reproduce hirself, thus better propagating the genes.

 

[DallasApple]

Once the dopamine dominated system fades out, it is often replaced by the oxytocin dominated system.

I was going to say..Because I still have something in my system..so does my husband.Its not the "blinding you can do no wrong you are perfect in my eyes" chemical.But its just as powerful at times.Its just not as "constant"..Its an ebb and flow kind of thing.I cant explain it.but I know its there and has never gone away permenently.I prefer it to the heartsick constant longing of new love personally.Thats the kind of love that you can barely get anything else done for lack of focus.And you may even do foolish or wreckless things.

Love

Dallas

 

[Sunstone]

And this goes to my central objection. What's the point of asking whether we are "naturally" monogamous? What matters is whether we should be.

Your central objection seems to be a matter of your taste in questions. Both questions seem legitimate to me, although I will grant you that it is all too human to look exclusively at moral issues and for the most part ignore science.

 

[DallasApple]

Also..I read the "new love"..the infatuation love..I guess thats the "dopamine love" isnt in fact reserved for one.

I read a really cool book by Chip Ingram..Love Sex and Lasting Relationships...He has counseled men adn women that were in "new love" with multiple people at the same time...

As well as you can be in 'mature" love with your long term partner..and in 'new love" with someone else.Thats why yu might here someone who is "cheating" on their long term spouse say.. I Iove both of them..just not in the same way.

Or the classic.."I love you ..Im just not "in love' with you"..Dopamine is like a drug..And some are addicted to it...They "chase the dragon"..

Love

Dallas

 

[dawny0826]

Are humans naturally monogamous? Why or why not?

I believe that we're naturally inclined to desire more than one partner. Mind you, this is just my opinion. I've vowed myself to one person, but I'm not attracted to one exclusive person.

 

[Father Heathen]

I tend to shy away from phrases like "genetically superior," but if the ne'er-do-well produces a more physically appealing child, then the child is more likely to reproduce hirself, thus better propagating the genes.

I get how the physical attraction = successful breeding in nature, but how was it determined that the more physical attraction the less able to provide, and vice versa? And do women really sit around worrying about having attractive children just to pass on their own genetic code?

 

[Sunstone]

I'm inclined to believe that we're naturally inclined to desire more than one partner. This is just my opinion but although I've vowed myself to one person, naturally, I'm attracted to more than one.

Good post! Gotta spread the frubal love around before fruballing you again.

 

[Sunstone]

And do women really sit around worrying about having attractive children just to pass on their own genetic code?

It's a common mistake to think that instincts must be consciously decided on for them to be present. Most women are attracted to "good looking" male features, whether they sit around worrying about having attractive children or not.

 

[Sunstone]

Also..I read the "new love"..the infatuation love..I guess thats the "dopamine love" isnt in fact reserved for one.

I read a really cool book by Chip Ingram..Love Sex and Lasting Relationships...He has counseled men adn women that were in "new love" with multiple people at the same time...

As well as you can be in 'mature" love with your long term partner..and in 'new love" with someone else.Thats why yu might here someone who is "cheating" on their long term spouse say.. I Iove both of them..just not in the same way.

Or the classic.."I love you ..Im just not "in love' with you"..Dopamine is like a drug..And some are addicted to it...They "chase the dragon"..

Love

Dallas

Chip Ingram's notions of scientific fact are skewed by his desire to promote his religious views, in my opinion. He is factually incorrect on multiple points.

 

[DallasApple]

I also beleive we are naturally inclined to be "attracted" to many different people over oru lifetime.But for me it doesnt overshadow the deep bond and love we may have for one person.

I also believe that if we are seperated for "life' from that deeply bonded lover..We can experience that type of love again with someone else.(more than one soul mate so to speak)

I just dont think you can have the long term love bond..with more than one at a time.Maybe Im wrong.Maybe its becasue I never tried it.

Love

Dallas

 

[Father Heathen]

It's a common mistake to think that instincts must be consciously decided on for them to be present. Most women are attracted to "good looking" male features, whether they sit around worrying about having attractive children or not.

Perhaps not, but cheating however is a conscious choice, no?

 

[DallasApple]

Chip Ingram's notions of scientific fact are skewed by his desire to promote his religious views, in my opinion. He is factually incorrect on multiple points.

How?..He talks about how easily and unexpectedly we can "fall" for someone..Even a rank stranger through the chemical rush we get in their prescence.And its overpowering.But that it wears off and last no nonger than 2 years..

Love

Dallas

 

[DallasApple]

Perhaps not, but cheating however is a conscious choice, no?

The feelings you have aren't a conscious choice..but the actions you take are.

Love

Dallas

 

[Father Heathen]

The feelings you have aren't a conscious choice..but the actions you take are.

Love

Dallas

well, I'm well aware of how physical attraction works. I never argued that and don't understand why some in the thread thought I was. I'm talking about cheating on your provider being a "strategy".

 

[DallasApple]

well, I'm well aware of how physical attraction works. I never argued that and don't understand why some in the thread thought I was. I'm talking about cheating on your provider being a "strategy".

Well if it is..thats pretty sad.Sounds like usery..And the poor sucker is working to provide for some other mans offspring.(Im not talking about willingly adopting a child..Im talking about lying and the man believes the child is his)

I think thats why monogomy is instinctual and desirable on the mans end.He needs to know his female partner is bearing his offspring.

Love

Dallas

 

[Storm]

I get how the physical attraction = successful breeding in nature, but how was it determined that the more physical attraction the less able to provide, and vice versa? And do women really sit around worrying about having attractive children just to pass on their own genetic code?

Well, I wouldn't call it a hard-and fast rule, but we tend to think youth is sexy (though whether or not that's a cultural thing is beyond me), and older people tend to be better established.

I do agree that it's playing on stereotypes a bit, though.

 

[Storm]

I think thats why monogomy is instinctual and desirable on the mans end.He needs to know his female partner is bearing his offspring.

But that doesn't require monogamy, just polygyny.

 

[DallasApple]

But that doesn't require monogamy, just polygyny.

Not for me..As the female..I want all my partners energy and focus to be towards protecting me and my offspring.Not some other womans.My instinct is for his time to be devoted to my children.

Love

Dallas