Looking for a few laughs?

[Geoff-Allen]

Jacob, age 92, and Reba, age 91, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:

Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about Viagra?"

Pharmacist: "Of course."

Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Reba speaks up and says to the pharmacist: "We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts, please."

 

[Geoff-Allen]

Amusing Password Logic

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyParis"

When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

Funny Support Calls | Guy and Will's Computer Tech Jokes

 

[Geoff-Allen]

A contest to replace the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with Haiku poetry messages led to the following beauties.

Computer Zen & Haiku

 

[Geoff-Allen]

Country-Western Song Titles

Did I Shave My Legs For This? (By Deana Carter)

Don't Believe My Heart Can Stand Another You

Don't Come Home A-Drinkin' With Lovin' On Yo-Mind (By Tammy Wynette)

Don't Squeeze My Sharmon

Don't Strike A Match To The Book Of Love

Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life

Text Humor List - Al Lowe's Humor Site

 

[Geoff-Allen]

Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory capacity.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

More here -

http://www.appleseeds.org/spec-idx.htm#Christmas

 

[Geoff-Allen]

The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor.

Margot Kaufman

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

Ann Landers

A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: if you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.

Jay Leno

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Jay Leno

Funny Dog Quotes, By Author

 

[Geoff-Allen]

Why we split up

She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit.

Then I caught her spending $65 on make-up. So I asked, how come I had to give up stuff and not her.

She said she needed the make-up to look pretty for me.

I told her that was what the beer was for.

I don't think she's coming back.

More gags here -

Funny Relationship Jokes and Marriage Jokes | funny men and women

 

[Geoff-Allen]

The young couple invited their aged Vicar for Sunday lunch. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son, what they were having.

'Goat, 'the little boy replied.

'Goat?' replied the startled man of the cloth, 'Are you sure about that?'

'Yep', said the youngster. 'I definitely heard Dad say to Mum, we might as well have the old goat for dinner today as any other day.'

Funny Children's Jokes, Kids Stories

 

[Geoff-Allen]

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you.' The husband replied, 'Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.'

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

Funny yet clean marriage one-liners and jokes